1 In For A Penny

by Maggie Toussaint

  Mrs. Cooper visibly started. “Serves him right. Well, Daddy always said you can’t take it with you. What did that Dudley do with my money? If he turns up with an extra two hundred and fifty thousand dollars, it’s mine and I want it back.”

  “I hear you, Mrs. Cooper. I’ll look into it. I promise.”

  “What did you say you do?” she asked.

  I caught Jonette’s eye and edged backwards down the rutted lane. “I’m an accountant, Mrs. Cooper. My Daddy used to do your taxes for you, and I’d be happy to have you as a client again. Thanks for taking the time to talk to me this afternoon. Bye now.”

  Jonette and I hopped back in my car and I backed rapidly through the knee-high weeds. “Hell. Violet Cooper couldn’t see to kill Dudley if she tried.”

  No matter how much I wanted Jasper’s mom to be the killer, it just wasn’t happening. Unless she had someone drive her to the golf course and back, and then lead her out on the dark fairway, Violet Cooper just wasn’t a plausible suspect.

  I continued my thinking aloud. “She’s practically blind because of those cataracts. She tracked our location by the sound of my voice. She had motive, all right, and the skill to shoot a man, but she doesn’t have the wherewithal to pull a murder off. And she’d rather have her money back than Dudley killed. I don’t see her as a murderer.”

  “You’re such a softie,” Jonette retorted crisply. “I bet Violet Cooper could kill if she had to. I’ll bet she wouldn’t have any trouble pulling the trigger on someone, especially if it was Dudley.”

  I breathed a sigh of relief when I reached the main road and mowed grass. There was something to be said for civilization. “But she would’ve needed an accomplice and Jasper’s too hotheaded to pull it off. She’s not the one, Jonette. The murderer has to be someone else.”

  “I wanted it to be her.”

  I patted Jonette’s hand. “So did I.”

  “Now what?” Jonette asked.

  “Now we keep asking around to find out who else had trouble with Dudley or the bank.”

  “Great. That narrows it down to just about anyone who ever had a mistake on their bank statement. It’s a wonder Detective Brain Dead didn’t accuse Bitsy of killing her ex.”

  My hands twitched in response and I ran off the road. I jerked the steering wheel, but the Gray Beast bounced along the shoulder until it was good and ready to come back on the road again.

  “Damn Sam,” Jonette said. “You trying to kill me?”

  “No. You startled me. I keep forgetting you don’t know.”

  “Don’t know what?”

  “Bitsy is already on Britt’s suspect list.”

  “And you harbored a criminal in your house?” Jonette asked in amazement. “I always knew Bitsy was nuts. No woman could love Dudley unless something was wrong with her.”

  “Bite your tongue, Jonette. You don’t know what you’re talking about. Bitsy’s got it tough. You wouldn’t want to be in her shoes, either.”

  “Well now you got my curious up. What’s wrong with her shoes?”

  “Bitsy and Dudley were on the verge of reconciling their marriage but something went very wrong. Bitsy was about to say yes, but Dudley stood her up at the bank. Something about a two-hour lunch with another woman. Now Bitsy’s in line for a large life insurance settlement, and that’s not all.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  I took a deep breath. I wasn’t exactly betraying a confidence. Bitsy had told her boys, and Britt knew. Jonette might as well hear it from me instead of down at the tavern. “She’s pregnant with Dudley’s baby.”

  “Ohmigod.” Jonette whistled under her breath. “It’s a wonder Britt doesn’t have her sitting in a jail cell right now. If a man two-timed me while I was pregnant with his kid, I’d kill him for sure.”

  “Yeah, but you wouldn’t have settled for one shot between the eyes, and neither would Bitsy.” I turned off the mountain road back onto the highway. “Something just doesn’t feel right about this whole thing. I believe Dudley’s death has to do with his banking clients. Too bad I don’t have an in there anymore.”

  “Don’t.” A panicked look crossed Jonette’s eyes. “Do not for one moment even consider having anything to do with Charlie Jones on my account. That man is not good for you. I want you to stay as far away from him as possible.”

  The sun came out from behind a cloud and I could suddenly see every speck of dust floating around inside my car. “There’s one thing I know for sure about Charlie Jones. He’ll be coming around to see me soon. Charla will tell him about the big kiss. Charlie has been fine with me not having a life while he’s playing house with his silicone bride, but he won’t like this news.”

  “He doesn’t have any say in it.” Jonette poked me with her finger. “If you let him boss you around again, I’ll kill you myself. Stay away from Charlie, Cleo.”

  “Don’t worry about me,” I said. “I have a plan.”

  Yeah. I had a plan all right. I just wish I had more confidence in it. My plan was like Mama’s beef stew recipe. Throw a lot of ingredients in the pot and see what happens.

  The trouble was, sometimes her stews came out great, sometimes they were disasters.

  Chapter 16

  When I walked out to get the mail the next day, I saw my neighbor Ed Monday doing the exact same thing. His round face was as red as Mama’s gets when she’s having one of her spells. Had he received some bad news? I could see the papers trembling in his hand from my front porch.

  According to Charlie, my neighbor had been removed from the bank for yelling at Dudley. Escorted out by the security guard had been Charlie’s exact words.

  Charlie wasn’t the most trustworthy of sources, but he’d succeeded in planting a seed of suspicion in my mind about my neighbor. Other than spend a lot of time in his dark house, Ed Monday had never done anything else out of the ordinary.

  Something was bothering him now. Ed was my neighbor. What if he was having a heart attack?

  Would he be offended if I invaded his personal space to check on him? Would he think I was being nosy? Probably.

  Did that matter if he really needed help? I hated indecision, but the truth was, Ed wasn’t a social creature. Oh, we waved faithfully in greeting back and forth in the yard, but he’d never accepted my dinner invitations. He’d never invited us over to his place.

  I’d respected that, but now I was stuck. I couldn’t walk away from a neighbor in need. What if the circumstances were reversed and one of my girls needed help? I would want my neighbors to help them, so it was good to be proactive about this kind of thing.

  If it wasn’t something I could help with, at least I would have made the effort. I walked over to the edge of my yard. “Ed?” No response. I tried again, louder. “Ed, you okay?”

  “What?” He looked up from his letter and seemed genuinely surprised to see me standing nearby. His thick glasses glinted in the afternoon sunlight. His tired clothing and ratty black sneakers should have gone in the Goodwill bag long ago.

  Did he resent my intrusion? If so, he’d just have to deal with it. I was on a mission of mercy. “I was getting my mail and I noticed you seemed very upset. Did you get some bad news?”

  “Bad news?” he repeated.

  The poor man was in shock. Time for me to be more forceful. I crossed the invisible line delineating our properties and sat us both down on the steps. I recognized the preprinted return address on the open envelope in his hand. It was from the Hogan’s Glen Bank where Charlie and Dudley worked.

  “Do you have a problem with the bank?”

  “Those incompetent buffoons,” Ed railed. “Every month they send me an erroneous statement. The numbers never match up with the ending balance from the last one. They keep notifying me that I’m overdue on loan payments, and I never obtained a loan from them.”

  I’d never seen Ed so distraught. “I’m sure it can all be straightened out with a phone call to the bank.”

  “Ha. That’s what
you think.” His sweating, florid face tightened with anger. “I’ve been down to that bank a bunch of times. That Donnie Davis said he’d take care of this two weeks ago. He lied to my face. He’s a liar and a crook and now, he’s dead. What am I going to do?”

  My puzzle-solving radar went on full alert. Dudley had looked into Ed’s problem at the bank and now Dudley was dead. I could connect the pieces with the best of them, but I couldn’t envision Dudley outright stealing from Ed Monday.

  “I know someone down at the bank,” I said. “I could have them look into it for you.” Charlie owed me big time and I’d hurt him if he didn’t answer my questions about Ed’s account. Not that I expected him to share Ed’s financial information with me, but he could discreetly check Ed’s claim about his erroneous bank statements.

  “What could it hurt?” Ed’s shoulders slumped in defeat. “I’m tired of wasting my breath talking to those crooks. As soon as I get this resolved, I’m moving my account to another bank, even if the Hogan’s Glen Bank is the only one in town.”

  I heard my porch door open. Glancing over, I saw Mama waving at me from our doorway. “Cleo, phone for you in the office,” she called.

  I nodded, torn between telling her to take a message and wanting to hoof it back over there to answer the phone. Maybe it was another Homeowners Association who’d heard of my wonderful accounting services. I turned back to Ed. “Do you want me to come back when I’m done?”

  “I’m fine.” With effort, Ed hoisted all three hundred pounds upright.

  I searched his face quickly again. My neighborly sentiment was about used up, but he did seem less red-faced and his hands weren’t visibly trembling anymore. I didn’t feel too bad about abandoning him. “I’ll let you know if my questions turn up anything down at the bank.”

  The quickest way back to the office was through my house. I hoped whoever had called hadn’t hung up by now. Mama snagged my arm as I charged through the foyer. “Whoa there,” she said.

  I disengaged her fingers. “I need to get this call, Mama. I’ll be right back.”

  “There is no call.” Mama propped her hands on her hips. “I made it up when I saw you over there with that man.”

  I rolled my eyes. Trust Mama to rescue me when I was trying to help someone else. “That man is our neighbor and he has a serious problem.”

  Mama gestured in the direction of Ed’s house. “That man spends days at a time inside that tomb. I don’t like the way his eyes look.”

  I blinked. Mama’s line of warped reasoning was a good example of what happened when someone smashed the wrong puzzle pieces together. The assembled picture wasn’t recognizable. “For heaven’s sakes, what’s wrong with his eyes?”

  Mama fingered her triple-stranded pearl necklace. “They’re shifty. That’s what. I’ve been judging people all my life, and I know that man has a deep, dark secret. I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s an underworld crime boss or something.”

  I blinked again. “Ed Monday? If he were a crime boss in Hogan County, don’t you think we would have noticed folks coming and going at all hours of the night? For your information, there’s a recurring clerical error in Ed’s bank account.”

  I took a deep breath. “I thought Ed was having a heart attack right there on his porch. Why don’t we install bars on our windows and doors if you’re afraid of him?”

  Mama’s small-minded accusation rankled my nerves. Was she just shooting her mouth off again? “If you’re so worried about our shifty-eyed neighbor, why haven’t you said anything before now?” I asked.

  Mama pursed her lips momentarily. “That’s not necessary and you know it. But you could exercise some common sense and not sit on the man’s porch. He wants privacy, so leave him alone.”

  There was no point arguing with Mama when her mind was made up. “I’m giving him privacy.”

  “Mark my words. He’s a bad egg. I tell you it’s not natural for a body to want to be by themselves that much. Something is very wrong over there.”

  Was Mama extremely paranoid or was she right? Either way I didn’t want her to lecture me for another half hour. Time to change the subject. “What’s the news from the beauty shop?”

  Mama touched her freshly coiffed hair and beamed. “The word is out that the financing got pulled from that White Rock development. Margie Albright says that Robert Joy is spitting mad and is threatening a lawsuit and a big tell-all exposé to the newspaper.”

  That acreage had a colorful past. Sixty years ago, a house of ill repute had been located in those cornfields. It seemed poetic justice that people were still getting screwed on that parcel of land. “Who put up the money for that place?”

  “All the ladies were speculating about it. Valley Land Company. Does that ring any bells?”

  “Sounds familiar.” I knew exactly who Valley Land Company was. I had filed tax forms for his corporation, but he’d meant to keep his name out of his business affairs. My lips pressed firmly together so that his name wouldn’t leak out.

  I was bound by confidentiality to protect my client’s privacy. Not exactly lawyer–client privilege, but the same principle applied to conversations with my clients. If I spoke his name to Mama, she’d be on the phone before I could close my mouth.

  Valley Land Company was the brain child of my biggest client. Blabbing would be very bad for my bottom line.

  Time to change the subject again. “What’s for dinner?”

  Ever since the funeral, Mama and the girls had been cooking together. Both Charla and Lexy knew enough of the basics that Mama shouldn’t ruin their cooking common sense at this stage of their lives. And, it gave the girls quality time with their grandmother.

  I wish I’d had my parents over for dinner more when Daddy was alive. In those days I’d been busy juggling so many balls in the air that when I left the office after spending the day with Daddy, going home to Charlie and the girls was all I could think about.

  Mama squared her blazer padded shoulders. “Tonight’s going to be turkey surprise.”

  My mouth went dry. Food surprises were not good things. “Oh? What’s the surprise?”

  “I don’t know,” Mama cackled happily. “I’ve left that part to the girls.”

  Water. I needed water. After filling a glass with tap water, I said, “Just make sure we can eat it. I can’t afford to send out for pizza two or three times a week when dinner bombs. We don’t want a repeat of Spickle Fish Lasagna.”

  Mama’s expression grew solemn. I guess she didn’t like being reminded of her big mistake. “How’s the big romance coming along?” she asked.

  My love life was not open to discussion with Mama. “Nothing to tell.”

  “I bet he’ll be over here again soon and I’ll ask him myself,” Mama declared. “What are you doing to keep Jonette out of jail?”

  What was with all the questions? Did Mama think she was a reporter for the five o’clock news? “I assume you’re talking about Dudley’s murder?”

  Mama nodded, wiping dry the spot of water I’d inadvertently sloshed on the counter next to the sink.

  Murder was much easier to talk about than my sex life. “I thought Violet Cooper had a good motive to kill Dudley because of her embezzled pension fund, but she can’t see worth a damn, so that is a dead end. Now Ed’s got this problem down at the bank and I’m thinking that might be something. Good thing I know someone down at the bank.”

  “Bad idea,” Mama warned.

  Mama’s worst fear was that I would forgive Charlie and take back up with him again. “Charlie owes me,” I insisted. “I may as well start collecting now because life is short.”

  “I don’t want him in this house.” Mama barred her arms across her chest.

  “I didn’t either, in the beginning, so I went along with you. But now that I realize he can’t help being a jerk, it seems petty to make him wait outside when he comes over to pick up the girls.”

  Mama went all slitty-eyed on me. “Does that mean you’re over him?”
>
  The truth was, I did feel like I was over Charlie. Getting over someone was like one of those stock market tickers, where the net result was a one-way trend, but on a daily basis there were lots of little peaks and valleys.

  At this very minute, I felt one hundred percent over him. Getting kissed by another man had a tendency to do that. “Yeah, I’m over him.”

  Mama narrowed her amber eyes as if she were going to protest, then she relaxed. “It’s okay with me if he comes inside.”

  I hugged her. “Thanks. It should make things easier on the girls if we all act like adults.”

  Mama brushed me off. “No chance of that.”

  * * * * *

  Someone pounded on my front door at ten o’clock that night. I wasn’t expecting company, and I didn’t feel comfortable about answering the door this late. Madonna woofed and padded to the door, her tail wagging.

  I took that as a good sign, checked the peephole, and opened the door partway for my ex. Charlie wore the dark-green fishing vest I’d bought him three Christmases ago. His lure-adorned fishing hat sat squarely on his head. Dark shadows underscored his eyes. Charlie had aged twenty years since Dudley’s funeral.

  “Yes?” I asked.

  Charlie petted the dog. “I know I don’t have the right to ask this, but may I come in?”

  It was much easier to be over Charlie if he wasn’t standing right in front of me. “Why?”

  His bloodshot eyes met and held my gaze. “Because, even though I messed up our marriage, you and I were always friends. I could really use a friend just now.”

  I usually joked about Jonette’s bullshit detector being broken, but right now I wasn’t sure mine was connected. It went against my grain to be nice to him, but I couldn’t slam the door in his face either. He was the father of my children. “Come on in.”

  Charlie didn’t budge. He glanced fearfully over my shoulder. “Your Mama isn’t going to swoop in here and kick me out, is she?”

  Chapter 17

  “Mama’s gone to bed for the night,” I said. “You’re safe.”