But there was one thing both men had in common, which was that a relationship with either of them would bring her pain – Jay because he was a married man, and John because he loved another woman. Not, of course, that there was any suggestion that John wanted to have a relationship with her.
There was a soft knock on her bedroom door followed immediately by Ellie’s voice as she opened the door and came in, gently closing it behind her.
‘I was hoping you would still be awake,’ she said tenderly as she came and sat down on the bed. ‘It’s been so lovely having you here, Hettie.’ Ellie smiled as she took hold of one of Hettie’s hands, clasping it within the warmth of her own. ‘I know how difficult and unhappy I made life for everyone during that time when…when I wasn’t well.’
‘That wasn’t your fault,’ Hettie assured her immediately. ‘Iris explained how it was.’
‘You have all been very patient with me, Hettie, expecially my dearest Gideon.’
‘It must, you must, I’m glad that you’re glad about…about this new baby, Mam,’ Hettie managed to say awkwardly at last.
‘I am glad. And I am happy as well because I know that this time I feel as I should do, as I felt with both the boys. You will understand more what I mean when your own time comes, Hettie. Right from the start I was worried about that other poor baby. It was as though part of me knew…’
‘Mam, don’t,’ Hettie begged her, distressed. ‘I know how much you wanted a little girl, a daughter.’
Ellie had started to frown. ‘Another girl would have been nice,’ she allowed, stressing the word ‘another’, ‘but Hettie I already have my daughter.’
Hettie looked at her. ‘But I am not, you are not…’ she blurted out.
‘I am not what?’ Ellie demanded. ‘I am not your mother? Is that what you think, Hettie? It is certainly not what I think, for I know you are my child, my daughter, just as much as I know that the boys are my sons. You are my daughter, Hettie, and you became mine from the minute you first looked at me and held out your little arms to me.’ Tears had blurred both Ellie’s eyes and her voice.
‘You touched my heart then, Hettie, in such a way I can’t explain it to you, only to say that it was as though I immediately loved you. It was for you that I took your mother in…for you, because I loved you. You were my baby, my beloved little daughter.
‘And it was of you that I thought as I trudged those wretched streets looking for somewhere for us all to stay. My little Hettie of Hope Street, for it was on Hope Street that I finally found somewhere for us all.
‘Of course I was sorry about your mother’s death, and I grieved for her and for you, but you were already mine before she died, Hettie, even though you yourself cannot remember that.
‘Should this new baby be a little girl, she will be my second daughter and she will be the sister I longed so much to give you when you were growing up so that you might love her as I loved Connie. But you are my eldest child, my beloved first child, my first daughter, and because of that you will always be extra special to me.’
Hettie discovered that she was both shaking and crying at the same time as she sobbed, ‘Oh Mam, I didn’t know.’ And allowed Ellie to draw her into her eager arms.
‘Hettie, Hettie…So much of you is of me…The way you smile, the way you walk and talk…Gideon has often remarked on it and others too, and I am so very, very proud of you. A mother’s pride, like my mother’s love. Girl or boy this new baby will be loved, but never more than you, Hettie…’
TWENTY-FIVE
‘So it looks as though Sukey ain’t going to be coming back. Turned ’er orf there and then ’e did, and told ’er never to audition for one of his shows again. A right state she were in an’ all. Mind you, I can’t say as ’ow she weren’t asking for it, like, as you might say. Screaming all sorts at the director she was, and the language, it would ’ave made a docker blush it would, it were that ripe. It were a right old temper Sukey had on her and no mistake, and then when she threw them pots at ’im…’
Aggie started to shake her head. ‘Orf her head she were and no mistake. So it was no wonder Ivan went and sent for Jay Dalhousie.’
Tiredly Hettie tried to keep her eyes open and listen to Aggie. It was only an hour since she had got off the London train, and although her body was here in London her thoughts – and heart – were still in Preston with Ellie.
‘’Ettie, you aren’t listening to me,’ Aggie complained.
Aggie had been deprived of an audience for her juicy piece of gossip all of Easter weekend and now that Hettie had returned she was quite naturally making it plain that she felt aggrieved that Hettie was not responding to her dramatic revelations about Sukey’s dismissal with the shocked disbelief she had expected.
‘’Ere, ’e didn’t tell you he were going to give her the old ’eav’ o, did he?’ she questioned Hettie suspiciously. ‘Only all of us knows how close you and ’im have got, like.’
‘No, of course not,’ Hettie denied immediately. ‘I would have told you all.’
‘Well, I should have ’oped you would an’ all,’ Aggie said, slightly mollified. ‘Us girls ’ave got to stick together and don’t you go forgetting that, ’Ettie. It’s all very well when these posh fellas come sniffing round wi’ their soft talk, promising a girl everything, but it seems to me that there’s not many girls like us as ends up wi’ a ring and respectably married to ’em,’ Aggie warned her.
‘Was it because of those pills she’s been taking that Sukey got in such a state, do you think?’ Hettie asked worriedly, deliberately ignoring Aggie’s final comment.
‘’Oo knows.’ Aggie shrugged. ‘All as I know is that she’s bin told to go, and that she has. Took the first train back to Liverpool yesterday and said she was glad to be going an all. So wot about you, ’Ettie, did you ’ave a good time with your family?’
‘It was very nice,’ Hettie told her lamely, adding, ‘Me mam and dad are going to try to come down to London to see the show.’
‘Well I never…’ Aggie declared, momentarily distracted. ‘Now that would be sommat, wouldn’t it? Me Mam has never so much as set foot outside of Lancashire in her life. Not that she would want to, mind. She wouldn’t have no truck with southerners, wouldn’t me Mam. She allus says as ’ow you can’t trust ’em, and I’m beginning to think she’s right.’
Aggie had said that Jay had given Sukey the sack from the show – did that mean that he hadn’t gone to Paris, or had he simply sacked Sukey and then gone? Hettie didn’t want to ask Aggie too many questions, because she didn’t want the other girl demanding to know why she was so interested in Jay’s whereabouts.
Would he forgive her for not going with him? Did she want him to? Hettie wondered uncertainly. Going home and being with Ellie and Gideon had reminded her of the values they had instilled in her. There was no doubt in her mind about how they would feel about the kind of relationship Jay wanted to have with her.
But it seemed that when it came to John and his fancy lady friend things were different. What was she like, this Lady Polly who John didn’t want to discuss but who nevertheless seemed to be playing such a large part in his new life?
Why was she thinking about John and his life and feeling so unhappy when her own life was so exciting? Hettie wondered crossly. Just because as a silly girl she had thought of John as such a hero, and been falling in love with him, that didn’t mean anything now, did it? She was going to be a famous singer, she reminded herself stoutly as the door opened and the twins hurried in, almost immediately followed by Mary and then Babs.
It was Jenny who noticed Babs’s ring first, squealing out excitedly, ‘’Ere, Babs, you’ve never gorn and got engaged, ’ave you?’
‘And what if I ’ave?’ Babs responded, tossing her head and both laughing and blushing as they all rushed forward to study the ring on her left hand – a small ruby surrounded by equally small diamonds.
‘And there you was, Mary, telling us all as how you would be the first to
get a diamond ring on your finger,’ Aggie reminded Mary bluntly.
‘Well, as it so happens, I ’ave got a diamond ring, so there,’ Mary boasted sharply.
‘Oh you ’ave, ’ave you? Well, let’s see it then,’ Aggie demanded, plainly not believing her.
‘You can an’ all, then,’ Mary told her, drawing off her gloves and displaying the large solitaire diamond that was flashing on her right hand.
‘’Ere, Mary, that’s never real, is it?’ Jess breathed in awe.
‘O’ course it’s real,’ Mary told her contemptuously.
‘Mebbe so, but it ain’t some family heirloom like wot all them toff fiancées wear. After all, you ain’t no Edwina Ashley, ’er as has just got engaged to that Lord Louis Mountbatten, are you?’ Aggie scoffed. ‘And you ain’t wearing it on your left hand either, are you?’
Mary tossed her head and asserted fiercely ‘I wanted me own ring not sommat someone else ’as worn. And as for me left hand, well, we’re wanting to keep it to ourselves for now.’
‘So why are you telling us, then?’ Aggie asked pithily. ‘’Ere, Babs,’ she continued, turning her back on Mary. ‘When are you and Stan going to get married, then?’
‘Probably next year,’ Babs told her. ‘Stan’s already been booked to work the summer season in Blackpool again – in fact, he were wanting me to audition for a summer show there on the pier so as we could be together, and I would ’ave done an’ all if’n Princess Geisha had finished.’
‘’Ere, Mary, ’ave you and his Lordship set a date yet? H’i expects as ’ow you will be getting married in Westminster Abbey, and wearing a tiara, will yer? That’s if you really are engaged,’ Aggie finished challengingly, her accusation almost drowned out by the noise made by Mary slamming the door as she stormed out.
‘Huh, I don’t know what she’s getting so ’ot under the collar about,’ Aggie complained. ‘’Is sort never marries our sort, and Mary’s daft if she thinks any different.’
‘That’s very good, Hettie. It is too late for you to sing in one of the great operas.’ Madame Bertrice gave a small dismissive shrug. ‘For that you would have had to have had proper lessons as a child, but you are a hard working pupil and the audience can hear now that you are a good soprano lyric, and you have a voice strong enough to sing the lead part.’
They were wonderful, wonderful words, and the best compliment she could possibly hear, Hettie acknowledged joyously as she thanked her teacher. Not so long ago, the very first thing she would have done after hearing such good news would have been to rush and find Babs, but Babs didn’t seem to have very much time for her any more, and had even made several sharp comments about the fact that Hettie was having private singing lessons at all.
All in all, her spirits were lower than they should have been, Hettie admitted as she left her singing teacher’s house and stepped out into the bright spring sunshine.
‘Hettie!’
‘Oh, Jay,’ Hettie exclaimed, putting her hand to her chest as she heard Jay calling out her name. ‘You almost made me jump out of me skin.’
Jay looked at her sombrely as he fell into step beside her. ‘I would have sent Hudson to collect you in the motor, but I didn’t want to wait that long to see you. Have you missed me, sweet Hettie? I should not feed your vanity, I know, especially after you refused to come with me, but I have certainly missed you. Paris just wasn’t the same without you.’
‘Oh Jay.’ Hettie was torn between confusion and delight.
He had missed her Jay admitted, although his time in Paris had been far from solitary. But not even the obliging beauties of the Folies had been enough to totally banish Hettie from his thoughts.
‘So how was Preston?’ he asked her mockingly. ‘Worth missing Paris for?’
He was still angry with her, Hettie recognised, even if he was concealing it with a smile.
‘I was glad that I went,’ she told him truthfully. ‘Me mam is ever so much better. She and me da are hoping to come down to London to see Princess Geisha. They wanted to know all about everything I was doing.’
‘But you didn’t tell them “everything”, I hope, pretty Hettie?’ Jay asked her.
Hettie looked away from him. Somehow Jay’s warning made her feel both unhappy and ashamed.
‘I told them all about my singing lessons and that you had been very good to me.’ She ducked her head and refused to look at him.
Jay sighed and took hold of her hand, holding it tightly. ‘You are angry with me, Hettie, why?’
‘I am not angry with you,’ she denied. ‘But I think you are still angry with me, because I didn’t go to Paris with you.’
She heard him sigh again as he held her hand tighter and pulled her around gently so that they were facing one another.
‘Enough of this. I am not angry, only disappointed because you weren’t there with me.’ As he spoke Jay knew that it was the truth. ‘Just tell me that you missed me as I missed you, Hettie. That is all I want to hear you say.’
‘I missed you,’ Hettie told him solemnly. It was, after all, true. She had missed him.
‘That is better. And look, here is Hudson with the car. He will take us back to the Ritz, and we shall indulge ourselves with afternoon tea.’
Hettie hung back. ‘But Jay, there is a rehearsal this afternoon and even if there wasn’t…’
‘Even if there wasn’t, what?’ Jay challenged her.
‘I don’t feel comfortable about going to the Ritz with you, Jay. That friend of yours…’
‘You mean Harvey?’
‘Yes.’
‘You don’t like him?’
‘No.’ Hettie admitted. ‘He made me feel…He frightened me,’ she told him simply. ‘And…’ she ducked her head again. ‘And everyone must know that you are married, and even though I haven’t done anything wrong I feel…’
‘Hettie, Hettie. How many times must I tell you that my marriage has nothing to do with us, and that it need not and must not come between us?’
When she didn’t answer he pressed her determinedly. ‘When a marriage is a matter of religion and practicality, and is not and never has been of the heart, surely it cannot be wrong for a man to want to be with the woman to whom he does want to give his heart? In France such a liaison is perfectly acceptable. And it happens here too in your country more than you perhaps realise. Especially in our business, Hettie.
‘Were you to accept my love and give yours to me in return, to give yourself to me,’ Jay emphasised, his voice suddenly thickening, ‘I promise you that you will never regret it. You will be the wife of my heart, little Hettie, and you will be treated as though you were a queen.
‘Think, Hettie, think of all we share together. When you bring the audiences of Broadway to their feet as they give you a standing ovation, I want to be the one at your side. I want to present you to my country as the woman I love, Hettie, instead of merely a gifted singer I have found.’
The images he was conjuring for her were so very, very tempting. ‘But your wife?’ Hettie protested.
Jay leaned forward, cupped her face in his hands, and then looked down into her eyes, so deeply and intently that Hettie felt as though he were looking right into her heart itself.
‘She does not matter. You and I are what matters, Hettie,’ he told her fiercely.
John heard the latest gossip about Polly as soon as he walked onto the flying club’s premises. The party of young people that had eventually spent the Easter holiday together had included some of the younger members of the club, and they had now returned, and were relating what they had witnessed, in the flying club’s bar.
‘Lady Polly was in the very best of good spirits, wasn’t she, Bosie?’ John heard one of them asking of another.
‘I’ll say. Never seen her look better,’ the other confirmed. ‘M’sister said she could tell how it was with them the moment she saw them together. And, of course, there is a family connection with young Ralph being Oliver’s cousin.’
�
��Well, good luck to them, I say,’ someone else joined in. ‘Bloody bad show Oliver being killed like that, just when we thought it was all over.’
‘Bloody bad show,’ the first speaker agreed.
‘Isn’t young Ralph only just up at Magdalene, though?’
‘He was. From what I’ve heard, Lady Polly is urging him to leave. Can’t bear the thought of being without him, I heard. Pity if he does.’
‘Why? My bet is that Lady Polly will be able to teach him everything he needs to know – and then some, if what I’ve heard about her is true.’ Someone laughed coarsely.
Instinctively John’s hands clenched into two hard fists and he started to step forward, only to check and fall back as he recognised his own foolishness. He had no right to protect either Polly or her reputation. He was simply an employee working for her brother.
‘M’sister says that Lady Polly is very dashing,’ another speaker agreed.
‘I wonder what the Lascelles family think about the liaison,’ the man who had spoken so coarsely earlier asked pointedly.
John frowned as he made his way past the group of young men. Virtually all the members and pupils of the flying club were either members of or closely connected with the aristocracy, and there had been other occasions when their arrogance jarred against John’s working class beliefs, but their gossip about Polly touched him far more personally.
He wasn’t in love with her – he had realised that this Easter in Preston when he had looked at Hettie and been struck with the sensation of a giant fist squeezing his heart – but her vulnerability aroused his protective instincts, and he liked her. She had spirit and panache. She had been angry with him because he had refused to spend Easter with her, he knew that, and he certainly wasn’t the kind of blockhead who assumed that her new relationship had come about because she wanted to prove something to him. But he was concerned about it. Even whilst he hoped profoundly that she had at last found happiness, and someone who could fill the empty place Oliver had left.
Hettie of Hope Street Page 28