Always A Bridesmaid (Left At the Altar)

by Richards, Jana

  "Only my husband."

  * * * *

  Dani crossed the days off her calendar. Only seven more days to go until she reached BBNM Day--Big Boobs No More Day as she'd renamed February 14, when she'd have her surgery. How ironic that it should take place on Valentine's Day, the day for lovers. Perhaps it was the universe's idea of a funny joke.

  She took a deep breath and slowly blew it out. As the day of her surgery loomed ever nearer, she grew more nervous. She'd thought she'd worked through all aspects of the procedure, but now crazy thoughts were flying through her head. What if she hated the results of the surgery? What if her boobs looked worse after it was all over?

  What if her mother never forgave her for going through with the surgery without telling her?

  She couldn't bear if her mother was angry with her, or worse, disappointed in her. But she couldn't stand being the butt of jokes any longer either. She was tired of male colleagues talking to her chest instead of her face. Even the women at her work didn't always take her seriously. Somehow they believed if she had big breasts she couldn't also have a big brain.

  No, she had to go through with the surgery, but she was scared. Terrified actually.

  She wished she had someone to talk to about it.

  Her phone rang. Sarah's name popped up on the call display. Dani hit the talk button, glad her gloomy thoughts had been interrupted. "Hi Sarah, what's up?" she said, trying to sound cheerful.

  "I'm just checking to see if you're available to come to a dinner party tomorrow night at my house. I'm making your favorite, chicken in wine sauce. Delicious and low-cal."

  She considered declining the invitation, since she wasn't in a party mood. But when she thought about sitting around at home brooding, she decided being with her friends would be better.

  "Sure, sounds good. What can I bring?"

  "Just your lovely self, sweetie." She heard Sarah clear her throat. "Full disclosure, Dani. I've also invited Olivia and Tony, and Zach."

  "You invited Zach?"

  "Yes. Liv told me what a great guy he is, so I decided I wanted to meet him for myself. He's already accepted. Do you have a problem with that?"

  "I...I don't know." If he accepted, did that mean he wanted to see her, spend time with her? Was this part of the "getting to know you" they'd talked about at Fiona's wedding?

  "He seemed very keen to come, especially when I told him you'd be here."

  "You told him I'd be there before you checked with me?"

  "Just hedging my bets, sweetie. Will you make a pregnant lady happy and come to my dinner party?"

  Dani laughed. "Really, Sarah? Playing the pregnant card? Have you always been so manipulative?"

  "Funny, I've been hearing that a lot lately. Must be the hormones. So will you come?"

  If she were honest with herself, she really did want to see Zach. Sarah's dinner party would be a safe place to be with him. "Oh, what the hell. I'll come."

  "Great! Dinner's at seven. Come about six for cocktails."

  They rang off and she headed to her room to find something fabulous to wear to the party, feeling a lightness in her step. Tomorrow I'll see Zach again.

  * * * *

  Sarah's dinner was delicious, as promised. Laughter floated around the table. Dani was happy she'd decided to come, especially when Zach smiled at her. The look in his eyes told her he was glad he'd accepted Sarah's invitation as well.

  "Have you seen that new movie?" Tony said. "I can't remember the name. It's a spy thriller based on a book by the same name, and I hear it's pretty good."

  "Do you mean The Russian Affair?" Dani said.

  "Yeah, that's the one. It's got that woman in it, what's her name, used to be on a TV show a few years back."

  "Wow, you're great with names, aren't you?" she said with a snicker.

  "Whatever her name is, I read that she's had plastic surgery on her nose three times." Olivia shook her head. "I'd be scared there'd be nothing left of my nose after three nose jobs."

  Sarah filled Will and Tony's wine glasses. "According to the gossip rags, most of the stars in Hollywood have had plastic surgery of one kind of another, even younger ones. There's enough botox being injected in foreheads to float a battleship."

  "It's not just movie stars who are getting plastic surgery," Will said. "I wrote an article a while back about the number of ordinary people, especially teenagers and young people, who are having procedures. For teenage girls, one of the most popular procedures is breast augmentation."

  "Wow, that's kind of disturbing," Olivia said. "I'm not sure someone so young understands the implications of a procedure like that."

  "Some adults don't understand the implications of plastic surgery." Zach shook his head, a disgusted look on his face. "It's ridiculous to undergo major surgical procedures that carry a lot of risk, just for the sake of vanity."

  Dani stared at him, shocked to hear so much vehemence from him on the subject. "Plastic surgery doesn't have any more risk than any other type of surgery. There's potential for complications in any surgery."

  "Sure," he said. "That's true, but it's one thing to develop an infection after an appendicitis and quite another to get an infection after a boob job. The second is totally self-inflected and unnecessary."

  "Don't you think people have the right to make themselves look better if they want to?"

  "Don't get me wrong," Zach said, warming to his subject. "Sometimes plastic surgery is very much needed in the case of burn victims, birth defects or accidents. But when it comes to something stupid like having a bump on your nose removed for no good medical reason, I think it's ridiculous."

  "That's easy for you to say!" Dani said hotly. "You're gorgeous. You don't have anything wrong with you. If you had something you wanted to change, maybe you'd think differently."

  "How 'bout those Maple Leafs?" Tony said.

  "Would you like wine, Dani?" Will held up the bottle. "It's really good, you should try some."

  "Glass of water, Zach?" Sarah said.

  "No thanks." He turned back to Dani. "Even if I did have something I didn't like about my face or my body, I hope I wouldn't be so vain as to opt for surgery. There's nothing more fake."

  "How dare you? Where do you get off judging other people?"

  "When someone makes a stupid decision to cut open their body for the sake of vanity, it's not hard to judge the idiocy."

  "I'd like coffee," Olivia said. "Anybody else? How about you, Dani?"

  "No, thanks. I don't want anything."

  She pushed back her chair and rose from the table with as much dignity as she could muster. "Thanks for dinner, Sarah. It was wonderful."

  "Dani, wait," Zach said, getting up as well. "This is stupid. Why are we fighting over this?"

  She looked at him, her heart breaking. He'd never understand her need to change her appearance. He'd always think she was weak or vain.

  "We're not fighting anymore," she said quietly. "We're done."

  She kissed Sarah goodbye and hurried to the door before she started to cry.

  * * * *

  Dear God. What have I done?

  After Dani left, Zach sank back down in his chair, trying to figure out what had just happened. Were they were finished, just at the point he believed they could work things out?

  "What the hell was that all about?" Tony asked, shaking his head. "I haven't seen my sister that mad for a very long time."

  "Dani doesn't get angry often, but when she does, there's a lot of fireworks," Olivia said. "I can't believe she feels so passionate about a movie star's right to have plastic surgery."

  "Why do you feel so passionate about the subject, Zach?" Sarah said, turning to him. "What on earth set you off?"

  He closed his eyes. "A while back someone I knew had plastic surgery. It didn't end well." Why hadn't he kept his mouth shut?

  "This is my fault. I shouldn't have coerced Dani into coming for dinner," Sarah said, looking close to tears. "She obviously wasn't ready."<
br />
  Will put his arm around her. "You didn't coerce anybody, sweetheart."

  "Will's right," Zach said. "This was my fault, not yours. I'm sorry for ruining your dinner party. I should go."

  He got up from his chair and walked to the front hall closet to get his coat. He felt like he'd just hit a brick wall, a five-foot-two-inch brick wall with soulful brown eyes.

  As he drove home he wondered what he could possibly do to make things right.

  * * * *

  Dani pushed herself to the edge of her endurance, her mind racing as she ran the indoor track at her gym. Over and over she replayed the events of the previous evening. Had she overreacted? Had she used the stupid fight with Zach over plastic surgery as an excuse to push him away? Probably, but maybe it was best to know now how he felt than to be humiliated and rejected later on.

  But it hurt so much to get close to him only to have her happiness ripped away once more.

  He'd called several times since last night, leaving messages in which he apologized for the fight and asked what it had been about. She hadn't returned any of his calls. He deserved to know the truth, but it would have to wait until after her surgery.

  Though sweat rolled down her back and she was at her breaking point, she made herself do another lap. She couldn't cancel the surgery, not even for Zach. She had to do this. For her.

  She sensed someone approaching her on the outside lane. Instead of passing her as she'd expected, the runner slowed and fell into pace beside her.

  "Hey, baby. I've been watching you. The way those tits of yours bounce, I get hot every time I see you."

  Oh, God. Another one. Dani kept her face neutral, trying not let her fear and revulsion show. She'd found that guys like him were only encouraged by a vehement response, taking a refusal as a show of interest.

  "Get lost before I call security."

  "Looking for a threesome, are you?" He chuckled. "I could get into that."

  "I said get lost."

  "I see you here a lot," he said in a low voice. "And I think about what I want to do to you and those big tits of yours."

  Fear crawled up her spine, turning her sweat to ice. She glanced around frantically, looking for help. The indoor track was on the second floor of the gym, parts of it overlooking the swimming pool on the main floor. It circled around exercise equipment and stretching areas that were presently busy with people working out. Only one part of the track was out of the sight of the main gym, a corner with a couple of washrooms and a small stretching area, currently unoccupied. As soon as they rounded this corner, she'd run off the track and alert one of the trainers.

  As they ran past the corner, he touched her.

  "Just one little feel, baby."

  He squeezed her left breast. Dani saw red.

  "Get your hands off me, you bastard."

  She brought her foot down hard on his instep, and when he bent over in pain, she pushed the heel of her hand hard into his nose, just the way she'd been taught in her self-defense class. Blood poured from his nostrils.

  The jerk stared at her, holding his nose. "You broke my nose!"

  "Serves you right. Don't you ever touch me again."

  "Dani! "

  She turned her head to see Zach bounding up to her, his face pale. "I saw him grab you. Are you all right?"

  "I'm fine. What are you doing here?"

  "I just got a membership. Did he hurt you?"

  "No, of course not. I handled it."

  The jerk lifted his head, blood pouring from his nose. "She's crazy, man! Look what she did to me!"

  He stepped up to him, his voice low and menacing. "Just be very glad she got to you before I did." He spoke without turning toward her. "Dani, go get security so they can toss this piece of garbage out on his ass."

  She ran off, her heart racing. Why had Zach suddenly taken a membership at her gym? Was it because he wanted to see her?

  She shook her head. It was no good. Seeing him at the gym would only torment her, knowing they could never be together. She'd have to look for a new gym.

  Dani gave her statement to security, her face burning with embarrassment as she told them what the jerk had said to her and what he'd done, especially since Zach insisted on accompanying her. Though he said nothing, she could feel his barely restrained fury.

  Security escorted the jerk from the gym, relieving him of his pass as he left so he couldn't return. For the sake of all the other women at the gym she was glad management was taking the matter seriously.

  After she'd given her statement, she went to the women's locker room and had a long, hot shower to wash away the feel of the jerk's hand on her. When she emerged from the locker room, feeling better, she was surprised to find Zach waiting for her.

  "Why are you still here?"

  "I wanted to make sure you're okay."

  "I'm fine, so you can go home now."

  "Do you have time for a cup of coffee?"

  She shook her head. "I don't think that's a good idea."

  "Please Dani. Just a few minutes of your time. That's all I ask."

  She read the vulnerability in his eyes, as if her answer meant a lot to him. It had never occurred to her before that she could affect his happiness as much as he affected hers. She could never deliberately hurt him.

  "Okay. One cup of coffee."

  They grabbed a table in the gym's cafeteria and Zach brought them each a coffee. She was touched when she saw he'd brought low-fat milk along with the coffee. He'd actually remembered how she liked her coffee.

  He took his seat and stirred his coffee. "Has this happened to you before? Men accosting you, propositioning you?" His gaze didn't meet hers.

  "I've had men make lewd remarks to me several times. Lots of them enjoy staring at my chest. When a woman has boobs as big as mine, they seem to think we're fair game, that we enjoy that sort of thing."

  He lifted his head, his gaze meeting hers. "Has anyone ever touched you before, hurt you?"

  "No one's ever hurt me." He didn't need to know about other boob obsessed idiots who had copped a feel.

  He closed his eyes and let out his breath. "Thank God."

  She waved away his concern. "I'm just glad they tossed the guy out and took away his membership. Speaking of which, when did you become a member here?"

  "A few days ago. I remembered that you said you came here to run in the winter. I came hoping to find you here, to talk to you."

  "Well, you have great timing, I'll give you that," she said, in an effort to lighten the situation.

  He didn't return her smile. "When I think what he could have done to you--"

  "I handled it, Zach, like I've been handling men like him since I was fourteen. I can look after myself."

  "But you shouldn't have to."

  "No, I shouldn't have to." Which was why she was determined to do something about it.

  "I'm sorry."

  "It's not your fault some men are bastards."

  He shook his head. "I'm sorry you had to go through this at all."

  She waved away his concern. The last thing she wanted was his pity. "It's fine. But I've got to say, those self-defense classes were well worth the money. I totally kicked ass."

  She'd hoped he'd smile at her attempt at humor, but his expression remained serious.

  "I'm sorry about the fight we had last night. I don't even know why we were fighting over something as stupid as plastic surgery."

  Dani's back stiffened. He'd never understand what this surgery meant to her. "I don't want to fight either. Let's just forget the whole thing." She finished the last of her coffee and got to her feet. "I should be going."

  Zach rose as well. "I'll walk you to your car."

  "That's really not necessary."

  Anger flashed in his eyes. "That guy could be waiting out there for you. There's no way I'm going to let you go out there on your own."

  She shivered at the thought of meeting her tormentor in a dimly lit parking garage. "Okay. We'll walk out t
ogether. But just this one time. I don't want you to think we're going to make a habit of this."

  "Fine." He picked up his gym bag. "Let's go."

  They walked to her car in almost total silence, only talking when it was necessary to give directions. When they reached her car, she dug her keys from her purse and unlocked the door. "Thanks for the escort, Zach. I appreciate it."

  "My pleasure. Dani..."

  "Yes?"

  "I love you."

  He stepped close and cupped her face, his touch gentle. Then he lowered his head to kiss her, his lips warm and soft against hers. Though the kiss was brief, she could feel the strength of the emotions pouring out of him. She shivered with need, longing to pull him into her arms and take him home with her. She wanted so much to make love with him again. But sex would solve nothing. They'd still be at an impasse.

  Reluctantly, she pulled away and opened her car door. "I'd better go."

  Without a word, he stepped aside to let her enter the car. A moment later she put the car into gear and backed out of her parking spot. As she drove away she saw him in her rear-view mirror, his head bowed. Tears rushed into her eyes, obscuring her sight and making her want to stop the car and run back into his arms.

  But she couldn't. As much as she wanted to be with Zach, she had to accept they were simply not meant to be.

  * * *

  Chapter Fifteen

  She was a wreck, a freaking train wreck.

  The surgery was only three days away and she was getting more anxious by the minute. She still hadn't asked anyone to be her responsible adult to drive her home and check up on her, and it was weighing on her. Her family was going to be angry and disappointed in her, especially her mother. Every night she had strange dreams about her breasts. Sometimes one nipple was much higher than the other; sometimes they both drooped down to her waist like empty sacks. It was getting so she didn't want to go to sleep at night.

  On top of everything, there was Zach.

  He'd called her several times since the incident at the gym, but she didn't pick up. What could she say to him: "You know those vain women obsessed with their looks that you hate so much? I'm one of them." He'd made his feelings quite clear. The last thing she needed was someone to make her feel even worse about herself and what she felt she had to do.