The Girl Worth Fighting for (The Girl #2)

by Julia Goda

  I shook my head in desperation and disbelief. No. That couldn’t be true. He didn’t come back. Mom would have told me. My eyes found her, but the question died on my lips when I saw that she too was looking at my father in shock. “You didn’t see me. Neither did your mom.” My father swallowed and took a deep breath before he continued, as if he needed to gather his strength to move on. “I was sitting in the car on the curb, giving myself a pep talk, when you walked out of your house. You weren’t alone.”

  I cast my mind back to the time just after we had moved into the house. It had been almost a year after Mom and I had moved out of the house we’d shared with him. I hadn’t been in a good place, was moody and bitchy, angry at the world. We had been new to this neighbourhood, didn’t know anyone. A fresh start was what Mom had said we’d needed. So the only person who could have been with us back then was Ben. At first, I didn’t like Ben. At all. But then again, I didn’t like anyone, least of all myself. So I’d made everyone’s life around me a living hell. But Ben hadn’t been affected by my constant sourly mood, had been understanding and laid back with me most of the time, gave me wise but firm words when I needed them other times, and had broken through my wall of misery fairly quickly, mostly because he made my mom laugh again.

  My father’s eyes flickering to Ben for a moment confirmed my thoughts, as did his next words. “Ben was with you. And the three of you were laughing. Ben had his arm around your shoulder and you were laughing. You looked happy. It was in that moment when I realized that I was too late. That I had truly lost you. So I gave you what I thought you needed and what I have to admit, I needed. A clean break.”

  “A clean break,” came from my lip in an astonished whisper.

  My father nodded. “I thought that would be best. I had behaved like an asshole, drove you away, didn’t fight for you, for us. I knew I disappointed and hurt you both so much, it would be hard for me to win you back. And when I saw you with Ben, I wanted to give you what you needed. But, Rainey, it wasn’t me throwing you away. It was me removing myself from your life so you could start fresh.”

  “That’s the stupidest thing I have ever heard.” Yes, that’s what I said. It was what I felt. Did he really think not having him in our lives would be best for us?

  “I know that now. I’ve known that for a while. And believe me, I’ve lived in hell every day in the past decade, knowing I lost you.”

  “Let me guess. You were too weak to face us, even though you knew you made a mistake.” I couldn’t help it. I wasn’t ready to give in to the compassion I knew I was feeling, needing to hold on to the anger a little longer.

  “I was,” he agreed. “But would you have talked to me?”

  I shook my head. We all knew I wouldn’t have. Still. “That shouldn’t have mattered. You should have tried until you were blue in the face.”

  “You’re absolutely right. I should have. And I’m so sorry, baby girl. So very sorry. For everything I’ve done. And everything I didn’t do. Every word you said to me is the truth. I don’t deserve to be a part of your life. I threw that right away, but I didn’t do it lightly, and I didn’t do it without looking back. I never got that close again, but I kept tabs.”

  Hearing him apologize felt good. I hadn’t known I needed those words from him, didn’t think I’d ever get them, but hearing them felt like a balm on my soul.

  “You kept tabs?” I didn’t give him my forgiveness, but I knew he knew I was giving him something when he closed his eyes in relief for a moment when he heard the hope in my voice. Logan heard it too and felt it when my body relaxed against his, causing his to relax with mine.

  He nodded. “Went to your high school graduation. Your college graduation. Knew what you did for living. You didn’t see me, but I saw you. Not often, but I did.”

  “That doesn’t sound like a clean break,” I muttered.

  He didn’t answer verbally, but shook his head while his face remained serious.

  Then he said in a quiet but hopeful voice, “I know it’s a lot to ask, and I won’t expect you, either of you, to forgive me for what I’ve done, but I would like to be a part of your life again, an active part, however you may take me.” His voice broke on the last word. It was hard to witness and even harder to hold on to any of the fury that had burned my insides only minutes before.

  “You’ve missed a lot. I’m not the same girl I used to be.”

  That made him smile. “Princess, if what I’ve heard from Logan is any indication, you’re even more magnificent now, and I couldn’t be prouder.”

  I flinched at him calling me Princess, but I didn’t lash out. I let it run through me. It still hurt, but it didn’t destroy me like it had this morning. Then something occurred to me and I had to know. Somehow his answer to the question that was sitting heavy on my heart was more important than any other. He’d kept tabs. “Did you know Mom was sick?” My voice was little more than a whisper. I knew if his answer was yes, I wouldn’t be able to ever forgive him. If he had known and chose to leave us to our fate without offering his support, I wouldn’t be able to accept him back into my life. Ever.

  My breath left me and relieved tears filled my eyes at witnessing his eyebrows scrunched together then his eyes widen in concern on Mom. “You were sick?”

  I looked beside me and saw Ben holding Mom much like Logan was holding me. Her cheeks were red and tears were streaming down her face as she nodded. She’d been crying for a while.

  “How sick?” My father asked.

  “Very sick. Cancer.”

  It was my father’s body that rocked back in shock this time. He studied her with tortured eyes before he whispered, “I didn’t know. I’m so sorry. I didn’t know.” He sounded lost. Nobody said anything as we all gave him a minute to collect himself. When he did, he asked, “But you’re okay now?”

  My tears fell right along with Mom’s when she shook her head no and said, “I was. Now I’m not. But I will be.”

  A tortured “Sarah,” was all he said. It was all he needed to say, all he could say. It was written all over him. The guilt, the self-hatred, the remorse, the devastation. And witnessing that, I couldn’t hold on to any of the anger that had burned in me for so long. Watching my father’s reaction to the news of my mother’s illness, knowing he would have come back if he had known, I let it go. All of it. And for the first time in over a decade, I took a clean breath, feeling it all the way down to my soul.

  “We will be okay.” The meaning of my words was clear. I knew this when my father’s eyes met mine once more, this time with gratitude and love. We looked at each other for long, emotional moments until Ben broke the silence.

  “I don’t know about you, but I need a drink. Who’s in?”

  “Fuck yeah,” Logan agreed.

  “A beer would be good if you’ve got one,” my father chimed in.

  “Definitely.” That was me.

  “I bought champagne to celebrate. It’s in the fridge, honey,” Mom told Ben.

  Logan and Ben moved toward the fridge to get drinks, giving us a moment, while Mom and I stayed where we were, and so did my father.

  “I’m glad you’re back,” Mom said when she went in for a hug. He held her tight and closed his eyes. “Me too, Sarah. Me too.” She leaned back but kept her hands on his shoulders. “We’ll talk. But for now, let’s enjoy the moment with a drink and some food.” Then she kissed his cheek and went to set the food on the table.

  “Can I ask for a hug from my daughter?” His question was tentative and unsure. I slowly nodded and less than a second later, I was in his arms. “I’m so sorry, baby girl. So fucking sorry,” he whispered brokenly in my ear.

  “I know, daddy,” I breathed.

  His arms convulsed around me, squeezing the breath out of me.

  Then he let me go and raised his hand to cup my cheek. “Thank you, Princess.”

  “Jay, beer.” Logan handed my dad the bottle, then held out a can to me. “Here’s your soda, baby.”

&nb
sp; I narrowed my eyes at the drink in his hand. “I don’t want a soda. I asked for a beer.”

  “That might be so, but you aren’t having one.”

  “And why is that exactly?”

  He raised his eyebrows, looked down at my stomach then back up again, and gave me a smirk. “Can’t be too careful.”

  He had to be shitting me. “Logan! I am not pregnant!”

  “You don’t know that.”

  “Well, you don’t know if I am for sure either. And you let me drink wine the other night!”

  He ignored the last part and focused on the first, repeating himself. “Like I said, can’t be too careful.” He was still grinning at me.

  Ugh! I had just endured the biggest drama imaginable. I needed a drink. “Baby, you can’t—” I didn’t get to finish my sentence, seeing as Logan’s mouth was hard on mine and his tongue was going deep. I was so surprised all I could do was hold on to his arms as he devoured me.

  Holy crap!

  When he let me go, he leaned his forehead against mine. “You just called me ‘baby’.”

  My surprise and, I have to be honest, desire, turned into instant irritation. “I already told you I love you. I didn’t think a ‘baby’ would elicit such a reaction. What if I call you pumpkin, or darling, or munchkin, or some shit like that? You gonna stick your tongue down my throat in front of my family then too?”

  “You are such a smartass.”

  “As if you don’t like it,” I mumbled while glaring at him.

  “I do. And to answer your question, yes, I will absolutely stick my tongue down your throat in front of your family, my family, hell, the Pope if the fancy strikes me. And you’ll love every second of it.”

  “You wish.”

  “I know.” He grinned. Then his grin turned into a soft smile and he said gently but proudly, “I’m so fucking proud of you, Rainey.”

  My irritation was swept clean away, and I melted into him, which earned me another kiss, soft and gentle this time.

  “Now, take your soda and sit down so we can eat.” I threw a mock glare over my shoulder after he turned me toward the table and gave me a not so gentle slap on my ass.

  Ben and my dad chuckled, while my mom laughed softly.

  “Still feisty, I see.” My eyes flew to my dad and turned from a glare to smiling at seeing the pride and love in his.

  “Oh, you have no idea,” came from Ben. “It’s mostly amusing. Though, be glad you missed the tail end of her teenage years.”

  I rolled my eyes to the ceiling then focused on my still laughing mother. “Feed me before I kill someone.”

  “See? Amusing.”

  Ugh!

  That caused more laughter. I ignored them all and sat down, then loaded up my plate the second Mom put down the bowls. But the second I felt Logan’s hand squeezing my thigh and his mouth whisper, “I love you,” at my ear, I forgot everything else and enjoyed our first real family dinner in a decade.

  Chapter 19

  Logan

  WAITING WAS NOT ONE OF RAINEY’S strengths.

  She got up for the tenth time in the last hour and anxiously started pacing back and forth in the small waiting room.

  “Rainey, come sit down,” he said in a calm and soothing voice after about two minutes of watching her. Her eyes flew to him.

  For the past ten days, she’d been nothing but strong for her mother, had been optimistic, upbeat, had played her game of pretending life was going on as if nothing happened without complaint. On the outside at least. At night, when they settled on the couch in front of the TV or were in bed, he could tell her mind was constantly whirring with worry. At first, she’d tried to downplay it, but it only took one reminder for her to remember he was her safe haven. From then on, she’d been nothing but real with him, no matter her mood or the situation. He loved that she shared that with him, that she felt safe enough to rely on him and trust him with all her feelings, though he didn’t like the cause behind them. His woman was stressed, and right now, there wasn’t much he could do about it other than try to soothe her and make sure she knew he was there for her, which she did.

  Rainey was a fighter, like him. She had proven that numerous times through the last very busy week and a half.

  First off had been his mother. The morning after the big blowout at Sarah and Ben’s house, his Mom had called and requested them over for dinner the next night.

  “Let me check with my girl, Mom. We had a busy night last night.” Logan heard Rainey giggle. They were still in bed, and it had indeed been a busy night, though that wasn’t what he’d meant. She tilted her head on his naked and now slightly shaking chest and smiled up at him. He grinned down at her, reading her thoughts, then squeezed her equally naked hip where his hand was resting.

  “Mom wants us over for dinner. Does tomorrow night work for you?”

  She shrugged. “Sure. I don’t have another night shift until Friday.” Logan didn’t like the thought of her working night shifts. The shelter was in a bad part of the city, not the worst, thank god, but bad enough. There was always a male staff member on at night, mostly Jimmy, but Logan still didn’t like it. But he respected Rainey’s job and wouldn’t bring it up. Instead, he was going to ask Taryn to be scheduled to share Rainey’s night shifts with her. They were always low on men working at the shelter. He was sure she wouldn’t pass up the opportunity. And if she did, he’d just make sure he spent as much of that evening and every other evening she was on with her at the shelter like he had the last time when he’d brought pizza and they’d watched a movie with the kids.

  “Tomorrow night works, Mom.”

  “Great, honey, I can’t wait.” She paused for a moment, then asked, “How is she doing?”

  Logan sighed. That was a really good question. A lot had happened yesterday. The drama at the diner, the heart-to-heart at the waterfall, the cathartic confrontation with her father, her mom’s wedding announcement, and the first dinner with her mother and father at the same table in a decade. His girl had been through the emotional wringer in the span of twelve hours. Logan had to make sure she was all right, had to keep his finger on her pulse, but he didn’t want to push her last night. She’d had enough and needed time to digest everything.

  “She’s fine, Mom. It was a rough day for her, but everything is going to be all right. I’ll make sure of it.” Rainey squeezed his middle at hearing his words, which he returned. He also added a kiss to the top of her head.

  “Of course, she had a rough day. She found out her mom is so sick she needs surgery. That’s not something you deal with easily.”

  Logan sighed again. “That’s not it, Mom. At least not all of it.” He hadn’t had time yesterday to fill her in about Jay being Rainey’s father. She wouldn’t like it. Not Rainey being Jay’s daughter, but what he had done and how he had kept it a secret. His mom considered Jay and Pete part of their little family, as did he, and she wouldn’t condone behavior like that. She would especially hate the fact Jay had abandoned his daughter. It would open up old wounds, and she would act on the emotions that caused. But there was nothing he could do about it. He had to tell her.

  “Rainey and I found out yesterday that Jay is Rainey’s dad, Mom.”

  He heard her gasp at the other end of the line. “What?”

  Then Logan proceeded in telling his mother about everything that happened yesterday while he held his girl firm in his arms. Rainey stayed quiet and mostly relaxed as she lay pressed into his side while she listened. His mother didn’t. Stay quiet, that is. First she was shocked and upset for Rainey, which then turned into outrage and flat out anger, for Rainey as well as for him, and probably for herself as well.

  “You are kidding me,” she said after Logan finished. Her voice was practically vibrating, that’s how mad she was.

  “I’m not, Mom.”

  “I hope he’ll exhaust himself trying to make it up to his daughter. He better work his ass off.” She was close to shouting now. Rainey tilted her head b
ack to catch his eyes, then raised her eyebrows in question. She’d heard.

  “He will have to if he wants her back for good. And if he doesn’t, it’s his loss. And by saying that I don’t just mean Rainey.”

  There was a pause filled with heavy silence. Then, “You’ll drop him if he doesn’t make things right?”

  “Absolutely.” There was no hesitation in his answer. Rainey raised her torso off of his and supported her weight on her elbow while keeping her other hand on his chest. Her eyes were now serious and worried on him. Conflicted. He softened his and leaned forward to kiss her forehead reassuringly. He didn’t think it would come to that. Jay had been genuine when he’d confronted him and then again last night when Rainey did. Logan had no doubt he would do anything in his power and more to be the father he had once been, the father he wanted to be again, the father he had been to Logan for years.

  His mother knew what he meant.

  She was silent again for a moment before she said, “I need you to give me Rainey’s mom’s number. I want them over tomorrow night as well. We’re a family now, and family supports each other always, but especially in difficult times.”

  God, he loved his mom.

  “I’ll text it to you.”

  “Good. Now I’m off to kick a certain someone’s ass. You can expect him to show at the gym with his tail tucked between his legs.” That was all she gave him before she hung up. Logan chuckled as he hit the end button then dropped his phone on the nightstand.

  “What’s funny?” Rainey asked.

  “Jay is gonna get an interesting wakeup call this morning.” He was still chuckling as he imagined what would go down when his mom got his hands on him. He was proud of her, proud of being her son. She wasn’t going to bust Jay’s balls for herself; she was doing it for Rainey. And he couldn’t be prouder.