Amaranth

by Rachael Wade

  “Oh. Right. Got it.” And I did. I guess it wasn’t ideal to volunteer information about your vampire haven to your mortal girlfriend. “Well, why are you bringing me here now? I thought you were being bribed to keep me away from your kind.”

  “Those weren’t the instructions,” he hollered back. “I’m keeping you away from Andrew, in particular. And for the record, I’m not being bribed. Gavin’s a friend of mine.”

  Awestruck, I followed him through the clouds of smoke, observed the hordes of monsters around me. Glasses in hand and fangs bared, some huddled around the small stage to watch the band play; others talked intimately on smooth, sultry-red-velvet couches that looked like they belonged in the eighteenth century. Black eyes followed me as I walked, made me feel as if I’d inadvertently rung the dinner bell.

  “Here, have a seat.” He led me to a pub table in the back corner of the club. It was still noisy, but secluded enough to have a conversation without having to yell at one another.

  I sat at the table with my arms folded, glanced warily around me. “I should be home.”

  “No one is going to hurt you when you’re with me.”

  “I’ve heard that one before.” I shot him a dirty look, kept my guard up.

  He sighed, ordered us drinks. Growing tired of me already, I was sure. I could relate. I was tired of myself.

  “All right. Enough of the sulking. I brought you here to explain things to you, I thought that’s what you wanted.”

  “No, I don’t want—”

  “What do you want?”

  I looked at my beer, smelled it before I took a swig, just to make sure. “I want out of this nightmare I wound up in, that’s what I want. And I’m not sulking.”

  “No. You’re just wallowing.” Joel took a sip of his drink, glanced around at our many observers.

  “Excuse me? Who do you think you are? I just met you, and you’re already insulting me. You have no idea what a rollercoaster this has been for me. It’s like one big freak show. My own personal horror romance movie.”

  A couple sat down at a table next to ours. The woman whispered something as she peeked over at me. I looked away when we made eye contact.

  “Actually, I do know a little something about what it feels like to be thrown into a world of monsters without any prior warning.” He gestured for our server again. That was fast.

  A tall, lanky blond man eyed me as he approached the table. “What can I get you?”

  “I’ll take another warm light, please, and another beer for my friend.” The waiter nodded, turned to head back to the bar.

  “Is that what you’re drinking? Warm blood?” I shuddered, made a disgusted look.

  “What do you think we drink in here? Relax.”

  “You’re right.” I exaggerated my smile. “Relaxing sounds like a great idea, thank you.”

  He chuckled.

  “I could be drinking your blood right now, but I choose not to. What would you prefer, princess?” He smiled, smug.

  “Well they obviously serve normal drinks here. Why not have one of those?”

  “This place is specifically for those of us who choose to live differently. Once in a while an informed mortal shows up, so we give you options. I can’t drink the normal stuff, doesn’t do anything for me. This, on the other hand,” he raised his empty glass, “is unfortunately necessary nutrition.”

  I peered back over at the couple next to us, watched the woman order her drink. “You’re still living off of the same stuff… How is that really any different?”

  “I understand your argument, believe me. The difference is, we don’t hunt. We still have to survive, and this is the best we can do.”

  I unfolded my arms. “Well, it sure doesn’t seem like they’re used to having mortals in this place very often.”

  “We’re used to it. It’s still hard, though. Requires restraint. Mortals are bound to draw our attention, we can’t help it.”

  “I thought your coven were the only ones who’ve attempted to live differently with humans, to not hunt them. Thought that’s why Samira’s after you guys. There’s an entire club of you guys?”

  Joel reached in his pocket and pulled out a cigarette, offered me one. “That’s not entirely the whole story,” he said, lit both cigarettes. “The resistance—or, the opposite of how Samira wants us to live—has been around for centuries. Gatherings, just like this, have popped up around the globe. There are plenty of us who don’t want to be heartless, bloodthirsty monsters. But we’ve been able to maintain a level of secrecy, even from Samira. We created a sort of code, in case she ever found out about any of us.”

  I took a drag off my cigarette, let the smoke sit in my lungs for a minute. “What’s the code?”

  “We lie.” He grinned, took our drinks from the waiter.

  “Lie? To Samira?” I took my nice, normal, human beer, gripped it tight in my hand.

  “Yeah, that’s pretty much it. We swear to secrecy and vow to defend one another, so that no one is found guilty. No witnesses, no crime. Samira’s servants roam and keep tabs, but we’ve been able to keep things pretty quiet.”

  “But what about those of you who choose to rat you out? Like Andrew?”

  “Most of them aren’t dumb enough to tell Samira. It’s bad news for everyone involved. We’ve done a pretty good job at keeping our secret from those who find out about us and threaten to expose us. Occasionally we do have to … keep them quiet. But as for those like Andrew, we usually don’t have to worry about them ratting us out. They’ve been breaking rules of their own. Samira’s not oblivious. She knows our kind has been trying to invent ways to resist the curse for a very long time. She’s aware it goes on. The attempt, anyway. But a group of vampires that successfully maintains the lifestyle? She doesn’t believe it’s possible.”

  He took the last sip of his drink and put his cigarette out. “In many ways, it isn’t. Not for very long, and she knows that. That’s where Amaranth comes in.”

  I put out my cigarette, too, and repositioned myself in my seat. “Why doesn’t everyone who wants to live this way just go to Amaranth, then?”

  “It’s not the ideal place to go.” He looked at me, eyes cautious. “What exactly did Gavin tell you about it?”

  I shrugged, tried to recall the specifics. “Not much, really. Something to do with exile, right? I think Audrey mentioned you can go there to have the curse removed or something....”

  “Yeah, that’s a part of it.” Joel sat quiet for a moment, sliding his glass back and forth between his hands. “It’s for those of us who’ve requested the curse to be removed. On the surface, sounds like a good thing, I guess.”

  “Sounds good to me.”

  “Samira’s bound to send us there, if we sincerely request it. But it’s not without sacrifice, obviously. It’s a banishing, not a luxury vacation. For our desire to be lifted out of the cursed state, we have the privilege to live as a mortal. No bloodlust plaguing us, no more deaths on our conscience. A chance to be freed from the life we have to live here on earth. But in turn, we’re cut off from the world, from anyone we’ve left here on earth and we’re overseen by Samira herself—directly. For the remainder of eternity.” He looked up from his glass to analyze my face.

  It took a second for it to sink in. “Once you’re in, you never get out,” I whispered, then stood to leave.

  Joel nodded.

  “You’re saying he’s never coming back. You brought me here to tell me he’s never coming back. None of them are. I can’t believe this.”

  I darted away from the table, so angry I felt like I could punch a hole in the wall. Weaving my way through the crowd of swaying monsters, I moved swiftly toward the exit.

  “Camille!” Joel’s voice boomed from the back of the building, and I knew in just a few seconds, he would be next to me. I had to move fast, had to get out of here. Now I was stuck in London with no way home, and no one to help. Panicked, I pushed through the front door with force, took a deep breath
of fresh air. My eyes darted around the street, tried to focus, searched for signs of any humans. It was late though, and the alley was barren. Before I had a chance to hightail it to the end of the sidewalk, my body was whisked into the night, back into Gavin’s spare Maserati.

  I kicked the dashboard with my feet, reached for the door handle, squirmed frantically in the passenger seat. “Stop it. Will you just let me go? I don’t want this anymore.”

  He reached across me to hold the door shut, waited. My struggle was no match for his strength of course, so I surrendered, having recently learned that lesson.

  “Camille, you have to listen to me. Running from this is not going to solve anything.”

  “There’s nothing left to say. If you’re telling me he’s gone, then there’s nothing left to talk about. Every part of me I had left is gone now, do you understand that? Everything I just rebuilt—demolished. The ones I love are gone, and they’ve done nothing but betray me.” I slumped into the seat, wrestled with tears.

  “You didn’t let me finish, and you’re not listening.” He released the door handle and sat back against the driver’s seat, sighed heavily. “I didn’t bring you here to tell you he’s not coming back. I brought you here to tell you his plan. He didn’t go to Amaranth just to confront Samira and lift his curse: He went to defeat her. He knows what he’s doing, and he didn’t lie to you about that.”

  “How—?” My stomach churned. “How is that possible? I know nothing about this other world of yours, other than what you’ve told me. But I’m smart enough to recognize a stupid idea when I hear one. Attempting to defeat your ruler is downright stupid.”

  “He’s not stuck in Amaranth until Samira grants him permission to enter past the gates. And he doesn’t just plan on barging in and fighting with her. He wouldn’t do something that careless, you know him better than that.”

  I sat quietly, considering his words, and wrapped Gavin’s oversized suit jacket tighter around me to keep warm.

  “Camille … what I brought you here to tell you is, this is worth fighting for. He has a plan. You don’t have to understand it right now, but if you stick around long enough, I guarantee you will. In time.”

  I pulled my feet off the dash and slowly swerved in the seat to face him, bit my lip as I collected my thoughts. “Well then. Tell me the plan, if that’s what you brought me here to do. Because I really don’t understand why Gavin would show me all of this. I mean, what was the point? If he knew we couldn’t be together.…”

  Joel readjusted himself in his seat before he put on his seatbelt. “He took you to the bayou because he meant what he said to you. He wants you to move on, wanted you to be there when he went to Amaranth so you could have closure, so you could move on. He felt the only way to do that was to show you the truth, show you where he was going and what he really was.”

  He started the car, waited for me to put my seatbelt on. “Bottom line is, I didn’t bring you here just to explain things to you. I brought you so you could make a decision.”

  I snapped my belt into place, wondered where he was taking me next. “What decision?”

  “Whether you’re going to let go of him or not.” He set the gear to drive, kept his foot on the brake. “Because I really believe whatever you have with him is worth fighting for, and I owe it to him to try and make sure he doesn’t lose the one thing he loves in this world.”

  I looked at him, absorbed his sincerity. “Love isn’t enough, Joel.”

  “It’s always enough.”

  “Not under these circumstances.”

  “Especially under these circumstances. Where’s the victory without opposition?” Hitting the gas, he sped off and led us into the night.

  CHAPTER 13

  Humanity

  “I don’t know what I’m going to do about work or fall classes when I go home,” I said to Joel while I rummaged through ancient editions of books on his shelves. Built into the walls of his small flat, the white shelves housed almost every classic title imaginable, all organized by author name. This man took his literature seriously. My respect for his passion had ignited a slew of conversations about our favorite reads while we lounged on his worn plaid couch, sipping coffee. How I talked him into drinking some, I’ll never know. For some reason, he was open to cooperating with me. Maybe it had something to do with flying me—literally—to London against my will and holding me captive. Yeah, that was probably it.

  I watched him sip the coffee slowly, wondered what it tasted like for a vampire. “I just hope my boss doesn’t drill me for every single detail, you know? I don’t have the mental energy for that right now.”

  “Then don’t give it to her, she’ll live. I’m sure she can satisfy her need for some salacious gossip with some of those tabloid magazines from your store.” He laughed, tossed a copy of East of Eden onto the coffee table. “It’ll be okay. I think it’ll be good for you to get back and get your mind on other things. I’ll be around, waiting in the wings, just in case.”

  “I appreciate it, but I really don’t think Andrew will try that again.”

  “Better safe than sorry.”

  “What is it with you monsters and your reading materials? I’ve never met anyone who reads as much as you and Gavin do. Where have you been all of my life?” As I changed the subject, batted my eyelashes. Relieved I was able to laugh after the night we’d had, I decided I didn’t want to talk about going back to normalcy just yet.

  “When you live forever, life becomes a tad daunting,” he retorted, laughing, set his coffee down. “Reading helps pass the time, not to mention keeps us up with the times. It’s interesting to see how society’s changed over the centuries.”

  “I’d love nothing more than to read all day, every day.”

  “Maybe you should try walking in our shoes for a bit.”

  “Maybe. That way I’d have the time.” I smiled, reflected on my workdays, wishing I had more time to dig my nose in the many books I worked around. “Maybe I was meant to be one of you after all.”

  “Don’t joke.”

  “Who’s joking?”

  “No one chooses this life, Camille. Don’t even talk about it casually, there’s nothing casual about it.”

  “Seriously. Have any of you ever … I mean, has Gavin mentioned it to you?”

  “Changing you?”

  “Yeah.” I nodded, sat up on the couch.

  He tensed up a bit, looking uncomfortable. “I don’t think I’m the one to—”

  “Yes you are. Tell me.”

  “I changed someone. A long time ago. I thought she was the love of my life.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “Don’t be. Live and learn, I suppose. Anyway, she’s in Amaranth now. She left many, many years ago. I’ll never change anyone again. Ever.”

  I placed my hand over his, felt the guilt that oozed from his voice, even after years. “It was her choice though, wasn’t it?”

  “Yeah. I guess every now and then, for whatever irrational reason, someone does choose this life. She begged me for a long time, thought hiding our relationship was getting too tedious. It was, but there was no other way. Either way we’d have to hide, whether she was changed or not. We were living against Samira’s rules back then, too. If we didn’t hide, we both would’ve ended up in Amaranth. Life here becomes too difficult.”

  I thought back to our conversation at La Boîte Noire, and how Joel had mentioned Amaranth being a banishing. It still didn’t sound like such a bad place to me. “Is the idea of living there really so awful? I mean, considering the alternative?”

  “For me, yes. Gavin, Gabe and I have considered it over the years, believe me. But knowing what we know about it, the alternative is,” he gestured to his tiny living room, “less depressing.”

  He stood and grabbed his guitar, then sat back next to me, strummed it lightly as we talked. “Anyway, you and Gavin aren’t like me and Arianna. We weren’t meant to be together. Gavin is different. For you, he’s willing to move
heaven and earth to find a way to be with you. He won’t give up, and he wouldn’t change you. Not in a million years.” He looked out the window, watched the rain as it dribbled down the sides of the glass. “I made my decision not to follow Arianna. I have to live with that.”

  He stopped strumming and reached over to put his hand on mine. “What can you live with?”

  “I’m not sure.” I grasped his hand. “I know what I can’t live with.”

  “That’s a start.”

  “I can’t go back to Louisiana now, even though it’s my only option. I can’t go back to that town, back to my little hole-in-the-wall job. I’ll just be a zombie. It’s not going to be the same without him, and I can’t live with that.”

  He gently sat his guitar down when he saw my tears, scooted across the couch to wrap me up in his bear arms. I placed my head on his chest and let myself feel again.

  “Then don’t live with it.” He said this softly, held me tight. “You love him, don’t you?”

  “I didn’t plan for it to be this way—”

  “Forget plans, Camille. Do you love him?”

  “Yes, of course I do.” I looked up at him, frustrated.

  “Then stop complicating things.” He squeezed me tighter. “These were the cards you were dealt, right? As crazy as the cards are, work with them. Don’t sit around moping about it or trying to get away from it. Work with what you’ve got.”

  I used his shirt to dry my eyes and pulled a bit away from him. “I don’t know how to do that. And you fell in love with a human, look what happened to you two. The same thing will happen to Gavin and me. We’ll end up hiding or going to this exile city, it’s impossible.”

  “But regardless of what you two choose, you’ll be together. That’s what I mean when I say you two are different. Arianna and I couldn’t agree, couldn’t find any middle ground. Eventually she wanted out of this world, and I couldn’t bring myself to give it up. We wanted different things.”

  He held my chin and looked at me, made me wonder if he was considering having me for dinner. “You’re right,” he said. “It’s extremely difficult, either way you decide to go. So why would you decide to take the difficult road that the one you love won’t be on?”