by Stacey Lynn
It was the most he’d spoken and apparently he decided to flood the gates because he kept talking. “I’m not an idiot. I have approximately thirty waitresses at the restaurant I run. I have an assistant who, when she’s not scheduling my appointments and trying to find me a new manager for the golf course maintenance shed, is scrolling through Instagram or checking out celebrity gossip sites.”
I set down my cup of coffee on the counter and settled my ass against it. “So you’ve heard about Camilla.”
“I know she went on a show the other night and bawled her eyes out saying how much she loves you and wants you back, yeah.”
Damn woman. I’d throttle her if I wasn’t half a country away from her. There were excuses I could give Jordan, explanations for everything, and frankly, it was none of his damn business. But he was a straight shooter and I suspected he’d appreciate the same.
“Loved her,” I said. “I loved my wife, not going to lie to you. Met her at a party, never looked back, and I had no clue she was jacking me around for the last five years. It hurt. It also pisses me off to know I wasted so much time wanting a family with her, not seeing any sign that she’d been cheating on me ever since she took my ring. Not going to lie, that shit burns too, but I’ve also had months to clear my head about her. If you’re asking me if I’m even considering taking her back, the answer is no. No way in hell.”
“Actually, what I’m wondering is if you came out here to clear your head, ignore all that bullshit, and you needed some space to do it, and you’ve now done it, then why the hell are you still here?”
I’d had the same thought yesterday when I talked to Max. I could go home. I could fight Camilla face to face and be a man and suck it all up and move the hell on with my life.
I knew why I didn’t want to leave. I just wasn’t going to admit it. Not to him. Not yet.
“My sister is strong,” Jordan said before I could come up with a lame excuse. “She’s so damn strong, but this bullshit about needing help is just that. She could pick up the phone and have a half-dozen men here helping. It’s what farmers and ranchers do. She could call me, and I’ve told her to, and I’ve showed up without that call only to get frozen out. She needs the help and doesn’t want it because she wants to do it on her own. So it makes me wonder why in the hell she agreed to let you come.”
“It’s a favor to Max.”
“Bullshit. Max cares about Rebecca. He might love her like a daughter but he’s not sending an actor to help her out to get space from his life without an agenda. You know Max at all, you know that.”
It hadn’t been the first time I thought that too. “It’s not like that with us,” I said, my jaw tightening and my muscles bunching.
Jordan had no problems laying it all out there but he had to be wrong. Max wouldn’t try to screw us both like this.
Jordan pushed off from his chair and headed toward me, moving to the coffeepot and lowered his voice. “You might not think it’s like that, but it is, at least in Max’s head. He’s playing both of you, and I’m warning you now, be careful. She’s just lost her husband, a man she loved more than her breath. She doesn’t need you fucking with her head or her heart, or other parts of her, and taking off.”
If I hadn’t heard footsteps pounding down the stairway I would have punched him. My hands were already balled into fists, ready to strike. Forcing that anger out of me, I stepped back, put space between us and shook my head. “If that’s Max’s agenda, I can guarantee you he’s the only one getting screwed here. I wouldn’t do that to her.”
“You wouldn’t try to hurt her. That I believe.”
Shit.
God fucking damn it. Was it that easy to read how much I wanted his sister?
He was right. The best, the smartest decision, was for me to leave.
That wasn’t going to happen either. I wasn’t ready. And it wasn’t just Rebecca holding me here. It was all of it. For two weeks, I’d worked on a ranch instead of showing up for makeup and twelve-hour days on sets. I didn’t have any desire to go back to that yet.
“Sorry that took so long,” Rebecca said, walking into the kitchen. Her head was down, hair pulled back, but she was now dressed in a pair of cut-off denim shorts, not too much longer than the pajama shorts she’d had on and a green tank top that still showed all her damn curves.
Hot damn I wanted my hands on those hips.
I looked away, only to be met with Jordan’s eyes on me. He quirked his lips, letting me know he saw me checking out his sister but fortunately kept his mouth shut.
Man was smart as a whip and missed nothing.
Rebecca was at the fridge, bent over, moving crap around and talking. “What do you want, Jordan? Sausage or bacon.”
“Yes, please,” he said.
I managed to drag my eyes off his sister’s ass and grabbed a mug from the counter. I filled it for her, black like she drank it, as she slammed the door to the fridge and glared at Jordan.
“You’re a pain in my ass.” She still had both packages of sausage and bacon in her hands.
“Here.” I held out the coffee mug. “For you.”
She stumbled, almost dropped the bacon. “Oh. Thank you. That was nice of you.”
She said it all without looking at me.
In fact, while she got moving in the kitchen and started cooking, she didn’t look at me once.
A thick sludge slid down my throat. She remembered last night.
She just didn’t want to.
Probably for the best nothing happened. I’d make sure it didn’t from here on out. Jordan was one hundred percent correct. The fact was, I had no business starting anything with a woman, even if it was physical only, because my time here was temporary.
No way would I hurt her like Jordan said I would. I refused to let it happen.
“So you own a golf resort?” I asked, turning to Jordan and changing the subject.
“Yep. Opened it up when I moved back to town a couple of years ago. Biggest golf course and spa resort in the area. Brings in people from all over who don’t want to make the trek to Kansas City.”
“Didn’t you ever want to work the ranch?”
Across the kitchen, Rebecca laughed. Loudly. “Please. All that farm work could have hurt his arm or shoulder and then he wouldn’t be able to play.”
“Play?”
Jordan nodded. “Ball. Went to KU on a baseball scholarship.”
Holy shit. Max had told me, but I’d been too wrapped up in Camilla and Rebecca to remember. “Fuck. You played for the Rockies, right?”
“Best pitcher in the National League, two straight years,” Rebecca said over the sizzle and pop of bacon.
Jesus. I’d seen him at a Dodgers game. My head was totally up my ass to not have put all this together.
“That’s right. Max talked about that after you blew out your knee.”
“Yeah, that sucked. You a Rockies fan?”
He already hated me, I figured I couldn’t dig my gravesite any deeper. “Nope. Dodgers ’til I die.”
“Sorry to hear that.”
It was typical man bullshit, but better than me having to talk to him about his sister or how long I was staying.
Those were holes I wasn’t jumping down any more that day. Or ever.
We gave each other crap about sports and teams and where our allegiances lie, almost always on the opposite sides of the fence, while Rebecca finished cooking breakfast. We were almost done eating, Jordan shoving the last bite of his sausage into his mouth, when he spoke again.
“Not to be a dick here, but obviously last night you weren’t recognized. You plan on staying on the ranch the entire time you’re here or do you have a plan for when you’re outed? Based on what I’ve heard, your wife is trying to hunt you down.”
“It’s nothing but publicity she’s searching for,” I said to both of them. “But to answer your question, I had a wig on last night, it worked. I’m not concerned.”
He turned his attention to Re
becca. “And you just plan on lying to everyone this summer?”
“How about you let me deal with my business and you stick to yours?”
“When you going to start dealing, Rebecca?”
His anger pulsed across the table and Rebecca looked like he’d slapped her.
“Fuck you,” she gritted out, chin wobbling. She shoved away from the table and took off through the back door, letting it slam behind her.
I was already on my feet, moving after her while pointing my finger at Jordan. “Get the fuck out of here. That was a dick move.”
“You don’t know her. She needs the push. Trust me, you might think I’m a dick right now, but she needs this. I know my sister.”
What the hell ever. I took off and didn’t have to think about where I was going.
The roar of one of the ATVs was already blaring and I ran in the direction of the barn, meeting Rebecca at it right as she started taking off.
Thirteen
Rebecca
“Get out of my way, Cooper.”
Damn him. Damn Jordan.
Push, push, fucking push. He was always pushing. Didn’t he ever realize I didn’t need it? I was dealing with everything the best way I knew how.
Or maybe I wasn’t, but who in the hell knew anymore.
I didn’t even have the time to think about it. Cooper stood in front of me, arms flung wide out to his sides, right in front of my ATV.
“Let me drive. Take you anywhere you want to go, but I’m not letting you go alone and not on this when you can barely see.”
Obviously I was crying. That couldn’t be hidden and my concealer was most likely dripping down my cheeks. Stupid cheap, drug store makeup never stayed when or where I needed it to.
I revved the engine to make him move out of my way, but he leaned forward, wrapping his hand around the grill.
“Get out of my way!” I shouted over the noise.
Cooper shook his head, his black hair blowing in the air. “Let me on and I’ll take you where you want to go, or I’m going to get the other and follow you.”
I could hide from him. I knew this land like the back of my hand and with a head start, I had no doubt I could outrun him and get to one of my favorite hiding places.
I also believed he’d follow me.
Storm clouds were rolling in and rain was coming. It was dangerous for us both to be out and alone. A Kansas rainstorm could turn into a tornado with little warning.
I laid off the pedal so I didn’t have to shout over the engine and jerked my head toward the barn. “Go. I’ll wait.”
He gave me a look.
I did nothing.
Then he took off running, and I looked back to the house.
Jordan was there, on the back patio, arms crossed over his chest—smiling.
Before I could process what that meant, Cooper’s ATV started and he came out of the barn.
I took off. I might not have taken off on him when he wasn’t looking, but if he wanted to chase me, I had adrenaline and anger to burn.
This wasn’t a casual ride through the pastures to check on cattle. This was me, trying to outrun everything.
I flew through the trails, the knot in my hair coming undone at some point and my hair whipped around my face and my shoulders, but I didn’t bother to fix it or slow down.
There was only one place I wanted to be, only one place where I could get far enough away from the house, away from Jordan, away from the truth he callously flung in my face. He wasn’t trying to be a dick.
He was just blunt, and pussyfooting around was never his style, and in turn, whenever he tried, it only pissed me off further because it meant he was coddling me.
I didn’t need that either. I didn’t need someone treating me like I was some precious, wilting flower they had to hold so gently or I’d be crushed.
Jordan never did that. But it didn’t mean the truth didn’t hurt, so I raced away from it, well aware of the hum of Cooper’s ATV right on my heels.
I drove until my tears were dried and my anger subsided. We rode for what felt like forever, kicking up dirt and mud, and until the clouds had taken over the sky.
I drove until I reached the creek before I pulled to a stop.
Cooper pulled up right next to me, a smile on his face so wide I thought his face might split in two. “Know you’re pissed and out here running, but holy shit that was fun.”
Despite my churning emotions, I still smiled. “Sometimes it’s necessary.”
I climbed off the ATV and went to a large flat rock, sat down and pulled my knees to my chest.
“Your brother’s an asshole,” Cooper said, taking a seat close to me. There was plenty of room next to me. We wouldn’t even touch. “What he said was unnecessary.”
“What he said was the truth.”
My gaze stayed on the water, trickling slowly over rocks and through the weeds, creating patterns that could mesmerize me for hours. A breeze rustled hay on the other side, something we needed to get baling in the next week or two.
I’d seen the cattle huddling together on our way out. A storm was coming and it wouldn’t be pretty based on the way they were taking shelter amongst themselves. It was hot, not overly so, but the thickness in the air from humidity still weighed on my skin.
Yeah. Today was going to suck.
Today already sucked.
I dropped my knees and crossed my legs, leaning forward so I could pick the weeds in front of the rocks.
“I had fun last night, you know?” I didn’t look at Cooper to see if he was watching me, but I felt him looking at me. “Some days I wake up, and I promise myself I’ll do better. I can handle everything. I look at my pictures of Joseph, and all I want to do is make him so damn proud of me. Then I miss him so much. And then I’m so damn angry at him.” I inhaled deep, forcing down my tears. I’d cried enough. “Yesterday though, last night, that was fun.”
“It was fun.” His tone had deepened, a bit rougher. I focused on the grass, on my fingers sliding through the weeds, pulling them apart, the silkiness of the thick grass.
He sounded like he did right before I went to kiss him.
God, if only that thought would evaporate. Instead of moving on, I kept gathering problems.
“Having fun doesn’t mean you’re forgetting him either, though, you know? You’re allowed to laugh and let life in a little bit even if it’s different than what you wanted.”
“I know that.” My tone was snappier than I intended. I didn’t apologize.
He surprised me by not calling me out on it. “I loved Camilla. Swear to God, Rebecca. I fell for her the day I met her and if I could have had only her every day for the rest of my life, I’d have taken it and walked away from everything else. It’s different, I know that, but in the last several months, especially the last few weeks since she started fighting the divorce settlement, my eyes have been opened to seeing a whole bunch of shit I missed and that stings. I’m not going to sit here and lie and say the crap she’s pulling now is even worse. I still miss her though. Miss the way she used to hug me or laugh with me. I miss being with her. Or someone. Sometimes it gets cloudy and I don’t know if it’s her I’m missing, or if it’s having someone next to me I liked so damn much.”
I knew exactly what I was missing.
I also understood him more than he, or anyone else, knew.
“I’m not saying perspective will change with you, though. I’m not saying it should. I’m just letting you know, in a way, I get how hard it is to pick yourself up, move on, and keep moving even when it sucks. I think you’re doing an incredible job, I also think you haven’t had the time or the space to deal. You get up every day, surrounded by your life with him, surrounded by your dreams, and you sleep in the bed you shared with him. That’s got to make everything a thousand times harder.”
“Are you saying I should leave?” I turned, unable to hide the sharp tone. What the hell?
“No.” He was facing the water, the hay, my land.
“I’m not saying that. But I will be honest and say I don’t think you hiding out here, never taking a moment for you is helping either. You had fun last night and today you’re making it seem like a crime, like you have something to be ashamed of. There’s no harm in healing or in learning to live with the memory of him and still make it a good life, even if it’s not your dream life.”
My anger bubbled, fizzled and popped in my veins. I ripped the weeds in my hands and jumped to my feet.
A raindrop fell on my nose and I wiped it away. “We should get back to the house. Storm’s coming.”
His boots scraped on the rock as he stood, but I was already headed back to the ATVs.
“I wasn’t trying to upset you, Rebecca.”
“I know.” He wasn’t. What he was reminding me of was moving in to kiss him. The heat that hit my hand when I wrapped it around his arm, an arm much larger than my hand could ever fully grip. And I didn’t like remembering it.
“Then why are you stomping away from me?”
I spun around, thinking he’d be farther away, but he wasn’t. He was right there. Like last night. When he smelled so good and smiled that sexy smile. When he laughed freely and made me laugh. I glared at his chest as if it was its fault I couldn’t stop thinking about him. “Rain’s coming. It could turn into a storm and we don’t want to be caught in it.”
“Rainstorms shouldn’t make you blush, Rebecca. Last night—”
I held up my hand. “I don’t want to talk about last night anymore.”
“There was nothing wrong with that either, you know.”
“I was drunk.”
“You wanted something for yourself and there’s nothing wrong with it.”
“Cooper—” I stopped talking when he touched me.
He took my hand in his and held it firmly.
“You weren’t ready last night, and I should have moved away. I don’t think you’re ready at all, and I’m not saying when you are ready I’m the man you should come to. Don’t misunderstand me, Rebecca, I’m not standing here trying to get you to act on an impulse or anything. But last night you wanted something for yourself and I just want you to know, before you twist it in your head into something ugly or wrong, there’s no need to feel guilty for wanting someone. He’s gone, he’s not coming back, and I’m sorry about that for you, but there’s no betrayal in moving on, or finding something — or someone — good for you again. I just think you need to hear that.”