491 Days
Page 21
Robbie was very unkind to me. He never said a thing about the children. What is the purpose of a first letter from so close a friend which omits these matters? I have not had the privilege of meeting you and look forward to seeing you one day. At Healdtown212 I was with Bangani, Ncoma and Botha – all Manyanis. Your relatives? Anyway, you must be a great girl to have extracted a promise from Robbie and what is even more important, in getting him to honour it. He has always been a connoisseur – only a woman who is a living symbol of those virtues that make a perfect spouse could have tamed him. His reputation as ravenous reader, clear thinker, orator, efficient administrator and man of action is well-known. Though cut off from friends and relatives he never ceased burrowing all the time. We will never forget him for he is a real grand guy. Treat him well, motlose ka mafura.213 Let him feed on mofutswela,214 lesheleshele215 and motoho216 – the dishes that have kept our people alive, vigorous and happy; that have produced king makers and martyrs. Zami joins me in sending you our love. My fist is firm.
Yours very sincerely,
Nel
LETTER FROM WINNIE MANDELA
TO NELSON MANDELA
3-8-70
Mfowethu,
On Friday the 31st I received your letter of 1 July. I hope you have received mine of the 2nd July. I find the telepathy between us quite fantastic. I seem to have been replying to all you said in yours in advance. I hope you also received your birthday telegrams darling. The invisible hand which has been directing our lives has made your birthday have tragic memories for it was the same date I got the painful news of our son whilst you got the news re mama’s death on my birthday. Looking back, this strange pattern has been at work for years. In the first treason trial you were Acc No 23, in my humble 1958 trial I was accused No 23 and I was 23 years when we got married, etc. etc.
I was thrilled to learn Thoko has been to see you and is looking much better. I will be writing to her soon, I did not have the courage to do so all along. I could feel from your letter how shaken you must have been after seeing her, this is why I was afraid to even mention her in my letters for I know how it is to be gnawed by painful memories behind bars, yet one of the greatest ingredients of courage is hope, hope that after all these hard knocks of life one day we shall try to make Thoko forget her misery for there is nothing you could do for her from where you are. My soul will only be at peace when I have seen her although Kgatho has been keeping me informed on her up to date. I am so glad to learn she has recovered. I do know that after seeing you she must have felt the way I felt all through the years after seeing you. She must have also rediscovered the power of her soul, a renovation of one’s spirit without which we cannot go on in life.
Today my love was one of my greatest days. What could be greater than the arrival of that moment ‘to strike the blows we have waited so long to deliver and in turning the tables against those responsible for the multitude of wrongs that are being wantonly committed against us’. Life is burdened with a species of man that does not learn either from history or from his own experience. I was so tortured when all my family turned up in court today, all in traditional dress. Daddy sent mama and our sister-in-law MaNgutyana to represent him. They looked magnificent in our attire. I was allowed to see Kgatho only though. I will write to you when I have seen mama. I learn they are trying to make arrangements to visit the girls and you. Nyanya was released in December, she was also present. I spoke to Brig Aucamp today about your wish to see her. She will apply immediately. They have all been battling to do so since my detention but I now learn their applications are unknown.
Today was like the 10th of March.217 If I were to write my biography I would say my life began on the 10th of March. Not until you have discovered what is worth dying for is life really worth living. I was discharged from hospital on the 27th of last month. My flesh is nothing more than sea shells washed up to the coast by heavy waves of stormy political seas, my soul like the sea will always be there. I would have been filled with shame if I was unable to get up and defend those ideals [that] my heroes and our patriots have sacrificed their lives for. I often thought I would never have forgiven myself if something had happened before this opportunity for I certainly did not deserve so honourable a departure. I am too small, the ideal is too great.
I now know the gravity of the last sentence in your last address. I had known its weight all along but it took me some time to discover the fact that there are only two worlds for us; in the one world life is priceless, in the other freedom is priceless and it can never be the other way round as far as I’m concerned. One of my interrogators said, ‘Is any cause sacrosanct, least of all a thankless one like this’, the same day the same lips said, ‘The Afrikaners will fight to the last drop of blood to defend the Free State’. Our just cause is a difficult one. There are the absurd pathetic contradictions one has to put up with. It makes me think of a dying horse I once watched as a child, as it dies it kicks and these kicks are more violent as life departs from the body. Yet if my honour is at stake I will stop at nothing in challenging those last kicks.
Your remarks about the last trial and the present one are quite appropriate and highly appreciated. During the last trial I watched with horror man committing political suicide with a double edged sword sharpened on his side, cutting the one who attempted to deliver the blows more than it cut me. I watched men in billowing academic gowns, an achievement I would have given my life for, stooping so low in court that I thought he needs a ladder to look at the back of a worm, so narrow minded that if he fell on a pin with his face on it the pin would pierce both eyes. There was no difference in the trial of Socrates in 7BC [sic] and this one in the 20th century. I wondered if such a man ever worries about his epitaph, priding himself as he does over his grandfather’s epitaph. I remembered not with pathos rather than bitterness that this is the absurd mind which argues that separate development is the Magna Carta of the African people but what on earth does he achieve by lying to himself? If anything it makes my task so much easier.
I was reminded of a peasant’s speech I once read, an old man who had never seen the door of a classroom. Referring to the SA situation he said something like this, ‘my lord hears I shot an aeroplane with an arrow, he laughs, I laugh too, he thinks it’s funny as so do I – when a man tells me he is stronger than the whole world I laugh. I think it’s too funny.’ He was facing the same charges I now face for having said to a state witness whilst driving past the Orlando Stadium looking at a football crowd – that they would be better off soldiers instead of playing football – perhaps the most terroristic of all my so-called activities is saying to the same poor soul – ‘that I would fight in the front-line when the revolution started’ this recurs in the present indicitment.
Uncle Marsh who is still awaiting a permit to visit went to see the children two weeks ago. He visited me last week, he states that they are a little more cheerful now especially Zindzi who was overheard by the principal saying to Zeni, ‘Mummy and Daddy are in prison they are not dead – we shall get them back one day – so what – stop crying Zeni’. Such is her spirit, Uncle will try to bring them back for the holidays to make them try and pick up weight. They are both run down physically. I wonder if you have now seen Mr Brown. I noticed your letter of June reached him on the 23rd of last month.
The great girls I am with who are a tremendous source of inspiration to me with all their clenched fists salute you and send their fondest regards, this goes for all my colleagues in fact. Thoko from Alexandra wishes to be remembered by you and Xhamela. I intimated to the defence what you said about being prepared to asssist us. Since the indictment now dates back to 1962 with Ramotse as accused, I imagine there will be all the relevance now, even more than the previous indictment.
Dad did get the bottle store, it’s now run by Thanduxolo.218 On the 1st of August his syndicate took over the Bizana Hotel, the only one, thereby depriving the white community of their only quenching place. With all the business networks he has
it was quite a sacrifice on his part to send Ma and Sisi for the trial as they run the different shops.
At the moment darling all I can tell you is that I am being educated so much. No school would have taught me what we are going through. The experience is invaluable. I was moved almost to tears when the emaciated and sickly Shanti219 refused to testify against me. Only a person who has gone through solitary confinement would know the amount of sacrifice that lies behind that single decision, a real daughter of Africa.
Tons of love my darling and a million kisses
Forever yours
Nobandla
LETTER FROM WINNIE MANDELA
TO HER FATHER COLUMBUS MADIKIZELA
9.8.70
My Dear Daddy,
I hope you are as well as I have seen you in my dreams. Sometime in March I dreamt you were seriously ill, I was so upset that I tried to get permission to write to you, this was refused then. I was very happy to learn much later in June that you were a picture of health.
A million thanks for sending Ma and the family to attend my trial. I was overwhelmed with excitement when I saw her enter the Supreme Court on the 3rd. I could see however, that she was terribly shaken, this was made worse by the fact that she was refused permission to see me. On the 5th she visited me in prison and she broke down completely when I appeared. I must confess I was myself badly shaken especially when I noticed how strained she was. Her eyes were badly swollen, obviously she had been crying from Monday. I tried as much as I could to console her but I fear I was not very successful. It was one of those situations where words become too shabby to express one’s feelings, especially when one is in the process of crossing one’s Sahara of his or her life.
She wanted details of my health which I did not give her because of the state in which she was. I told her I would write and give her a brief account. I have a heart condition which I am told by the specialists is Sinus Tachycardia (nerve heart in literal terms). I was told it is due to acute mental strain and stress as a result of the hard knocks of life, the lean years and the bitter struggle of the past few years with [minor] children who were hounded in primary schools by the security branch, children whose mother was unemployed, abandoned and therefore could not exercise the parental duties.
I am told this condition is now chronic or permanent. I was admitted to the prison hospital on the 6th of May and was discharged on the 27th of July. This time I was told by the specialist that I had hyper-ventialtion – a further complication (lack of carbon dioxide). As a result of this I lost a large amount of weight. I think this is what worried Ma a lot as she remarked repeatedly about this. I however feel much better with the present wieght she should not worry, I’ll be alright. I am receiving good medical care now. Besides medicines the doctor prescribed a pint of milk and bread which I get daily. In the past few months I was terribly anaemic, I have now improved considerably.
I was happy to learn from Ma that the businesses are all doing very well. In a letter you wrote to me in 1956 you told me to make haste slowly. I hope this was a theory you found practicable in your wealth of life’s experiences and that you are not straining yourself as you did in the past five years. Who are the other members of your syndicate which has taken over the Bizana Hotel? Since whites cannot buy liquor from Africans what’s going to happen to their thirst? Are they to travel; to Port Edward or Kokstad for a bottle of beer? I hope this will not encourage illicit liquor trading which is bound to have [un] palatable consequences. Let us hope the standard of the village itself will not be lowered with Africanisation. It was coming up so well when I last saw it in 1962.
Ma tells me my kid sister is doing Std 4 and that she is giving her classmates the same trouble I used to give mine. Please tell her how proud I am of her. It is so consoling to me to know she will do all I would not do academically. I hope you are guiding her subjects to enable her to do medicine or law. Mummy should not forget to put [her] in her passport together with Zeni and Zindzi so that when they come down to spend the Xmas holiday mummy should take them straight back to school accompanied by Zukiswa. Besides, Ma should visit the school the children will be attending next year. They were awarded a bursary by Sir Robert Birley, the London educationist who is presently visiting the country. I am sure you must have read about him in the past two weeks. I was very friendly with his wife when they were attached to the Witwatersrand University. He will be visiting the children and will also make final arrangements for their admission to Waterford.
How is my eldest brother’s stomach trouble? Has he been finally diagnosed? I hope he is looking after himself. Ma told me about Msuthu’s tremendous progress. It was exciting to see Lungile looking so well for a change although I learn he is very lazy. I think you should be a little more firm with him to help him adjust himself to daily life. Please do not allow him to roam from business to business, he must have a firm position.
I have asked Ma to take care of my in-laws’ children whom I am guardian of since my late mother-in-law’s death. Because of lack of supervision and proper discipline in my absence the eldest is already in trouble. Ma must have told you of the complete choas in my domestic affairs to which I have no immediate solution being where I am with the possibility of being away for [a] number of years to come.
I hope you will not let Mxolisi’s parents force him to do articles with just matric. He should do a degree first surely, he is very young and keen. How is Bandlakazi’s progress and Pumla? Who is the principle of the local secondary school?
Ma should bring oranges if there are still some in the garden. She should also bring a whole bag of madumbe, I so enjoyed the ones she brought me with the chicken and cakes. I felt I was right back at home.
How is granny at Ludeke and Aunt Nomadabi and Uncle Mewana? Please give them all my love. Where is Nomawonga and Thandeka? Did Batshaka ever pay back her tuition fees? How are all my uncles? I’ve always had secret childhood admiration for Uncle Laneginya’s carefree type of life and complete independence. I hope he is not anywhere near any of the bottle stores. I can well imagine him unable to serve customers because he would attend to himself first thing in the morning, then he becomes unbearably arrogant in that state. How is Uncle Peter’s hypertension?
Sometime back Nelson wrote to say he had written to you, Ma and my eldest brother but that he had no reply. Did you all receive the said letters? I hope even though you might have received them late you did reply. You must have heard about the death of my eldest stepson a year ago. This news upset him a great deal especially so soon after mother’s death. In a recent letter he recalled this incident in very sad terms, I realised that he is not over it although he takes all these things like a man. I will be glad when Ma visits him as she intends to. My own applications to see him have been unsuccessful so far. No responsible member of the family has seen him since these tragedies climaxed by my detention.
I look forward to seeing Ma once more on the 24th. She looked so lovely in traditional dress and I prefer her in it. I would have loved to have a picture of her in it. She should bring me Zuki’s picture and my brother’s kids pictures, especially the lot I’d not know. If she can manage I would like one of the bottle store as well, I know the other business.
Lots of love to all the members of the family,
Your loving daughter
Zanyiwe
LETTER FROM NELSON MANDELA
TO WINNIE MANDELA
August 31, 1970
Censor asked me to shorten the letter on the ground that it exceeded 500 words.
Dade Wethu,
Your note of July 2 was shown to me on Aug. 14 – 1 month and 12 days after you wrote it. It was the sweetest of all your letters, surpassing even the very first one of Dec. 20, ’62. If there was ever a letter which I desperately wished to keep, read quietly over and over again in the privacy of my cell, it was that one. It was compensation for the precious things your arrest deprived me of – the Xmas, wedding anniversary and birthday cards – the little things abou
t which you never fail to think. But I was told to read it on the spot and [it] was grabbed away as soon as I had reached the last line.
Brig. Aucamp attempted to justify this arbitrary procedure with the flimsy excuse that in the letter you gave his name for your address instead of your prison. He went on to explain that my letters to you were handled in exactly the same way, and that you were not allowed to keep them. When I pressed him for an explanation he was evasive. I realised there were important issues at stake which necessitate to the making of serious inroads on your right as an awaiting-trial prisoner to write and receive letters and a curtailment of my corresponding privilege. Our letters are subject to special censorship. The real truth is that the authorities do not want you to share the contents of the letters I write you with your colleagues there, and vice versa. To prevent this they resort to all means, fair or foul. It is possible that communications between us may be whittled down still further, at least for the duration of the trial. As you know, the privilege as far as my normal monthly letters to and from friends and relations practically disappeared with your arrest. I have been trying to communicate with Matlala since January last and with Nolusapho since November. On June 19 Brig. Aucamp explained that another department had instructed him not to forward these letters, adding at the same time that he was not in a position to give me reasons for these instructions, but that such instructions were not influenced by the content of the letters. This revelation solved the riddle of the disappearance of most of the letters I wrote over the past 15 months. The matter entails even more serious implications. I should like to be in the position where I can always rely on what officials tell me, but I’m finding it increasingly difficult to square up wishes with experience. Twice during July and early this month, I was informed that your letter had not arrived. I have now established that the letter was actually here when I was being given assurances to the contrary. I was also disgusted to hear from you that Marsh had been applying for a permit to see me and that he had been informed by the prisons department that there were long queues of visitors for me. Nothing could be further from the truth. I had only three visits during the past 8 months – in January, April and June. It is easy to understand why they are reluctant to allow Marsh to come down. He is in touch with you and a visit from him would not suit Liebenberg and the S.B.220 who wish to cut me off from you. I have had numerous experiences of this nature and each one leaves me sad and disappointed.