Downfall

by Michael S. Gardner

  “Kristin,” Matt finally said. “You have a good point, but from the way I see it, we just need one good raid to really hold us over. The last one was botched.” He fought down a burp, possibly even some of the rum. “There’s no other way to put it. This time, however, we’re going into it with a game plan, not on a whim.” His head went light as the alcohol began taking hold.

  “Anywhere we go,” Cole added, “there’s gonna be trouble.” He reached for the liquor. “But out there we have access to grocery stores, corner stores, gas stations. I really doubt there are enough vehicles left out here that we can siphon to keep a generator running all winter long.”

  Kristin nodded, wiping her cheeks with a napkin.

  “Look.” Matt watched Cole swallow a bit too much and nearly spew the precious alcohol across the floor. He shook his head him and then focused on Kristin, who was now tucking tendrils of hair behind her small ears. “Though Mr. Alcohol Abuser and I—”

  She and Mary laughed.

  “—do get quite the kick out killing those dead fucks, it’s not like we want to do it. Same with the raiding. It’s what must be done, though. Okay?”

  Kristin nodded again, and Matt noticed the smile she wore looked good on her.

  He reviewed the notebook once more, hoping the matter was finally settled. “We’re running really low on pistol ammunition. That’ll definitely need to be remedied.” He passed the list to Cole.

  “Well, you can add a few rounds to the .38 Special count. We took John’s revolver and ammo. Figured it’d do us better than him now.”

  “I counted about thirty-six gallons of gas in total,” Alex said proudly.

  “That’s not much,” Matt said. Alex’s expression faded. “That generator’ll run through it like we run through ammunition.”

  “Well, if you were a better shot…”

  Matt glared at Cole.

  Cole raised his hands. “Just sayin’.”

  Everyone laughed a little. Matt couldn’t keep up the charade and joined in.

  “I’d like to get most, if not all of that pit dug before we head out,” Cole said.

  Matt agreed.

  “We brought three shovels and a few other tools that’ll help us move things along quicker.”

  “When do you want to start that?” Mary asked.

  “Yesterday.” Matt shot her a grin.

  “Well how about first thing in the morning, then?”

  “Works for me. We’ll need everyone’s help.” Cole looked around the room.

  “Well,” Kristin said, standing up. “I’m gonna go and see if I can’t coax Anna out of her room, or at least get her to eat. I don’t think she’s eaten all day.” She took her plate over to the sink and placed it on Matt’s, pulled another from the cupboard, slopped some spaghetti on it, and carried it and a bottle of water upstairs. She glanced back once and smiled—and it was aimed right at Matt.

  Did she just wink?

  Or maybe the rum was skewing his perceptions?

  Both?

  “How about water?” Cole asked.

  “We’ve got over fifty cases of bottled water between here and the basement, but we could always use more.”

  “Looks like we’ve got a good idea on what to get,” Matt said. “On that note, I’m going to lay down for a few.”

  As Matt made for the couch, the rest began talking more about the upcoming raid, zombies, and how they thought life would carry on in the coming years.

  ***

  Anna’s door was unlocked, and Kristin opened it a tiny bit. The room was dark, save for one lit candle on the dresser beside the bed. Anna sat in the rocking chair, staring out into the black of night, gently massaging her belly. From this vantage, Kristin could see her tears and hear her sobs.

  “Knock-knock,” she said, slipping in and shutting the door.

  Anna turned to Kristin, her face partially hidden in shadow.

  “Brought you some dinner. You must be starved.”

  “Thanks,” Anna replied after a moment, returning her gaze outside.

  Kristin approached the bed, sat, and set the meal on the dresser behind Anna, searching for the appropriate words.

  Anna looked to her with a flat gaze. “Do you think that there are others out there? Others like us?”

  “Survivors like us?” Kristin asked as she glanced out the window. She could feel the darkness trespassing in this room, see it enveloping around the pregnant widow. She wished she had the words to salvage the wreckage this dying world had thrown upon Anna, but deep down she knew there were none.

  Anna turned and nodded.

  “Yeah, I’m sure there are others out there,” Kristin replied, rubbing her shoulder.

  “What makes you so sure?”

  Kristin shrugged. “I, uh, I dunno. Faith, maybe?”

  “Faith?” Anna’s face was concrete.

  “Yeah,” Kristin said with a faint nod. “There has to be other groups out there like us, for better or worse.”

  “How can you be so sure?”

  “Because,” Kristin dragged the word out and thought back to when she had lost all hope, back when she’d been abandoned by the men who had taken her in after she killed her boyfriend, Trent, bartering her safety for sex. They’d simply dumped her in the middle of a zombie-infested Route Seventeen when they had no more use for her. She’d been left for dead, all hopes perished. Just when caving in to the madness around her seemed the only option, a pack of runners chasing her down with their creeping brethren lurching behind, something happened: a horn honked, followed by several gunshots.

  “Because?”

  Anna’s voice ripped Kristin out of the past. She looked up to the widow to see fresh tears welling in the widow’s eyes. This woman needed an answer, something to put the faith back in her, Kristin knew. The loss of… Well, the loss of everything, not to mention the burden of having to give birth and bringing a child up in this new world without its father, was taking its toll.

  “Because I just know, Anna,” she answered softly. “I know that there are others out there, just as I knew before you and Barry arrived, just as I knew before Mary and the others rescued me.” Her left eye twitched at the thought of fucking those three bastards. They’d used her just hours before her rescue, and even now, a week and several showers later, Kristin could still smell their intrusion, taste it.

  Mentally reliving the past, she watched Anna pick up her plate and eat. Judging by the expression on her face, Kristin’s answer did all but what she’d intended it to do.

  “The world was a shitty place before all this happened,” Kristin continued as Anna took in a forkful. “Now, it’s even shittier. I like to think, though, that most of the bad people are dying horribly, getting what they deserve. Is it a pleasant thought?” she asked, raising her hands. “As pleasant as I think the world will allow. And that, along with the fact that I’m still alive and well, gives me hope. Hope that maybe we can start over and learn from our mistakes.”

  Anna swallowed her food and said, “It’s not only the bad people dying.” She leaned in, the candlelight swaying in the backdrop, shadowing all but her silhouette. “What do you think? That all the bad folks are just gonna die out or something? Hell, they’re the ones probably enjoying this.” She leaned back and twirled another forkful of noodles.

  “Maybe.” Kristin nodded downstairs. “Those two down there seem to be enjoying themselves, and I’d hardly call them bad.”

  Before the noodles reached Anna’s mouth, her hand stopped and her head cocked to the side. “You like him, don’t you?”

  Kristin felt her cheeks flush.

  “Matt,” Anna said with a quick smirk. “I’ve seen the way you look at him.”

  Adjusting the neck of her shirt, Kristin answered, “He’s all right, I guess.”

  Anna laughed as she chewed. After swallowing, she said, “You might want to bide your time with him, then.”

  “Why do you say it like that?”

  Anna opened h
er bottle of water and took a swig. “Because, you never know what tomorrow will bring.” She set the bottle on the dresser and looked back outside, her right hand set on her belly.

  “It’ll be all right, Anna,” Kristin offered. “Something better will come along. They always say that it gets worse before better.”

  “I hope you’re right.” Anna turned around and offered a slight, twitching smile.

  Kristin stood, placing a hand on Anna’s shoulder and squeezing softly. “When something does, you just know that I’ll be there for you. We all will.”

  Anna nodded. “I know.”

  “Any time you need someone to talk to, I’m always around.”

  “Thanks.”

  Kristin gave her a hug and made for the door. “I’m gonna catch a few hours of sleep. I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?”

  “Just don’t forget about what I said.”

  Kristin paused as she was shutting the door. “I will.” Before she took her first step in the hall, muffled sobs wrapped around her ears once more.

  ***

  The candlelight swayed in the wind, a fresh breeze brushing against Kristin’s face. It felt good. She let out a sigh and stared at her cellphone. The damn thing was nearly useless after the third day of the outbreak, but she kept it, cherished it.

  She scrolled through the pictures of her and Trent and felt her eyes watering. Imagining if she’d been pregnant and they’d been married only intensified the ache in her stomach.

  Each picture was a gateway to another world, one in which she was happy, content. It must have been ten or fifteen minutes before the battery announced it was finally going to die. She set the phone under her inflatable bed and sniffled.

  Thinking of Anna and everyone else she’d ever met, the word “loss” took on a new meaning. No longer was it just a word pertaining to everything that had once been; it was the way of this new world. Gone were the days of having something to look forward to. All that was left was to lose.

  She closed her eyes and thought about anything that had once made her happy.

  CHAPTER 11

  Matt stabbed his freshly sharpened sword into the soft ground and set the shovel down beside it. Fishing out a skimp joint and his lighter, he lit it and exhaled deeply. The burning in his lungs was a refreshing escape from the nightmares plaguing his sleep. He knew his family was likely dead. Hell, damn near the entire planet had probably perished by now. But it was the lack of knowing that was getting to him, he supposed. Not one phone call had gone through since the infection hit the east coast, not one email garnering a response. Even Shelley; he’d witnessed her death but, having missed the kill shot, didn’t know if there was enough left to reanimate. Picturing her soft hands rising as her milky eyes opened, her infantile understanding of what her world now was brought a grimace to his face.

  He tossed the joint and snatched the shovel, glaring at the tree line surrounding the backyard, hoping one of those rotting fucks would come out. Vengeance, it was a taste of which Matt doubted he could have enough. He speared the ground with the shovel and began the lengthy task of digging the pit.

  ***

  Mary awoke with a start, looking from side to side. Her heart raced as she traced the echoes of movement down the hall. She grabbed her forehead and laughed as a shadow crept past beneath their shut door and started down the stairs with an audible yawn. You’re too high strung, Mare, she thought, patting her chest. She let out a deep breath. Cole turned to his side and stole most of the sheets. Again. With a smile, she crept up beside him as the back door shut and wrapped her arms around his stomach.

  ***

  “Mornin’,” Kristin said as she stepped beside Matt.

  Matt turned and nodded, noticing the shovel in her right hand. “Morning.” He continued digging.

  “I think…” Kristin muttered.

  A moment passed.

  “Did you say something?” Matt asked, knowing damn well she had.

  “Yeah.” Kristin drove the shovel into the ground and looked up to him.

  The way her stray hair fell to the sides of her face when it was tied back reminded him of Shelley and how she used to wear her hair. The thought pissed him off and comforted him at the same time; it seemed that more and more things were reminding him of all that he had lost, yet here in front of him was something new. The more he looked, the more he appreciated the sight of her. Kristin was very attractive, especially after sharing some of her past with them last night. Hell, that made her more attractive, he supposed. They had more in common than he’d originally thought.

  “I stepped over the line last night and, well, I’m sorry.”

  The statement sounded heartfelt, and she regarded him through a pair of apologetic eyes.

  “It’s all right,” Matt said after a few moments. “I know things aren’t easy. We’re all just doing the best we can.”

  “I know.” She nodded. “I just know I can come off like a bitch sometimes, and I don’t want you—any of you—thinking that I’m ungrateful, is all.” She picked up the shovel and went to work.

  After a few minutes of silence, she said, “So you guys have known each other for a while, huh?”

  “Who?” Matt tossed a shovelful of dirt to the side.

  “You and Cole and Mary.”

  Matt stopped and wiped the sweat from his brow. “I’ve known Cole since before middle school. We’ve been through a lot, way before all this shit happened.”

  “What about Mare?”

  “We both met her at a pizza shop awhile back. She took a liking to Cole right when she met him.” He realized that Kristin had stopped shoveling, and he turned to her. The tip of the sun was just over the threshold of the roof; he had to shield his eyes. She stood with a strange look on her face. “What?”

  Kristin bit her lip and looked to the ground. “So… who was Shelley?”

  That emptiness came back suddenly and sharply. Matt shook his head. “I don’t wanna talk about it.” He turned around and violently plunged his shovel into the earth, wishing Kristin would go back in and leave him be.

  “She must’ve meant a lot to you,” Kristin continued.

  Matt stopped heaving dirt. He coughed a laugh and said, “Yeah, she did.”

  “I heard what happened.”

  Matt sighed and speared the shovel in the hole he’d been digging. He rounded on Kristin so fast she took a half-step back. “Heard about what? That I watched her die, helpless to do anything? That I was such a bad shot that I couldn’t even put a bullet in her head to keep her from coming back?” He lowered his voice, realizing that he was nearly yelling. “Would you like me to tell you how shitty it is to not know that she may still be out there?”

  Kristin frowned and lowered her head again. “That’s not what I meant.”

  Matt drew a line with his eyes. “Well, what did you mean, then?”

  Kristin shrugged. “I—I just wanted you to know that you’re not the only one who carries that burden with you.”

  “I know.” Matt stared at her a moment and drew in a tight breath. “Can I ask you something?”

  She nodded.

  “Does it bother you?”

  Kristin lifted a brow. “What?”

  “That you had to…” Matt, with his shoulders slumped, turned away and searched for the courage say the next few words.

  “Kill my boyfriend?”

  Matt sighed. “Yeah.”

  Kristin shifted her weight to her left foot and tucked some loose hair behind her ears. “Every night I think about him, dream about him. Many things bother me about these last few weeks, but I do my best to let it go. If not, you’ll end up like Anna: obsessed.”

  “You let it go?”

  “I had to, Matt; it was killing me.”

  Matt nodded, thinking of all dreams he’d been having. It would be nice to let go, but he was afraid he didn’t have it in him.

  Kristin looked back to the house. “Do you think that makes me a bad person?” she asked as she t
urned around. Her eyes were moist and her cheeks red.

  “I don’t think so at all,” he said, and walked up to her, putting an arm around her shoulder. Much to his surprise, Kristin fell into his chest and started sobbing, her scent raising a few hairs on the back of his neck.

  “It’s just… hard… you know?” she said between deep and moist breaths. “It’s like everything came crashing down so quickly, and I… I don’t want to lose what we have here.”

  Matt rubbed her head and had to fight himself from kissing her out of an old habit from another life. He instead said, “Me either.” He looked out to the vast woods, avoiding the graves, and smiled. “It’s pretty nice out here.”

  Matt felt Kristin nod against his chest. He didn’t realize until now that his heart was racing.

  After a few moments, she pulled away and wiped her eyes. “Sorry. It’s just… I want you to know that whether you care or not, you’re not alone. We all have something to be mad at, and I don’t want you mad at me for what I said last night.”

  “I—”

  “I really appreciate the fact that you saved me and took me in. I do. This is my new home and you guys are my family now, and the thought of losing it is one that I can’t bear.”

  “All right, all right,” Matt said with a smile. He picked up her shovel and held it in front of her. “Let’s get to work, then. The sooner this thing is done, the sooner we can all sleep better.”

  “No hard feelings?”

  “No hard feelings.”

  ***

  “You think we should go out there and give them a hand?” Mary said from the counter as she blew on her coffee.

  Cole looked through the kitchen window and watched as Kristin and Matt laughed and talked. They’d already gotten a decent amount of the pit dug. He turned to Mary and shook his head. “It’ll do them both some good to get to know each other.” He took a sip of his coffee and glanced at Alex, who was in the living room watching some movie about sparkling vampires. Cole laughed at the thought.