Shattered Edge

by A. M. Hargrove

  We’d just finished eating in silence when my stomach started to churn over what I just put him through. I turned to him and said, “God, I’m so sorry for doubting you...for questioning your integrity. Please forgive me Justin.”

  I’d taken his hand in both of mine and then kissed his knuckles. I looked back up to him and said, “There is no excuse for my lack of trust in you so is all I can say is that I’m terribly sorry for not believing you.”

  He didn’t say anything except nod and then he pulled me close to him and hugged me. We stood together like that and I grabbed a hold of his shirt and just cried. I felt like the biggest jerk in the world. “I’m so sorry,” I kept mumbling against his chest. He let me get it all out.

  When I was able to get control of myself again, I felt like an even bigger fool.

  “God, I’m such a lame idiot. I’m sorry for treating you that way and I'm sorry I cried all over you.”

  “Look, I need to tell you something.” He took my face into his hands and something stirred in his eyes. “When I told you I loved you, I didn’t mean it for a day or a week. I meant it for life Terri. I’ve never come close to saying those words to another girl before. I take them very seriously. If, for some reason, which I know in my heart will never happen, I find that my feelings for you have changed, I won’t cheat on you. I’ll tell you and we can decide how to deal with it first. I’m not that kind of a guy, whether or not you think of me that way. I will always be true to you and I’ll always be honest.” Then he lightly touched his lips to mine, and held me tightly. His words made me cry all over again.

  He lifted me in his arms and carried me upstairs. We went straight into his bathroom, where he set me on the counter and then he took a washcloth and ran it under cool water. He wiped my face off and helped me clean off my makeup. He put some toothpaste on my toothbrush and helped me brush my teeth. When I was finished, he handed me a long strip of floss. Afterward, he helped me undress and gave me one of his t-shirts to sleep in.

  He pulled the covers back and I climbed into bed. He slipped in next to me, pulling me into the curve by his side. I squiggled in close to him and thanked him for taking such good care of me.

  “That’s what you do for someone when you love them, Terri.” I started to cry again.

  “Shh. Don’t cry anymore sweetheart.”

  I turned to him and put my arms around him. “I feel like such a shit. I’m so sorry I hurt you. I don’t want to hurt you.”

  “I don’t want you to hurt me either babe. Let’s just forget this ever happened.”

  “I’ll never forget the pain etched on your face when I got here Justin.” I put my fingers on his face and ran my thumbs lightly beneath his eyes and then across his brows.

  He kissed me again, softly. “Terri, listen, I am a little worried about someone getting into your house. Promise me you won’t ever leave your alarm deactivated or your doors unlocked. Okay?”

  I nodded. “Okay.”

  Then we went to sleep. I had to be up early because I had to run by my dad’s office to pick up some last minute things.

  ********

  My life was on an emotional roller coaster of the disastrous sort. Just when I thought things were going well, the bottom fell out. I left Justin’s and raced over to my dad’s office. I wanted to get there before he did so I wouldn’t have to see him. I know I was being a chicken, but damn it, it would be easier and after seeing him with the town whore’s head in his lap, I really wasn’t in the mood to face him.

  Pulling into the parking lot I let out a curse when I saw his car parked in his usual spot.

  Great! Just what I need today.

  Knowing there’d be no escaping this, I hauled my butt in the door and headed straight back to his office. The door was shut, and I immediately got the creeps as I remembered the other day when I came barging in to his closed office. I’d learned my lesson on that one, so I banged on his door, hard.

  Not receiving an answer, I knocked again.

  Well damn! I wondered what was going on. Then I thought maybe he was sleeping here. Maybe my mom had kicked him out or something and he couldn’t afford a place to rent. I opened the door a crack just to make sure he wasn’t asleep on the couch. I could see the couch and no one was on it. So I opened the door wider and...

  Started screaming and screaming. There was my dad, with half of his head blown off. His brains were splattered all over the wall. I started heaving and took off running for the bathroom, throwing up all over the place.

  Ohmigodohmigodohmigodohmigodohmigodohmigodohmigod....

  My hands were shaking so badly I could barely get my phone out. I hit Justin’s number and he answered all sexy like and I could only gasp and heave.

  “Terri! Where are you?”

  “Office!” I threw up again.

  “I’m on the way. Don’t go anywhere and don’t hang up!”

  “Police...police...” I couldn’t even formulate a coherent sentence. My throat felt like it was closing up except when I was hurling. I couldn’t seem to get any air into my lungs.

  “I’m in the car now baby. Just hang on.”

  “Can’t breathe.”

  “Babe, I’m gonna put you on hold and I’m calling 911. Stay on the line, okay?”

  I can’t recall the next few minutes. The passage of time seemed to move in slow motion or stop altogether. I was on the floor in the reception area thinking about how bad the carpet smelled against my nose when Justin came running through the door and tried to pick me up off the floor. I couldn’t speak...couldn’t say those awful words so I just kept pointing him to the back. He finally understood what I was trying to tell him. He ran back there and came out with a knowing look on his face. By then the police were streaming through the door and I was still on the floor trying to breathe and feeling that scratchy carpet against my cheek. Things started swimming around and my hearing started to go. I must’ve passed out or something because I woke up on an ambulance bed with Justin’s face in front of mine.

  “Terri? Are you back with us?”

  I looked around, confused. For the briefest minute, I’d forgotten that I’d seen my dad sitting at his desk with his brains blown out. Recognition and a vivid image of that horror show stung me as I squeezed my eyes shut and started sobbing, crying out, “No! No! No!”

  I grabbed Justin’s shoulders and sunk my fingers into him.

  “Why would he do that?”

  Justin pulled me into a sitting position and said, “I don’t know honey. I’m so sorry you had to be the one that found him.”

  “Oh God, I’m gonna be sick.”

  The EMT handed me one of those little bags they have in hospitals for patients to throw up in, and I heaved again.

  “Honey, the police need to ask you some things.”

  I nodded. All they needed to know was if I noticed anything unusual.

  “Oh not really, unless you count my dad with his brains blown out all over the walls. What the hell kind of question is that?” I screamed.

  “Ma’am, we’re really sorry. I guess what I should’ve asked was if you noticed whether the lock had been tampered with or if the place looked like it had been broken into?”

  “Oh shit. I’m sorry.” I rubbed my eyes again, I don’t know why, maybe thinking it would help me concentrate or something. “No, I didn’t pay attention to that. I came in and went straight to his office. The front door was locked like it always was before hours.”

  The one officer looked at the other and said, “It looks like a suicide.”

  All I wanted to do was scream. I’d been picked up by a tornado and deposited in the land of morons.

  Justin must’ve known my reaction was going to be volcanic because he squeezed my hand, hard. I didn’t care. I was quite beyond caring. I suppose when you find a loved one, even though it’s one you’ve been extremely pissed off at, with their gray matter in bits and pieces everywhere, all bets are off.

  “I know it’s a suicide, you fucking
moron!” Then I looked up at the sky and screamed, “Scotty, beam me up now!”

  Justin picked me up in his arms, cradling me against his chest as I started laughing hysterically. He took me to his car and put me inside. I saw him run back to the police morons and hand them a card. Then he was back in the car, listening to my cackling.

  My laughter soon turned to tears and I cried all the way to his house. I was on the edge...getting ready to dive off, head first. I couldn’t get the picture of my dad out of my head.

  “Justin, I’m gonna be sick!” I cried out.

  “Don’t worry about it Terri.”

  “Oh God.” I felt myself gagging, but nothing was coming up. I guess I didn’t have anything left in there to throw up. I was a fucking mess...plain and simple.

  CHAPTER NINETEEN

  Justin

  Terri! How much could a person handle? She was seriously on the borderline. I pulled into the driveway and carried her up to my bed.

  Mother fucking hell! Why the hell did she have to find him? Why couldn’t it have been that slut he was fucking?

  I called Phil Sorensen. He was on the way over here. Terri had seen him in the past. Hell, he was our friend and resident psychiatrist. Pearce and I had grown up with him. Lexi, Terri and I had all seen him as patients. Thank God he’d chosen psychiatry as his specialty!

  She was lying in bed, white as a sheet and scared as hell. I wouldn’t leave her side. I was lying next to her, holding her, telling her how much I loved her and how sorry I was.

  Phil arrived and he gave her some meds to calm her down. She was in shock, almost in a meltdown. When she fell asleep, Phil and I went downstairs and talked. He recommended that she stay with me for a while, at least until she felt like she had things on track. Phil thought she needed to start coming back in to see him again too. Everything she had been through...the business going under, catching her dad with Angela and now this, was too much for her to handle. She needed to vent and to learn how to cope with it all in a healthy manner.

  Then he looked at me and suggested that I might benefit from a session or two as well.

  “Yeah,” I agreed as I blew out my breath. “Man, Phil, you should’ve seen her when she blew up at those cops. When she started laughing, I was afraid I’d lost her. It scared the crap out of me. I’m not kidding.”

  “Stress overload. She can only process so much at once. She’s going to be fine Justin. Just hang tight here. Let her vent when she needs it. The funeral will be tough on her. Does she have any siblings?”

  I explained about her brother.

  “She can’t seem to catch a break can she?”

  “Not a single one.”

  “Call me if you need me. That sedative should last until this afternoon. The Xanax is here and let her use it as needed. It’ll keep her panic attacks at bay. I don’t think she’ll need anything for chronic treatment. Right now, let’s just get her through this acute stage.”

  “Okay. Thanks Phil.”

  “Anytime.”

  I had some schedule rearranging to do so I got Jackson and Robert on the phone. After explaining the situation, they took me off the schedule for the rest of the week. They told me if I needed more time to let them know. My secretary also said she’d handle the hospital schedule as well.

  Lexi and Pearce had to be notified and so did the rest of my family. Soon, I had a houseful of people wanting to help. I’d also called Alana to make sure she was in the loop. Lexi went by Terri’s and packed a big bag for her so she wouldn’t have to go back to her house for a few days. Pearce followed her to the office and they brought her car back too. Lexi also stopped by Mrs. Mitchell’s house to pay her condolences. She was in shock over the whole thing too.

  Every time I checked in on Terri, my heart twisted up in my chest. She was curled up into a tight ball and her face was streaked with tears. All I wanted to do was to lay down next to her and somehow find a way to absorb all her pain from her. I’d sit next to her and stroke her hair, her back anything, just to try to ease the torment she was going through.

  The afternoon sun was sinking low and the room was catching the last of its rays when I went in to check on her and she was finally stirring.

  “Hey,” she said in a gruff voice.

  “Hey yourself. Can I get you anything?”

  “Yeah, I’m really thirsty and I need to brush my teeth.”

  “Teeth and water I can do.”

  I helped her to the bathroom where she accomplished all of the above plus she had to use the restroom too.

  When I got her back in bed, I asked her, “Can I get you anything else?”

  “Yeah...You. Please.”

  I was right there for her. She clung to me like a static charged piece of polyester. Everything on her body touched mine. It was need, desperation, grief and love all rolled into one.

  “For one tiny moment of time, I want to forget this morning. Make me forget Justin,” she whispered against my neck.

  I looked into her face, just to make sure I understood what she was asking. Her eyes...the pain in them almost made me flinch.

  “Oh hell Terri. I can’t make it go away...I wish I could. But I can love you. I can do that forever.”

  “Yes. That’s what I want. I want you to love me. With your hands, your mouth, your body. I need you Justin. I need to feel something other than pain right now. I need to feel your love.”

  I kissed her. I could let her feel my love. That part was easy. My tongue seemed to have a mind of its own when it came to Terri. I would tell it do one thing, but damn if it didn’t get caught up in a whole other area. Her back...I rolled her on her stomach and started on her back...that lower part that sloped toward her ass. I’d always loved that part of her and had dreamed about doing things to it with my mouth. Well now was my chance. I began on her side and worked my way to the center, drawing my tongue along and following it up with my lips and then my teeth. I would bite her, hard enough to make her moan, tease her into a light frenzy, and then I would back down again and start imagining that I was an artist and my brush was my tongue. I painted my way down those sexy dimples she had and to the crease in her ass until she was really worked up. I knew she wanted my fingers in her, but I was going in for the slow torture. I wanted to hear her beg for it...for me. My tongue was licking the outlines of her luscious cheeks now, those absolutely perfect globes that were molded just for my hands. I nipped her then and she cried out. The sound of her pleasure spiked my own as I felt myself jerk in response.

  “Ask me Terri.”

  “Please.”

  Her legs were spread and my hands were right there, so close to her sex, but I was going to tease her now, tease her to the point of mindlessness.

  “Ask,” I commanded against the inside of her thigh, right before my mouth latched on and started to suck.

  “Ahh! Oh God Justin. Please!”

  She was so close now. I knew it wouldn’t take much to shoot her over the edge. I moved my mouth to the other thigh.

  “Say it babe.” I bit down this time.

  I was again rewarded with her moaning my name and then, “Please, Justin, I want you to touch me. I need your fingers inside of me.”

  “How many Terri? One or two?”

  “I don’t care!” she nearly screamed it out at me.

  I flipped her over and put my mouth on her as I slipped two fingers inside of her. She came almost immediately, as she fisted my hair and cried out my name.

  When the spasms of her orgasm passed, I got out of bed and pulled a large armless chair I had from the corner of the room and placed it in front of the floor length mirror.

  She was watching me with her bottom lip between her teeth. I knew her wheels were spinning, but I wasn’t going to give it up quite yet.

  I reached for her, pulled her up to me and started kissing her. I ran my tongue across her lips, pulled that bottom one into my mouth and nibbled on it a bit. Then our tongues met and did their own tango. I kissed her neck...God
her neck was amazing. She threw back her head and gave me free access as my mouth worked its way up and down that gorgeous column. The whole time she made all those cute sexy kitten sounds that let me know I was on the right track. Her breasts called out to my mouth now. My hands had been on them, but my lips were eager to be there too. When I was sure she was ready for our next round, I plucked her off the bed and took her to the chair.

  “You are so sexy, and you’ve been deprived of seeing the hottest thing imaginable. I’m going to make that happen right now. I’m going to make love to you and I want you to see what you look like.”

  I heard her gasp, which I knew she would.

  I sat in the chair and pulled her down on my lap, facing the mirror and started touching her everywhere. My hand slipped between her legs and I said, “You’re always so wet Terri. And it’s all for me.”

  I watched her lips part and she ran her tongue over her upper lip. Then she moved her hands to my thighs, at first a little hesitant, but then a little bolder. Next she took my hand that wasn’t touching her sex and put it on her breast.

  “Look at how sexy you look.”

  She leaned her head back and kissed my cheek. I took my hand and fisted it in her hair, turned her head and kissed her...hard. Then I put myself inside of her and we started moving together.

  I leaned my head next to her ear and whispered, “Now watch.”

  We both locked on to each other’s eyes as we got into the motion. As the tension built, she threw back her head and arched her hips, allowing for deeper penetration.

  At that moment when I sensed we were both going to come, I held her tightly around her waist as I grabbed her by the hair again and commanded, “Now watch yourself Terri. Watch yourself come so you can see how beautiful you are.”

  “Ah Justin,” she cried, as she came and I felt myself do the same.

  A few minutes later, she elbowed me in the ribs and said, “You’re a tease. And a bad boy.”

  “Thanks.” I pulled her against me, wrapping my arms tightly against her. “I love you Terri. I want us to stay right here just like this for a few moments. And then I’m taking you into the bathroom and we’re going to take a long bubble bath. I’m going to massage all the knots out of your back and neck, maybe kiss you a time or two and then wash your hair if you’d like.”