I Remember You

by Harriet Evans

  ‘Look, you’ve each brought your area of speciality,’ said Tess, trying to sound bouncy and hugely pleased to see them. They looked back at her blankly. ‘Joanna’s brought some carols, Jen’s brought some exciting deli-style food! Hey, come on in!’

  ‘Right,’ said Joanna pleasantly. ‘Oh, what a nice crowd. Hello—’

  ‘Room for us?’ came a voice behind the two new guests, and they jumped and turned around.

  ‘Adam. Miss Store. Course,’ said Tess, with relief. ‘Come in. The event has expanded somewhat since I issued my invitation,’ she said, thinking she sounded like Lady Bracknell. Adam stared at her. ‘I’m afraid it’s a bit crowded.’

  ‘Well, I like a bit of a do,’ said Miss Store, with pleasure. ‘How nice!’ She advanced enthusiastically into the room.

  ‘Have you had a nice chat?’ Tess asked Adam.

  ‘Er—yes,’ he said. ‘Heard all about life at the Hall. I’ll tell you later. Sounds pretty grim to me.’

  Jen and Joanna stared at Adam. He smiled politely back at them.

  ‘Good evening, you two.’

  ‘Evening,’ they said. Tess smiled at him. He held his hand open, like a maître d’. ‘After you,’ he said. They scuttled in, to be greeted with cries of pleasure from Liz, leaving Adam standing in the doorway.

  ‘What the hell is this?’ Adam muttered in Tess’s ear.

  ‘Don’t say hell, there’s a vicar here.’

  ‘What’s going on?’

  ‘No idea,’ said Tess quietly. ‘Can I ask you something?’

  ‘Yes,’ said Adam, looking around, as the assembled guests surveyed him with displeasure. He caught sight of Suggs, and raised a hand. Suggs smiled back.

  ‘It’s an etiquette question.’

  ‘Go ahead. You know I’m an expert on this kind of thing.’

  ‘How long do I have to stay at a party at my own house before I can leave?’

  Adam looked at his watch. ‘Ten minutes.’

  ‘You think? How do I…’ Tess felt awful. ‘How do I get out of here?’

  Adam thought seriously for a moment. ‘No worries. Just tell Liz you’d arranged to go for a drink with me. I do need to talk to you, actually.’

  Tess thought then how straightforward boys were. No messing about, no tying oneself into knots with a hugely complicated story. ‘Oh. Perfect,’ she said, as Joanna produced a portable keyboard from her satchel.

  ‘Hurrah!’ cried Liz, clapping her hands. ‘Guys! Guys! The music’s here!’

  ‘Brill,’ said Guy Phelps appreciatively. ‘Bloody great party, Liz.’

  ‘Yay!’ said Tess, clapping loudly, the better to later cover her tracks. She downed a glass of mulled wine that was resting on the table. Adam gave her a disapproving look.

  ‘It’s my house,’ she said grumpily. ‘Ten minutes, yes?’

  ‘Yes,’ he said. Someone plucked at his shoulder. ‘Hey—hi, Liz. Good to see you again! Yes, great party.’

  Tess watched him, watched the room filled with people laughing and chattering, watched as Liz poured drinks and Guy appreciatively watched her, watched as Miss Store opened her eyes wide with pleasure at something Joanna the vicar said to her, watched as Suggs surreptitiously squeezed Kirsty’s bottom, jolting her into expression; and she felt strangely removed from it all, as though it was happening to other people. Perhaps it was the little suitcase, poking out from the cupboard beneath the stairs, which she would shortly be packing for Italy. Perhaps it was nothing more than that, because she didn’t want to miss Christmas here. But she should have felt happy and didn’t, and she didn’t know why.

  CHAPTER FORTY-TWO

  An hour later, Tess and Adam stood at the bar of the Feathers, breathing out as if they’d both just completed a gruelling marathon.

  ‘Well, young lady, young gentleman,’ said Mick, ambling over. He shook Adam’s hand. ‘Good to see you again, son. I wasn’t in when you were here the other night, was I? How’ve you been?’

  ‘I’m pretty good,’ said Adam, clasping Mick’s hand between both of his. ‘It’s great to see you, Mick.’

  ‘Now, will you be wanting me to put you on the rota for next week’s shifts?’ Mick asked, his eyes twinkling. ‘I’ve still not replaced you with anyone permanent, you know. When you coming back?’

  ‘I might need to talk to you about that,’ Adam said. He smiled back, embarrassed.

  ‘A’right,’ said Mick. ‘What can I get you, in the meantime?’

  ‘Pint of Butcombe’s, please,’ said Adam. ‘Tess?’

  ‘Same for me, please,’ said Tess. ‘Maybe a tequila chaser.’

  ‘Serious?’ Mick said.

  ‘Almost,’ said Tess. ‘No.’

  ‘So, I hear there’s a bit of a do going on at your place tonight,’ Mick said, sliding the pint over to Tess.

  ‘You knew,’ Tess said moodily, taking a sip of her drink. ‘That’s nice. First I heard of it was when half the town started arriving on my doorstep.’

  ‘Oh,’ said Mick.

  ‘Come on,’ Adam said, gesturing to a table. ‘Come over here and stop whinging.’

  She followed him over, smiling, and they sat down. ‘Do you want some food?’ she said.

  ‘Maybe, what do you think?’

  ‘Not sure. There’ll be loads at home, I’m sure. And I might be a nice housemate and go back in an hour or so, you know. Finish off the rest of the evening. I don’t want Liz thinking I wasn’t having a good time or that I’m pissed off she’s trying to re-enact Songs of Praise in my living room.’

  ‘But you are pissed off with her for trying to re-enact Songs of Praise in your living room,’ Adam pointed out.

  ‘Yes, but I don’t want her thinking that, do I?’ Tess was shocked at his naivity.

  Adam shook his head. ‘Female friendships,’ he said. ‘Never understood them, never will.’

  ‘Liz isn’t my friend, she’s my housemate,’ Tess said, ‘and it’s much more important you have a good relationship with your housemate, frankly. Friends-well-if they’re meant to stick around, they’ll stick around.’ She clinked her glass against his.

  ‘Ah,’ said Adam. ‘I see, I see. Charming.’

  A companionable silence fell, during which they both drained their drinks. Adam scratched his neck and looked around the pub, as if taking it all in for the first time. The ceiling was covered in hanging decorations made of red and gold foil, and the casement windows were sprayed with fake snow.

  ‘We sat here that first night with Francesca,’ said Tess, speaking aloud without meaning to. She cleared her throat. ‘Do you remember? Londontown,’ she added meditatively.

  He looked at her in surprise, but she was staring into her pint.

  ‘What are you thinking about?’ Adam asked, after a pause. Tess looked up.

  ‘Oh, just that night in London,’ she said. She took a deep breath. ‘I think enough water’s under the bridge that we can talk about it, now, don’t you?’

  The rest of the pub was virtually empty; they could only hear the clink of glasses being cleared away in the silence that followed, and the faint hum of a car going past outside on the street.

  ‘Totally,’ Adam said, nodding. ‘I’m really glad you said that. I’ve been feeling like—’

  ‘I missed you so much when you were away, bruv,’ Tess said abruptly. ‘You know, I just can’t be bothered to have all these resentment things saved up against you. That’s the trouble with knowing someone so long.’

  He put his hand on her knee. ‘I know.’

  She swivelled in her seat, turning her face to his and looking up at him. ‘I never said this to you, but when you arrived in the hotel in Rome-’ She shook her head and stared back down at her drink. ‘Nah, forget it.’

  ‘No,’ he said, intrigued. ‘What?’

  Tess blushed, and then she nodded and said, ‘OK. Well…I wasn’t expecting to see you.’

  ‘Obviously,’ said Adam.

  ‘And you walked in and-I saw you like other
people see you.’

  ‘What do you mean?’

  Tess gazed up at the shelf above the bar, where a row of regulars’ silver tankards hung. They were covered in tinsel. ‘You know when you see someone without expecting to. And you see them-without preconceptions.’

  He nodded. ‘I do know.’ He smiled. ‘That’s really strange. I had the same thing, with you.’

  ‘Really?’

  ‘Yep,’ he said. ‘You just appeared, at the top of the stairs, and I didn’t recognize you. You looked-so different. I remember it very clearly. Just staring at you. All these things going through my head. Isn’t it funny.’

  ‘Why?’ said Tess. ‘What did I look like?’

  ‘Well, it’s kind of hard to explain,’ he said awkwardly. ‘How did I look?’

  ‘You looked like a man,’ Tess said, biting her lip. He gave a shout of laughter.

  ‘A man? I looked like a man. Well, that’s good.’

  ‘I mean-’ she said, nudging him-‘I always see you with all these old archaeological layers, you know. How we were when we were both five, thirteen…eighteen.’ She looked at him. ‘I saw you as a grown-up man. I know, it’s silly. But I don’t think I had before.’

  ‘Well,’ Adam said, and his voice was suddenly serious. ‘That’s how I saw you, T, that is strange.’

  ‘As a man? Thanks.’

  ‘No.’ He shrugged his shoulders; he was awkward all of a sudden. ‘You looked-like a siren. Like this beautiful woman. You had this white shirt on. You were pushing your hair out of your face, you looked so-serious. Grown-up. Beautiful.’ He smiled at her incredulous face. ‘Honestly! I suppose that’s what-’ He stopped.

  ‘What?’

  ‘That’s what falling in love does to you.’

  ‘Me?’ Tess said.

  ‘Er-yes,’ Adam replied. ‘That’s to say-I mean-you, you and Peter.’

  ‘Yes-of course,’ she said. ‘Yes, I suppose so.’

  ‘When are you going to Rome?’ he asked.

  ‘In ten days’ time. The twenty-third,’ Tess said. ‘I can’t wait.’

  ‘I bet,’ he said, looking pleased. ‘Ah. Lucky thing. And lucky him. He’s a fortunate man, I hope he knows that.’

  ‘Thanks,’ she said, putting her hand on his and smiling into his eyes. ‘Thanks a lot, Adam. I have no idea if he knows it or not. Frankly, I’ll be amazed if he recognizes me. It’s been six months…’ She shook her head. ‘I don’t know. Am I crazy?’

  ‘You’d be crazy if you didn’t go,’ said Adam. ‘You’d never know. And I’ve seen you with him.’ He finished his pint. ‘It makes sense, I’m telling you.’

  Tess shrugged her shoulders. ‘Thanks, Adam.’ She shivered. ‘I am excited.’

  ‘You should be.’ He stood up. ‘Another pint?’

  ‘Yes, please,’ said Tess. ‘Great.’

  ‘So,’ she said, when he returned a couple of minutes later. ‘Do you know how long you’re staying in Leda House, then?’

  ‘For the next few months. That’s why I want Christmas there.’ He chewed the inside of his mouth, thoughtfully. ‘By the way, I’m going up to London next week. Do you want to come with me?’

  ‘Are you joking?’ Tess asked, scanning his face.

  ‘I’m not, I promise. I have to go, something to do with the estate,’ he said vaguely.

  ‘What?’ said Tess.

  He didn’t answer. ‘And-well, I thought I’d treat you to a pre-Christmas present. To say thanks.’ He scratched the back of his neck, awkwardly. ‘And everything.’

  ‘For what?’ Tess laughed. ‘I’ve been a terrible friend to you this past year.’

  ‘No,’ he said seriously. ‘You haven’t. You’ve been the best friend I could have hoped for. And you’ve shown me up, too.’

  ‘How do you mean?’

  He looked uncomfortable. ‘I’ve treated people badly. I treated you badly.’ She shook her head. ‘Yes,’ he said gently. ‘I did. And there are loads of others. Girls, mostly.’

  ‘Everyone sleeps around,’ Tess said unconvincingly. She coughed.

  ‘I’ve come to see it wasn’t right, though,’ Adam said. ‘You know. Trying to get over my mother dying, and trying to cope with having to carry this secret around with me. I think I did Mum a disservice.’

  ‘No, you didn’t,’ Tess said, a break in her voice. ‘That’s ridiculous.’

  ‘Is it?’ Adam smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes. ‘I just can’t help thinking, if she could see me now, she wouldn’t be proud of what I’d done. How I’ve spent the last thirteen or so years.’

  Tess didn’t say anything. She hadn’t been there for him for so much of it, she’d been so angry with him, what could she say to that?

  Adam said quietly, ‘The way I drove Francesca away. The way I treated her over the summer. Man!’ He looked up to the ceiling. ‘It makes me feel really crap, when I think about it.’

  ‘Adam!’ Tess hit him gently on the arm. ‘Stop it. She knew what she was getting into. And she was ready to go back to London. She needed to leave.’

  It was true. But he was right, and he knew it, and so did she.

  ‘I spoke to her earlier,’ Adam said. ‘I’m going to see her in London, I think.’

  ‘Really?’ said Tess. ‘That’s-wow.’

  ‘Yep,’ said Adam. ‘I called her just before I went to see Miss Store.’

  ‘Wow,’ said Tess. ‘Good. Good for you.’ She wasn’t sure it was a good thing for Francesca, but she knew enough now to let them just get on with it. ‘Do you think-?’

  ‘Do I think what?’

  ‘Do you still fancy her?’ Tess said, after a moment’s hesitation.

  ‘What is this?’ Adam asked. ‘1989? Are we in a time warp? Do you like Bros or do you prefer Wet Wet Wet? Are you still going out with Daniel Mathias?’

  ‘Oh, be quiet.’

  ‘Fancy her.’ Adam made a ‘pshaw’-ing sound. ‘Honestly.’

  ‘So-yes,’ Tess said.

  ‘That’s not why I’m going to London,’ he said.

  ‘I believe you,’ Tess said, laughing, and she was glad, gladder than she could say that it was OK, that everything was OK. She raised her glass to him. ‘Thousands wouldn’t.’

  ‘Good,’ he said. ‘Let’s change the subject.’

  ‘Fine,’ said Tess, emboldened. ‘What are you going to do now?’

  ‘Now now?’ Adam blinked, looking bemused.

  ‘I mean when Christmas is over. What are you going to do with the rest of your life?’

  ‘That’s partly why I’m going to London next week. Got to see a man about a dog. Timing’s a bit weird, five days before Christmas, but I think it’s going to be good.’

  ‘Great,’ said Tess, only half concentrating. ‘So-Francesca, eh?’

  ‘You’re really not going to ask me what I’m doing, then,’ he said. ‘That’s nice.’

  ‘Of course,’ Tess said, chastised. ‘Sorry. What’s going on?’

  ‘OK,’ he said. ‘Well, it’s not a big deal, really. But I’ve put the cottage on the market and I’ve cancelled the deal with the water meadows-they’re threatening to sue me, so’s the council.’ She gasped. ‘I know. It’s no big deal, but Francesca’s got a friend, a lawyer who specializes in this stuff, who can help me.’

  ‘You’re really not going ahead with it?’

  ‘No,’ Adam said simply. ‘You know, I could try to convince myself that it might be OK. But it’s not. They should be left alone.’

  She shrugged her shoulders, her eyes full of warmth. ‘That’s great. Oh, you are doing the right thing, you know it.’

  He looked embarrassed. ‘And-’ He cleared his throat, carrying on as if he were reciting a shopping list. ‘Um, I’m going to turn Leda House into a community centre, arts centre, have plays and concerts there and stuff. And there’ll be a fund, to help finance-um, to help finance local people who want to buy their first place but can’t because of horrible down-from-Londoners like you.’ He held up his han
ds. ‘That last bit was a joke.’

  Tess stared at him, her mouth open. ‘Are you serious?’ she said eventually.

  Adam nodded. ‘I am serious.’

  ‘Oh, my goodness.’ Tess pursed her lips together, to stop herself from grinning widely, laughing hysterically, jumping up and bursting into tears and throwing her arms around him. ‘I’m having to control myself.’

  ‘So I’m going on an arts administration course,’ said Adam, ploughing on. ‘I need to know how to set up a charity, and to administer a fund like this one. We’ll need people to help…I’m going to talk to Beth, see if I can rent some rooms off her at the Hall, for offices. Kind of like the symmetry there,’ he said, and then stopped, his brow wrinkled. ‘Tess-you do think this is a good idea, don’t you? Say something.’

  Tess shut her eyes briefly and then opened them and reached for his hand. She was incredibly moved by him. ‘It’s a brilliant idea,’ she said simply. ‘Your mum’d be proud of you, you know.’

  He nodded. ‘Thanks, T. I don’t know about that, but I hope she’d be pleased with this.’

  ‘And your new grandfather too, I bet. Who knows, maybe you’ve got loads of grandfatherly relations who’ll come out of the woodwork now. They’d be proud of you too, I know they would.’

  Adam clasped her hand back and nodded.

  ‘And I’m proud of you,’ Tess said softly. ‘I’m really proud of you-’ She wanted to say ‘bruv’, in the old way, but looking at this calm, measured, mature Adam she couldn’t-she realized she knew him still, but something about him had changed, grown up, gone for ever. He wasn’t her bruv any more. ‘I’m really proud of you, Ad,’ she said simply. ‘Cheers.’

  ‘Cheers,’ he said, smiling, and they drank. ‘This is the life, isn’t it.’ He sighed, looking round the pub. ‘This is all I ever wanted. And after next week…everything’ll be even better.’ He nudged her. ‘So glad you’re going to come down to London-town with me, T. Francesca’ll be chuffed, too.’

  ‘Yep,’ said Tess, hesitating a little, and then taking the plunge. ‘Of course I’m coming. It sounds brilliant, all of it.’

  ‘It is. And you’re off to Italy straight after that,’ he said, nodding encouragingly. ‘Christmas is nearly here. Everything’s working out the way it should!’