“Yeah…nothing ever is with you.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“It means that I just proposed for the fourth fucking time and I still haven’t gotten your answer, though I guess I won’t be fooled, it’s always ‘no’ when it comes to you.”
The fuck?
“That’s not fair,” Tully shoots back at him. “I’m twenty-fucking-three. I don’t want to be married yet and I told you that when you asked me six months ago and again last year. It’s like you’re not even listening to what I want.”
“What about what I want?” he demands. “There are two people in this relationship, you know? I’m tired of constantly waiting for you to figure out what you want, though to be honest, I don’t think you have a fucking clue what you want. Or maybe you do and you’re just too scared to say it.”
Tully shakes her head. “Don’t. This has nothing to do with him. I agreed to move in with you, didn’t I?”
“Come on, babe,” Spencer groans in frustration. “That was six months ago and you’ve only managed to pack one box, and now that box has dust on it. You and I both know that you only agreed to move in with me because you felt bad for rejecting my third proposal.”
“Spencer,” she sighs as the emotional turmoil of the day gets too much. “I just…I don’t…I’m not ready.”
“Yeah…you’re never fucking ready.” I go to step in as that was a low fucking blow and after the day she’s had, that’s the last thing she needs, but his next question has me stopping and anxiously waiting. “You still love him, don’t you? After everything that he’s put you through, he’s still the one you want.”
“This again? Really, Spence? Are you that insecure that you need me to tell you over and over?” She steps into him, grasping his forearms as she looks up at him. “I love you and you know that.”
Well, well, well. It seems we have a liar on our hands.
I’ve been on the receiving end of one of her ‘I love you’s’ and that’s certainly not the way she looks at a man she loves. That was forced. That was something you say out of habit to make a situation go away. That was Tully desperately trying to cling onto the guy who’s been by her side since the day I went away.
This woman standing before me isn’t the one that I knew. This one holds back her feelings and hides her truths. She’s not open and forcing her thoughts, hopes, and dreams on him. The Tully I knew was always wanting to talk ‘feelings,’ always wanting me to be open, and above anything else, she loved hard. She wasn’t fake with me. Never fake.
This woman before me is the picture of someone who’s already given up. She might love him, but it’s not in the all-consuming way it was with me. She has everyone fooled, even Spencer, and that line of ‘I’m not ready’ is absolute bullshit. Tully has no intention of ever being ready with him because she already knows what it’s like to feel a love so strong that you can hardly breathe. She had that with me and she’s not the kind of girl to settle for less.
Any other time, I’d be thrilled to be overhearing this conversation. Watching her walk down the aisle and realizing that she was with someone else was shattering, but I should have expected it. She’s fucking beautiful and everyone can see it. But discovering that she’s been settling for less and suffering through a relationship just to have a companion by her side breaks my heart. Who knows, maybe she thrives on feeling his love in return. After all, I starved her of that and it’s damn clear that Spencer has been giving it to her in spades.
I kind of feel sorry for the bastard. It wouldn’t have been easy trying to fill my shoes and failing at every turn. She would have constantly been comparing him to me, and now that I’m here…well, I couldn’t imagine being in his position. He’d be terrified of losing her.
Spencer breaks free from her hold on his forearms and steps back. “Don’t you ever notice how you never actually answer the question? Maybe I wouldn’t be so insecure about it if you were straight up with me for once,” he tells her. “So, what is it, Tully? Do you love him or not?”
Tully shakes her head and I don’t doubt there are tears in her eyes that makes me want to knock him the fuck out. “Don’t do this,” she begs. “You’re going to ruin us.”
“Answer the question, Tully.”
She lets out a barely audible sigh and I find myself inching closer while trying to remember to stay hidden in the shadows. “No,” she finally whispers. “I don’t.”
Spencer nods slowly, watching her through narrowed eyes as disappointment spreads across his face. He backs up another few steps. “I never took you for a liar, Tully.” And with that, he walks away, leaving my girl shivering in the cold and dropping down onto the bench with her head buried in her hands.
Chapter 4
Rivers
Seeing Tully like this tears me apart and I have no option but to step in. I can’t have her feeling like this. I need to help her forget and something tells me that today, there’s only one way to do it.
I duck back inside the party and head straight for the bar, leaning against it as I wait for the bartender to finish up his previous order. He looks to me with a nod. “What can I get you?”
“Bottle of Vodka, thanks.” The bartender gets to work and reaches for a shot glass and I shake my head. “Nah, man. I’m going to need the whole bottle.”
His brows crease and he watches me for a prolonged moment, trying to work out if I’m crazy or just a little unsure how this works. “I’m sorry, Sir?”
“The bottle.”
He shakes his head. “I can’t do that.”
“Yeah, you can,” I tell him. “Look, I’m not trying to be a pain, but I wouldn’t be asking if I didn’t need it.”
“Need it?”
I let out a frustrated sigh and turn to look through the big glass windows covering the back of the room. “See that girl way out there? The maid of honor,” I say, pointing Tully out in the dark of the night. The bartender nods and I continue. “Her boyfriend is a real asshole.”
“Boyfriend?” he asks with a sigh. “Shit. She’s spent most of her night right here at my bar. I assumed she was just into me.”
“Nope. Bottle.”
His eyes flash back to her before coming to me. “Fine. But if anyone asks, you didn’t get it from me.” He goes about grabbing the bottle and discreetly passes it across the bar while looking out for his superiors. I roll my eyes. I’m not in the mood for this childish bullshit. I just want to get out there and make sure she’s ok.
I grab the bottle around the neck and stalk out the door, ignoring the people calling my name, all wondering where I’ve been for the past half an hour.
I push my way out the door and this time, I don’t dare hesitate. I beeline straight for her, removing my jacket as I go.
She’s too caught up in her emotions to notice me approaching which for the first time, I don’t want to scold her about as it gives me a chance to get close without her telling me to fuck off in the process.
As I step up behind her, I can’t help but breathe her in. She’s so fucking beautiful and that smell is the most potent drug to me. So enticing, intoxicating, freeing. It’s the smell of everything good and pure in my life and I don’t know how I possibly went four years without it.
I drape my jacket over her shoulders and her back stiffens. She doesn’t need to turn around to know that it’s me. She senses it just as I would had it been her behind me.
A soft sigh slips through her lips as I silently drop down on the bench beside her. I hand her the bottle of Vodka and she doesn’t hesitate for a second taking it from me. The idea of her drinking the night away makes me feel sick but there’s nothing anyone can say that’s going to change her mind about this, so if that’s what she needs to do, then I’ll be sitting right by her side the whole time, making sure she doesn’t do something reckless.
She lets out a broken sigh and I find myself looking across at her. Mascara is smudged under her eyes as tears continue rolling down her face. It kil
ls me. I hate seeing her like this and I hate it more that I’m the reason those tears are there.
I look away knowing that she wouldn’t want me watching her like this. She has far too much pride.
Tully breaks the seal on the bottle and within seconds of handing it to her, she’s tipping the bottle up and letting it slide down her throat. She cringes and grunts as it burns on the way down, but it doesn’t stop her from tipping it up a second time.
She brings the bottle back down and traces her finger over the label. “You heard all of that, didn’t you?”
I wince. I don’t exactly want to admit that I stood there and listened to their argument, but on the other hand, she knows me well enough to know that I wouldn’t have been able to resist. “He’s a dick, Tullz. What are you doing with him?”
Tully scoffs as she looks out towards the garden while attempting to dry her eyes on the back of her arm. “You sound jealous.”
“I am.”
Her brows pull down as she turns to look at me with a desperation in her eyes that has me needing to reach out and pull her into my arms, but I can’t. That’s the last thing she wants right now. Those green eyes that I’ve been missing so damn much search mine. looking for some sort of clarification. Her voice is low and broken. “You still…?”
My heart shatters realizing that this question has tortured her just as it has for me. Constantly wondering if I still feel the same and not knowing if I’ve moved on. Those questions have plagued my mind and coming home to see her in the arms of another man was enough to kill me, but she should know it was her who got me through it all. There were nights I thought I’d never see morning, but knowing she was out there somewhere kept me going. She always kept me going.
She’s my sunshine after a thousand storms.
I reach out and run my thumb over her cheek, capturing a tear and wiping it away. She instantly leans into my touch and I hate myself for having put her through all of this. “How could I not?”
Tully’s eyes close for a brief moment as she’s flooded with relief and as she opens them once again, they seem brighter than I’ve ever remembered.
Joining the Military was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. At the time, it was what I needed and it went so far in pulling me out of the darkness that surrounded me. Without it, I would have ended up in prison right alongside my father. I was heading down a destructive road that I couldn’t possibly see a way out of. I had no other options so I did what I had to do.
I’ve never regretted the decision to leave, not until this very moment.
Tully pulls back from my touch and brings the bottle of Vodka back to her lips. “He’s not a dick, by the way. He’s just…”
“Clinging onto the one good thing in his life.”
She closes her eyes as though my comment wounds her, but she knows it’s true. Spencer sees her slipping through his fingers and there’s not a lot he can do about it. I’ve only been home for a few hours and already my presence has reduced her to tears.
“Yeah,” she finally says. “You know, he’s a good guy...he's," her eyes grow watery. "He's all I had when you left."
Fuck. I’m not even going to pretend that didn’t sting.
I put my arm around her waist and pull her into my side. "Don't," she sobs, trying to pull away.
"Tully, please. Just let me be here with you."
"I can't. I'm with Spencer now."
"You're hurting, Tully, and the man who claims to love you just walked away, leaving you alone in tears. I'm not going anywhere, especially while you're hurting so bad."
She watches me for a moment with a strong desire flaring in her eyes, wanting nothing more than to sink into me and allow me to take all her pain away.
Her head finally falls onto my shoulder and I run my hand up to the bare skin of her shoulder and hold her close. She lets out a breath and the next words out of her mouth are like taking a bullet straight to the heart. "Why did you have to come back?"
"Do you want me to leave?"
"I...no. I don’t want that."
"What do you want, Tullz?"
She lets out a heavy breath as I feel her tears drop onto my shirt and soak through to my skin. "I want to forget."
"I don't think that's possible."
There a short silence and something tells me that’s she's far away right now, lost inside her mind. "It's my brother's wedding day. Today is supposed to be one of the best days of my life. I'm supposed to be in there with Henley celebrating, dancing, and having an incredible time, but instead, I'm out here, an absolute mess, wondering why it hurts so bad." I go to respond but something tells me that she's not quite done yet. "It's been four years. I shouldn't be feeling like this."
“I fucked up, Tully. I spent years hiding away in my father’s shadow, doing all sorts of shit for him that I’ll never be able to forget. I deserve to be rotting in prison right beside him. All those years I should have listened to you when you told me that I was better than that, but I was covered in darkness and I couldn’t see a way out. That’s all done now. I’ve spent the last few years in my own hell, making up for the shit that I’ve done. I’ve grown and finally put it all behind me. Baby, I’m coming home, and it’s ok to hate me and be confused. I fucked up. I hurt you and I left without an explanation so I don’t expect you to just welcome me back in. I know your life has changed, but you need to know that I’m not going anywhere.”
Tully brings the bottle to her lips once more and groans as the Vodka makes its way down her throat. “I’m not letting you back in, Rivers. You destroyed me and I’ve spent the past four years hating myself for letting you do that. You made me weak, you made me question myself, and you turned me into this person that I don’t even recognize anymore. Four years, Rivers. I haven’t recognized myself for four years. You left this gaping hole inside my chest and I’ve done everything I can possibly think of to fix it, but it’s still there and it hurts more and more every day.”
More tears fall onto my shoulder as she brings up a hand to wipe her face. I have to strain to hear her next words but the second they enter my brain, they’re words that will never disappear. “I hate you, Rivers. So fucking much. I hate you.”
The sound of her tortured sobs on my shoulder mixed with the words she just spoke will haunt me for as long as I live. “It’s ok,” I tell her, holding her a little tighter. “I hate me too.”
We sit in silence as I promise myself that I’ll do whatever the hell it takes to make it up to her. I hate her hurting and I hate her confusion. She used to be so sure of herself, so confident, she always knew exactly what she wanted, but this girl beside me isn’t the Tully I used to know and I hate that I’m the person who reduced her to this.
I will make it up to her if it’s the last thing I do.
Spencer hasn’t helped her to find herself over the past four years. He’s allowed her to hide and lose track of who she really is. Where the hell has Noah and Henley been during all of this? Aiden? Either they’ve all given up on her or Tully puts on one hell of a good act.
Half an hour quickly turns into an hour where not a single word passes between us. The bottle of Vodka is nearly empty and it’s not until her breathing evens out and her body goes slack that I realize she’s fallen asleep.
Ten minutes pass as I contemplate taking her home. If I do, that means that tonight will be over and I don’t think I’m ready for her to wake up in the morning and keep me at a distance, but if I don’t do something soon, she’ll end up sick and I don’t need any more reason to hate myself.
Just as I go to scoop her into my arms, a voice is heard from the backdoor of the party. “Tully? Are you out here?” I look back over my shoulder and spot Henley by the door with Noah standing at her back, his hands resting on her shoulders. They spot me in the same instance that I see them and they start making their way towards me.
I pull Tully into my arms and stand, leaving the bottle of Vodka behind. Tully curls into my chest and my heart races a li
ttle faster.
God, I’ve missed this.
I watch Noah’s brow dip down as he takes in his passed out twin sister and he can’t even wait until he’s standing before me before the question comes flying out. “What the fuck happened to her?”
“She drank too much,” I tell him as Henley steps in front of me and takes in her best friend. “I guess it all got too much for her and she passed out.”
“Shit,” he grumbles. “Where’s Spencer?”
I bite my tongue and resist saying what I’m really thinking. “Good fucking question.”
Noah lets out a deep sigh as Henley looks back up at him. “We should take her home.”
Noah looks just about ready to cave although the very last thing he wants to be doing on his wedding night is dealing with his drunken twin sister. “I’ve got her,” I tell them, instantly making Noah’s face fall in relief. “You guys go and enjoy your night.”
“Are you sure, man?”
Am I sure if I want to spend more time with my girl in my arms? What a stupid fucking question. Does he not know me at all?
“Yeah,” I tell them, holding back my thoughts once again. “Besides, don’t you guys have to go and consummate your marriage?”
Noah grins wide as Henley’s cheek flush bright pink. “Already have,” he laughs, nudging his wife. “Three times.”
“The fuck? When the hell did you find time to do that? And where?”
Henley spins around and slaps a hand over Noah’s mouth knowing he’s more than happy to share all the little details. “You better shut it before you lose your chance at hitting this a fourth time tonight.”
Noah’s eyes go wide in horror as I shake my head at the two of them. I’d give anything to have what they have with Tully.
I look down at Henley. “Could you grab Tully’s purse? Then I’ll get her out of here.”
“Sure,” she smiles. “Though, are you sure you don’t want to just lay her down under the bridal table with a pillow and keep partying. I’m sure she’ll be fine under there.”
“Really?” I laugh, shaking my head. “She already hates me as it is. Can you imagine how she’d react if she found out that I dumped her under the table so I could keep partying?”
Unstoppable: Haven Falls (Book 7) Page 4