Beware

by Shanora Williams

  “Fine. Go back upstairs,” he orders.

  “Seems hostile,” she murmurs.

  “Upstairs!” he shouts.

  She looks from him to me. And if I wasn’t angry before, I’m pissed now. Why is she here? And why the hell am I so upset about it? I hate her face. I hate the fact that she has bed-head. I hate how she’s smirking at me, like she’s won some kind of fucking medal for being at his place. I wonder if he’s done to her the things he’s done to me

  I remember how much I enjoyed those things… how amazing he made me feel. And I hate myself for stooping so low. For falling under his spell. For getting tangled in the webs of his lies.

  This London, this angry one, isn’t me. The one rushing up the stairs and shoving Layla down, barking at her to get the fuck out, isn’t me. The one tossing all her shit at her and even opening the door for her isn’t me. The one that just slammed the door in her face and locked it, isn’t me.

  This isn’t the London Stallone that left Atlanta only weeks ago.

  I’m… crazy. I’m out of my mind. I’m bottled up with these emotions I can’t control. God, what has he done to me? What has being here done to me? I’ve gone out of my mind.

  “That was unnecessary,” Ace mutters.

  “Was it?” I ask, marching toward him. “Did you sleep with her?” I shout.

  He ignores me, looking away.

  Anger bubbles in my veins, and I do what I was about to do before Layla made it known she was here.

  I slap Ace.

  Harder than I did the other day.

  I know it hurts. My hand stings from the blow.

  This time, he reacts way differently. He grabs my shoulders, nostrils flared, and shoves my back against the nearest wall. The bang is loud, but it doesn’t hurt. Or maybe there is some pain, but I don’t feel it with the anger coursing through my blood. He clutches my face between his fingers. His hold is tight. I don’t care. Maybe his rage will get him to slip up and say something he didn’t mean. Maybe it’ll get him to spit the truth.

  “You’re the only person I let hit me without a fucking consequence,” he says, voice low and heavy. “That’s the last time it’ll happen.”

  “Fuck you,” I spit.

  “You have. Quite a few times. And enjoyed the hell out of it.”

  “You slept with her?” I ask again.

  “Why does it matter?”

  My nostrils flare. “You know exactly why it matters.”

  “None of your concern,” he mutters.

  My cheeks burn, my body bubbling with double the rage. “Where’s Peter?” I ask.

  “Where do you think?”

  “Ace if you killed him I can still find answers.”

  “Yeah? How?”

  “I just will.”

  “You’re looking for all the wrong things, London.”

  “What was he looking for?” I ask.

  He swallows. “Nothing important.

  I frown. “Bullshit.”

  He laughs.

  “I hate you,” I whisper.

  “Who doesn’t?” He exhales sharply. “What made you wait so long to finally want to talk to Peter?”

  I hesitate, narrowing my eyes with his.

  “I was giving you a chance, but I see I obviously made a mistake. I should’ve gone to him when I had the opportunity.”

  “Yeah…” He runs his hand over his head. “You should have.”

  “Why are you like this?” I snap, eyes stretching. “So… bitter. And cold. Why can’t you just let people in… tell the truth?”

  “Because it’s my life, London. Mine! I don’t have to do anything I don’t wanna do. I don’t care about anyone else. Get that through your thick fucking skull!”

  I don’t know why, but hearing that makes my heart ache a little. “Then why am I still here?” I ask, my voice barely a whisper. He looks me over, pinching his lips together. Finally, he releases the hold from my face and turns his back to me. “Ace,” I call. “Why am I here, then? If you don’t care, why am I still here? Why haven’t you sent me back home already? Where there are people looking for me that can actually get rid of me? ‘Cause I know you won’t do it. You don’t have the balls to get rid of me.”

  His shoulders shake with silent laughter. “What makes you think that?”

  “Because you like me. You’re just trying to fight it. You said it. But I know now it’s something stronger.”

  “It’s nothing,” he mutters. He turns my way, arms folded. “You wanna go home? Go. I’ll have Krane take you to the jet, let Trent fly you home, and you’ll be doing your own thing again. You won’t have to worry about me. Or whatever you think is building up between us. Whatever you think it is, it isn’t. It’s nothing. We’re nothing.”

  His words feel like knives repeatedly stabbing me in the chest. I keep strong, though. I keep my chin up and my eyes on him. I pray to the high heavens that I’m not revealing any emotion. I hope I look as cold as he does because I know he’s lying. And if he wants to act like he doesn’t care, then I’ll act the same way.

  “Fine,” I say quietly, and I leave him with that. I turn for the door, swing it open, and give a quick apology to Gerrick. He brushes it off like he does everything else, and I march to the elevator with Krane following after me.

  When I get to my condo, I tell Krane I should be ready by six. He nods, and I shut the door behind me. I walk to my bedroom, slam the door shut behind me, and my back slides down the wall. Tears have built in my eyes, and now I can finally get rid of them.

  I feel awful. I’ve let Jonah down, and worse, I’ve let myself down. All because I don’t know where my heart is. I don’t know how to feel. I just know that this… whatever it is… it hurts. Immensely.

  My heart hurts… it feels like it’s been cracked. Perhaps the last piece has already fallen. Perhaps, after hearing him say that to me, I’ll be just as cold as he is. Just as careless.

  But for now, that last piece lingers in my chest. It weighs on every single emotion. With my fingers locked in my hair, my forehead on my knees, I cry out to Jonah. I apologize to him as if he’s right in front of me. I tell him how hard I tried, but that things just didn’t work out. I tell him I love him, and I miss him.

  I hope he can hear me.

  I end up falling asleep minutes later. It’s deep. Dark. Empty. I’m alone in this nightmare. I don’t know where I am. I don’t even know who I am… but I couldn’t care less. Because I know the girl lying all alone in this darky, empty room, is the girl I’m leaving behind.

  The girl that cares too much.

  The girl that falls too hard.

  The girl that gives her all, only to come out with nothing.

  And worst of all… the girl that loves too hard.

  It’s just my luck that a thunderstorm comes. After lying in bed for nearly three hours, I thought it was finally time to pack a few things and get going. Now, according to Krane, I have to wait until the storm passes before going anywhere.

  Lucky me.

  As the rain trickles down the wide window panes, I stare out at the docks, watching as the ships come in to park. Sighing, I wrap my arms around myself. It’s completely dark inside. Nothing lights the living room but the strikes of lightning every few minutes.

  I like it, though. Hearing the rain tap against the glass, the soothing rumble of thunder. It’s peaceful.

  Those three hours I spent curled up in bed, I thought of every possible way to forget about my time here, but I know I won’t be able to. Bianca, she was a fun girl. Gerrick and Krane, although stern and stubborn, are really good guys. And Ace… well, Ace is Ace. And I realize nothing will change that.

  I thought maybe he’d changed just a little. With all the time we spent together and all he’d done for me, I knew there was some good in him.

  But maybe he did it for other reasons. Maybe he really was doing all of this for Jonah. Not me. Or to make himself feel better.

  Because of the guilt he feels about Jonah�
�s death.

  Just as I’m about to turn for the bedroom, the front door swings wide open. I gasp, turning quickly to face the tall silhouette standing between the frames. His hair is slick, his jaw clenched.

  “Ace?” I whisper.

  He steps inside, slamming the door behind him. He marches my way, eyes hard on mine. I’m not sure how I can make them out through the dimly lit room, but I can. For a moment, I think he’s going to shove me around. Tell me I’m worthless. Make me feel even lower than I already do now just so he can feel better about himself.

  But instead, he cups his large hands around my cheeks and brings my lips to his without a single ounce of hesitation. It’s unexpected and causes me to yelp, and on top of this hot, feverish, kiss he’s soaking wet. Did he walk in the rain to get here… to do this?

  My mind drifts as my body indulges in the kiss. I wonder how long he was thinking about coming here. I wonder what this is about.

  I have so many questions to ask but they can wait. This is new.

  And rare.

  And I love it.

  Dropping his hands, his lips still connected with mine, he grips my hips and lifts me up. I snake my legs around him, locking my arms around his broad shoulders. He groans, and the next thing I know, my back has hit the wall. Snatching his lips away, he drags them down to my neck, and I tilt my head back, feeling the moisture collecting between my legs. He brings his head back up to suck on my bottom lip. I quiver as rain drips from his hair and lands on my lip. I lick it away. Savor it. Every taste of him.

  “Ace,” I whisper.

  He doesn’t respond. He continues kissing me all over. My neck, my shoulders, my lips.

  “Ace,” I say again. “What are you doing here?”

  Finally, he jerks his head back, panting as he stares me in the eyes. He looks at me long and hard, debating on his response. I avoid any movement as I wait somewhat impatiently for him to speak. Then he murmurs, “Bianca was right.”

  “What do you mean?” I ask.

  “About you… about how I feel about you.” He shakes his head. “I can’t explain it. I know it hasn’t been long, but you do something to me, Red. Something I’ve never felt in my whole fucking life.”

  I swallow the pebble in my throat as he lowers his head.

  “I want you to trust me,” he goes on, voice thick. “I want you to feel protected by me. I don’t want you to worry about anything, but I know I don’t deserve that. I don’t deserve you.”

  I press my index finger against the fold of his lips. “Just tell me… did you sleep with Layla?”

  He looks up at me, eyes full of sorrow. For a moment, I think he’s going to admit to it, say it was a mistake. But without hesitation, he says, “No. I mean, I thought about it, but I couldn’t do it. I told her to sleep in the guest room since the storm was strong last night.”

  “Why was she half-naked then?” I ask in a whisper

  He shrugs. “She did it on purpose, just like she did the first time you came by.” His throat works up and down, nostrils flared. “Forgive me,” he says.

  “She shouldn’t have been there,” I mutter, pushing against him.

  He doesn’t budge. “I didn’t know what to do… I’ve never felt this shit before, London. With anyone. I thought I was losing it…”

  “What… feeling something for me means you’ve gone insane?”

  “The outcome… it scares me.”

  I blow out a heavy breath, pushing against him again. “Maybe you should just go home, Ace.”

  “No.” He grips my shoulders with both hands, his head shaking swiftly. “You need to know the truth.”

  “What do you mean the truth?”

  “I don’t want you to hear it from me… I’m afraid of how you’ll react.”

  “Then who am I supposed to hear it from?”

  He meets my eyes, inhaling through his nostrils. Lowering me to the ground, my feet hit the floor, but I don’t stop looking at him. I’m so confused.

  “I didn’t kill Bridges.”

  I light up. “You didn’t? But you made it seem—”

  “Yeah, I roughed him up a bit,” he sighs, “…but he’s not dead. He’s back out there. Doing whatever the hell he was doing before. I told him he’d never find what he was looking for and to just give up. He has.”

  I hesitate. “W-will he still give me answers?”

  “I’m sure he can’t wait to. But I told him to let you come to him for the answers. For the truth.”

  I press my lips, bringing a hand up to cup his cheek. He gives his head a slight turn, his shame apparent. “Why can’t you just tell me?”

  He swallows. “’Cause when you hear it, you might not wanna be anywhere near me anymore. I can’t handle you walking away.”

  I pull my hand away. “Are you the reason he’s dead?”

  “No.” He shakes his head. “And I mean that. I did everything I could to prevent it. Just didn’t work out.” He brings his hands to my face again. “Look, after you talk to Peter, I want you to decide whether you want to hear the rest from me or if you want to leave. I understand if you want to go. I can’t keep you hostage. But Peter only knows what I don’t want to tell you. Because I know it’ll break your heart. I know all the things that led up to his death. And if you want to know that… feel free to come back. I promise I’ll tell you everything.”

  “I don’t want to hear it from him, Ace. I want to hear it from you.”

  He sighs, lowering his head. Our foreheads press together, and his breath spills down my chest. “Scared, London. Scared you might leave sooner than I want you to.”

  “I won’t,” I whisper.

  “I… used him.”

  I narrow my brows. “What?”

  “I chose Jonah… for selfish reasons. My men don’t even know the truth.”

  I sigh. Based on how he’s acting and how he’s afraid I might leave sooner than he’d like, I know that I most likely will. I don’t want to leave just yet. I, at least, want our final moments together to be memorable. And if I don’t like what I hear from him, I won’t stick around. Simple… sort of.

  “Just stay the night,” I say, placing a hand on his chest. “Just stay with me and tell me everything tomorrow.”

  He stares at me with wide, confused eyes. “Sure?”

  “Positive.” I reach down to grab his hand. “Come on,” I murmur, turning for the bedroom. “Let’s enjoy tonight.”

  I know what I’m about to do is insane—sleeping with someone that’s lied to me and threatened so many loved ones—but… I can’t help myself. Not only does he feel something unexplainable, but so do I. I have ever since I met him. There are no words to describe us.

  We’re both torn.

  We’re both broken beyond words.

  We’re both alone… and maybe that’s why we like being around each other so much. Because we don’t feel alone. Because we feel a connection. Even a small one will get us by.

  I know tomorrow might bring something drastic. I know tomorrow may change the way I see Ace, but right now, I see him as someone I admire. Someone I don’t mind being around. Someone I can be myself around. Someone that can please me, just as much as I can please him. I don’t want that to end.

  He’s someone I should be cautious of, but love knows no boundaries.

  Yes. Love.

  It’s what we feel… we just aren’t brave enough to admit it to each other. We have too much pride. We’re too afraid of the outcome… the future. We’re too afraid to love damaged goods. Monsters. Crooks. Loners. We fear losing something that means so much to us after being alone for so long. We fear falling because we’re falling into the unknown. Tomorrow, we don’t know what will happen. We don’t even know if we’ll ever see each other again. We don’t know what tomorrow brings.

  And I think that’s what terrifies us most. The absence we’ll feel… the ache that will linger in our hearts when we realize we’ll never be able to feel as alive as we do now— while we’re tog
ether.

  I lead him into the bathroom, start the shower, and as the door shuts, I slowly start to undress him. He watches me the entire time. I can’t help but watch my shaky hands as they unbutton each button. When I reach his belt buckle, my lips part, and I hold my breath.

  This isn’t like the first time I undressed him. There’s intensity in the air. There’s an impenetrable thickness, one neither of us can pretend isn’t here. I continue on, though. Why? Because I want this. I want him, even if this may be our last night together.

  Lowering myself to a squat and bringing his dress pants down with me, I suck in a breath and look at him beneath my eyelashes. His eyes are solid, his jaw clenched.

  He whispers, “Do what you want with me this time,” and I exhale rigidly. He’s giving himself to me… he didn’t say it, but he is. He wants to be mine tonight, but I want to be just as much of his as he is mine.

  “I want you to do the same,” I murmur.

  “I will.”

  Licking my dry lips, I slip two fingers beneath the waistband of his boxers and lower them to his feet. The steamy water from the shower thickens the air between us even more. God, I can hardly breathe. I can hardly even think right now. I can’t believe I’m even doing this—risking my heart for one last time with him. I can’t deny what my body wants. Nor can I deny what my heart is feeling.

  I want him. All of him. And, for once, I’m glad he’s giving himself to me tonight.

  I stare forward at the erection dangling between his legs. I breathe him in. He smells musky… manly.

  I place the tip of my tongue on his shaft and slowly drag it down to the head. A groan rattles in his throat as he stares at me with heated eyes. My knees adjust to the cool tiles of the floor as I wrap my fingers around his firm ass, bringing his entire length into my mouth. When I look up, the back of his head falls back, and he lets out a breathy moan.

  “So good, London,” he tells me, running his fingers through my hair.

  I groan around him as he hits my throat, and then I pull back. I don’t want him to come yet. I want him inside me. I want him all over me. I want him to dominate me, the way he has before.

  I stand to my feet, grabbing the strap of my tank top. As I start to pull my arm through, he stops me, shaking his head. Without a word, he grabs the hem of my tank top and pulls it above my head, exposing my taut nipples. He stares down at them, bringing his upper half forward to drop my shorts. As my shorts hit the floor, he takes one of my nipples between his lips. Using his left hand, he thumbs the other, all with his eyes on me.