What was wrong with her?
Why were there people that were dying to have kids and couldn’t have any, and someone like her was popping them out like there was no tomorrow?
Nan had even said that they were thinking of putting her baby into care. Personally, I thought it would be for the best. I’d called the foster homes and told them that I was going to go round, but they’d said that it could unsettle them.
I’d begged them down the fucking phone to let me visit. The only one that had let me so far was Stephanie’s foster parents. The one that nearly got raped by that beast. Just as I had guessed, he had a fucking record. He was on the list for pedophiles and stupid Mum had never even known about it. Then again, maybe she just didn’t care.
As I stepped off the train, I called Nicola again. Her phone was off. I was going to see sis tomorrow and after that if I couldn’t get Nicola on the phone. I would have to go to the house.
I didn’t care if her dad wouldn’t open the door or not, I just needed to see her.
Chapter 27
Ryan
I went to Croydon and I stood at the door. It was a little red one, a small house nothing like Nicola’s. And I knew behind it was the family that was looking after my little sister. I started to sweat. I bought her a little teddy. Something to help her in case she had any nightmares as she used to do back home.
I remember buying her, her first teddy. I told her that it kept the monsters away and protected her from them all. Ever since then she slept like a baby every night. This was all I could do to make her feel safe again.
To remind her that she’s always in my heart.
“You lost, son?” this overweight woman with bleached blond hair answered the door. I opened and closed my eyes quickly, because if I didn’t know any better I would have thought that it was mum living here.
I said, “I’m looking for Rosey Gardner. She’s looking after my little sister.”
I should have said fostering, but looking after, made it seem more temporary to me. She pushed me out of the way and left. Then another dark-haired lady came to the door. She was about the same age as my mum, but there was something soothing about her, one of the women that you knew was a good mum.
She smiled, “I’m Rosey. That was a…”
A man shouted from inside, “Pest!”
Rosey said, “Come in, come in.” And I was totally lost, until the man appeared by her side, “I’m Pete. Unfortunately you can’t choose your family and that just happened to be her older sister.”
I could relate to that problem.
“Right, your sister, Stephanie is an angel,” he grinned from ear-to-ear and then my nerves kicked in as I thought about him saying it rather than Rosey.
“She’s a real gem. I was a bit nervous about you coming. I’ve met your mum and aunt and I thought…”
I laughed, “That they were like your sister.” They looked at each other and ignored my comment. I was getting annoyed about why they never wanted me to meet her. Now, it made perfect sense. They thought that I would be disruptive as I was sure mum had been when she came to visit.
“It seems that they’ve cut your mum’s benefits by quite a bit by you kids not being with her,” Pete said as he patted me on the back and then it was clear why mum was here in the first place.
Money.
That was all she ever thought about. Never working for it. Just expecting it to be handed over to her as if she deserved it.
I nodded, “Good.”
Rosey seemed taken aback by my statement. Pete quickly changed the subject and my eyes never left them. We left the living room, which was the first room you entered when you got through the front door. I was being led to the garden. It was a nice house, they had beige walls with wooden floors that led to a massive kitchen. I could only assume that Rosey loved to cook, because I had never seen such a big workspace in my life. Nicola’s house was big, but neither of her parents really bothered about the kitchen. It was funny, because the house was so posh, but the kitchen was kind of basic. But this kitchen, I thought it could have been Jamie Oliver’s or even Gordon Ramsey’s.
I stood with my mouth wide open, not hearing them talk, but just fascinated by the size of the kitchen which I wondered if it took over the whole house.
“The kitchen, everyone gets stuck in the kitchen.”
I blurted out, “It’s massive!”
Pete explained, “Well, my wife, when we had our first son, she quit her job and decided to decorate cakes just as a side thing. Now, she’s got one of the largest…”
“Oh my God, You’re Rosey Bakeries!” I pointed at her, having made the connection.
She put up her hands, “Guilty as charged.” We laughed and I could see Stephanie in the garden, pushing on the swings without a care in the world. She had a beautiful pink dress, her blond hair was in bunches and she had on no shoes.
“Stephanie hates wearing shoes, why is that?” Pete asked out of curiousity.
“Because she only ever had one pair and they were for school. Mum used to say that her feet grew too fast and it was a waste of money buying her loads cause she would grow out of them soon.”
They both sighed as I spoke, but my eyes were only on one person and the teddy that I had been hiding behind my back was now on my lap as she ran into my arms.
“Ryan, you’re here!”
I nodded, “Yes,” as I tried to fight back the tears, “And look what I brought.” She wrapped her arms around me and said, “Ryan, I don’t need that anymore. There’s no monsters here.”
I thought about my dream. The one where I thought that her being in a home could have been the better thing for my siblings. She had confirmed it, the moment she told me that she had been sleeping every night. Stephanie didn’t need a teddy anymore. I felt so much love for Rosey and Pete and I was so happy that I had made the journey. I wanted her to know that I loved all my siblings and would never ever forget about her or my brothers.
I just had to see Nicola next. I wondered if she had the same good news for me that my siblings had given me, after I saw Stephanie I finally got to see my brothers too. All those nights worrying about them only to discover that they were in a better environment and the only person that wasn’t was mum. Then again, she deserved all the shit that was coming to her. I would never help her out. No matter how successful I got. That was a promise I made to myself and her as I called her for the first time, returning one of her thousand messages that she had left on my phone asking me to get in touch.
I knew what she wanted.
Money.
I just wasn’t going to give it to her.
Chapter 28
Nicola
“Nicola, we did it!” Sharon said as she gave me a hug. My last fucking exam, I felt like going out and getting wasted, but I couldn’t. I had the abortion booked at the private clinic tomorrow and I had to keep a clear head.
“What you doing tonight?”
I should have said, ‘Crying my eyes out.’
Instead I said, “Dunno.”
“The exams HAVE finished, please move out. Take your belongings and you can leave the hall,” Mrs Campbell was trying to get us to leave the exam room. It was funny, because after every exam, we quickly left, but this time it was different. There were no other exams to study for, it really was all over. We just had to sit tight and wait nearly three months for the results.
“Charming!” Sharon sighed as she stood by my table. I looked up and for a moment I thought that maybe Michelle was going to say something to me. I should have grabbed her as we left the hall. I should have said that going to uni didn’t have to be the end of our friendship, but the way she grabbed one of the other girls and laughed told me that I shouldn’t bother. We had no friendship. Real friends didn’t behave like this, just because their boyfriend was a bit rough or their parents were going through a divorce. It didn’t mean that she was above me.
“Look if you want to hook up with Michelle, then fine,” Shar
on sounded disappointed as she patted me on the back.
“Guys, you’re coming to the park right?” Joanna asked as she came by our sides.
I was confused, I didn’t have a clue what she was talking about.
“I got the eggs,” Sharon waved them around. I think Michelle shouted out something about us being lame. Joanna said, “And I got the flour.”
They started to giggle and then I remembered that everyone used to do it in Brockwell Park after their final year of exams. They would go and throw eggs and flour at each other and sometimes the bad girls would do it to passerby's. Then they would write all over their uniform as a symbol of it being the end.
“Well, I need to have fun,”Sharon sighed, “Tomorrow I need to look for a job.”
That was what I liked about Sharon, nothing seemed to get her down. Some of the girls were like me,waiting on their exam results to go to uni. But not everyone in the world was academic and Sharon wasn’t one of them. She seemed to make the most of what she had and it never seemed to get her down.
“I could go to the shop and get some stuff too,” I volunteered, thinking about the alternative. Going to my aunt’s, whilst sitting and waiting for her to come home from work. I still hadn’t spoken to Ryan and I vowed that the moment it was all over I would call and tell him what had happened. Yes, I needed a distraction. Anything to get my mind off what was going to happen tomorrow.
“Will your dad let you?” Jo asked, and Sharon shook her head. She knew the truth about my dad chucking me out and having to live with my aunt. She never asked why, but I had a feeling she knew anyway.
“I’m staying with my aunt at the moment. I’ll tell her.”
The moment I sent the text, within a few seconds, my aunt replied saying that I should go and have fun. My parents would have never sent me that type of reply. They didn’t seem to care about my happiness, only my sadness.
“Right girls, let’s go. Who else is coming?”
There were cheers from at least ten other girls, and I saw Michelle tutting. Outside the school gates, her mum came to pick her up with a friend. That friend used to be me. Now I had real ones, the type that I could talk to and didn’t have to pretend that I was something that I wasn’t.
Chapter 29
Ryan
Another message, and her phone was off again. So I got on the bus and headed to Tulse Hill. As I walked up High Street, I stopped at the traffic light. Memories of spending two years seeing her across the street flooded through my mind and it made me smile.
The shy, pretty girl from across the street had become my girlfriend and I’d pictured her in my life, but nothing like this. I felt a lump in my throat as I reached her door. I hesitated to ring the bell, but then I did it.
Something had been wrong when she’d come to see me. I’d wanted to talk to her about it, but then I had got distracted with my siblings getting taken into care and the fact that the beast had nearly raped my sister.
I still got shivers down my spine thinking about what could have happened that night. Part of me felt guilty, maybe this footballer’s dream that I had was all about me and nothing to do with them. Maybe like Mum, I had been selfish only thinking of myself and not about them. Either way, I was going to see Nicola and, if her dad was at home, then he could at least let me just speak to her.
I remembered how he’d treated me the first time we’d met and I thought twice about ringing again, but it was too late; he opened up the door.
“What the fuck are you doing here?” he screamed as soon as he saw me. “Get the fuck off my property!”
His anger took me aback and I thought about just heading back to the hotel in Croydon and forgetting about trying to see Nicola. Maybe I would send another message on Facebook or something, and hope that she would reply.
“You fucking knocked up my daughter and then you come round here showing your face?!”
Did he say what I thought he just said?
“Nicola! Nicola!” I screamed out, thinking of him tying her up and trying to get rid of our baby.
“She’s not here,” he laughed as some of the neighbours started to open their front doors and wonder what all the commotion was about, the nosey pricks!
“Nicola!” I shouted again, hoping that she would come out and just talk to me.
“Are you fucking deaf?! I told you that she’s not here!”
Then out of nowhere, he fucking punched me. I wasn’t expecting the blow, but somehow I ended up on the ground by the gate.
And then he went back in his house as I blinked a few times, trying to see out of my bloody eye, and he screamed out, “She doesn’t live here any more. So just piss off.”
The old lady from next door, Mrs. Betty rushed to my side and said, “Are you alright? Are you looking for Nicola?” I wiped my eye with my jacket, thinking that she must have heard me screaming out her name.
I nodded and said, “Yes.” And that same lump that had been in my throat when I rang the bell appeared again.
“I can help you. But before that, let’s get you inside and cleaned up.”
Maybe I was wrong, just because they were rich and I wasn’t, didn’t mean that they were all snobs like Mr. Willis. In fact, as the old lady held my arm and helped me get into her house, I found out that she was a lot nicer then I had given her credit for, especially as she helped clean me up and told me exactly how I could get hold of Nicola. I soon remembered that Nicola referred to her as her guardian angel, the one that she would go to when she was a kid.
I soon realized why she said that as the sweet old lady offered me a chocolate cookie.
Chapter 30
Nicola
“Nicola, are you sure about this?” Aunt Marie had asked me three times at home.
In the car, on the way here and I hadn’t changed my mind, I hadn’t since leaving Manchester nearly a month ago. I needed to do this before I got my results. I’d taken my exams and they had been a welcome distraction, I didn't want to think about it. But now it was the summer and I was going to get my results and know if I was going to uni or not, and I needed to have a clear head. That meant getting rid of our baby.
“I’ve got nowhere to live. My boyfriend found out that his siblings have been taken into care and he just started his football career.”
“That’s not fair.”
“I told you that you could stay with me. I live alone in that big house and even though your dad told you not to come back home after he found out, it doesn’t mean that I won’t support whatever decision you make.”
I couldn’t put the burden on her. Why wasn’t she my Mum?
Like how did I get the short end of the straw?
Aunt Marie was everything that Mum wasn’t, and more. She said that she never had children, because she never found the perfect man. Mum used to say that it was because she was ugly. Mum thought anyone who wasn’t a size 12 was ugly. There was nothing ugly about Aunt on the outside or inside, she was a beautiful swan as far as I was concerned, which was more than could be said about my own mum.
“I’ve been here before,” Aunt Marie parked the car and whispered as I thought twice about stepping into the Marie Stopes Clinic in Brixton.
I didn’t understand what she meant, but she continued to speak as she turned off the ignition and it all hit home.
“I had one, when I was about your age.”
An abortion?
She didn’t face me, but a tear traced down her cheek as she continued to talk.
“Unlike you, I wasn’t in a relationship. I didn’t have anyone but my sister, your Mum. She wasn’t that sympathetic. And as for the dad…”
“What did he say?”
Guilt washed over me as she told me her tale about her termination. I thought about Ryan and about the fact that I was getting rid of his child and I hadn’t even given him a chance to discuss it. It felt as if it wasn’t an option for me or him the way things were at the moment.
We were young and, although we talked about our
future and we both felt the same now, I didn’t want to be like my parents. It had hit home as I’d stepped off the train from Manchester: the only thing that tied them together was me, not their love for each other. That had been lost a long time ago. That was why they stayed together, and it felt like my punishment. I would never do that to my unborn child.
“He handed me three hundred pounds and told me to get it over with quick.”
She looked me dead in the eye as they swelled up with tears and she cried as if she was reliving the past.
“I thought he loved me. Wanted to spend the rest of his life with me, but I had been a fool. All he ever wanted to do was get me in bed.”
I nodded, thinking that she agreed with my decision and knew that I was doing the right thing.
“But he’s not like Ryan. I see the way he calls you all the time. He cares about his siblings and would do anything for them. A man like that loves you. Although I’ve never met him… And I feel,” she shook her head, “I believe that you should tell him and talk through your options.”
But she’d never said that before. She’d booked the clinic and said that she would support me all the way. She’d even paid for it.
“I kept my mouth shut, because I never wanted to influence you. I wanted this to be your decision, but you came back from Manchester and said that you needed to get this over and done with. That you needed to get rid of it. So I booked it.”
That was true, I never told her that I hadn’t spoken to Ryan until after she had booked the appointment.
“If you had told me that you hadn’t talked to him, then I never would have done it. You understand that now.”
I nodded, thinking I understood her reasoning. Thinking that I would find a way to talk to Ryan, but every time he’d tried to talk to me, the conversation would divert to his problems and I couldn’t add to that, so I’d chickened out.
Rags 2 Pitches: A Secret Baby Sports Romance Page 9