To Protect and Cherish

by Karen Rose Smith

  Tate.

  She wished he’d awakened her. She wished she could have kissed him goodbye. She wished…

  Tate said he’d had things to sort out. What things? She was going to miss him…because she loved him.

  She wanted him around twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week. But did he feel the same about her?

  Although he liked her kids, what did he feel about her?

  When he got home, she was going to find out once and for all.

  That day, as the medicine took effect, Marie was practically back to her old sunny self. That night, Anita couldn’t believe how much she missed Tate, and so did the boys.

  “When is Tate coming back?” Corey asked.

  “I don’t know for sure.”

  “If he comes back after we’re in bed, will he wake us?”

  Anita laughed. “He might think you need your sleep.”

  “What’s he doin’ in Dallas?” Jared asked as his fingers fumbled with the buttons on his pajama top.

  The ironic thing was, she didn’t exactly know. “He said he had meetings.”

  “About what?”

  “I’m not sure.”

  “He’s probably going to build houses there, too,” Jared said as if that was the only conclusion anyone could come to.

  “Maybe that’s what he’s going to do,” Anita mused. “We’ll ask him when he comes home.”

  The next day, with Marie’s fever gone now, Anita took her to stay with Inez for a few hours while she ran errands and prepared for Tate’s return. She would fry chicken tonight for the boys so there would be leftovers. This afternoon, she would make apple-raisin pie again because Tate liked it so much. At the meat counter in the grocery store, Anita chose two thick steaks. Tate had given her a generous food allowance, and now she not only bought the steaks, but two bunches of fresh cut flowers and a candle she could light in the bedroom. She wanted him to know she was glad to have him home again.

  As she pulled a carton of milk from the refrigerated case, a male voice said, “Well, look who’s here. If it isn’t Mrs. Tate Pardell.”

  Unfortunately, Anita knew that voice. Pasting on a polite smile, she lowered the carton of milk into her basket. “Hello, Kip. Did you have a day off work?” It was around noon and she couldn’t imagine why he’d be grocery shopping now.

  Waving a hand at his basket, he explained, “Just stopped in over my lunch break. I needed some chocolate milk and chips to go with my sub.”

  He looked at her basket—the steaks, the flowers, the candle and the milk. “I guess congratulations are in order. You sure are movin’ up in the world.”

  There was no point talking to this man or trying to be polite. She put her hands on her cart and attempted to push away, but he caught the edge of her basket.

  “No wonder you never wanted to consider going out with me. That’s a shame because I’m moving up, too. I got a better job in Tyler with an outfit bigger than Pardell’s. You could come visit me now and then.”

  The gall of the man infuriated her. “I doubt if you can understand the concept of fidelity, but as before when you propositioned me, I’m married. Vows are sacred to me.”

  Angry at his leering demeanor, she added, “Even if I weren’t married, I would never consider going out with you. You’re not the kind of man I would date.”

  His expression turned hard and angry. “I guess not. My bank account can’t compare to Pardell’s.”

  When she tried to push away again, he still held her cart steady. “I guess the truth is hard to face.”

  “You wouldn’t know the truth if it bit you. Tate’s bank account has nothing to do with me marrying him.”

  “Tell that to someone who doesn’t know you as well as I do.”

  “You don’t know me at all!”

  “I heard enough from Larry. You thought you were better than he was, going to those night classes and all…drawing on your computer…thinking you were going to start some kind of business.”

  “I have started a business,” she said quietly. “I have real goals and ambition, something Larry didn’t know anything about.”

  “You always were Miss High-and-Mighty. Even when you didn’t have two pennies to rub together. Now, maybe you wouldn’t be so high-and-mighty if you knew exactly what Tate was doing in Dallas.”

  A chill ran down Anita’s spine. “He has meetings in Dallas.”

  “Oh, he has meetings, all right. Donna’s living in Dallas now.”

  That name made Anita’s chills spread through her whole body.

  “You do know about Donna, don’t you?” he asked with a smug smile.

  Still, she kept silent.

  “She and Tate were engaged. Then she got a job in Dallas and, for some reason, the wedding got called off. I never did understand it. But you know how men like to revisit their past sometimes. I imagine that’s what Tate’s doing while he’s there.”

  Anita had no idea whether Kip was feeding her truth or lies, and that was the whole problem.

  This time, when she pushed at her cart, Kip didn’t stop her, yet she felt his gaze on her back as she walked away.

  After Anita picked up Marie, she went home, put the groceries away and poured juice for her daughter. She was trying not to think, not to worry, not to feel. But she couldn’t forget the inscription on the money clip.

  All My Love, Donna

  Tate wouldn’t have kept the money clip if it hadn’t been important, if that woman hadn’t meant something to him.

  All too vividly, she remembered her marriage to Larry—the credit card statements, the shame and humiliation knowing she wasn’t enough for her husband, that he had turned elsewhere for physical satisfaction. Why wouldn’t Tate do the same? If he and this Donna had had something strong…If he and Donna had had really good sex…

  When Anita made love with Tate, she found the experience more than she’d ever dreamed. But did he? What kind of satisfaction did he find? What did he feel?

  She didn’t know.

  It wasn’t as if they were normal newlyweds. It wasn’t as if they were making love every day. Maybe Tate had worked those long hours last week not to sort things out but because she wasn’t what he expected…she wasn’t what he’d hoped.

  At midnight, Tate let himself into the house. He could have waited until tomorrow morning to drive home, but he’d wanted to get back tonight. He couldn’t believe how much he missed his new family, how he missed coming home to the kids’ squabbles and laughter, Marie’s babbling, Anita’s pretty face. The trouble was, the missing made him feel raw and vulnerable.

  What was it about being with Anita that turned him inside out? What was it about making love to her that afterward he felt he needed concrete walls around him to protect himself?

  He could have phoned Anita to tell her he was coming home tonight, but he hadn’t been sure until he’d gone back to the motel room after his meetings, felt its desolate air and knew he couldn’t wait a minute longer to get back home. On the road, he’d thought about calling her again, but it had been late. He hadn’t wanted to wake her if she’d gone to bed.

  Or was it that you just didn’t know what to say? a voice inside him whispered. Maybe you’re just afraid to tell her how much you missed her. If you tell her, she’ll have some power over you.

  The truth was, he didn’t like the idea of needing anyone. He didn’t like the idea that he was so attached to someone that if she left, the ache would never go away.

  When he entered the bedroom, the bed was empty. Then he saw her, standing beside the dresser, not looking happy to see him.

  “I thought you’d be in bed,” he said roughly.

  “I was. But when I heard the garage door, I got up. We need to talk.”

  “Is it the kids? Has something happened?”

  “No, nothing’s happened to the kids.” Her hands went to the belt on her robe and she tightened it. “It’s us. I need to know where you were.”

  “You know where I was. I was in Dall
as.”

  After a long look at him, she asked stoically, “Did you have a meeting with Donna? We may not have a perfect marriage, but I won’t stand by while you sleep with other women.”

  Donna’s name on Anita’s lips seemed incongruous somehow. “Donna? What do you know about Donna?”

  “That’s the problem. I don’t know anything about Donna. Or you and Donna. I heard you were engaged. And I don’t know what you are to each other now.”

  “We were engaged once. Who’s been talking to you about her?” he asked tersely.

  Anita’s cheeks were spotted red with her emotion, and her eyes were wide with questions. He suddenly felt as if he were on the witness stand and the judge had brought down a verdict without even hearing his testimony.

  “Kip Fargo ran into me at the grocery store. And he seemed more than willing to tell me about your lover.”

  “Fargo?” Everyone on Tate’s crew had known about Donna and seen her ring. They’d heard his plans for the future and dreams about having kids. No one knew the truth of why the engagement had been broken. He hadn’t wanted to look like a fool. No one except Garth and Sandy, that was. They had helped him get over it…get over a dream that had blown up before it could begin.

  “Why in the hell would you listen to Kip Fargo?” he demanded angrily.

  “I listened because you never told me about her.”

  In turmoil over a marriage that was changing his life and giving him feelings he’d never had before, pride rose up hard and fast with Tate’s anger. “I don’t know what Kip Fargo told you about Donna. Yes, she lives in Dallas. At least, last I heard. But I haven’t seen her since we broke off our engagement. I can’t understand why you’d make a judgment without even talking to me.”

  When he looked into her eyes, he knew why. “I am not anything like your former husband, Anita. If you can’t trust me to keep my vows, then we don’t have a marriage.” He had to get away from the doubts in her eyes, from a past that had bitten both of them too deeply to heal. “I think maybe I’ll go to my office in town and sleep there tonight.”

  “Tate—”

  Everything he was feeling was simply too much to handle and too much to talk about. He didn’t want to say something he’d regret.

  Before he did, he left.

  When Tate picked up the phone the next morning in his office, he was in a lousy mood. Beard stubble brushed his hand as he put the phone to his ear. “Pardell here,” he barked.

  “Tate, it’s Anita.”

  He was still riled up, still more angry and unnerved than he wanted to be. “We can’t discuss this over the phone. When I get home tonight—”

  “I’m not calling about us. Ruth called and she was beside herself. Warren had a heart attack and she’s at the hospital all alone. They don’t have any family nearby and I feel as if…I feel as if I should be there with them. I’m going to take the kids and drive to Houston.”

  His heartbeat was very loud in his ears as he asked, “When are you leaving?”

  “As soon as I get packed. She said the doctors won’t tell her anything, and the hospital is so big she can hardly remember where Warren’s room is. I feel I need to do this.”

  Without thinking twice, he asked, “Do you want to leave the kids here with me?”

  There were a few beats of silence. “No, I’m going to take them along. I’m not sure what I’ll do when I get there, but in the long run, it might help Ruth to have them there.”

  Thinking about packing for the three kids and making the long drive by herself, he asked, “How are you going to handle all of this on your own?”

  After a brief hesitation, she answered softly, “I handled my life on my own before I met you.” Her voice became painfully sad. “I’m sorry I had doubts about you, Tate. I doubted you because I have no idea where you stand and how you really feel about me and our marriage.”

  She was giving him an opening…if he wanted it. The problem was, he didn’t know what to say. Last night, when he’d gotten to the office, he’d been exhausted. He’d stretched out on the couch and fallen into a deep sleep, only realizing that something was still wrong when he was ready to bite a bear this morning when he’d awakened at first light.

  “I don’t know what you want me to say, Anita. We got married to protect your kids and build a family. With that has to come some trust.”

  “Are you saying you trust me?”

  Her question rattled him almost as much as the idea that she was leaving. “As I said, we can’t discuss this over the phone. If you feel you need to go to Houston, go. We’ll work this out when you get back.”

  Silent moments ticked by until she responded, “All right.” But her voice cracked on the second word. Then suddenly, she was composed again. “After I know something, I’ll call you and tell you how Warren is.”

  “Thanks. I’d be grateful for that.”

  Anita said goodbye and hung up and Tate felt lower than he’d ever felt in his life.

  Going through the motions for the rest of the day, Tate was mad as hell one minute, filled with energy that wouldn’t let him quit the next. In the afternoon, he went out on one of the construction sites and walked the property. He still found no peace.

  When he went home, he took care of the horses, but he didn’t eat or sleep. After he stopped at a fast-food restaurant, he went back to his office, stared at the burger awhile and then tossed it away. The second night on his couch didn’t deliver any more peace than the first.

  The next day, Anita still didn’t call, and he wasn’t surprised. Sure, when she did, she’d tell him Warren’s condition. But what else would she tell him? That she was going to stay in Houston and live with the Suttons?

  That flash of brilliant insight left him in an even worse mood and he told himself all he needed was a good night’s sleep in his own bed. Why he thought sleeping at the office would help anything was beyond him. He’d slept alone before Anita. He could sleep alone now.

  But the night alone in his own bed felt like an eternity.

  The following morning, he showered and dressed. When he picked up his cell phone on the dresser, he saw there was a text message from Anita. Damn. When had it come in? She must have used Ruth’s cell phone.

  Clicking on the message function, he saw Warren is stable. Will call when I know more. Anita.

  Obviously, she didn’t want to talk to him.

  Hooking his phone on his belt, he was about to pick up his wallet when he spotted the money clip lying there, holding his bills. The inscription was easy to read.

  All My Love, Donna.

  He’d kept the damn thing as a reminder that he’d been a fool, as a reminder to be cautious, as a reminder to let his head do the choosing, not another part of his body.

  All of a sudden, he realized that the part of his body that had chosen Anita had been his heart. Had she seen this money clip on the dresser? What had she thought?

  They had started out all wrong…and all right. He realized now that he had deep, abiding feelings for this woman who had become his wife. He had feelings that wrapped around him so tight he’d been afraid they’d strangle him. But they wouldn’t. Those feelings were precious because they came from the best part of him, and he’d lacked the courage to share them with her. No wonder she had doubts. No wonder she’d let Kip Fargo get under her skin.

  He remembered the night he’d told Anita how Jeremy had died. He’d felt naked. He’d thought it was enough. She’d understood everything he’d said. She’d helped him understand he had to let go of the guilt.

  Now, he understood it wasn’t enough to share a bit or a piece here or there. He had to share everything in his heart and soul with her. Then maybe she’d understand how deeply he felt about her, how deeply he loved her. He missed her and the kids desperately, and he wasn’t going to miss them another day. He wasn’t going to let another day go by without making his marriage to Anita what it should be. If it wasn’t too late. If he hadn’t ruined everything by being an arrog
ant, stubborn, prideful male.

  His foot hard on the accelerator, he made the drive to Houston in record time. With his SUV in the hospital’s parking garage, he set out to find Warren Sutton and his wife. Anita might not be here. She might be somewhere with the kids. But he had to start someplace. If he’d had any brains, he would have gotten her a cell phone when she’d moved in. Then he could have called her.

  Still, what he had to say, he had to say in person.

  The information desk directed him to the ICU on the fourth floor. The woman had explained there was a lounge up there where visitors waited until they could have their short visits with members of their family. To Tate’s surprise, Ruth and Anita were sitting in the lounge, talking. Marie was on Ruth’s lap while the boys sat coloring on the floor near Anita.

  As soon as Anita saw him, her eyes widened and her mouth dropped open. Recovering, she asked, “What are you doing here?”

  So this wasn’t going to be as easy as he’d thought. “We belong together, not apart.” He looked at the children. “I didn’t think they’d allow kids in here.”

  “I just stopped here to see Ruth before—”

  Ruth cut in. “Hello, Tate. Good to see you.”

  “How’s Warren?”

  “On the mend, we hope. He’s going to have to change his diet drastically and get a membership at a health club. If he does those things, I might have him around another twenty years.”

  As her eyes filled with tears, she transferred Marie from her lap to her shoulder. “Boys, why don’t you come with me? Let’s take a walk. We’ll go throw some pennies in the fountain in the courtyard.”

  Avoiding Tate’s gaze, Anita fished pennies out of her wallet, handed a few to each boy and gave a weak smile to Ruth as she led the twins down the corridor.

  When he turned to his wife, Tate took Anita’s hands and tugged her up. “I don’t want to do this here,” he admitted, “but I don’t want to wait another minute, either, so here goes. It’s true Donna and I were engaged. But she didn’t want me, she wanted my money. A week before we were supposed to be married, she used my credit cards to go on a spending spree like you’ve never seen. Not many people knew about that because I felt foolish that I hadn’t seen through her. But I hadn’t. So when you and I hooked up, I tried to be careful. The thing was, I never counted on falling for you so hard…or loving you so much. I’ve never loved any woman the way I love you, Anita.”