by Stacey Lynn
“You need help getting upstairs?” I asked when she kept looking at me, her bottom lip sliding between her teeth.
“No.” She stepped toward me, hesitating as she moved, and I braced myself for whatever she was about to do, but I didn’t move away.
I was paralyzed by her beauty moving toward me, her hand reaching out for my arm, that indecision flaring in her dark brown eyes.
“Rebecca—” I said. She had to stop, she had no clue what she was doing to me. Heat was swirling in my spine and one particular area in my jeans was growing uncomfortable.
She didn’t stop moving, and as her hand reached my bicep, my muscles tightened. She rolled to her toes, leaned up.
“Rebecca,” I whispered again. She was moving straight for my mouth.
The good man she claimed I was would move back, wouldn’t want those lips to fall to mine. I wasn’t a good man. I wanted to touch her back, press my lips to hers, slide my tongue inside her mouth and place my hands on her hips and yank her against me.
There was no way she truly wanted to kiss me.
She didn’t. At the last second, she moved to the side and her lips brushed over the corner of my mouth, landing on my cheek.
The faint scent of flowery perfume hit me at the same time her lips made contact with my skin and still, I forced my body to lock, to not reach for her.
Instead, I inhaled her, reveled in the brush of her silky hair over my arm, the weight of her body pressing against mine even if she was barely touching me. My eyes closed and I breathed in the scent and feel of her, taking from her whatever she’d give me like I’d vowed to do.
She pulled back, not looking at me, and fell back to her heels. “Goodnight, Cooper.”
I cleared my throat in order to speak. She’d barely touched me and I was on fire, hard all over, everywhere.
“Goodnight, Rebecca.”
She headed up the stairs, still not looking at me, not even looking back when I told her I’d lock up.
I waited until she reached the top of the stairs, until I heard a door close behind her, and I waited longer until water in the upstairs bathroom turned on.
Then I locked the front door, moved to the back, and I got the hell out of her house before I went after her.
* * *
“Hey Pepper.” I crouched down and ruffled the top of my favorite baby goat.
I grinned down at the cute little gray animal and lifted him into my arms. I’d watched this kid be born. Watching it happen had been one of the grossest and slimiest, but coolest things I’d ever seen in my life.
I’d tossed and turned all night long. Instead of continuing to do it once it hit four-thirty, I’d gotten up and showered and decided if I couldn’t sleep, I could get my ass moving to make things easier for Rebecca once she rolled out of bed.
My guess was with all the wine she drank last night, getting up at her typical five-thirty wasn’t going to be easy for her, if even possible. I wasn’t wrong because it was well after seven and I hadn’t heard or seen her yet.
I didn’t mind.
She deserved a morning off, and I’d quickly realized that work on a farm never quit and you certainly didn’t get weekends and holidays off.
I’d already fed the horses and gathered eggs from the coop, which was always an adventure in itself. Typically, I escaped only after either being pecked a handful of times or my shoes sinking in chicken crap.
One thing I’d learned so far living in the country, was that even with all the fresh, unpolluted air, I almost always stank like shit. It came at you from everywhere. Horses, cows, goats, chickens, you name it, I’d stepped in it.
And now, I was with the goats, checking on them and giving them feed and water. There was one more goat getting ready to give birth in the next week or two.
I didn’t ask how Rebecca knew, but she did spend a few extra minutes with her every day we came and hung out with them.
The kid, Pepper, climbed into my arms and pressed his nose to my cheek.
“Yeah, I know, I like you too, but I got more stuff to do, so go play.”
Since she’d told me about the Jefferson family messing with her fences I wanted to drive around some of the pastures and double check them. We hadn’t done it in a few days, but after Gavin’s constant glares last night, it was prudent to stay on top of it. Who knew if he came home drunk and pissed off and decided to screw with her.
I set down Pepper and stood, but he followed me out of the pen where they were kept. During the day, Rebecca let them roam free knowing they couldn’t make it past an outer fence so I didn’t bother shutting the gate.
I reached outside, and squinted through the bright sunlight toward the main road. The quiet rumble of a vehicle kicking up gravel and dirt grabbing my attention.
By the time a black GMC Yukon came into view, I was close to Rebecca’s front porch, Pepper still following me at my heels.
The SUV stopped, the driver’s side door opened, and a man with dark black hair, and dark black eyes that matched Rebecca's appeared. He slammed the door shut and since his posture and movement toward me shouted confrontation, I planted my feet and crossed my arms over my chest.
“Can I help you?”
I’d already seen photos of this guy inside. Rebecca had been concerned he’d show at the bar last night and while I knew she had a younger brother, she didn’t talk about him much and she definitely hadn’t liked the idea of him showing at The Tavern.
“Yeah. You wanna tell me who in the fuck you are at my sister’s house and what the hell you’re doing here?”
The screen door slammed behind me and I spun to find Rebecca stomping out onto the porch.
Screw me halfway to Sunday. She was barely freaking dressed in shorts so short they could barely be called that, a tank top that clung to every inch of her skin and clearly proved she didn’t have on a bra, and a pale purple robe, flying out behind her.
Her hair was mussed, long and wild and blowing out over her shoulders and she didn’t stop moving until she reached the bottom steps, right next to me.
Fantastic. I now knew exactly how beautiful and fuckable she looked right when she woke up. Just what I needed.
“He doesn’t need to tell you anything, but you can explain to me why you’re here, shouting at my guest, Jordan.”
Ah. So I was right. This was the brother.
He also seemed like a dick. He leaned in, hands on his hips, and his voice was not kind when he barked out, “You know why I’m here.”
She whipped closed her robe, belting it at her waist—thank goodness for small freaking favors. “Yeah. I suppose I should thank you for waiting until this morning to come out here considering I’m sure Ryan called and told you all about it when he got home last night.”
He didn’t bother lying. “Left a message at one o’clock. Got it at six and it took me over thirty minutes to calm down enough to drive my ass out here. It’s all over town, you out with some guy I had no idea was even here, Rebecca. Two of my morning servers were dishing about it.”
She blinked and turned to me. “It’s after seven? And you’re already dressed and working?”
The sweet look on her face made me want to kiss her. I was so screwed.
“Figured you wouldn’t be up early today, I was and got moving.”
“Seriously?” Jordan barked and my head whipped in his direction.
“Watch it,” I clipped back equally as fierce as he did. “Obviously you’re Rebecca's brother, and you might not know me, but you know it can’t be right to show up at her place early on a Saturday morning being an asshole to her like this. So calm down, or go home until you can and then come back.”
Slowly, his lips spread into a smile and he turned to Rebecca. “I like him. Now who in the hell is he? Looks familiar.”
“You’re a pain in my ass. You know that?”
His grinned widened. “I’m your brother. It’s my job.”
At that, and both of their quiet laughter and the tension
dropping in the air, Jordan walked straight toward us and when he got close, he yanked Rebecca into his arms, not even bothering to whisper as he said, “Still pissed as hell you didn’t give me a heads-up. Damn near had a heart attack when I got Ry’s message.”
“There was no reason for it.” She pulled back and held out her hand to me. “Cooper, this is my brother Jordan Marx. Jordan, Cooper Hawke.”
“Cooper fucking Hawke. Holy shit, I knew you looked familiar.”
Next to me, I practically felt Rebecca's eyes roll.
Eleven
Rebecca
My brother wasn’t just a pain in my backside, he never missed an opportunity to dish out crap to any guy I brought around. He enjoyed seeing them tremble in fear in front of him.
It wasn’t surprising he showed up today. I’d expected him to make the maneuver he just made as public as possible. Yippee me, I had a younger brother who thought he was funny.
Fortunately, Cooper not only didn’t shrivel beneath my brother’s steely gaze that psyched out more than one batter when he played ball, he stood against it, at my side, and protected me.
I hadn’t had that. Not in a long time. It felt damn good and scary as hell. I ignored the way my heart fluttered at an unnatural speed and turned to Cooper.
“Can you fill him in on everything?”
He scowled at Jordan. “You trust him?”
“Yes,” I said. A soft laugh escaped me. “He’s my brother. Of course I do.” I whipped back to Jordan. “But don’t be an ass, either. I’m going to get dressed. You want to stay for breakfast, I’ll get on that after I go upstairs.”
“Awesome,” Jordan said, slapping his stomach. “I’m famished.”
I glared at him, stomping up the stairs, knowing that glare didn’t faze Jordan. “Don’t you own a restaurant? Somewhere else you can get food for free?”
He shrugged shamelessly and followed me up the stairs.
I almost stumbled over the top step as he winked at Cooper and grinned. “Yours is better.”
“Damn straight,” I replied.
I let the door slam shut in front of him and hustled up the stairs.
Good Lord, I’d barely managed to throw on a robe before I ran downstairs when I woke to the rumble of his truck.
And it was seven-thirty! I couldn’t remember the last time I’d slept in, or the few times I had, the work had already been done.
I also hadn’t expected Cooper to get up and handle everything.
More, I hadn’t expected last night to happen.
I whipped off my tank top, tossed it onto my bed and turned to my closet, my body chilling not from being half-naked but from the memory of last night as it assaulted me.
Holy crap. I kissed him. His cheek, but that wasn’t where I was aiming.
What was wrong with me? I stumbled backward and when the soft fabric of my sheets hit my knees, I collapsed onto it.
I’d almost kissed another man.
I’d wanted to kiss another man. A man who wasn’t Joseph. A man who wasn’t permanent.
It was Cooper’s fault. It was his smiles and his strong jaw and his even stronger arms and muscled body and it was his laughter and his easy confidence.
It was all the things about him I’d noticed and kept ignoring ever since I agreed to the stupid idea to allow him to come here and all the stupid things about him I’d been pushing away since I Googled him and saw his photos.
He was a man, an attractive one, and I was no longer solely appreciating his physical characteristics.
“Damn it.” I dropped my face into my hands.
Joseph was the only man I’d ever loved. He was the only man who’d understood me. I’d also thought he was the only man I’d ever met who was as equally passionate about my dreams and living on our land and ranching as I was.
He was also the only man who betrayed me.
Turned out, I loved him with everything I had and yet that hadn’t always been enough, especially near the end.
Almost seven months after his death, I still couldn’t reconcile those two pieces together.
Last night, Cooper hadn’t pulled away. He hadn’t touched me back, he hadn’t bent his head to kiss me, but he didn’t move back either. He’d looked at me with torment in his eyes, the push and pull of wanting what I was offering and knowing it was a mistake. It was written clear as day in his beautiful green eyes.
The only thing he’d said was my name, ripped from his throat like he was tortured with the decision of whether to let me kiss him or shove me away. I couldn’t stop remembering it. I pressed my fingers against my temples, squeezed my eyes closed to dispel it all from my brain, but the vision only sharpened.
I’d wanted to kiss another man, and he was going to let me.
It was all, so horribly, horribly wrong.
I shoved off the bed, grabbed my phone, and flung off a quick text to Brooke.
I almost kissed him. What is wrong with me?
Tossing the phone onto my bed, I went back to my closet and finished getting dressed. I couldn’t think about this.
It wasn’t right, and it would never happen again. Not with Cooper, not with anyone.
I hadn’t been a virgin when I met Joseph. I’d known him my first two years of college, and I’d always been attracted to him, but he didn’t seem interested. I was so intent on squeezing everything I could out of the college experience, far from home, that I’d dated lots. I’d been with men I didn’t date, just hook-ups that left me doing the walk of shame across a bitter cold college campus. College had been a joke. I sat in class after class learning how to work on a farm, but I’d been doing it since I could walk. There wasn’t anything I was learning in books I didn’t already know, so I was still getting straight A’s and didn’t have to spend a lot of time studying. To keep busy, I spent a lot of time having as much fun as possible.
When I returned to Iowa State my junior year, it was time to get serious. The fun of one-night stands and ridiculous dates with guys I knew I’d never end up with had lost their shine. It was Joseph who still held my attention. I’d made the first approach, flirting with him and pretending to need his help studying.
He hadn’t fallen for it. Instead, he’d given me a questioning look and asked, “You done wasting your time and ready to be with a man who actually wants you?”
I’d acted offended. Then he’d kissed me. Right there outside the Hansen Agriculture Center, he’d pulled me to him, wrapped his hand around the back of my neck, held me to him and kissed me, and I hadn’t looked at another man since.
My last first kiss. I’d told him that. I’d known it instantly.
He’d pulled away, gave me a smile that shook me to my toes and said, “Yep. Glad you finally figured it out.”
Somehow, all that went to shit.
I was in the bathroom, piling all my hair on top of my head and wrapping it into a messy knot when my phone pinged.
Tears I’d been fighting swam in my eyes and dripped down my cheeks. I grabbed the phone, the text from Brooke only two words but as warm as if her arms were holding me tight.
Oh honey.
Another text came in almost immediately after.
There’s nothing wrong with wanting it. And there’s nothing wrong with you. You have every right to search for a new kind of happiness.
I collapsed back onto the bed and lost the fight with my tears and my emotions.
“Fuck you, Joseph. You weren’t supposed to do this to me. You weren’t supposed to leave me like this.”
I cried until a knock hit my door and I jumped off the bed, swiping at my eyes and sniffing away tears.
Oh God. I’d completely forgotten about Cooper and Jordan downstairs.
“Yeah?” I called out.
“You okay? Taking you awhile.” It was Jordan. My shoulders fell with relief.
“Yep. Be down in a second.”
I waited to hear his footsteps leaving, but I heard his voice instead. “Rebecca. You need me?”
<
br /> Damn him. I sniffed again and blew out a breath. Jordan’s voice was soft, covered in steel, and worried. So damn worried about me all the time.
“I’m good. I’m good.”
I wasn’t. I was weak and falling apart by the minute, but Jordan didn’t need to see that. He had his own life, his own business.
Finally, I heard him walk away, calling out, “All right. Take your time.”
Still with the soft voice, still thick with concern, but he knew not to push.
I went to the bathroom, splashed water on my face, added concealer beneath my eyes and brushed my teeth.
Cooper was there to help, and he’d leave.
But…would it be so wrong to kiss a man like that? Someone who wouldn’t be here long enough to hurt my heart, but could maybe…help me in other ways?
Twelve
Cooper
“She okay?” I asked Jordan when he returned to the kitchen.
While we waited for Rebecca, he’d done the man thing, where he’d stared at me, not saying much and trying to intimidate me with his silence.
I’d first explained to him why I was here, that Max sent me here in order to get out of California for a few months until my divorce was settled so I didn’t have to deal with paparazzi.
He’d grunted a few times and gone back to his phone.
I’d ignored him, focused on a game on my phone after I started a fresh pot of coffee.
The ease with which I moved around the kitchen didn’t pass Jordan’s attention either. I didn’t bother explaining. He was there to check me out and for the most part, I was surprised he didn’t jump right in after Rebecca disappeared upstairs.
Apparently he was going with the slow-drip torture technique.
Whatever.
“Not really.”
I waited for more, and finally, he gave it.
“She’s stubborn as the day is long. She’s hurting and no, she’s not really okay but she mostly does a helluva job of faking it. But, if you mean if she’ll be down soon, then yeah, she’s okay.”