Once A Pirate

by Bold, Diana

  Last night had been everything he’d imagined and more. In her arms, he’d felt at peace for the first time in his life.

  But it couldn’t last. Kate wasn’t his. She could never be his. He wanted to scream with the injustice of it all. He’d never asked for much out of life, never wanted anything but a home and someone to care about. But it seemed that the things most men took for granted were to be forever denied him.

  Daniel waited on the bottom bunk in their cabin. The self‐satisfied smirk on his brother’s face brought Talon crashing even further back down to earth.

  “Well, how did it go?” Daniel queried, looking up from the book he was reading. “Did you deflower my wife?”

  Talon merely glared. He stalked across the room to the cold basin of water Kate had used to bathe his wounds yesterday. Wringing out the washcloth, he brought it to his face and washed the perspiration from his brow.

  For a long moment, he just stood there, staring at the wall, a vein pulsing in his jaw. “It’s done,” he muttered at last, tossing the washcloth back in the basin. “I’ve fulfilled my part of the bargain, and I damn well expect you to tell Sutcliffe to live up to his.”

  “What if it doesn’t take? Who knows, it might be months before your work is done.”

  Talon closed his eyes, both horrified and elated by the prospect.

  Daniel was right. He hadn’t really thought that far ahead, stupidly assuming it would only take one time.

  How would he bear it, deceiving her time after time, watching the love in her eyes grow? How could he bear knowing that as soon as he’d gotten her with child, he’d have to give her up?

  He turned around, focusing his fury on Daniel. “Don’t make light of this, you bastard. This is your fault, all of it. If you’d been man enough to do the job yourself, Sutcliffe would have left me the hell alone.”

  “Don’t you dare stand in judgment of me.” Daniel’s voice was low and furious. “You expect me to pity you because James Sinclair turned you from his door? Well, think again. I wish I could have gone with you. There are worse things in the world than poverty.”

  “Spoken like a man who was born with a silver spoon in his mouth.” Disgust laced Talon’s every word. “I would have given my soul for the things you take for granted.”

  “And I’d have given mine to be you. Absolutely free, sailing the world without a care with no one but yourself to disappoint.” There was a longing in Daniel’s voice Talon couldn’t fathom. How could Daniel be so foolish? Didn’t he know how lucky he’d been?

  “You had a father!” he cried. “You don’t know how it feels to be all alone. You never had to fight and struggle for every bite you ate. My God, Sutcliffe is willing to sacrifice the lives of seventy men just to give you a son. Doesn’t that mean anything to you?”

  “If you think he’s doing this for me, you’re a fool.” Daniel turned away, his shoulders rigid with anger. “You don’t know a damn thing about it. I could have made love to Kate. Hell, it isn’t as though I’ve never been with a woman. And whether you believe it or not, I do care for her. I care for her very much.”

  “Then why didn’t you? God damn it! I deserve to know the answer.”

  There was silence for a very long moment, and Talon was sure his brother would once again laugh him off, leaving him angrier and more confused than before.

  “Did you know my mother killed herself?” Utter despair laced Daniel’s voice when he finally spoke. “Sutcliffe drove her to it. He made her life a living hell.”

  Talon’s anger drained away. He knew what loving Sutcliffe had done to his own mother. “I’m sorry.”

  Daniel shrugged. “She killed herself to escape him, because no matter how often he beat her, no matter how often he beat me, she would never give him the answer he sought. She would never admit she’d lain with someone else.”

  “He doesn’t believe you’re his son?” Suddenly all the pieces started to fall into place.

  Daniel shook his head, and Talon was stunned and humbled by the pain in his brother’s eyes. “He did when I was young, treated me like a damned prince. But then, when I was twelve, I had a tutor who used to punish me for poor tests scores by making me perform sexual favors…” He trailed off and squeezed his eyes shut. “Anyway, Father caught us. It was right after he’d sent you away, and as he beat me, he told me he wished he’d kept you instead.”

  Talon sank into the cabin’s lone chair, feeling utterly drained. He hadn’t counted on this, had never imagined Daniel had been cast aside as cruelly as he had, perhaps even more so. “Are you telling me he planned this all along? That he never intended for you to bed your own wife, whether you wanted to or not?”

  Daniel opened his eyes and met Talon’s seeking gaze. “You’re the son of his heart, Talon, the one he’s proud of. He doesn’t want my tainted blood muddying up his line. On my wedding day, he told me he’d kill Philip if Kate became pregnant before he had a chance to set this whole complicated scheme into motion.”

  “Christ.” Talon bowed his head, soul-deep fear chasing away the last remnants of his anger. “I can’t let him have my child. I won’t let that son of a bitch get his hands on another innocent life.”

  Daniel shook his head, pity in his eyes. “The only way you can keep him from doing that is to sacrifice your men. I’m sorry. I wish there was some other way.”

  Talon felt as if he were suffocating. He couldn’t stand being in this cabin even one more second. He got to his feet and headed toward the door, hesitating after he’d opened it. “Go talk to Kate, Daniel. She’s afraid what she’s done will hurt you. Let her know you understand. Tell her you’re not angry.”

  “Of course,” Daniel whispered. “Of course.”

  * * * * *

  What a pathetic son of a bitch you are. Daniel flopped down on his bunk after Talon had left. The web of lies and deceit his father had forced on him was unbearable.

  He found himself liking Talon, something he never would have expected in a thousand years. After all, he’d spent years building his hatred for the brother who was everything he’d tried and failed to be.

  Talon the perfect. Talon the brave. Talon the hero.

  When he thought of all the times his father had sung his brother’s praises, all those dark, black moments he’d tried so hard to forget, he wished desperately for the tenuous calm he’d only managed to find at the bottom of an opium pipe. Perhaps the lack of that old, familiar escape was the worst part of this hellish journey. He would have liked to ignore the whole situation, pleasantly drifting along in a drug-induced haze. Instead, he’d been forced to get to know his brother and his wife, only to find he liked them both and didn’t want to see them hurt.

  Talon loved Kate, loved her fiercely and passionately. Daniel had never known such love existed. What he had with Philip didn’t even come close.

  It made him wonder what it would be like to have a relationship that was based on something other than sex and drugs. He’d been thinking too much lately about what might have happened if his father had allowed him and Kate to have a child together.

  For the last week, he’d watched Talon, wondering if his brother might somehow figure a way out of this mess. He’d decided perhaps he could live without Philip, could even stay in the godforsaken Carolinas and remain celibate for the rest of his life, merely for the pleasure of watching his father thwarted just this once.

  But in the end, his father had won, as he always did.

  Poor Kate. Talon was right. She was probably beating herself up over what had happened. He should do as his brother asked and go to her.

  And he would. In a little while. But first he was going to write a letter to Philip and let him know he would be coming home soon.

  * * * * *

  Kate woke late in the afternoon. She stretched, reaching for Talon in the bed beside her, only to find herself alone.

  Her body still tingled, and she was sore in a very agreeable way. She smiled when she saw the rose on the pillow besi
de her. “Talon,” she whispered, loving the sound of his name on her lips.

  She wondered where he’d gone and if last night had been as special to him as it had been to her. Never in all her wildest fantasies had she dreamed making love to him would be so beautiful, so consuming.

  She slipped out of bed and reached for her nightgown, suddenly self‐conscious of her nakedness. As she slipped the fabric over her head, she saw the dark red stain on her sheets.

  Letting the concealing fabric slide down over her hips, she reached out a trembling fingertip and touched the dried blood, sobered by the dreadful finality of it.

  There was no going back now. She would never be innocent again. What would happen when she saw Talon? Would he act as though nothing had happened? Or would he take her in his arms, kiss her and tell her he loved her?

  And what about Daniel? What did he think about this whole mess?

  She bathed with the chilly water left over in her basin and then dressed, knowing she couldn’t put off facing him any longer.

  A few moments later, she opened the door to the sitting room. Daniel looked up from the desk, hastily shoving the letter he’d been writing into the drawer. Standing, he took her hand and escorted her to the chair. “How are you feeling?”

  His concern made her burst into tears. She had wronged him in the worst possible way, and still he was being nice to her. “I’ve done a terrible thing. I’m so sorry.”

  “Hush.” Daniel patted her awkwardly on the back. “It’s all right, Kate. I understand.”

  “How can you understand? I don’t. I’m not the kind of person who does things like this.”

  “Yes, you are.”

  She glanced at him, stung, but he grinned and waved a dismissive hand.

  “You were meant to be with a man like Talon,” he clarified. “Besides, I’m hardly in a position to begrudge you any happiness you might find.”

  Her cheeks grew hot when she thought of the rapture she’d found in Talon’s arms. He did make her happy. Happier than she’d ever been.

  “You’re blushing.” Daniel sat back and gave her an appraising glance. “So, tell me. Was it everything you’d thought it would be?”

  “More,” she admitted, her face flaming even hotter. “So much more.” It seemed odd to be discussing this with Daniel of all people, but she was grateful for the strange friendship they’d forged.

  She desperately needed to talk to someone, and her very unconventional husband gave her a freedom not many women had. She realized nothing she could say would shock Daniel. He’d never judge her, because he’d done things far worse than anything she could even imagine.

  “It was wonderful. Magical.”

  He smiled. “I’m glad. Truly, I am.”

  Deciding she might never have the courage to bring the subject up again unless it became imperative to do so, she forged ahead. “Can I ask you something?”

  His smile slipped as though he sensed the gravity of what she was about to ask him. “Of course. You can ask me anything.”

  She stared at him intently, determined to read the truth in his face, no matter how he answered. “What would you do if I were to have Talon’s child?”

  Something hot and bright flickered in Daniel’s eyes. She thought it was elation, but it disappeared so quickly she couldn’t be sure. All the same, it gave her a bad feeling, and she suddenly regretted her openness.

  “I would be very happy. The child would be of my blood, the son of my heart, if not my loins. Besides, that would solve all our problems, wouldn’t it?”

  The cold feeling in the pit of her stomach intensified. She shook her head, trying to deny it. “Don’t say anything like that in front of Talon. I wouldn’t want him to think…”

  “Think what? That you had an ulterior motive last night? That you wanted to have his child so you could return to England?” Daniel watched her closely, obviously expecting her to admit that what he said was true.

  “I didn’t. I swear to you, it never even occurred to me until this morning.”

  “Didn’t it?” Daniel’s soft blue eyes were pitying. “It occurred to me.”

  Chapter Seventeen

  Talon ignored the seething hostility of Percy’s crew and strode to his usual place at the bow. Thank God this was almost over. He wanted to get back to his men and back to the helm of a ship where he belonged.

  Closing his eyes, he clenched the oak rail and leaned into the wind. The ocean spray washed over him, clearing some of the cobwebs from his mind. Unfortunately, that left more room for memories of last night.

  Warmth flooded him at the image of Kate, flushed and beautiful, her pale limbs bare in the early morning light. She was incredibly sweet, passionate yet innocent all at the same time.

  When he’d made love to Kate, he’d felt as though he’d come home. Until last night, he hadn’t even known what he was missing, but now he knew with deep, dark certainty that home for him would always be where Kate was.

  He’d done the unthinkable. He’d fallen in love with the only woman he could never have. Swallowing convulsively, he tried to control the loss, the utter despair of letting Kate and his child go.

  There would be a child. He knew it with every fiber of his being. It was unbearable to think of bowing out of the picture while his father and Daniel raised and corrupted his son.

  Or daughter. God, the thought of a lovely little green‐eyed daughter left him breathless.

  “I can’t do it,” he whispered. “I won’t give her up.”

  A strange sense of peace washed over him when he realized he was far from powerless now that the deed had been done. He would leave Kate for a little while, just long enough to find his crew and warn them of the danger Sutcliffe posed. His father’s reach was not infinite, after all. He would split them up, find them new, safe berths.

  Then he would return. He would make himself a perpetual thorn in his father’s side.

  It killed him to think of living without Kate until then, but he promised himself he’d find a way to remain near her. Even if it meant returning to England and remaining there for the rest of his life.

  He wasn’t quite sure how long he stood there, his mind racing with new possibilities, but gradually he became aware of the fact that the wind had turned.

  So far, their crossing had been blessed with fair weather, but he’d made this trip dozens of times and knew the heavy clouds gathering in the west meant trouble. They were heading into something bad.

  He glanced up at the bridge where Percy and his first mate were pouring over a map, their faces tight with concentration. Good, it looked as though they were on top of the situation.

  Longingly, he thought of the rain slicker in his cabin. He had a feeling he’d be needing it, but he wasn’t ready to face Kate. Not yet.

  * * * * *

  Kate remained in the sitting room until after Daniel had gone to sleep. Her stomach was upset again, but she wasn’t sure if it was because the ship had begun to buck alarmingly beneath them or her anxiety about facing Talon again.

  He’d remained on deck all day, and with each hour her heart broke a little more. What had she expected? That he’d stay by her side, share his thoughts and dreams with her?

  She meant nothing to him. She was merely the only woman available on which to spend his lust. She’d been a fool to imagine he loved her.

  Daniel had betrayed her as well. He didn’t care that she’d made love to his brother; in fact, he seemed happy about it. He wanted her to have Talon’s baby so he could claim it as his own and return to his lover in London as though nothing had ever happened.

  He’d been writing a letter when she’d first seen him this morning.

  He’d looked so guilty she suddenly wondered again what he’d been writing. Striding across the room, she jerked open the desk drawer and retrieved the letter from its hiding place. She wanted to remind herself she wasn’t the only one who’d been unfaithful. She wanted to know what Daniel and his lover wrote to each other abou
t.

  Dearest Philip,

  It’s done! Last night my brother and Kate were intimate. Surely, the coveted heir will quickly follow.

  I haven’t enjoyed playing the mediator, constantly reminding Talon of all he stands to lose if he doesn’t do as our father wishes while subtly trying to let Kate know I wouldn’t mind if she decided to have an affair with him. I like them both more than I ever expected to, and believe it or not, my conscience has troubled me greatly the past few weeks.

  Talon was hard to manage, as you might imagine, but last night I finally pushed him into making a choice. He chose Holyoke and the other boons Father promised him over his own honor and Kate’s virtue.

  I must admit I was a little disappointed. I thought he might resist his obvious attraction to my wife and risk it all just to thwart the old bastard, but it turns out my dear brother is only human, after all.

  So, things have worked out just the way my father planned. If Kate isn’t already with child, I’ve no doubt she soon will be, and then I shall come back to you…

  Kate let the letter slip from her bloodless fingers, unwilling to read any more. She felt as though she’d been punched in the gut. Both the men she cared about had used her in the most despicable of ways. They’d plotted her seduction, spoken of it to each other while she lay sleeping unsuspecting in the very next room.

  Sutcliffe, of course, had been behind it all. He’d bribed his bastard son with an estate in hopes of getting an heir of his own blood. Daniel had been all too willing to play along. He’d schemed to become her friend, done everything possible to encourage her relationship with Talon.

  “Talon.” She sank to her knees in the middle of the floor, slain by the knowledge that every sweet word, every tender touch had been a lie. She had loved him, damn it. She loved him still.

  She pressed her hand to her stomach, praying she wasn’t pregnant.