It's A Shame

by Hansen, C. E.

  “I don’t think I’m hungry anymore,” I mumbled.

  He placed the bag down on the breakfast bar and crossed to where I stood trembling. Grabbing my shoulders he looked down and saw his phone in my hand.

  I raised my eyes up to his. I was unfocused, still stunned by the news.

  “Is the fact that you are a father the reason why this bitch is in New York?” I looked diffidently into his eyes shaking his phone in my hand, and totally hating the way I was feeling right now.

  “Yes,” he said without hesitation.

  “When were you planning on telling me?” my voice sounded numb.

  “I tried several times, but every time I tried, some crazy shit happened.”

  At first I shot him a look that told him I didn’t believe a word he’d just said, but after I thought about it for a hot minute, I actually did remember him trying to talk to me. I did seem like crazy shit seemed to happen every time he brought up the fact that ‘we had to talk’.

  “Well, Ace, here’s your chance.” My tone was icy even though my heart was beating rapidly in my chest.

  I put the phone down and robotically walked over to the bar and poured myself a short pour of bourbon. Lifting the glass to my mouth, I drained it, feeling its warmth slide down my throat; its heat did nothing to warm my heart. I grabbed the bottle, and my glass, and walked back over to where I was sitting on the couch before I answered the phone, setting the bottle on the table directly in front of me.

  I poured myself another and looked up to see Cole grab a glass for himself. He crossed to where I was and sat down in front of me.

  “Grace, this changes nothing…” My head snapped up.

  “Are you serious? Are you shitting me?”

  I could feel the bile rise in the back of my throat and quickly lifted the glass draining it again, trying to keep it down. Silently wondering how long it would stay down before I was throwing it back up. I smiled wryly at the thought of my using alcohol to prevent vomiting.

  The color drained from his face as he continued watching me, trying to gauge my reaction.

  “I didn’t mean it like that. I meant that it changes absolutely nothing between us. I know that sounds callous. I mean in so far as my feelings for you have not changed. My immense dislike of her…” he looked up, staring at the ceiling. From the look on his face, he was trying to formulate an acceptable answer, because he knew this one sure as shit wasn’t flying. “There is a child that I have to consider now…my child.” As he said the words I felt their sting.

  “Are you sure the baby is yours? Didn’t you say she was promiscuous?” I interrupted, but I knew before my last word was out of my mouth that he was sure. He wouldn’t have gotten this far in life, in business, if he’d been a fucking idiot. He certainly wasn’t stupid enough to believe, any slut who claimed that he was the father of their baby, was telling the truth. I had to give him credit when he was due it. It didn’t change the fact that I still felt ill. That my whole world flipped upside down…AGAIN!

  “Did you have a paternity test done?” I was reaching for something, anything that would cast some doubt over the situation.

  He stood up and walked into the bedroom returning shortly after with what looked to be some pictures and a folded paper. He held them out to me and I took them, my hands visibly shaking as I stared at them trying to focus through my tears. I didn’t need to see the papers or the birth certificate. One look at those pictures and I knew immediately it was his child. The black hair, the same golden skin tone, his eyes…

  Dear God, this baby had his eyes.

  The baby was beautiful, just like his father…the green monster gut punched me so hard that it was only a matter of time now before bourbon painted the walls.

  “The dates on the birth certificate confirm that the baby was conceived… um…when we were, still…um…” I raised my hand before he could finish.

  “Spare me the details please.” I leaned back. The range of emotions I was experiencing, were confusing, debilitating. I didn’t know what to think, what to do…which way to run. And right then, I wanted nothing more than to run out the door without looking back. “So what now?” I looked at him, not quite seeing the knight in shining armor anymore. Seems like the armor was a little tarnished. “What does she want? A happy ending…money…what?” I asked, I was angry and I didn’t care if it sounded like I was.

  “I’m assuming she wants money. A great deal of money. If I know anything about Lauren, it’s that she likes money.” He lowered his head.

  “Could you pay her enough to just go away…give you sole custody of the baby?”

  I didn’t know where I was going with this. I was confused and tormented, but deep down inside, I was also not willing to give up on us. She may be up on points over me, but I’ll be damned if I’d let Lauren win. I loved this man, and I had every intention of fighting for him…he was mine. Even if this situation broke my heart into a million pieces.

  “I don’t know. Although I admit the thought has crossed my mind.” His voice sounded so small.

  “Well, it looks to me like your carefully laid out plan of never having children, has blown up in your face.” I stood up. “Time to man up Ace…that baby needs a father.” I walked towards the bedroom.

  Cole stood up and I quickly put my hand in the air effectively stopping him from following me.

  “I need time to think. This whole thing is like a fucking soap opera. Like some crazy land mine has just gone off, my head is spinning.”

  I shut the bedroom door behind me.

  Cole, to his credit, did not follow me, apparently wise enough to know when to leave me alone. I undressed and fell into the bed burying my head in my pillow. I cried till I fell asleep.

  I awoke the next morning feeling totally horrible. I let Lauren win, I let her upset me, and cast doubt on my feelings, and my relationship, with Cole. I knew, without a single doubt I loved him just as much as I did before I knew about the baby. Possibly more.

  He had no clue what that crazy bitch had been planning, he couldn’t have. He came home after meeting with her looking like he’d been hit by a train, totally drained…but that did little to make me feel better. I knew he had a responsibility to that baby and it was something he would have to give priority to. I rolled out of bed and went into the shower determined to walk out with a different outlook.

  We will do this together. We will take whatever comes our way and remain intact, strong. I was not going to let that woman win, and once she sees that Cole and I are stronger than ever, a united front, she will leave. Go back to Denver counting her money. Greedy selfish bitch.

  As I was getting dressed, I realized I never asked if the baby was a boy or a girl. The shock of it all consumed me. I was beginning to feel ashamed that I acted so selfishly.

  I opened the door and walked out into the hall, and into the living room.

  Cole lay asleep on the couch, fully dressed. He hadn’t even taken his shoes off. A troubled look on his otherwise serene face caused his brows to furrow. I walked to his side quietly and bent over gently kissing each eye, then his nose, then his cheeks…

  His lashes fluttered as my tiny kisses grazed them, and as he slowly opened his eyes, he reached for me.

  “Please, God, tell me this is not a dream…” He looked at me, trying hard to focus through the veil of sleep. “Tell me you’re really here right now, kissing me. That I haven’t lost you.” His voice sounded tormented, so full of pain and loneliness. I felt horrible, knowing I was the cause of it, for how I reacted, and how I treated him. How I abandoned him when all he needed from me was a little reassurance that I would be there for him. I wanted him to know we could get through anything as long as we were together. And that’s when I realized for the first time, that I was totally, and unequivocally, in love with him.

  “It’s me Ace…I’m here…” I whispered. “I lo…” I didn’t finish my sentence before he pulled me on top of him and flipped me over, turning sideways, entrapp
ing me between his body and the back of the couch. He nuzzled his nose into my neck holding me tightly to him.

  “Grace… I’m sor…”

  “Don’t.” I put my fingers up to his mouth. “Don’t say you’re sorry if you didn’t mean it in the first place. Anyway, I’m the one who acted like a spoiled child. I owe you an apology.” He began kissing my neck and I was having hell’s own time trying to remember exactly what is was I wanted to say. “Ace, let me finish.”

  He raised his eyes to mine, and waited patiently.

  “I love you, and we will get through this like we’ve gotten through everything else…together. I should have let you explain…let you talk. Instead I acted like an ass.” He lowered his arms and squeezed my ass.

  “And a very sweet ass it is.”

  “Funny…seriously.” I wiggled, “you helped me get through the worst time of my life and stuck by me no matter what came our way.” I felt the tears build as my guilt over how I reacted surfaced again. “I owe you so much.”

  I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him hard, loving the taste of him. It is amazing what a little humility does to a person. A powerful surge shot down the length of me, right down to my toes, as the realization that Cole was the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, no matter what gets thrown our way. If I live to a hundred, I’ll never be able to show him or tell him how much I love him.

  “Forgive me?” I asked.

  “Nothing to forgive.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “Don’t be. Just come here.”

  He held me to him and kissed me. His tongue parted my lips and dipped inside my mouth and he claimed what was his…my heart and soul.

  “Oh, Ace. I almost forgot….boy or girl?” I asked, my mouth against his.

  “Boy…” He smiled at the thought, “Kyle…Kyle Grayson.”

  The sweetness in his voice rocked my world.

  “I like it…a beautiful little boy that looks just like you. Future women beware.” I laughed lightly. “Congratulations, Ace.”

  He shook his head laughing. The sound lighthearted, full of relief, and I could see him physically relax for the first time since finding out Lauren was in New York.

  “You know I love you Grace,” he declared as he squeezed me tighter.

  “Right back ‘atcha Ace.” I kissed him full on the mouth. I was feeling invigorated, liberated and totally at ease.

  Chapter 17

  “I am curious about something though…” I felt his arms loosen a bit, “why didn’t she tell you she was pregnant when she first found out, she stood a better chance winning you back with your son still inside her.”

  “She knew I wouldn’t believe her,” he answered without hesitation.

  “So she had the baby alone?” At that moment I almost felt sorry for her, almost.

  “My guess is she wanted to see if she could tell who the father was after the baby was born.” He playfully bit my earlobes.

  “Seems her life didn’t turn out as she hoped, huh? Looks like it was a hot mess just like mine was too.”

  I could commiserate. I lost my father at an early age; her mother left her. My mother was too focused on her own needs to worry about me; her father was more concerned about his business than raising a daughter. It looks as though having been brought up with privilege didn’t make you privileged.

  “I could guarantee you when she saw that baby, she was beside herself with joy over her impending wealth,” he said sarcastically.

  “Cut her some slack Ace…she may be a bitch, but she’s got a lot to be bitchy about, we have each other…she’s alone raising a baby.” I struggled to get up and he held me in place with his legs.

  “Grace,” he had a thoughtful look on his face, “I want to get custody of Kyle. I want to raise him… you and me…together. Are you okay with that?”

  He released me and slowly stood. I quickly sat up and noticed black stains, looking very much like mud on my area rug, and I made a mental note to make sure I get that out.

  “Grace?”

  I gazed up at him, and suddenly the ramifications of what he was asking me fell on top of me like a ton of bricks.

  “I have no plans on leaving you Ace, ever.” I grabbed his hand, “I want you to be clear on that point. I’m in this for the long run.”

  “No, I know that, but I wanted to make it official,” he said his eyes cast downward, looking at his feet. “Grace,” he continued as he walked over to the bench and pulled a small box from his inside jacket pocket. He then returned to where I sat and knelt down on one knee, “I had rather thought when I finally did this it would be under different circumstances.” I could hear the skeptical humor in his voice. “I mean I knew it would be you, I just didn’t anticipate the setting, or the situation.”

  He looked deeply into my eyes as if he were trying to look directly into my soul, and I suddenly felt the sting of tears as the excitement and anticipation of what I thought he was about to do hit me.

  “Grace,” he continued, “You captivated me with your beauty the moment I laid eyes on you. When you smiled, you sealed my fate. I pray that you want to spend the rest of your life with me, because I can’t see any future without you in it, and I sure as hell want to spend the rest of my days with you.”

  He held the box in one hand and opened it with the other, then held it out for me to see.

  The ring inside was breathtakingly stunning; a modest sized Asscher cut diamond set in a tall four-pronged antique platinum setting that rose up the side of the band like a trellis, and was flowered with several smaller Asscher, and round cut diamonds, cascading down the sides. It looked like a garden of diamonds, and was simply the most stunningly, beautiful ring I had ever seen.

  I just sat with my mouth hanging open…a myriad of thoughts flying through my head, mingling with the army of butterflies that descended on my stomach in one fell swoop.

  “Yes…Yes, of course I do. I gotta say Ace, you really caught me off guard.”

  I looked down as he slid the ring on my finger, feeling the electrical charge flow from his fingertips into mine, sending a chill throughout my body. I quickly stood and wrapped my arms around his neck nearly strangling him. I practically knocked him over.

  I jumped up to kiss him throwing my arms around his neck and hung there like a monkey, not quite sure if my shaking legs would bare my weight. His hands circled my waist and lifted me off the floor. He spun me around kissing me, just like you see in the movies, just like I always dreamed of. And just like the first time I saw him walking towards our table in Luke’s all those months ago, he swept me off my feet again, literally.

  “It’s beautiful, Cole…stunning…I don’t…I just,” I said softly, my tears flowing freely, his face was a total blur, “I just love you so much.”

  His hands tightened around my waist and he buried his face in my hair. The tip of his nose grazed my neck, and I shivered involuntarily.

  “It was my mothers,” he whispered softly, suddenly thoughtful. “The fire destroyed the setting, but somehow the stone survived.” He set me down and brought his hands up to cup my face tilting it back so he could look into my eyes. “The fireman who found it told my aunt, ‘as he wadded through all the soot and rubble his heart was breaking for the family who lived there’. Told her he closed his eyes…and when he opened them again, a small shining object lay on the floor, gleaming through the black soot and debris. He bent to pick it up, and held it in his hand. It was still hot.

  “After the fire was out, he found my aunt and gave it to her, telling her sometimes beautiful things come from something so ugly, and to remember her loved one, my mother, that same way, as a beautiful memory that could survive such horrible ugliness. I remember her breaking down as she thanked him and hugged him. I didn’t see the ring again, didn’t want to.

  “She put it away for years, in safekeeping, all the time planning on giving it to me when I was older and ready to marry. I thought it would stay in that box in he
r drawer forever, till I met you.” he looked adoringly into my eyes.

  Then with the pad of his thumb he gently wiped my tears away. My heart was filled to capacity with love for this man, but there was also an overwhelming bittersweet feeling, a mix of both sorrow and joy. “So you see, he was right, that fireman.” He rubbed his thumb along my lips. “Something so beautiful,” he said as he kissed me, “can come out of something so ugly.”

  I was balling like a baby at this point.

  “I asked the jeweler to make a setting as close to the original as possible, and gave him the two pictures I had. The same ones you were looking at that afternoon on the mantle at the Asbury apartment. I knew then you were special.” He looked down, still thoughtful, “It’s all I have left of her, this ring and two pictures…” his voice cracked. “But now I have you. I have you to love, and I do love you Grace.”

  I grabbed my chest. The tightness I felt as my heart swelled within was indescribable. My feelings for this man were so strong. So much stronger than any bond I’d ever known. It was so encompassing, and can only be defined as all consuming.

  I remembered the picture of the beautiful woman with the long black hair, swept up beautifully and piled on top of her head. Her new husband standing beside her. I remembered them looking at one another with such love, such promise—and on her slim finger was this diamond. That memory made me shiver.

  I remembered admiring those smiling green eyes. The picture of Coles father, standing proudly behind her, with his hands resting on her shoulders. I remembered the two boys, one more mischievous than the other, Cole and his little brother Tommy. I remember her protective arms wrapped lovingly around her boys, and on her slim finger was this diamond, and suddenly my heart broke. The realization that this was that very diamond did something to me. I don’t know how to define it but it profoundly changed me…and I had a strong feeling she approved.

  I was saddened by the fact that Cole’s family couldn’t be here for him now. That he had grown up without them, without his brother. That they hadn’t seen what a wonderful loving man he had become. But I know where ever she is, she is beaming with pride for her son, and the honor I felt in wearing her ring was awe-inspiring. I silently sent her a prayer… I promise I will love and cherish your son for all the days of my life, keeping this love in my heart always. I was so overcome with emotion at that moment—I was breathless. Granted, most of the time I spent with Cole he left me breathless. He did that to me.