Balancing Act

by Rachel Churcher

  He raises an eyebrow. “You were listening, Corporal. Good.” He nods. “Katrina Smith will follow you into hell if you give her something she desperately needs. If you step in and save her, you’re her guardian angel. You hold the key to her loyalty.”

  I shrug. This sounds easy. “What does she need?”

  “What do you think she needs, trying to survive in the Home Forces? She’s been dropped here from the RTS, and she’s had no preparation. No training.” He sits forward in his chair. “She’s lost here, and she needs information. Just enough to feel as if she’s learning something she shouldn’t. Just enough to make her feel special.”

  He’s smiling, and again I wonder what happened between them before she left the RTS. What Lee gave her, and what she did for him in return. What she needed so badly that she made a deal with the head of the Terrorism Committee, and what he did to make her regret it.

  “She needs a friend,” he says, his smile fading into a sneer. “She needs someone she can trust. A little information here, a favour there. String her along. Make her think she’s manipulating you, and get me her secrets in return.”

  I nod, and wait for him to continue.

  “Bring Franks into it.” He shrugs, spreading his hands wide in a generous gesture. “Make her doubt whatever she has going on with the Major General. Make her think she’s in trouble. Bring Bracken into it. Make her feel threatened. Keep her under control.” He narrows his eyes, his gaze fixed on mine. “Do you think you can you manage that, Corporal?”

  I don’t have a choice. I’m out of my depth and I’m out of my comfort zone.

  “Yes, Sir,” I say, and he smiles.

  Slip

  Two mugs of coffee later and I’m not feeling any better. I’m tired, I’m hungover, and I’ve disappointed Lee. I’ve failed to ruin Ketty. I’ve failed to compromise her. I’ve failed to convince her to trust me – and now Lee wants me to try again. He wants me to buy her loyalty with information. He wants me to be her friend.

  I need something I can control. I need someone I know I can manipulate.

  I head up to the conference room at lunchtime, and I’m relieved to find it empty. I switch the sign outside to ‘occupied’, and lock the door behind me. I take the phone to the far end of the room and dial the number, staring through the window at the river below.

  The view really is astonishing. The London Eye, lit up against the dark clouds. The old City Hall, its curved frontage overlooking the water. And the Jubilee Gardens. The riverside path where Ketty turned to me, and took my coat in her hands …

  “Hello?” I catch my breath as someone answers my call. Force myself to concentrate.

  “Jen?”

  “David?” She pauses, taking a breath. “Is there a problem?”

  “Not at all,” I smile. “Just checking in. Do you have the password?”

  I sit on the edge of the table, finding questions to ask. They’ve picked up their explosives, and the equipment they need. They’ve started assembling the suitcase bombs. Niall and Simon have been taking the trawler out every day, and the team members have taken it in turns to go with them and work on the preparations.

  Everything is going to plan. The Canterbury cell is doing exactly what I need them to do. I have the power, here – I have nine people working for me, trusting that they’re doing the right thing. Trusting me.

  And I’m using them. I’m making them attack their own city, and they have no idea who they are working for. They don’t know who is protecting me, and how easily I can destroy them if I choose to – if we need more terrorists on the execution platform.

  “How’s Emma,” I say, when Jen has finished updating me on their progress. I mean to sound confident, but my voice is quiet.

  “Oh,” she says, her voice unnaturally bright, and I know she’s searching for a lie to tell me. “She’s fine.”

  “Good,” I say, and I want to say so much more. I want to tell Emma I miss her. I want to jump on a train and show up on her doorstep. I want another night like our last. I want to remember how it felt, sleeping in her arms.

  “Tell her I called.” I say.

  “I will. Goodbye, David.”

  I hang up the phone.

  *****

  I need to take control of the Ketty situation. I need to talk to her about last night, and I need to start offering her information.

  I need to make her believe that I’m a friend.

  If I wait, I’ll lose my opportunity. She’ll assume I don’t care, and she won’t be in a hurry to trust me again. The sooner I start, the sooner I can be back in control, and the sooner I can take results to Lee.

  I head down the stairs to Bracken’s floor, and I can’t believe my luck. She’s walking, too slowly, along the corridor ahead of me. I’m a long way behind her, and it takes me a moment to realise she’s limping heavily, shuffling her feet on the polished floor.

  I was right. All that dancing last night, the way she walked without any trace of her injury – she’s regretting it now.

  Without thinking, I pick up my pace, catching her elbow and pulling her into a side corridor. She gasps in pain as I turn her to face me, keeping my grip on her elbow.

  I don’t want her to fall.

  I had a speech worked out. I was going to ask how she’s doing. Commiserate with her on our mutual hangovers. But when she looks at me, our bodies close as I hold her steady, I forget everything I’d planned. I’m back on the embankment, watching her push me away, and I can’t stop myself.

  “What was that last night, Ketty? What happened?”

  She rolls her eyes and clamps her jaw, shifting her weight away from her injured knee.

  “What was what, David?”

  Maybe she doesn’t remember. Maybe she doesn’t know how the evening ended.

  “You were …” I begin, and she stares at me. “We were …” She nods, waiting for me to say more. “And then you left.”

  I sound ridiculous. I sound bewildered.

  She shakes her head. “I changed my mind,” she says, watching me, and I have no idea what to say.

  She was coming home with me. She kissed me, twice, and then she changed her mind. I’m trying to remember what I said. What I did to make her walk away.

  “Is that it, Corporal?” She’s angry, and I’m still trying to understand what happened. “Does that answer your question? Or were you hoping for another chance?” And she glares at my hand on her arm.

  I let go, holding both hands up in front of me. I’ve made another mistake, and I need to step away.

  “Sorry, Ketty.” I mumble. “Sorry.”

  I wish I could tell what she’s thinking.

  She turns away from me again and without thinking, I step in front of her.

  Make her think she’s in trouble, Lee said.

  I can do better than that. I can make her think we’ve both screwed up.

  “We’re in trouble, Ketty,” I say, my voice quiet. “Franks will use this against us.”

  She frowns. “Last night? You said there wasn’t a policy about seeing other members of staff.”

  I don’t have an answer to that. She still thinks I was telling the truth.

  I shrug. “She won’t be happy.”

  I watch as she straightens her spine and tilts her chin. She’s not letting me score any points. She’s refusing to back down.

  “So what, David? Nothing happened. I walked away.” She shakes her head, and I notice her fingers curling into fists. “And how will she know?”

  I’m tired. My head is pounding. I need to hand her some information, and I need to leave. I need a good night’s sleep and a decent meal before I confront her again.

  “She’ll know,” I say, shrugging. “It’s something for her to hold against me. Against you. Against Bracken.”

  “Why would …?”

  “To make sure Bracken votes the right way on the Terrorism Committee. To make sure he puts his name to whatever the committee decides.” She stares at me, her fist
s tight. There’s so much she doesn’t know. Time to give her something useful.

  I drop my voice to a whisper. “You still don’t get it, do you?”

  “Get what, David? What are you talking about?”

  She’s shouting, and I don’t need anyone overhearing this conversation. I take a step back and check that the corridor behind me is empty, then turn back to Ketty.

  She takes a step away.

  I need to reel her in. I need to make her think I’m a friend.

  “It’s all about control,” I say, quietly. “It’s like using Sheena Richards to get to her father.” I wave a hand at the ceiling, in the direction of the Major General’s office. “Franks controls all of us. She’s got Bracken’s drinking. She’s got Lee and Holden’s names on the Leominster weapons test. She can get rid of any of us, if we don’t keep the bombings coming. And now she’s got this on me.” I’m hiding a smile. This should catch her interest. “If she decides that it constitutes inappropriate behaviour, she can fire me. She can send Bracken home with a dishonourable discharge. She can certainly fire you – for putting Elizabeth’s injuries on TV, and now for this.”

  She shakes her head. “But we’re not on the Terrorism Committee …”

  I can’t tell her what I do for Lee – for the committee. That’s information I’m not at liberty to share, but I can make her understand. I stare at her until she looks away.

  “I have my role to play, Ketty. And I’d like to keep it that way.”

  Her shoulders slump. She looks down, head bowed.

  That’s enough information for now.

  “Watch out, Ketty. Be careful. OK?”

  I turn to leave, but she reaches out and closes her fist on my elbow. I turn back, and the look in her eyes makes my breath catch.

  Too late, I realise what I’ve said. The secret I’ve given away.

  “Keep the bombings coming?” she says, her voice only just above a whisper. “Is that what you do on the committee?”

  I take a breath, and it feels as if I’m moving in slow motion.

  I swear the floor is shifting. There’s a fist, closing around my lungs. My heart kicks against my ribs.

  I’ve screwed up. I’ve said too much. I was so carried away, threatening her, that I said the one thing I should never disclose. I told her what the Terrorism Committee does. I told her what I do.

  I can’t meet her eyes. I have no idea how I’m going to correct this mistake.

  “You didn’t hear that, Corporal,” I say, fighting to keep my voice under control. “And you certainly didn’t hear it from me.”

  I try again to walk away, but she pulls me back, her fingers digging into my arm.

  “What’s your role, Corporal?” She hisses at me. “What is it you bring to this twisted party?”

  I’m shaking my head, pulling her fingers away from my elbow, but she holds tight. I can’t afford a mistake like this. I can’t let it get back to Lee.

  I feel as if I’m falling. I feel as if I’m drowning.

  If he finds out … I don’t want to think about it. He could lock me up. Orange jumpsuit, prison cell, life sentence for being a danger to the Home Forces.

  I need her to forget what I said. I need her to walk away.

  “Don’t, Ketty. Don’t.” This is pathetic. I’m begging her not to get involved. “Go back to cleaning up after Bracken. Keep your head down. Don’t do anything stupid, and stay out of Lee’s way.”

  I tug her hand away, and she lets me go. I can’t walk away fast enough. My fists are clenched, fingernails digging into my palms. I’m fighting to control my breathing. I’m trying not to scream.

  I’m supposed to be controlling Ketty, and I’ve allowed her to manipulate me. I’ve given her the most important secret I have. I’ve betrayed Franks, Lee, and the committee. This could be the end of my career.

  This could be the end of my freedom.

  I can’t believe what I’ve done.

  Fists

  I didn’t expect to sleep. I expected to be staring at the ceiling all night, thinking about Ketty. Thinking about the things I said.

  But when I wake to my alarm, I realise I’ve slept for eight hours.

  I feel amazing. I feel calm.

  I feel relieved.

  I told Ketty Smith the secret I’m supposed to keep. I told her what she’s protecting when she’s taking care of Bracken. The secret that keeps the Home Forces in power, and the reason we’re all here. The reason she’s in London, and not stuck in the RTS.

  It was a stupid mistake. I was distracted.

  Blonde hair and blue eyes. Curves and scars. Apple and mint. A kiss, by the river …

  I’ve handed her something valuable, and I hope she understands what I’ve done. That she doesn’t go spilling my secret to anyone else.

  The thought makes me smile. Who would she tell? Who would she talk to?

  Who does she see? Me? Lee? Bracken? Elizabeth?

  I think I’m safe. I hope Ketty is smart enough to keep her mouth shut. She knows how to protect herself. She knows this is way above her pay grade.

  She could use this against me, but she’d be in trouble for speaking out. And she knows she has to keep her job, or she’s headed back to babysitting schoolchildren.

  Give her something she desperately needs, Lee said. Just enough to make her feel special.

  Maybe this wasn’t a mistake. Maybe I’ve given her exactly what she needs to start trusting me.

  Maybe this is the way to her secrets, after all.

  I’m smiling as I step into the shower. I might not be tempting Corporal Smith into my bed, but I can still make sure she’s in my power. I can still make sure she does everything I need her to do.

  And I can use this against her, if she steps out of line.

  *****

  William Richards is waiting in the interrogation room when we arrive. I hurry to set up the recording equipment, and Lee calls a guard to remove William’s handcuffs. He’s not going anywhere, and he’s not going to try anything. Not when the price is his daughter’s life.

  Lee steps out to fetch coffee for them both, and I’m left watching the prisoner through the one-way glass.

  He looks relaxed. He’s gained some weight, and someone’s given him a haircut. Not a prison buzz-cut, but something that makes him look smart. Distinguished. He’s still wearing the jumpsuit, and he’s living in a high-security cell, but he’s enjoying the benefits of cooperating with Lee.

  I’m about to open the door and fetch my own coffee when I hear voices from the waiting room.

  Lee, and Ketty.

  Ketty is here, and I’m not ready. There’s no way I want to talk to her with Lee in the room – I have no idea what she’s going to say. My caffeine fix will have to wait.

  I press my ear to the door.

  “You won’t make too much noise in there, will you, Corporal?” Lee sounds annoyed. “I don’t want to frighten my prisoner this morning. He’s in a cooperative mood, and I’d like to keep him that way.” There’s a cold threat in his voice.

  “No, Sir.”

  Enhanced Interrogation. She’s questioning Margaret Watson this morning.

  I can’t believe Lee has me tied up with recording and observation. Ketty, Margaret, and the men in black? The Ice Queen and the silent girl? That’s an encounter I’d pay to watch. Margaret’s good looks against Ketty’s questions, and the interrogators’ fists.

  But there are no cameras in the Enhanced Interrogation room. No recording equipment. Just the prisoner, the predator, and her thugs. And I’m in the next room, a wall between me and the action, observing Lee and William having a cosy chat about resistance cells and contact names, and where he buys his catering supplies for Makepeace Farm.

  I check my recording levels, and sit back to watch, smiling.

  I can’t believe I’m jealous of Ketty Smith.

  *****

  The noise is deadened by the wall, but I realise I can hear shouting. At first I think it’s Margare
t – that Ketty has broken the girl who wouldn’t speak – but more voices join in, and I realise the shouting is coming from Smith.

  My breath catches. I stand up and open the door to the waiting room, and I can hear her screaming. The things she’s going to do to her missing recruits. How they’re all headed for firing squads on live TV. How she’s going to put bullets in them herself, and how there’s nothing anyone can do to stop her.

  And the interrogators, shouting at her to stop.

  Her shouts are breathless, punctuated by screams of frustration. She sounds as if she’s fighting, and the interrogators keep yelling.

  I’m about to step out. I’m not sure what I’m planning to do – knock on the door? I hesitate, and the door to Lee’s interrogation room flies open. The brigadier sprints past me, his face crimson.

  “Stand down, Corporal!” someone shouts. “Stand down!”

  Lee barrels through the door, and I hear the silence that follows him into the room. The pause as he looks around.

  “Out here!” He barks, and I’m grateful he’s not talking to me. I know that voice. He’s beyond angry. “Now, Corporal.”

  I step quietly back inside the observation room, and wait.

  *****

  It’s a moment before Lee starts shouting again. I’m listening at the door, and I can hear the fury in his voice.

  “What was that, Corporal?” He’s barely in control, using his parade-ground yell to channel his anger. They can probably hear him upstairs. “What just happened?”

  If Ketty replies, I can’t hear her. I imagine her standing, chin tilted up, giving Lee the chance to let off steam. Ready to stand tall, in spite of her mistake. Ready to prove that she’s better than this.

  “Enhanced Interrogation is not your own personal revenge opportunity!”

  There’s another pause. I wait for Ketty to speak, but it’s Lee who continues, his voice hushed. Even with my ear to the door, I can’t pick out his words.

  I step back, and run a hand over my hair, piecing together what I’ve heard.