491 Days

by Madikizela-Mandela, Winnie; Kathrada, Ahmed; Kathrada, Ahmed

  ‘I will do nothing for you Winnie through your lawyers, I have nothing to do with them, discuss matters with me and we can settle them where I can. Haven’t I had a shower specially constructed for you – where are your lawyers now? I was not pleasing them.’

  (c) He said there was very little else he could do about the other aspects of the conditions of our detention as he could not change the law but would do everything in his power to ease the conditions. He then referred to me and my lawyer again. He said just out of the blue, ‘When you and Carlson flew down to Cape Town you were so busy with each other you did not even see me, I was on the same plane and I sat near you. You remember he walked with you on the non-European side after we landed. He wanted to take you down by car and had the audacity to make an application to that effect – and what would the people say Winnie about their leader’s wife driving all the way to Cape Town with another man? Why do you think I talk to you and not to anyone of those others – it is because I acknowledge the fact that your people regard you as their leader in your husband’s absence and there are very many things you cannot do no matter how innocent they may seem. Look at all that trouble about Xmas cards, who was the cause? Your headstrong attorney.

  ‘We have got to understand each other Winnie. You people must understand my difficulties, as much as I try to understand you individually. Look how you screamed at me the other day for instance and it was not the first time you lost your temper with me but I have never lost mine with you. I even go so far as to say if I was in your position I might have even done more. I understand your difficult position and I appreciate it – a young woman with a husband doing life imprisonment. Look at Joyce, I’ve got to understand her too, I am a man Winnie, she does things so abruptly, she will scream and swear and in the same breath she bursts out laughing. You remember I once said I would never speak to her after she had insulted me but the following day did I not speak to her? Was she not as gay as if nothing had every happened? How can I punish a child like that? The other day it was reported to me that she was caught kissing No. 20, I could have cancelled your joint consultation if I was [as] small as you think. That nonsense they wrote to each other with Magubane, I did not even waste my time to ask Magubane, it was such childish nonsense they discussed I could have charged them and other officials were pressing for charges.’

  (d) Without waiting for any further comment from me he continued: ‘Look how thin you are, I do not rejoice seeing you in this condition. I want to ask you to ease your mind. Your attorney made a certain application which should be heard within the next three to four weeks. The discussion about your fate will be taken after that hearing. Please do not ask me any further details but I can assure you there is nothing to worry about.’ I merely asked what nature of application it was and he said ‘that you should not be ill-treated but do not ask me any more. I was not really supposed to discuss this with you.’

  He then told me he had made arrangements for me to be examined by the prison doctor on the 6th of May. He told me he was going to Robben Island that weekend and that he would take a message to my husband if I wanted him [to]. I said I would be very grateful. That was the end of the discussion. As he walked out of the office he repeated that I should not worry about anything in between these four weeks, definitely a certain decision would be taken after the hearing of my attorney’s application even if there are things that might upset one in between.

  Chapter 11

  June Diary

  They destroyed your being; you were made to feel a nobody.

  The sanitary bucket was made by the prisoners, it was something like a two, two-and-a-half-litre tin that you did everything in. It was emptied once in the morning and the wardress would come, open that door, those doors, those three doors; burglar proof door – the first one, your door, the cell door, the third one and she stands there, you know she never touched it.

  The only thing you could do to keep sane was to use the blanket. I used to use the blanket to polish the cell; I polished the cell with my legs so much that if there was enough light you could; you could mirror yourself on the floor. There was nothing else to do. So she would stand at the door of that open cell and you put the, and then you put the, this thing, the pan at the door there to be taken. You never saw who actually took it because we were not allowed to be in contact with the black prisoners and then they would take your sanitary bucket; sometimes they did not even rinse it. And then they turned the lid and they put your plate on an unrinsed lid. So as a result you don’t eat. For a month I didn’t eat. The only time I had a meal was a bacon and egg toasted sandwich when I was under interrogation for seven days and seven nights. To this day I cannot stand that – bacon and egg.

  And the prison food, the porridge sometimes had maggots and they gave us rotten porridge. Lunch was cooked mealies. I don’t even think you have seen that, dried cooked mealies called inkobe. Dried cooked mealies. That was lunch. And dinner the same porridge and the days when you are supposed to have meat it would be pork then it would be – what do you call pork fat? They would put the pork fat and the porridge would actually swim in this fat so you can’t eat it and it has got maggots. — WINNIE MADIKIZELA-MANDELA 2012

  26.6.70

  Saw our defence in the morning. Felt extremely happy after seeing the girls as well. I looked forward to seeing our defence as it’s the only time I leave the locked hospital. There are three other patients now admitted on Thursday after seeing the doctor. I am still not allowed to communicate with them although I am now an awaiting-trial prisoner which means the hospital should not even be locked really, it’s normally left open. After our consultation I was taken back to the hospital. Miss Nel, the wardress who was on duty, told me Matron Zeelie instructed her to take me to the others only at two o’clock.

  At about 1pm Miss Nel brought a dixie with about 2 ozs82 of biltong out of the packets, the slab of chocolate taken out of its wrapper and put on top of the biltong with two oranges on top. I was so fed up given my food in such an unhygienic manner. Last year when Jacobs did the same thing we protested to Brig Aucamp and he gave instructions in our presence that food like biscuits, raisins, biltong etc which is in any case packed in transparent paper should not be opened.

  Miss Nel fetched me at 2 o’clock after I had just been given my injections. I picked up my notebooks and the newspapers, she promptly told me that I was not allowed to take anything with me. Fortunately I had just given all the notes to my defence Mr Carlson and Mr Soggot, otherwise they would definitely have been searched and that was the idea. I decided not to protest, I left.

  We were taken to No. 9’s cell where we sat almost on top of one another and not to my cell which is bigger. No. 7 picked up her notebooks and papers, her cell was the first to be opened, she was given the same instructions. I quickly told her not to protest as Miss Nel was carrying out instructions. I repeated this to all my colleagues and that this should be our attitude right through now that we have decided that all these matters must be handled by our defence. I was not given my cigarettes although I asked for them, I was told by matron Zeelie I do not smoke. I told her I do and I want them, she just ignored me. It must have been 3.30pm when I was fetched by matron [and taken] back to hospital.

  On my return I noticed I started bleeding again. At about 8pm I had a series of black-outs each time I tried to stand up and go to the toilet. I became very dizzy, the other prisoners were still awake. I had to balance on the wall when I stood up. The two prisoners Mabel Kgosi and Elizabeth George remarked about this and wanted to know what was wrong. I took my night tablets and fell asleep soon.

  Earlier I was told by my informant that Nondwe Mankahla and the other unidentified African woman were released this morning very early. They were picked up by the Security Branch with all their belongings and told they were going home.

  27.6.70

  Reported to the head hospital orderly Mr Rautenbach that I was bleeding once more and having black-outs. He gave me a mixture for the bl
ack-outs and said we must watch the bleeding. He could not give me more injections as I had received too many already. Later in the afternoon the bleeding stopped. I was in bed the whole day. I was not taken to the others. Miss Nel had told me the previous day that she would take me to the others today as yesterday. No explanation was given – Perhaps the excuse will be that I am not well again. I was locked up the whole day as usual. The other three prisoners are still patients – but I do not communicate with them on Brig Aucamp’s instructions. My bed is still screed off. Matron Zeelie brought me two oranges at 3.30pm.

  28.6.70

  Locked up the whole day like yesterday, remained in bed the whole day. Blackouts continued especially in the morning. Not taken to the others again. Locked up since Friday. Both yesterday and today I was not even given water to wash. My informant tells me that Brig Aucamp had another hushed meeting with the matrons yesterday at 8am. I felt better than yesterday except the loss of appetite which is very bad again. Two senior members of the Prisons Department on their usual Sunday rounds came to the hospital to find out how I am. Told them I feel better. They were accompanied by matron Zeelie. We still have not been given the last Rand Daily Mail which carried a follow-up story on the second detainee. The Star was so heavily censored it’s just pieces. I intend giving it back to our attorney to see what it looks like. If this continues there is no point in bringing us newspapers. What right have they to censor newspapers to this ridiculous extent?

  29.6.70

  For the first time I was given Pronutro83 for breakfast this morning. The wardress told me matron Zeelie told her the new instructions were that I be given it for breakfast. Did not eat it, will find out from my colleagues if they were given the same breakfast, if they were not I will not eat it alone, ill as I am, we are all undernourished.

  Had the usual black-outs this morning. Reported to Mr Rautenbach. He gave me the injections, took the pulse, told me I have to be seen by doctor again.

  Showed Mr Soggot the copy of censored Star when he came this morning. Matron Zeelie removed the Star. After the consultation I was taken back to the hospital. The two prisoners discharged themselves this morning. They were moaning the whole weekend about being locked up. Am now left with one.

  82. 56 grams.

  83. A type of porridge.

  Chapter 12

  July Diary

  ACC. NO. 4: 1.7.70

  Not feeling well again. Feeling nauseous all the time. Starting vomiting after lunch. Reported to Mr Rautenbach – given treatment – white tablets to take after meals. Continued vomiting even after supper.

  2.7.70

  Vomiting much worse than yesterday. Given more tablets by the newly employed nursing sister. She thinks I am reacting to too many drugs – I take twelve different drugs a day at the moment. Am told doctor will see me tomorrow.

  In the afternoon my sister Iris Xaba called. She brought me food as usual. The parcel was taken away from her whilst we were talking. She left when we were told it was time up. Later during supper Miss Scott the wardress in charge of us brought me:

  1 chicken leg

  2 apples

  2 oranges

  Approx 1oz peanuts

  2 bananas

  She told me Matron Zeelie sent away the rest with my sister and that I am allowed just enough for one meal. I asked Miss Scott to tell matron Zeelie I would like to see her to discuss the matter with her. That I want to be treated as an ordinary awaiting-trial prisoner.

  Discussed with Mr Rautenbach the question of my discharge from hospital. He is in charge of the hospital and is a trained nurse presently doing a doctorate in Nursing.

  He told me that he does not think he will take the chance of discharging me from the hospital before the trial as the most important thing is that I should be fit to attend court. He further said I should think in terms of my discharge after the trial whatever the outcome will be.

  He said he has withdrawn all the tablets except Inderal and the psychiatrist’s prescription which he cannot withdraw, until the prison doctor has seen me. I asked him whether Dr Morgan’s tablets are the anti-depressants. He kept quiet for some time and the laughingly said, ‘You must take them so that you do not scream at me. You see the hospital is so small, where will I run to if you lose your temper with me?’

  Later in the day I developed a running stomach, stopped eating – reported to the nursing sister my condition. She said she was afraid to give me anything without doctor’s orders – that I will have to wait for the doctor.

  Brig Aucamp came to see me with Matron Zeelie. He said he had heard that I am unwell and wanted to know how I feel. He said he hoped I would get better soon so that I should attend the trial. He wanted to know whether I have any complaints. I discussed the food question with him. As usual he said I know the law says he should permit enough food for one meal and no open food stuff is allowed into the cells anyhow.

  I asked if there has been a change in the law since our detention last year as we had discussed the same thing last year and he had allowed us all the food brought by our relatives who can’t really come all the way from Johannesburg to bring one meal. He laughed and said, ‘Here we go again – even on the sick bed she can’t stop talking – alright I’ll discuss the matter with the matron, she will tell you my decision.’

  Matron said, ‘I think we should really leave it at that Brig because I haven’t got time to keep the cats from their food in my office. You should see what these relatives bring, chickens, cakes, chocolates – food enough for ten people brought for one – I can’t go through all that, I have work to do.’ Brig again said they will discuss the matter.

  I could not help but feel the malicious glee in Brig Aucamp. He was full of smiles – I suppose it’s because in the letter to my husband I told him how unhappy I am in hospital and how much I look forward to my discharge so that I would join my colleagues. I knew he had read the letter today. If there is anything that thrills him it is the knowledge that we are unhappy. He left.

  4.7.70

  Severe stomach cramps continued with the running tummy. Still stopped eating. Mr Rautenbach is off duty and sister says she is afraid to give me anything as my condition is definitely a reaction to the tablets. Did not eat the whole day – had a cup of black coffee in the evening.

  5.7.70

  Cramps better, ate porridge in the evening – in bed the whole day, feeling very weak.

  Mr Rautenbach still off duty.

  6.7.70

  Ate a little bit of porridge – stomach cramps bad again. Mr Rautenbach called from the men’s quarters to see me. He withdrew the Inderal – says he will leave only Dr Morgan’s tablets: [Tofranil] until I see Dr on Wednesday. Gave me two tablets each to take just before I eat. He says he will give me these only for today. Feeling nauseous at moment.

  ACC. NO. 4: 21.7.70

  THE VISIT AND FOOD

  On 21.7.70 Mrs Gladys Masinga one of my relatives in the ‘Maud Camp’ visited me, brought by Maud of course. She brought with her tinned food. After the visit I was taken to No. 17’s84 cell to join my colleagues. Our attorney came during the visit and had to wait for about 20 minutes so the visit was long for a change to delay our attorney.

  We had the legal consultation as usual outside. We were taken back after the consultation to No. 17’s cell. Just before we entered the cell the wardress Bezuidenhout told us in Afrikaans to ‘Trek Uit’ – undress. We all took off our dresses and she repeated the same order again. I could not possibly condescend to this order, not only that but because of my state of health. I told Bezuidenhout to search me if she wanted to and that I wanted to dress up; (I took off only the dress). I also told her that I am not well and could not afford to stand outside naked. Besides I am bleeding profusely again I told her. She then searched me all over my body and told me to dress up. She ordered No. 7 to take off her underwear. No. 7 told her to search her as she had taken off her dress. The other three accused were taking off their underwear at this stage.

/>   No. 7 had a severe altercation with this woman. Bezuidenhout was talking in Afrikaans so I did not understand her. She ordered No. 7 to go to her cell where she locked her up alone.

  We were locked up in No. 17’s cell. For the first time I was told to have lunch with the others. After 2, at about 3pm I was taken to the hospital. I was not given the morning and afternoon treatment.

  AT THE HOSPITAL

  I found my bed upside down, my creams scattered all over the floor, in fact only a few of them. All my clothes were gone, my suitcase which has the few clothes I am altering for the case as they are all too big, was gone. All my books were gone. The few tins of tinned food which were given to me by Wessels and Zeelie were gone, the rest of the creams gone.

  I had no panty to change with during the night, nor did I have any treatment for the whole day and night.

  THE FOOD

  Bezuidenhout brought me the following items: In one dixie there were a few glucose sweets, 2 halves, beef sticks, 2 rotten oranges (two pieces of cheese unwrapped). In the other dixie were the following tinned foods, all emptied in to the one dixie and spilling over: