The Girl Worth Fighting for (The Girl #2)

by Julia Goda

  Shit.

  Of course it was. It’s why I had become a social worker, why I was so passionate about helping every kid who came through our doors.

  “I get you, Bobby, I do. But it’s always easier when you’re on the outside looking in. It’s easy to put things into perspective when they don’t directly affect you.”

  “Then let me put this into perspective for you. Has your father hit you? Touched you? Hurt you in any way physically?”

  I closed my eyes. I knew where she was going with this. And I hated the fact she was right. “No.”

  “Has he hurt your mom, beat her, raped her, anything?”

  “No.”

  “No. The only thing he did was fail to cope with a situation in life he didn’t expect and looked for an escape. That escape was alcohol and anger. Which left your mom and you in the dust. Now, I’m not saying you should forgive him. And I’m not saying what he did didn’t hurt you deeply and broke your faith in all things men. On top of that, being a social worker certainly hasn’t helped rebuild that faith in any way. Let’s face it, a lot of men are scumbags and worse, but there are also a lot of men out there who aren’t. What I am saying is, you need to let your hurt go enough so it doesn’t impact your life negatively now. You need to move on, take chances, live your life.”

  “Shit, Bobby,” came from Lizzy, who had been silent through Bobby’s lecture.

  Bobby sighed. “I don’t mean to be harsh, Rainey, but I’ve known you for a while now, and I call you my friend, one of my closest friends, actually. I don’t like seeing you living under that cloud. All I’m saying is, as your friend, I want you to know I’m cheering for Logan on this one.”

  “Me too,” Lizzy chimed in.

  “Shit.” I took in what they were saying, mulled it over in my head. Bobby was right; I knew she would be before she had even started.

  After that, I’d called my mom. She and Ben were having a late lunch I joined them for, at a small Italian restaurant that saw mostly locals. Their sandwiches were to die for. My favorite—called The Stacker since it was filled with the goodness of Italian meats plus roasted peppers and some delicious and fancy cheese I could never remember the name of—was already sitting on the table when I got there. I grinned at both of them.

  “Thank you. I’m starving.”

  “I swear with the amount of food you’re always packing away, you should be a man.”

  I’d heard this from my mom many times throughout my life. She always pretended to be annoyed with my eating habits and the fact I never had to diet to keep my figure, whereas she apparently had to watch every morsel she consumed. Which was bullshit. I’d never seen my mom diet a day in her life. We both liked our food, though I probably did a little more than her. I wasn’t skinny, but I was fit; had the right curves in just the right places. I couldn’t complain.

  “It’s the running. Maybe you should come with me every once in a while to get rid of the extra five pounds you’ve been carrying around for over a decade and have sworn up and down repeatedly to get rid of,” I mock-challenged her. She knew I was just giving her stick. It was a running gag between us. There were no extra five pounds she had to lose. And even if there were, she wouldn’t have to lose them. Women are supposed to have curves, not look like ten-year-old, preadolescent boys.

  “Shut up,” she said through a smile. My grin grew bigger. Then I took a huge bite out of my sandwich.

  “You look like you’ve had a busy day. I thought you were off today.”

  I chewed then swallowed before I answered Ben. “I am. But something happened last night during my shift I had to deal with today. I just now finished talking to Taryn and then Bobby and Lizzy.”

  “Must be bad if you’re calling Bobby in.” My mom’s eyes were concerned. She was proud of what I did, but also worried about me. She’d sat through many a night with me after I came home and needed a bucketful of ice cream or some hard liquor.

  “It is. But we’ve got it under control. She’s safe now.” My mom nodded.

  I took another bite when Ben remarked, “I noticed a certain truck on the curb this morning. Early this morning.” My mom tried to hide her smile. Ben didn’t. He was flat out smirking at me.

  I rolled my eyes. Then, knowing they’d figure out what was going on anyway and also wanting to share with them, I told them what had happened not only in the last twenty-four hours, but how Logan had pursued me for the past month. Then I told them about the wisdom Bobby shared with me. I had expected them to be amused and a little smug, but they weren’t either. Instead, both their eyes were serious on me, assessing and knowing.

  “She’s right, you know,” came from my mom.

  I nodded. “I know. I know that in my head; it’s my heart that’s having a hard time catching up.”

  “He’s a good man. Judging by the way he came at me yesterday morning, he’s already a goner for you.”

  I bit my lip and stared at my plate. “He kinda shared with me this morning that he is.”

  “He’s what?” Mom asked.

  “A goner for me,” I whispered.

  She gave me big eyes, then burst out laughing. Ben didn’t join in but kept his eyes on me. “Princess, look at me.” I did, still biting my lip when he laid it out for me. “A man doesn’t chase a woman he wants nothing but sex from. Especially not for over a month.” I cringed at the mention of sex coming from his mouth. He ignored me and kept talking. “A man only chases after a woman if he sees something he wants, something he knows he needs. Not just for a fling. For life. I know, because I’m a man who has done it. It took me a lot longer than a year to get what I wanted,” he squeezed my mom’s shoulder, “but once we know, we know. And we don’t give up until our chase is successful.”

  “What if that’s all it is? What if it’s just the thrill of the chase and nothing more?”

  He shook his head and leaned closer to me across the table. “It isn’t.”

  “How do you know?”

  “When did he tell you he was a goner for you?”

  “This morning.”

  “Before or after?” I scrunched my eyes in confusion. Then I realized what he was asking and murmured, “After.”

  He leaned back against the booth. “There you go.”

  “That’s it? That’s how you know he’s serious?”

  “Yup. I also know because he was ready to rip my head off when he thought you had spent the night with me. And when he did that, you two hadn’t been together yet. Yet he still considered you his.”

  “Rainey,” Mom called my name. I moved my eyes to her. “You should talk to him.”

  “About what?”

  “About your father.”

  I shook my head. “Why?”

  “So he can prove to you he isn’t like him. If he doesn’t know the demons he’s fighting, you’re not giving him a fair chance.”

  My eyes dropped to my plate. What she said made sense. But sharing would make me even more vulnerable than I already was. Telling Bobby was one thing, telling the person who I knew could potentially rip my heart out was another. It would expose me. I wasn’t sure if I was ready for that. Actually, I knew I wasn’t. But I also knew that after what happened this morning, I had let Logan in deeper already than anyone had ever been before.

  “Rainey,” Mom called again. My eyes went back to her. “You like Ben?”

  What? I looked from her to Ben then back again. “You know I do,” I said, confused. Where was she going with this?

  “You like me with him?”

  “Of course,” I answered immediately.

  “You’re glad I let him in after your father? That I’m not alone, closed off to the chance of letting myself be happy again?” The light bulbs went off in my head, and I sat up straight, staring at both of them.

  Shit. Here we go again. Someone else laying their wisdom on me.

  Neither of them said anything as they stared back at me, letting me work through it in my head.

  Then I whisp
ered, “How did you do it?”

  She covered my hand with hers on the table. “It wasn’t easy and it took time until I trusted him fully. But I knew that if I didn’t open my heart again, I would be lonely and die an old spinster. I didn’t want that, not for me and not for you. I needed to be a good example for you, so I took the plunge and told him what he’d be fighting against, letting him decide if he wanted to take that on. He did and proved to me he was in it to win. He proved it every day. Still does.”

  “I don’t know if I can do that.”

  “Tell him. Let him decide like I did Ben. If he doesn’t fight for you, if you’re not what he wants, you’ll know.”

  I swallowed and nodded my head. “Okay,” I breathed.

  “He’ll take you on, Princess. The way I see it, he’ll take on anything and anyone who dares to put themselves between you two. Even you.”

  “You think?”

  “I know.”

  Now I was in my car on my way home and I was running late. I’d stopped at Lucy’s to check in on Ashley and make sure she was doing all right. She was okay, considering the circumstances, and seemed to like Lucy. I was positive she’d settle in quickly. I’d texted Logan to let him now I was running about twenty minutes behind. He’d texted me back, saying not to worry and to drive safe.

  I turned into my street and found a parking spot only two houses down. When I walked up to my house, I noticed Logan’s truck right up front, but didn’t see Logan in it, nor was he waiting on my front porch. I unlocked the door and heard music playing when I pushed it open, as well as cooking noises in my kitchen. The smell that welcomed me was delicious and made my mouth water. I dropped my bag and went to the kitchen. Logan was standing by the stove, about to drop the pasta into the boiling water.

  “How did you get in?”

  He turned and smiled at me. “Your mom let me in.” Ah. “You’re not mad she did, are you?”

  I shook my head. “No. I’m not mad.” And I wasn’t. Just like I hadn’t been mad yesterday morning when he had rummaged through my cabinets to find my travel mugs, I wasn’t mad now.

  “Good.” He turned and dropped the spaghetti into the water, then walked to where I was standing in the doorway and planted a kiss on my mouth before he took me in his arms. “How was your day? Everything good with Ashley?”

  I stared up at him.

  I liked this, really liked it, coming home and finding him in my kitchen, cooking dinner for the two of us. I liked it so much, I knew I had to follow my mom’s advice, and do it quickly, before I was in too deep and he would completely destroy me when he left.

  “I need to talk to you,” I rushed out before I could change my mind.

  He frowned down at me but kept his arms around me. “What happened? Did that asshole come back and—” I shook my head, stopping him. “No, not about that. Ashley’s fine. Everything is fine.” I watched as the anger disappeared from his face, though his body didn’t relax completely.

  “Then what is it?” His eyes were wary as he waited for me to continue.

  I closed mine and spat it out quickly, like ripping off a Band-Aid. “I need to tell you about my father. I need to tell you what he did that created my need for my dating rule.”

  His body had tensed again. He leaned back and tipped my chin up with his finger. I opened my eyes and looked into his. They were welcoming and understanding, and surprised, and a little angry as well. “Not that I’m complaining. I want to know what he did that made you so guarded. I need to know. But what brought this on? I usually have to dig for you to tell me anything about yourself.”

  “I talked to my mom.” My voice was small and timid. I cleared my throat and added, “And to Ben. And Bobby and Lizzy,” in a stronger voice.

  His lips twitched. “You’ve had a busy day.”

  “You could say that.”

  He waited.

  I sighed.

  Then I took a deep breath of fortification and laid it out for him. “I’m going to tell you so you can decide if you meant what you said this morning or if I’m too much trouble.”

  The welcome and understanding went out of his eyes, while the anger intensified. “Nothing you tell me will change my mind, Rainey.” His voice was firm and a little annoyed.

  “You don’t know that.”

  “I do.” He gave me a squeeze, underlining his determination. “Is what you’re gonna tell me gonna change the person you are?”

  I shook my head no.

  “Is it gonna make you less compassionate, less caring, less loyal?”

  I shook my head no again.

  “Then it’s not gonna change the way I feel about you. Rainey, I knew you were guarded before I took you on. I knew I’d have to fight my way in there. You don’t know this about me yet, but I’m not someone who gives up. I fight for what I want, even if the something I have to fight is the same thing I’m fighting for.” That sounded almost exactly like what Ben had said. He leaned in closer to me so that all I could see were his eyes. “I want to know everything there is to know about you, because I want to know you. Just like I want to tell you everything about me there is to know, because I want you to know me. It’s part of what I meant this morning when I said you were mine and I was yours. So, yes, tell me about your father. And anything else you want to tell me. But do it knowing it won’t change my mind. Or my heart.”

  His eyes were so sincere, I had no choice but to believe he meant every word he said. So I told him about my father while he finished cooking dinner and we sat down to eat. I told him everything. From how we had been thick as thieves when I was a kid, to how I’d started training with him, to that fateful night and everything that happened after. I didn’t leave anything out.

  We were on our second glass of wine and our plates were empty by the time I came to the hardest part.

  “I will never forget the day those papers came in the mail.” I emptied my glass then watched as Logan refilled it. “My mom and I had just moved out of the apartment we had stayed in after we left a few months earlier and moved into this house. He didn’t just send the divorce papers. He…” I took another big gulp of wine to give me a chance to swallow the lump in my throat. “He surrendered his rights as my father. He…he wanted nothing to do with me. He gave me up. Didn’t even want me to have his name. I…I didn’t understand why he would do that, what I had done to make him throw me away like I wasn’t even his daughter. I still don’t.” My voice was nothing more than a whisper now as the memory of that pain and feeling of loss overwhelmed me. The tears that had collected in my eyes threatened to spill over. I watched through the blur as Logan got up, pulled me up with him, then led us both to the couch in the living room, and sat down with me in his lap. He brushed my hair out of my face with soft fingers before he cupped my face with both hands and kissed my lips.

  “I’m sorry, baby,” he whispered against them when he was done, then kissed me again, with his lips closed, just a gentle touch. I kissed him back just as softly and leaned against him. He touched his forehead to mine and said, “I can only imagine what that felt like. And I understand why that made you guard yourself against letting anyone in. You were trying to protect yourself. But, baby, why do you think telling me would change how I feel about you?”

  I held his eyes as I let my fear show. “He’s my father. If he can’t love me…There must be something wrong with me if my own father can’t—” His hands tightened on my face, interrupting me.

  “There is nothing wrong with you. What he did is on him and no one else. He’s a fool to have thrown you away like that, for turning his back on someone so precious as you and your mother.”

  “But—”

  “No, Rainey. It is not your fault he couldn’t cope with losing a fucking fight and losing the only thing important in life. It’s not yours and it’s not your mom’s. It’s his. His alone. Do you understand?”

  “I…”

  “I know what it feels like when you think your father doesn’t give a shi
t about you, baby, but you can’t take that on. You can’t take responsibility for someone else’s choices in life.”

  “Your father doesn’t give a shit about you?”

  “He cheated on my mom when I was ten. She kicked him out and raised me on her own. I was disappointed and hurt he ripped our family apart. I hated him. I didn’t understand how he could throw away something so good, something so important. When my mom wouldn’t forgive him, he turned into an even bigger asshole. Never paid child support, treated my mom like shit. I felt helpless. All I could do was watch as he tore her down again and again. He wouldn’t leave her alone for the longest time, would show up and yell at her, call her names. And I could do nothing. It made me so mad. God, I was so mad all the time. I got into trouble, fought a lot. If Pete hadn’t found me and helped me channel my anger, I don’t know where I’d be today. So I know. I know what it feels like to be let down by a parent, by someone who is supposed to love you unconditionally. But Rainey, it wasn’t my fault he treated us the way he did. It wasn’t my mother’s fault he cheated on her. And it wasn’t your fault your father abandoned you and your mom.”

  I nodded.

  “And hear me, baby. Knowing what I know, having been on the receiving end of being left behind, do you think I would ever do anything like that to you? Do you think I don’t know how precious what I have in my hands is?” He brushed his thumbs across my cheekbones, making it clear he was talking about me, driving home his point. “Do you think it would even cross my mind to ever let you go?”

  The tears that were still blurring my vision spilled over and ran down my cheeks. He caught them and kissed the tip of my nose. “I’m not your dad. I’m not stupid. I know what I’ve got and I won’t throw it away. Not over your fear, not over fame, not over anything. And you know why?”