by Harloe Rae
“You’re such a wonderful spirit, Raven. Always willing to forgive. Not sure I deserve such kindness, but you never quit on me. I’m always here for you, no matter what. I’m all ears. Tell me all about it.”
“That means a lot,” I reply before swallowing thickly. “Do you ever regret anything? Looking back on all the moving and the bad relationships, do you wish it’d been different?”
The line is silent for a moment before she responds. “Why do you ask, honey? Tell me what’s on your mind.”
“You didn’t answer my question, Mom.”
“Because you don’t really want to hear that from me. You’re searching for something else. What is it?”
I blow out a heavy breath. “I’m terrified of doing the wrong thing and making stupid decisions.”
“And turning into me,” she adds.
“Gah, stop reading my mind.”
“Don’t make it so easy for me.”
“I’m scared of screwing up,” I say. “My confidence has been a little shaky lately.”
“And why is that?”
“I don’t know,” mumbles from my mouth.
She laughs softly. “Raven, you’re too young for this type of concern. You’ve got years of messing up left before buckling down and getting serious. You’re allowed to make mistakes. Learning from them is half the fun.”
“It’s not that simple.”
“Of course it is. Just go with the flow and do what comes naturally.”
I bang my head against the seat. “You did not just say that.”
“What’s so bad about that?”
“Ugh, never mind. I’m second guessing everything. How do I stop?”
“Oh, Raven. I’ve done a serious disservice on your behalf. You never had the opportunity to blossom and spread those creative wings growing up. There’s so much strength buried within you. Don’t question yourself so much. Live your life however it’s meant to be.”
I rub my forehead. “That sounds like a fortune cookie.”
“Good, that’s my intention.”
“Right, and I’m realizing this conversation is going nowhere fast.”
“Okay, okay,” she relents. “I’m aware that my parenting was lousy and you grew up under unstable conditions. Those were my bad choices, and you had no say in it. But you’re free now. Don’t let my errors hold you back. We aren’t the same, Raven. You don’t need to panic about becoming like me. Pretty sure your good sense will kick in long before the crazy ideas can take over,” my mother explains swiftly. “More proof? I can’t sit still for longer than five minutes. I’ve been pacing this entire time,” she says, and I already pictured her doing that. “You’re grounded and dedicated, meant to grow roots somewhere special. Just follow your beautiful heart.”
“You sound like Delilah,” I tell her.
“Ah, perfect. She’s a good friend. Full of sound advice.”
I snort. “Uh, huh. Sure. You two make quite the pair.”
She hums. “And we balance you out.”
“So, choosing a resort at random and driving there at two o’clock in the morning isn’t going to turn my life upside down?”
“You don’t need me to support or deny anything, sweetie. You’re doing an amazing job.”
A dry chuckle escapes me. “Not sure about that.”
“Lucky for you, I am. And a mother always knows best.” We share a laugh at that.
“Thanks, Mom.” I swallow a lump of emotion. “I needed this.”
“You’re welcome, but I didn’t do anything. The answers are always within you—I’ve always believed that. Your father would be so proud.”
I release a shuddering exhale. “Love you, Mom.”
“Love you more. Don’t wait so long before calling me again. It’s fun catching up. And good luck with whoever the lucky guy is.”
My stomach leaps. “How did you know?”
“Raven, I’m your mother. Even with an ocean separating us, I can see exactly what’s going on. There’s always a boy.”
“That’s creepy.”
“You asked.”
“All right, I’m really hanging up now.”
She chuckles. “Bye, sweetie.”
I press end and toss the phone into my purse. She might not be the greatest role model, but my mother erases the threat of panic faster than anyone. My shoulders feel looser, and I’m ready to see what tomorrow offers.
This experience with Trey won’t break me, even if it’s causing a few cracks. I’ll gather some glue and mend the damage. Hopefully I’ll be stronger with reinforcements holding me together.
I roll down the window, allowing the cool breeze to blast in. Gulping down some fresh air, I’m ready for an adventure. I stare across the darkened freeway while the wind whips in my ears. Soon I’ll be lying on some beach, soaking in the sun, and that sounds just right.
REGRETS
Trey
I KNOCK ON Raven’s apartment door and lean against the railing. I inhale the fresh morning air, savoring the lingering coolness from overnight. Tension radiates from my neck. I wince, trying to roll out the knots.
The moments tick by, so I try again. Still no answer. After checking the time, I realize she’s probably already at Jitters. I stomp down the loft stairs, thinking about her baking before the crack of dawn. My eyelids feel like they’ve been coated in concrete. I didn’t sleep for shit, and my ass is dragging to prove it.
The toxic shit I spat at Raven kept me awake, spinning on a constant loop in my mind. She’s become real important to me over the last month and I didn’t tell her the truth. Not even close. What I gave her was a pile of rotten garbage that she didn’t deserve. Raven was right to be pissed and I’ve got to own my part of this fight. We’ll come to an understand and move forward for the better.
The back entrance is locked, which doesn’t surprise me. I’m not sure the place is technically open yet. As I make my way around the building, visions of Raven stirring chocolate batter filter in. A noticeable twitch tightens my jeans, and I’m hoping we can solve this spat quickly.
I’ve got my tail tucked between my legs when I slink into Jitters. But what the fuck ever. If groveling gets me back into Raven’s good graces, it’ll all be worth it.
I glance around the empty cafe with coffee and sugar saturating my lungs. My filthy princess is nowhere in sight. With a sigh, I walk toward the only person in this place. There’s no way she’s going to help me, but I’ve got to try. I clench my teeth and approach the counter.
“Hey, D. I need to talk with Raven. She in back?” I ask, purposely avoiding eye contact.
She snaps her fingers at me. “Hey, jackass. If you’re going to waltz in before I’ve had any caffeine, at least have the decency to look at me.”
I do, knowing full well it’s more of a glare. “Better?”
“Not at all.” Her eyes are spitting green flames at me. “And no, Rave isn’t here.”
“Where is she?”
“I’m not her keeper, Trey. If you happen talk to Raven before I do, let her know it’s still polite to leave a note on the counter.”
I fake a yawn. “What are you blabbering about?”
“Need me to write it out? She left town, asshole. No thanks to you, I’m sure.”
A clap of thunder booms in my chest as I process her words. My windpipe seems to be collapsing, making it hard to breathe, but I keep a straight face. “Where did she go?” I still manage to choke out.
Delilah picks at her nails. “If I knew, you wouldn’t be hearing it from me.”
“So, Raven just left? Without saying anything?”
“Pretty sure we’ve already covered that,” she drawls.
“How do you know she didn’t just go to the store or some shit?”
She taps her chin. “Oh, that’s a great question. Maybe because her closet was all torn apart and her makeup is missing? A girl doesn’t take that with her unless there’s a good reason. This one most likely being she won’t be back for a while.”
> “But she didn’t take everything?”
“Looked like her duffle was gone, but that’s a big bag. She could stuff a lot of clothes in there.”
A growl rolls off my tongue. “What the fuck, D. How am I supposed to find her?”
“You’re honestly barking up the wrong tree, hound dog.”
My fist slams on the counter, rattling a few dishes and containers. Delilah just raises a slim brow.
“You’re dumb,” she states calmly.
I take a moment to study Delilah. She’s missing that usual edge. “You okay? Something seems a little . . . off with you.”
Her jaw ticks. “Oh? Pretending to care? How cute. I’m fine, just worried about my friend.”
“I’ve fucked it all up,” I mumble.
Delilah makes a sound of agreement. “I’m assuming she talked to you about wanting more?”
I nod.
“And that didn’t go so well?”
“Obviously fucking not or I wouldn’t be standing here talking to you.”
She wrinkles her nose. “So moody. Maybe you should get laid.”
“Don’t be a bitch, D.”
“Well, you’re making it really easy for me.”
I tip my face to the ceiling. “Why do you hate me so much?”
“I could ask you the same thing.”
My hard stare meets hers. “I want this to work out with Raven. You’re her best friend. It’d be nice to have you in my corner.”
Delilah laughs, the bitter sound making me cringe. “I’ve watched you sleep around for years, Trey. Girls have never been more than an easy fuck for you. Pardon me for being a tad wary when it comes to your intentions with Rave. My approval is hard to get.”
I rub over my dry eyes. “She’s different for me, dammit. All that other shit is over and done with.”
“Prove it.”
“What the hell do you think I’m doing?”
“Wasting time,” she says and arches a brow.
“Why am I still bothering with you?”
“Another good question. You’re on a roll.”
Pressure squeezes my skull. “You’re fucking impossible.”
“In my own way, I was rooting for you guys, and look what happened. Thanks for screwing it up, asshole.”
“This isn’t all my fault,” I tell her with a sneer.
“Puh-lease. She was happy here, and you ruined it. Hope you’re real proud, Trey.”
I squint at her. “Man, that dude fucked you up good, huh? Still haven’t gotten over him, D? What was his name?”
Delilah’s bored expression vanishes, and a red hue splashes up her neck. “Take your foul attitude and get outta here.”
“My pleasure,” I say with a bow. “Thanks for nothing.”
“You’re most welcome. If you ever come back, it’ll be too soon.”
I turn away without another word, dragging my battered pride with me. As I shove open the door, the bell clangs loudly. I hardly notice with all the static in my brain. While pacing in front of the café, I get my anger in check. Getting more pissed won’t help anything. Taking a load off and trying to calm down seems like my best bet.
I settle on an empty bench to kick off my pity party. After grabbing my phone, I send Raven a text.
Me: Morning. D told me you left and we need to talk. Let me know where you are.
I press against my temples, attempting to alleviate the pounding. When this started months ago, I wanted Raven gone. Now that I’ve chased her away, it’s becoming painfully obvious she belongs here. With me.
Fuck, I’m so fucking fucked. I hunch over, elbows on my knees, trying to decide when shit changed for me. It’s impossible to pinpoint when all I see are stunning blue eyes and golden hair. Dammit, where is she?
I check my cell, but there’s no response. My fingers type out some sweet for her.
Me: I messed up, Princess. Give me a chance to explain, yeah?
Staring down at the screen, I wait for the three dots to appear, but nothing happens. The gravity of this situation seems impossible. How can I look for her if I don’t know where to look? I yank at my hair, realizing it’s only been ten minutes. Raven leaves for a few hours, and I immediately lose my shit. Awesome.
Brisk footsteps interrupt my self-scolding. I look up and see Jack approaching. He waves and plops down next to me.
“Hey, kid. What’s the matter?”
I shoot him a half-ass smirk. “Can’t I take a load off without it meaning anything serious?”
Jack chuckles while patting my back. “You can, but not without me assuming something’s wrong. What’s eating your ass?”
I glance at where he’s pointing. “What were you doing at the Greasy Spoon? Meeting Marlene and company for a gabfest?”
“Nice diversion. Glad you still got jokes. Does this have anything to do with Blondie?”
“Her name is Raven,” I grumble.
“Ah, great. So, you broke up? Or she’s on the rag? Oh, shit,” he says, his eyes widening. “Please don’t tell me you knocked her up.”
My pulse stalls before taking off at breakneck speed. “What the fuck? No. Don’t even go there. Ever. And we were never dating. Guess that’s part of the problem.”
“Kid, that’s the largest load of crap I’ve ever heard. Hate to break the news, but you two were in a relationship. Whether you’re ready to admit that or not is another story. I watched you haul her around town, showing her all the good spots. You were smiling too, and it warmed my shriveled heart a bit,” he tells me with a wink. “So, what happened? Last I saw, you guys were crazy about each other.”
I blow out a long breath. “We got into a fight,” I say, assuming that explains it all.
“And?”
Apparently it doesn’t.
“I fucked up.”
Jack nods. “That’s part of our job. You’ll fix it.”
“Kinda hard when she’s not here,” I tell him.
His brow pinches. “What do you mean?”
“Delilah told me Raven left town.”
“Ah, hell. That sounds real familiar.”
“What do you mean?”
“Remember that girl I told you about? The great love of mine that got away?”
Pieces of his story from that day in the garage come back to me. “The one you didn’t follow?”
“Yup, that’s her. Your Raven flew the coop, just like Penny did. My greatest regret is not going after her. Don’t make my mistakes, kid. You let her go, and that could be it. You’ll never get another chance at the whole love thing.”
I cough into my fist. “Yeah, that’s so not what this is.”
“Uh, huh. Keep lying to yourself. See how far that gets you.”
I feel my shoulders deflate. “I don’t even know where she is.”
“She packed up all her shit and took off or something?”
I shake my head. “Nah, just a bag.”
“Then she’ll be back. Even if it’s only for a minute, take advantage of that opportunity. Don’t waste it. You only need a few words.”
“But I have no clue when that’ll be. In a day? A month?” I chuckle quietly.
“News travels fast in Garden Grove. You’ll hear about it.” Jack salutes to a car driving by. “And if you don’t, I’ll use my connections to get the scoop.”
“No way. I don’t want those nosy ladies involved more than they already are,” I tell him sternly.
He nudges me. “Don’t get huffy. They sense fear, kid. You give ‘em any indication there’s something to know, it’ll blow up. Aren’t you all about going with the flow?”
I scoff. “Fuck of a lotta good that’s done lately.”
“Just chill out, yeah?”
I glare at the silent phone in my grip. “She isn’t answering my texts.”
“It’s still early. Give her space to cool off. In the meantime, let’s have some fun. You know what works when dealing with lady trouble?”
I shrug helplessly. “What’s t
hat?”
“Get real stinkin’ drunk,” Jack hoots.
Laughing, I reply, “It’s not even nine o’clock. Shit, there’s still a chill in the air.”
“And that’s a problem because?”
I give him a blank stare.
He adds, “We’ll have a liquid breakfast while sharing stories about beautiful women and the saps who fall for them. We can head to the lake, do a little fishing. Got nothing better to do than make this a real Sunday Funday.”
“You’re joining me?”
He guffaws. “It was my idea, right? I’d never pass up an opportunity to watch you drown some sorrows.”
“My misery is entertaining to you, isn’t it?”
“Kid, I’ve been dealing with your incorrigible ass all these years. I deserve this.”
“You’re a real dickhead sometimes.”
“Takes one to know one.”
The wood creaks beneath me as I shift off the seat. “Lead the way, old-timer.”
Sharp laughter booms from Jack. “Better watch it, Trey. You’re gaining on me.”
“Nice try, gramps. I’ve got plenty of time before going gray,” I say while we walk toward Boomers.
He scratches his sideburns, the only area showing sign of age. “The ladies love a silver fox, and I get no complaints.”
“They probably feel bad for you,” I joke.
Jack smacks the back of my head, making me wince. “Respect your elders, dammit.”
“What the fuck?” I rub the sore spot. “You raised me this way.”
“Exactly, so I’m always right,” he says and opens the metal door. “Looks like the early birds get their choice of stools. I’ll let you pick.” Jack gestures around the empty space.
The sour scent of stale beer wafts over me. I close my eyes, wishing for sweet flower perfume.
An elbow to my ribs knocks me out of it. “Look, they’ve got a power hour starting in a few hours. All you can drink, Bloody Mary or Screwdriver. Pick your poison. We’ll start out slow until then.”
I grunt. “Oh, yeah? Wanna take me on?”
He claps once and rubs his palms together. “Like you’re reading my mind.”
“Let’s do this shit.”
BEACH
Raven
MY TOES DIG into the cool sand while I watch the sun slowly dip below the horizon. No one else is around, but I’m totally fine with that. I’m not in the mood for company so the solitude suits me fine.