“I would like that,” I said quickly. He paused in the doorframe and I could have sworn I felt a surge of emotion in my chest that didn’t come from me.
“I’ll go find you some clothes then,” he said. I used his absence to retreat to the bathroom and start a bath. It wasn’t really a bath because I wouldn’t leave the stopper in, but it was close enough. With only the hot water nozzle turned up and steam clouding the air, I stepped into the tub and began to wash myself.
It certainly wasn’t my first bath since I’d come back, but I took more time with it. I savored the blistering heat that couldn’t burn but came close. Just like the fire, it straddled the line of an invisible limit that would never be crossed, but I liked to dance on it.
I washed my hair clean with the same citrus smelling shampoo I’d been using for the last few days, taking care to try and untangle the knots in my growing hair. Before it had been shorn at my jaw, and already it was to my shoulders.
I finished my bath and stood to wring out my hair, twisting it in a tight swirl. Droplets of water fell, echoing across the bathroom walls. I flicked my fingers to flip the switch for the fan while simultaneously reaching for a fluffy black towel. The mass of soft material settled around me like a cloud, pulling all remaining moisture from my skin before I patted my hair dry.
Every movement was quiet. Deliberate. I was preparing myself in a sense for what came next.
Without delaying any more, I set the towel aside and turned my eyes to the mirror before me.
My lungs constricted for a moment and I fought the urge to look away.
It’s not like I could unsee the face before me. Or the eyes.
Nor could I change it.
All that was really left was to accept it.
Hesitantly, I lifted my hand to the glass, resting it there beside my reflection.
Two eyes with two pupils ringed in three circles of color.
The closest to the pupil was my own eye color. Grey as slate. Turbulent as a coming storm. Familiar enough that my heart squeezed in my chest.
The next ring was violet, purer in hue than any color my eyes had been before. The glow from behind them wasn’t as unsettling as I would have expected.
Then came the onyx. This band was a true darkness, so devoid of light that it did not glint or shine. It was the darkness that I always saw when I looked at Aaron, but only now realized that even he couldn’t quite get right. My own brand of darkness. My demon.
I stared at the proof of what I’d done—what we’d done—and I couldn’t find it in me to feel afraid. Not anymore.
A series of knocks ricocheted across the small space.
“I’m leaving your clothes on the bed,” Aaron said.
I didn’t hear him retreat but knew when he was gone. The emptiness sat in my chest almost as heavily as the surge of belonging my demon felt when I looked in the mirror. I didn’t really want to think about either, so I exited the bathroom and focused on dressing.
The dark grey cargo pants hung low on my hips, lower than I was used to wearing, but I didn’t complain. Clothes were clothes, and anything beat walking around in his clothes, even if the t-shirt he gave me was an exact replica of The Beatles one I’d worn my first day here. I smirked to myself and slipped it on, sauntering out into the living room feeling a little bit more like myself.
“Ready?” I asked.
Aaron looked up from the book he was holding and snapped it closed instantly. His eyes roved from the hair of my head to the combat boots he’d brought me to replace the ones that we abandoned in the earthquake.
“Let’s go,” he said softly. We walked to the elevator, quiet as always, and I found it uncanny how easily we had fallen into this routine.
“Will Keyla be there?” I asked absentmindedly.
“She will, but she’ll be sitting at another table.” I ignored the spark of disappointment my demon felt and settled into an impassive state.
The elevator dinged as the doors opened.
“Will the others be as distrusting of me as Amber?” I asked, stepping out into the empty hallway. Aaron stiffened, but quickly recovered and followed after.
“It’s not that Amber distrusts you. She doesn’t understand what you’re going through, but she’s starting to. The rest of the team is a mixed bag, but they all asked to see you.” He led us down a wide corridor with off-white walls and polished hardwood floors. The sounds of people talking, and clinking plates drifted from down the hall.
“And you?” I asked. “You understand what I’m going through?”
The snark in my voice sounded hollow, even to me. Genuine curiosity was creeping through and I wondered if he heard it too.
“You are not the only one the bond madness affects. In many ways, it’s worse for me because I can actually feel it. Being Supernatural, you can’t sense the depth with which it runs, but maybe that’s for the best.”
My heart shuddered in my chest. Is that what he thought? If so, I didn’t understand how he could even say it without a shred of resentment.
My steps slowed just outside two massive double doors where the dull roar was coming from. I glanced up at him, my breath coming in short, shallow bursts.
“Tell him,” Violet chided at me. “Go ahead. Do it.”
I inhaled once and held my breath.
“I feel more than you realize.” It was the smallest of confessions, but I knew it reached his ears the moment I stepped in front of the doorway. He inhaled sharply beside me. His only tell that my words affected him. We strolled into the room side by side with ambivalent faces and a building tension.
No one knew it; no one but us.
The roar seemed to quiet as more people looked up from their tables at us and began whispering. They thought I couldn’t hear it when they leaned over to their neighbors across the oak tables. That because they were Shifters, and I a Supernatural, that I didn’t possess the same level of hearing.
Oh, but I did.
I heard every single one of them and it took everything in me not to turn and run because there were too many. Too many voices. Too many people. If it weren’t for the sheer size of the hall and dim lighting, my instincts very well may have carried me away.
“Tolerance,” Violet told me. “Endurance.” I urged my feet to keep moving. “Listen and learn.” I came to a stop at the table in the very center where faces I hadn’t seen in too long watched me.
The air was still, the anticipation mounting.
Maybe it wasn’t such a good idea—
“Pay up,” Alexandra declared.
“Damnit, how was I supposed to know he’d be able to convince her,” Amber whined. She dug a twenty out of her pocket and Alexandra grinned into her salad. It was almost like old times.
“You were betting on whether I’d come down?” I asked. My voice was quieter than the others, but it seemed I still had that magical ability to silence a room with only words.
“They were,” Blair cut in. “I was smart enough to not even attempt at guessing what you would decide.”
I smiled at that and my heart thawed a little more.
“She’s my sister. If anyone can predict that mind of hers, it’s me,” Alexandra boasted. It was such a one-eighty from the last time I’d seen them, that all I could do was stare.
And then, going against everything I was and abandoning all pretenses of how this dinner would go—I laughed. It wasn’t a strong boisterous laugh, and certainly not the snorts that Keyla seemed to be able to draw from me, but it was something.
“When I don’t surprise you anymore, you’ve known me too long,” I said. Half the table went very still. The half that lived with me. That boxed with me. That grew up with me.
It was the first thing I said since coming back that was reminiscent of the old me.
“Welcome back, sister,” Alexandra said, breaking the silence.
The corners of my mouth tugged up in a small smile.
“It’s good to be back,” I said quietly.
“You know, we did come down here to actually eat,” Aaron broke in beside me. Instantly, two seats appeared, one between Alexandra and Amber, the other between Blair and—
“Scarlett?”
“Aye, in the flesh,” the girl in front of me murmured. I took my seat between her and Blair, letting Aaron sit across from me.
“I hadn’t realized you were back as well.” I took the plate that was passed to me from down the table.
“Earthquakes are good at making you get yourself together,” she replied lightly. Her voice still rang with a hint of sorrow, but she was here. Functioning. Liam sat on the other side of her, their hands intertwined beneath the table.
“At least something good came of it.”
I meant it. The knowledge of what I’d done was still a bitter pill to swallow.
Scarlett didn’t say much after that, so I took to listening while I ate. Catching up with the rest of the team by following their body language and conversations.
Next to Alexandra sat Tori, of all people. I hadn’t spoken to her in so long, I didn’t know what we were anymore. During my rampage, I refused to even acknowledge her existence because of who her brother was, but here she was, months later, laughing and smiling beside my sister.
Good for her. At least they had each other all this time, even if I never saw it.
Moving down the table, past Aaron and Amber, sat Oliver. He whispered back and forth across the table with Johanna, who sat on the other side of Liam. It was nothing nefarious or cunning, but still irked me.
Who was I kidding? He irked me. Period.
“Have you seen her eyes?” he asked, very carefully avoiding my gaze. Johanna nodded.
“She has changed,” the golden beauty said.
“Yes, but how?”
“I can only assume, given her aura, but I think it’s for the better. Something happened while she was sleeping, and she is not the same person she was,” Johanna murmured.
Well, she was right about that. I had changed, but something told me she wouldn’t think it was for the better if she knew the truth.
There was only one other at the table that looked like he felt as out of place as I did.
Alec sat on the opposite end from Blair, and given their history, I didn’t wonder why. A lot may have changed while I’d been asleep, but some things never would. Blair’s cold, hard, unyielding nature was one of those things.
She was loyal to a fault, but when you betrayed her…there was no earning her back.
It was one of the things I’d always appreciated about my cousin; appreciated enough to train her. To befriend her. I wondered how she was after all this time, but I suppose sitting on the end by yourself is telling, isn’t it?
We always were loners. Two people that never quite fit in. I kept my mouth shut and averted my eyes to the pork chop on my plate.
“You’re very quiet for someone who’s been gone,” Blair whispered beside me, pulling me from my musings.
“You learn a lot more listening than asking questions,” I said softly. She nodded, sipping her water.
“Do you ever think it will be like it was before?” Her lips barely moved, but her question struck true. I took a bite of my dinner and chewed slowly, thinking about how to respond.
“No,” I settled on. “I think we can be better.”
She wasn’t expecting that answer. I could tell by the tilt of her head and shrewd gaze.
“It really is you,” she said.
“I never left. I just needed to figure out my own shit,” I said honestly.
“And have you?”
I looked up at the candlelight coming from the golden chandeliers. The tiny flickering flames called to me.
“No, but I will.”
Chapter 20
I was getting ready for dinner the next evening when Kayla barged into the bedroom. The door bounced off the wall leaving a small dent where the lock turned in the center of the handle. Her eyes flashed from the wall to me, her cheeks flaming.
“Shit—I mean—I didn’t mean to do that—you know…” she trailed off, smiling in a kind of awkward apology while scratching the back of her head. I rolled my eyes, tugging my shirt down over my stomach.
“Not like I have room to talk.” I shrugged and my wet hair brushed my shoulders, transferring tiny droplets of water I hadn’t been able to shake free. Keyla chuckled and slowly pushed the door flush against the wall.
“We’ll just keep that between us, right?” There was a mischievous glint in her eye. “And if my brother asked, it was you,” she added.
I snorted. “Why would I tell him it was me?”
Keyla grabbed my arm to start pulling me through the apartment. While she still hadn’t said what she came here for, her manhandling was a clue.
“Because he won’t get mad at you,” she insisted as she pulled me out the door.
“Fair enough. Mind telling me where we’re going?” Keyla dropped my arm like she only just realized what she had been doing.
“Dinner. Duh,” she said and motioned for me to follow like I was the slow one here. I shook my head, chuckling under my breath.
“That doesn’t explain why you’re dragging me to it,” I said. We stepped into the elevator and she hummed impatiently, shifting side to side.
“Because I have to arrive with you before my brother gets there or he’s going to make me sit at the kids’ table,” she whispered conspiratorially.
“What’s so bad about the kids’ table?”
“They’re all butt nuggets and nose pickers,” Keyla griped. I snorted to myself in mild disbelief and utter amusement as the elevator doors opened. Keyla straightened up and motioned for me to go first, following closely behind.
There were so many people in the hallways it was impossible to walk side by side. Must be because we were early. Not all the Shifters had gone to the dining hall yet.
We rounded the corner and my steps fell short on what I saw.
Aaron had beat us to dinner, but instead of sitting at our usual table, he was hanging with the rest of his kind around the doorway…and Jessa was hanging on him. She leaned in close, wrapping an arm around his waist as she did so. Her rose-colored lips angled upwards as she moved to whisper in his ear.
“This is how it should be, Aaron,” she said huskily. Her long, lithe body pressed against his and Aaron went very still. He looked past her to see…and saw me.
I cocked my head and raised an eyebrow but turned to go to dinner without him.
“Selena, wait!” he called out, much louder than needed, but I wasn’t sticking around for this. I told Keyla I’d eat dinner with her so she didn’t have to sit at the kids’ table, and that’s exactly what I’d do.
“Ohmigawd—I never liked her—Jessa’s being a total skank—” Keyla said loudly behind me. The dining hall went quiet and I just knew.
I took a deep breath, stopping directly beneath the massive chandelier that lit the entire hall. Keyla was only a few feet behind me, and behind her was Aaron; behind him, an obviously pissed off Jessa.
“You’d rather a Supernatural be our next female Alpha, Keyla?” she asked in a high-pitched voice. I rolled my eyes at the dramatics of it.
“I’d pick Selena over you any day,” Keyla piped off. “Not that any of our opinions matter because she’s my brother’s signasti. Aren’t you, Selena?”
Aw, hell. Why did she have to do that? Drag me into this? The last thing I wanted was to risk getting pissed in the dining hall and leveling it.
I stared at Aaron who stood with Jessa at his side. Her arm was no longer wrapped around him, but she stood close enough it didn’t matter. My demon wanted to smite her from this world, but that wasn’t my call to make. Not for something as insignificant as this.
If he wanted to screw around with Shifter girls, then that was his prerogative. Clearly, he hadn’t changed that much.
As soon as the thought had formed, there was another presence pressing against my mind, looking fo
r a way in. Except unlike Lucas, I had no idea how to block this one.
“It’s not what you think,” his voice whispered in my mind.
I mentally lashed out at him, sending a wall of straight power between us. He inhaled sharply as I shrugged my shoulders to the rest of the room. Not confirming or denying. I knew it would piss him off, his control was wearing thin, but I didn’t really care so long as I kept mine. The Shifters could think what they wanted. I grabbed Keyla’s wrist and started to forcibly drag her to the table.
“What are you doing?” Keyla protested loudly. “You can’t just let her talk about you like that. It’s not the Shifter way—”
“I’m not a Shifter, Keyla,” I snapped. And it’s not like this is the first time I’ve seen him wrapped around other girls. Guess I know who kept him company while I was gone.
Hurt flared down the tethered bond between us as he took in my actions. An acute anger followed…rage. Hell. I had a feeling I was going to get a front row seat at what it meant to be the Shifter Heir.
“See how she cowers from a challenge?” Jessa projected, clearly not sensing the building storm inside of Aaron. “See how she disrespects our Alpha? She’s no signasti, she’s—”
“Silence!” Aaron commanded.
Jessa broke off mid-sentence, but I wouldn’t turn. I wouldn’t give him that satisfaction.
“Selena.”
He said my name like a command. As if the same power he possessed over the Shifters would somehow stop me as well. I kept walking.
“Selena,” he repeated. Harder this time. My demon whimpered, wanting to go to him, but even she wouldn’t fight me on this. I kept walking.
“Selena.” Someone grabbed my arm, and with the tension in me coiled tight, it took all of my self-control not to jump and lash out. I tried to walk, but he held tight, somehow every bit as strong. I schooled my face in a neutral mask. “Don’t walk away from me.”
Don’t walk away? That’s what he had to say?
“You sound like Lucas,” I replied. The grip on my arm tightened, but not to the point of hurting. Bruising. Where Lucas had no problem manhandling me in anger, it seemed that Aaron drew the line there.
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