It's A Shame

by Hansen, C. E.

  I surprised him by arranging a flight to Denver to visit with his son. My stepfather pulled in some favors and we were granted supervised visits with Kyle. It wasn’t perfect but it was something. Actually, it was amazing to see Cole’s eyes light up when he’d pick up that little boy in his arms. It was stunning to realize he was a little over six months now. It was striking, how much Kyle resembled his father.

  It was love at first sight for me. It didn’t matter how he got here, I was so happy he was here that nothing else mattered. He was a part of Cole; so pure, so innocent, so untouched by the ugly world that surrounded him.

  If I could bottle the effect that seeing his son had on Cole, and drip it into his morning java every day, I would. He was transformed, a new man. One that could oversee the horrors that had followed his every step through life, as he pushed through the world unprotected.

  That little boy had a smile that, I can’t believe I’m actually saying this right now, rivaled his father’s. It was mesmerizing. I wanted to hold him tightly never let go. I wanted to protect him from anything and everything the world could possibly throw his way.

  Those visits breathed new life into Cole, and at night…at night he had me. He’d sink himself into me, looking for comfort the only way he knew how.

  One night, the three of us were sitting at the dining table, trying to put the pieces of the puzzle together. There was something we were overlooking. There had to be. We all stared off into our own space—and I mean space—like the final frontier, and all that shit.

  “Grace, have you seen my keys?” Cole asked, his voice pulling me back to planet earth. He stood in front of us running his hands through his hair exasperatingly.

  “In your briefcase, no?”

  “I looked.” He walked into the kitchen and poured himself a coffee.

  Just then a phone rang—a very annoying ring—so it was no surprise when Dean reached in his pocket and came out holding his vibrating cell.

  “Johansen…” He paused. I was sure it was for dramatic effect, or to turn Michelle on; either way I didn’t really care. “Run that past me again…” He stared at the ceiling, with a crazed smile on his face. “Get the fuck out! Okay, give me thirty minutes. I’ll…no…right. Yes with them now…give me thirty minutes.” He pushed a button killing the call and tucked the little annoying device back into his pocket.

  He pulled Michelle to him and whispered in her ear. She looked up at him and nodded. Then he kissed her, rather perfunctory, and looked towards the kitchen nodding to Cole. He avoided looking in my direction totally, and without further ado, left my apartment the same way he walked in…uninvited.

  I looked at Michelle and just shook my head. She walked over and wrapped her arms around my middle hugging me.

  “Grace, I got to say…You got balls…balls of steel.” Her Brooklyn accent spot on. I couldn’t help myself and I laughed out loud. She stepped away, lifted herself up onto her tippy toes and kissed Cole on his cheek and said, “Take care of my girl here.”

  I heard him murmur, “I will,” under his breath. She turned and walked out pulling the door closed behind her.

  I got balls…

  Chapter 26

  I was working at the shop, trying to push my thoughts into the things I used to live for… fashion, clothes, designers, SHOES.

  Well, it was pretty but it wasn’t working. The whole time I spent here all I did was think about Cole, Kyle and ‘what the hell was going on?’

  I stood up when Karen walked in.

  “Lunch?”

  “Um…No.”

  “Since when don’t you eat?” She looked at me like I’d totally lost my mind.

  If only she knew…

  “I feel sort of nauseous. I want to hurl, but I’m a big baby, I’m afraid to…”

  She looked at me rather confused.

  “I’ve lost so much weight…never mind.” I rolled my head back trying to stretch the muscles in my neck and back. I knew the stress had to be getting to me if I wasn’t hungry, but the less I told Karen at this point, the better.

  “So nothing…?” Her eyes zoomed in on mine.

  “No girlfriend, but...” I looked at my purse, then my desk. “FUCK!”

  I jumped up and ran toward the bathroom. I frantically pulled down what I had to pull down, and lifted what I needed to lift. Needless to say afterwards, I was ready to lie on the floor. I was bone tired and totally exhausted, mentally and physically.

  I opened the door and stepped into my air-conditioned apartment thankful something went my way today. The cool air coated my sweat-coated body like a slow-motioned ice cube trickling slowly down my skin.

  I was so exhausted I barely made it into my bedroom. My legs felt like lead. I think I remembered flopping onto the bed, and I wouldn’t have believed I fell asleep that way, if I didn’t wake up fully dressed the next morning. I never… and I mean never went to sleep with makeup on. It is my number one golden rule. But the proof was all over my pillow and smeared evenly across the sheets. I grunted as I rose out of bed and made my way to the bathroom.

  One look in the mirror, at my more than ugly visage, and I sat on the floor, with my head in my hands, thankful for the coolness permeating my jeans. I leaned back against the marble tiled wall, grateful for it’s icy cold surface.

  What the hell happened?

  I walked out into the living room to find Cole lying on the couch. One foot on the floor, the other over the end of the sofa, fully dressed, shoes on…

  I remembered another time when his shoes were on…leaving a stain in my rug that took me the better part of two hours to get out. When was that? The night after they found Laur… I violently shook my head.

  “Ace? Baby?” I shook him gently.

  He sat right up. “What’s the matter?”

  “Last night…I don’t remember,” I mumbled.

  “Mmmm. Umm.” He said looking like he was trying to get his brain working. “I came in from work and found you passed out on the bed. You looked totally washed, so I let you sleep and came in here to work.” He stretched his arms and bent to the side. “Damn, my back.”

  He sat up and rubbed his lower back.

  I got that crazy uneasy feeling that had become a permanent mood of late.

  “Want coffee?”

  “Yeah, that’d be great baby.” He struggled up to his feet and bent backwards, moving side-to-side trying to stretch out his muscle aches.

  I made us coffee and set his mug in front of him taking a sip of mine. My stomach curled.

  “Sorry, babe,” I said as I made a beeline for the bathroom. He followed me and tried the door, but I locked it.

  “Grace?” he asked after knocking softly.

  “Not now…” I moaned.

  “Baby open the door, let me in.”

  “No…please leave me alone. Please.”

  “You okay?” When he received no response, he continued, “Alright, I’ve got to get ready for work. I’ll be in the guest shower.”

  “Whatever…”

  There were times when a girl needed her privacy.

  When I finally got out of the bathroom, my stomach was still queasy. I slowly dragged my feet into the living room.

  No Cole.

  “Ahhh shit!” I flopped on the couch and didn’t move till the sun began to set.

  “Grace…baby…” I heard his sultry voice…my heart started racing, the beat a bit erratic…I was dreaming.

  “Yes Ace.” I answered my dreamboat.

  “Grace… sit up baby.”

  “I am.”

  “No, baby, you’re not.” I heard him chuckle softly. Then I felt an arm dig under around my back raising me up.

  “What?” I was more than annoyed.

  “Lemelson called, he needs us to come down to his office,” he said slow and deliberate.

  I was having a hard time focusing, and understanding what he was saying. I rubbed my eyes and ran my tongue along my teeth. UGH… toothbrush.

 
; “Grace?” he probed.

  “Lemelson…the lawyer?” I stood up and shuffled towards the bathroom.

  “Yup.”

  I quickly brushed my teeth as what Cole said sunk in.

  “What the hell does he want?” I yelled through the opened door.

  “He wants us to come down to his office.” he trailed off.

  “What day is this?” I asked.

  “It’s Friday ten a.m. You okay?” he asked softly as he came to stand in the doorway.

  “Friday? What the hell?” I must have slept the whole day…and night. I stared back into his probing eyes reflected at me in the mirror. “Okay, give me a little bit. I need to shower.” I slowly turned away from him. “I have time for a shower right?”

  “I think so…” he said. I could hear laughter in his voice.

  “What?”

  “What, what?”

  “What’s so frigging funny?”

  “You.”

  “Me?”

  “Yeah, you’re adorable when your are a space cadet.”

  “Space cadet?” I opened my eyes fully. “I’ll be ready in forty-five minutes.” I said definitively.

  “Yeah…that’ll happen,” he chuckled, than turned to walk away. He actually laughed at me.

  I took the challenge and rose to the occasion. I was standing at the kitchen counter, in full ‘attorney’ attire, thirty minutes later. By that I mean I was dressed in a black pantsuit with black and white striped blouse, black stilettos, and black purse to match. Does he think he’s dealing with an amateur here?

  When Cole walked out of the guest room his eyes were wide as saucers. I could almost taste the saliva in his mouth.

  “Do I meet your approval?” I said smiling as I spun slowly in a full circle.

  “Fuck Lemelson, I want that,” he indicated my body with his eyes, “…riding me.”

  I couldn’t help myself, I laughed out loud. “Ace…take a deep breath and put your indecent thoughts to the rear of your brain. Maybe we’ll get some good news for a change.”

  I noticed the smile fell from his face immediately, as the burning in his eyes grew in intensity.

  “You deserve so much better than this…” he turned his head and looked out the wall of windows, staring out into the New York nothingness that has become our lives.

  “Ace, you keep talking like that and I’ll have to take you over my knee,” I told him trying to keep our spirits light.

  He shook his head, eyes still downcast.

  “Well then, shall we?” he asked as he drew closer to me.

  It was then I noticed he was dressed to the nines. He wore a black suit that matched the black glossy color of his hair, a navy shirt and a green tie. God, I loved that green.

  “Um, sure…” I mumbled, rethinking that offer to ‘ride’.

  He looked into my tired eyes and I instantly felt renewed.

  “You and me?” he asked.

  “You and me!” I replied.

  We arrived in front of the building that housed Lemelson, Tailor and Swift. Almost sounded like a dry cleaning operation. Cole opened his door and walked around to mine. I watched as he lifted his hand up to Ray, stopping him in his tracks, then opened my door.

  He held my hand as he helped me out.

  I looked up into the blue sky. It was so clear, so blue, not a cloud in sight. The sun sat high above us.

  We rode the elevator up in silence. Neither one of us was willing to say the first word, both of us unwilling to break the spell. Electricity flew in the air bouncing off of us, yet we managed to maintain our perfect control.

  We walked into the reception area and I stood behind Cole as he walked up to the woman behind the desk.

  “Mr. Grayson, good morning. Mr. Lemelson knows you are here,” she smiled. “Please take a seat and as soon as he is finished with his conference, I’ll escort you both in.” Her smile forced. Her voice was even toned. The kind of voice you would hear in an emergency room that would make you want to scream…the one that remained so calm when the world was crushing down on you. “Can I get either of you anything, coffee, water…?”

  “No. Thank you,” he said. The businesslike tone in his voice masked his impatience as he walked back over to where I stood, and placing his hand possessively on my lower back, guided me to a pair of chairs in the waiting area that faced the skyline of my beloved New York.

  I stared out the window, willing life…willing whatever power that be, to please find it in the stars to grant us an end to this torment. This wasn’t the life either of us wanted. We were both willing to fight for each other till neither of us had any strength left, but would we lose ourselves in the process. Would there be anything left to fight for?

  I was startled when the receptionist rose from her chair and walked over to where we both sat with a confident air that confirmed my opinion that she thought the world was there for the taking.

  If only she knew…

  Cole stood and waited for me to stand then guided me in the direction of the receptionist, like he guided me out of Luke’s that night so many months ago. Like he guided me through the lobby of his luxurious hotel. Like he guided me into his apartment…so many memories.

  Please just grant us more time to create more memories…some time to be happy…is it all that much? I didn’t want to go where that thought pulled me.

  We entered through the door held open by Lemelson’s secretary, whose smile beamed like life was on her side…Keep smiling honey.

  “Come in and sit, please.”

  I heard the voice bellow from inside the vast space, but until Cole led me into the office I didn’t know where it came from.

  Stewart Lemelson stood up and gestured with his arms that we take the chairs sitting in front of his enormous desk. I took little notice of my surroundings. My heart was beating so fast I thought I would surely have a heart attack. I lifted my hand and rested it over my chest.

  “Please, Ms. Preston…may I call you Grace?” he asked so politely.

  “Everyone else does,” I offered.

  He laughed. His smile reached all the way up to his eyes. So un-lawyer like.

  “Lemelson.” Cole’s greeting was even-toned.

  “Mr. Grayson.”

  It always amazed me how men with money—lots of money—commanded respect. The kind of respect the rest of the world thought eluded them.

  “I believe we’ve got some good news,” he smiled.

  How odd, I thought. Paradoxical even.

  He looked to the back of his office and smiled again.

  I looked at Cole, who in turn looked at Lemelson.

  “Get to the point, you called us down here. What do you have?” Cole spoke.

  I knew, as a businessman, Cole expected nothing but the facts at all times. But this was all odd to me and I wasn’t comfortable. It felt like something was not right. Cole squeezed my hand reassuringly, which I was sure was trembling.

  “Perhaps you would like to tell them the news?” Lemelson said staring straight past where we both sat.

  “What?” I pressed out.

  “Stewart, I am rapidly losing my patience,” I heard Cole say.

  This whole thing was getting stranger by the minute. I was finding it hard to concentrate.

  Lemelson stood looking towards the door behind us, holding his arm out, as if he were introducing someone. We both simultaneously turned around to see Dean, Detective Johansen, standing in the back of the room near the credenza.

  He smiled and walked slowly out of the shadows, towards where we were both sitting, grinning like an idiot. He nodded at the two of us, catching me off guard. I turned to look at Cole, speechless for a change, thinking Dean must surely be on drugs or something.

  “Grace… Cole…” He looked at us both. “I think this information just might make the both of you smile for a change. Been sick of looking at your mopey, pasty faces.”

  Lemelson cringed. He wasn’t used to dealing with New York City policemen, which
was evident in his crooked smile. I laughed inwardly. Dean did know how to deliver a line I’ll give him that.

  “Detective…Dean…what the hell?” I heard Cole speak, but was still laughing at Lemelson’s expense. I fleetingly thought; Dean and Michelle were definitely well matched. He reminded me so much of her I almost hugged him, but rapidly came to my senses.

  “Someone tell us what the hell is going on here.” I stood and faced Dean, my back to Lemelson.

  “I’ve got a tale to tell…shit, do I got a tale…Sit down, Grace.” When I didn’t comply right away, he said it again adding a little more emphasis. “Sit. Down. Grace.”

  I felt Cole tug at my wrist pulling me down to my seat.

  “Got your attention?” He smirked. “Good. Where to begin…See…I got a weird vibe…” he started, “when a CSI I know, personally came to me and told me something about a case I was working didn’t make sense. In fact, nothing about that case made sense.” He paused, more for effect. He was like that… sometimes I think he was the woman and Michelle the man. I smiled, finding I liked this Dean.

  “It appears that our perp, the murderer, missed something. Seems she forgot to remove the trace evidence that led us directly to her door.”

  He paused again looking between Cole and I for some reaction.

  “She?” I asked.

  Bingo…his face lit up.

  “SHE forgot to clean up after herself.”

  “Dean…get to the point,” Cole demanded, obviously loosing patience.

  Dean smiled wryly.

  “I first got an inkling something wasn’t right when I took a sip of my Coke in the cafeteria.” He looked up with a big, here’s my moment, smile. “I pulled CSI O’Brien to the side when I saw him walk into the cafeteria. He told me something about my case, your case, seemed off. I agreed. So he wanted to re-run…well, actually, I told him to re-run the evidence found at the crime scene. He looked at me like he knew exactly what I meant.”

  I heard a chair scrape the floor and we both spun around to see Lemelson take his seat. It looked to me like he was bored. Like he’d heard this all before. I smiled again. Dean cleared his throat and kept on going.