Head Games

by Nicole Leigh Shepherd

  Dr. Nelson parts the curtain and steps out of the room.

  For the first few seconds after she leaves, Dad and I sit in silence. I stare at my long, dangling legs until I can’t take it any longer. “Where’s Mom?” I ask. “Why isn’t she here with me?”

  My dad lets out a deep breath. “I guess I should tell you, Spider. She’s here.”

  “What?” My head snaps in his direction. “She’s in the hospital?”

  Dad scoots farther forward on his chair and grabs my hand. I can’t remember the last time my dad held my hand, except maybe to pull me to run faster or to show me how to execute a basketball move. This must be seriously bad. “Mom is on her way down. She said she’ll meet us in the waiting area.”

  “Okay, but what’s wrong with her?”

  Before my dad can answer, Dr. Nelson pulls open the curtain. “Here’s my card and Taylor’s discharge instructions.” She hands the papers to my dad. “Again, make sure she takes it easy tonight, and if she’s feeling good tomorrow, I don’t see any reason why she can’t play.”

  As she’s talking, I’m distracted by the sight of a short, stocky guy in a royal blue hoodie pushing a man in a wheelchair. Beside him is a nurse rolling an IV pole and clutching a thick binder.

  I stand up, pull the curtain back a bit, and peek out. It really is Matt. There’s no mistaking it. Suddenly, he and the nurse stop in the middle of the emergency room floor, apparently to adjust his father’s oxygen tank. As the nurse is playing around with the tubes, Matt squats down next to the wheelchair and pats his dad’s hand. I can’t help but notice how tenderly he speaks to him. No wonder Matt defended Patrick. How could he not have?

  My dad steps in front of me, blocking my view. “Ready to see Mom?”

  “I’ll meet you in the waiting room. I need to get changed first. And I think I might also stop at the bathroom.”

  “Okay, Spider. Just try to move as fast as possible. We need to finish our conversation.”

  As soon as Dad walks away, I slide across the emergency room floor in my stocking feet. Although I’m aching to know what the story is with my mom, I can’t leave the hospital without first speaking to Matt.

  “Matt!” I call out. He turns around to face me, a shocked expression on his face. I remember that I’m wearing a partially see-through hospital gown and pull it tighter, crossing my arms in front of my chest so that no body parts are visible.

  “Taylor, what are you doing here?” Matt steps away from his father, pulling me into a partitioned room.

  “Uh . . . long story. Tell you later if you really wanna know.” I feel my face flush. “Look, I’m just going to throw this out there. Am I a bonus babe to you?”

  Matt’s face twists like he’s just eaten sour candy. “A what?”

  “A bonus babe.”

  “Taylor, I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Matt answers.

  “Good.” I smile. And right there, in my pink-and-gray hospital gown, I decide to make things right. “Sorry about the daisies. Do you still want to go to that poetry slam after my game tomorrow?”

  Matt opens his mouth to reply but is cut short by an unwelcome visitor.

  “Hey, Tumbling Tay Tay. How’s your butt?” Violet walks up to us, still in stage makeup, and links her arm with Matt’s. “You should have seen Tay take a dive at the fashion show.

  I roll my eyes.

  “Are you okay?” Matt asks.

  Before I can answer him, Violet butts in.

  “Eh. She’s fine.” Violet waves off my injury. She turns toward Matt. “Is your dad ready?”

  Matt glances in my direction. “Well, uh . . . yeah, I think so.”

  “Awesome!” Violet replies. She links arms with him again and pulls him away. Matt looks back at me, mouths “sorry,” and then quickens his pace to match Violet’s.

  What was I thinking? Matt Moore is taken. I turn around and slide back to my room.

  fifty-nine

  “Taylor!” My dad finds me as I emerge from the hospital room, having just finished changing back into my (now ripped) silk dress. “What’s taking so long? Your mother and I have been waiting for you.”

  Yikes. I was so caught up thinking about my abridged conversation with Matt, I almost forgot Mom is in the hospital. I sprint toward the waiting room.

  Upon seeing me materialize, my mom throws her arms open for a hug. “Sweetheart,” she says. “I was so worried about you.”

  She wraps her arms around me and squeezes hard.

  A tear rolls down my cheek.

  “Mom,” I say, breathing in her familiar Coco Channel perfume. “What’s going on? Are you sick? I didn’t want to ask Dad why you weren’t in the ER with me, but then I just had to know because I’ve hardly seen you lately and I’ve been so worried. And it seems like something really bad is going on, but no one will tell me, and I don’t know why. And if you have a problem, you should let me help. I’m a good listener and I’ll be there for you. And I love you so much, but I’m just so worried.” I blurt out all at once.

  She lets me go, and I take a good look at her. Her skin is pasty and she’s wearing a blue hospital band around her wrist.

  She silently looks up at Dad.

  “Come on, what is it?” I ask, unable to hold in my concern any longer.

  Mom lets out a deep breath and her turquoise eyes meet mine. “Remember how I told you that Daddy and I always wanted to give you a brother or a sister, but it just wasn’t meant to be?”

  I nod, remembering the day they finally let me expand my room.

  “Now that you’re old enough, I can share with you what happened. After Daddy and I had you, we tried to get pregnant almost every day for ten years. We tried everything: specialists, in-vitro fertilization, you name it. But nothing worked. So, a few years ago, we gave up hope.”

  “I’m sorry, Mom.” I squeeze her hand.

  She grins and squeezes back. Then, she looks up at my dad and back at me. “Well, I guess we gave up too soon. Because, well . . . I’m pregnant.”

  sixty

  “I knew you’d be upset,” my mom says as I play with my hospital bracelet.

  “I’m not upset,” I insist.

  “You sure?” my dad asks.

  “I’m okay. I just wish you guys told me sooner.” I give my mom another hug. “I was really freaking out about you.”

  “Aw, honey.” She returns to hand-squeezing position, only now both hands are involved. “Daddy and I didn’t tell you because I wasn’t sure if the pregnancy would take. We’ve lost so many pregnancies over the years that we didn’t want to get your hopes up. And with all these appointments and all the stuff they’re pumping me with, I’ve been so tired and sick all the time. It just never seemed like the right time to tell you. Eventually, we just decided to wait until after the first trimester.”

  “You should have told me,” I repeat.

  “You’re probably right, sweetie. Keeping the pregnancy a secret probably only made things worse. But your dad and I were so concerned about how this pregnancy was going to affect you.”

  “You didn’t need to worry, Mom. I’m so happy for you guys.” I muster up the biggest smile I can manage, which, considering my recent tumble off the runway and Violet’s upstaging me in front of Matt, is a major feat.

  “But, what about you, honey? How do you feel about it?” she asks.

  “I’m excited. Now Dad will have someone else to play basketball with.” I force myself to continue smiling. “And we can learn from my mistakes, so they’ll end up way better than me.”

  “What? What mistakes are you talking about, Taylor? You’ve done so many amazing things. We’re so unbelievably proud of the woman you’re becoming,” my mom says, twirling a piece of my hair around her finger.

  “On and off the court,” my dad pipes up.

  “What do you mean, on the court, dad? I totally messed up the Suns audition.”

  “Oh, Spider, don’t worry about it. You’ll get another shot at the Suns,
” my dad replies.

  “I promise, Dad, I won’t ever let you down again.” I look at him, my eyes wide.

  “What are you talking about? How’d you let me down?” he asks.

  “You gave up on your basketball career because of me. And you’ve put so much time and effort into my game. The least I can do is show up.”

  “Is that what you think?” my dad asks, taking off his hat and scratching his head.

  “Yeah.” I squirm around in the silk dress. “I see how you look when you’re watching basketball games. Like you want to be out there, shooting with the best of them. But you can’t. Because you gave it up. Because of me.”

  “I gave up basketball because it was time,” he replies.

  “But you quit right before I was born. . . .”

  “Like I said, because it was time. Your mother and I decided that that would be my last year playing regardless. And it just happened that we got pregnant. And anyway, everything worked out for the best. I would never give up all the time I’ve spent with you, Spider. You and your mom mean more to me than basketball ever did.” He wraps one arm around my mom’s shoulders and the other around mine. “Yes, I loved the feeling of being out there on the court, with the clock running down and the fans cheering. But that’s nothing compared to the joy I experience watching you grow and mature. You’re my life now, Spider. You, your mom, and this baby. And I wouldn’t change it. Not for the world.”

  sixty-one

  As I push open the heavy, wooden locker room door early the next morning, I hear sobs. Deep, heaving sobs. I pick up my pace and turn the corner.

  I’m greeted by a mane of perfect, shiny, curly blonde hair, beneath which are bloodshot eyes. Kylie.

  “Are you okay?” I ask, forgetting for a moment that she hates me.

  “I’m fine,” Kylie says as she wipes away the tears with the back of her sweater sleeves. “I’m just here to get my stuff.”

  For a moment, she resembles the Kylie I remember before she turned crazy.

  “Of all people, I really don’t need you seeing me like this,” she says, letting out another sob. “I never want anyone to see me like this.”

  “I’m not here to judge you, Kylie.” I sit down next to her on the bench. “Remember, we used to be friends.”

  “Used to,” Kylie reiterates. “Really, Taylor. No offense, but you’re the last person I want to talk to right now.” Kylie continues to dab her eyes with her beautiful merino wool sleeves until I can’t take it anymore. I run to the nearest girls’ bathroom, which fortunately is deserted since it’s early Saturday morning, grab a bunch of tissues, and jog back to Kylie’s side. When I hand her the tissues, she looks at me, quizzically, as if deciding what kind of message accepting them would send. She sniffles some more and I shove them at her. I’m not accepting no for an answer. Finally, she takes them. I smile at her. It doesn’t matter to me that she doesn’t offer a thank you. At least she’s using them.

  We sit in silence for a while. The only sounds are Kylie’s sniffles and the tick tock, tick tock of the Wildcat clock hanging above the lockers.

  After this goes on for some time, I turn to her. “Look, if you’re off the team, then I quit.”

  She looks at me and squints. “You don’t mean that.”

  “I’m serious. I talked to Tamika yesterday. I’m not playing today unless you’re out there with me.”

  Kylie just sits there. Silent.

  I continue regardless. “We’re a team. And we’re going to win as a team.”

  Kylie’s still silent.

  “And even if by some stroke of fate we manage to win without you, which I seriously doubt would ever happen, it wouldn’t mean anything. Not unless you’re a part of it.”

  Again, Kylie doesn’t say a word.

  “Anyway, I’ve been wondering something for a while now. Why didn’t you destroy me like you did Chloe?” I ask, figuring the question will at least break the torturous silence hovering over us.

  She looks at me with her bloodshot eyes. “Believe me, I wanted to.” Then, she glances down at her hands. “I even found the perfect picture on the Internet of a girl who looked exactly like you hooking up with two girls and everything. But, after I heard Zachary hung out with you, I knew it wasn’t the girl this time, it was him.” She dabs her eyes again. “I mean, I’ve known you my whole life. Even if you liked Zachary, you still wouldn’t make a move on him because you’re too nice.”

  So, that’s why she never perceived me as a real threat before all this started. And all this time I thought it was because of my height.

  “You’re not like everyone else,” Kylie continues. “I think that’s why it upset me so much when I heard about the two of you. Because once he went after you, I knew what was really up.”

  Although the compliment is kind of backhanded (and Kylie’s attitude throughout this whole thing doesn’t exactly make me feel any better about it), I decide to take it as it was intended. “Thank you for believing in me,” I say.

  Kylie nods. “Well, since you’re here and everything, you might as well tell me. What really went on between you and Zachary?”

  I scoot down the bench just in case hearing what happened aloud makes her decide to grab me by the neck or something. “At first, I ran into him at the beach courts. And we had a good time playing one-on-one together, so he stopped by my house and we played some more.”

  “Yeah, right.”

  “No, that’s how it started. Basketball. Then, he texted me and we hung out together.”

  Kylie crosses her arms in front of her chest. “Did he kiss you?”

  “Yeah.” I cringe, sliding farther away from Kylie.

  “Was it last Sunday night?”

  I nod.

  “I knew it. He’s such a liar. He actually came over to my house that night. I’m so stupid.” She sniffles again.

  “Kylie, you’re not stupid,” I say. “It’s not like our team came up with the three-B rule just because of you. Seems to me that guys can turn all of us into mush.”

  Kylie turns to face me, red splotches covering her face. “Yeah, three-B. That was genius. Did you hear what ended up happening with the guys’ three-B list? The points thing, I mean. Zachary actually won. Translated: He’s like the biggest player at our school. I hate him.” She pounds the bench with her fist.

  “You know, Kylie, you could have any guy you wanted.” I slide back in her direction.

  “Right now, I just want to stop doing this crazy thing with Zachary.” She takes a deep breath.

  I shrug my shoulders. “You just like Zach. It’s hard to help who you like.” I reach my arm across Kylie’s shoulders to give her a squeeze of support. As I’m doing so, I can’t help but think back to sleepovers during AAU tournaments when I would hear Kylie sniffling late at night, and she would swear it was just allergies. “I’m sorry for everything, Kylie.”

  “Me too. Let’s just cut the drama and kick some butt. And not yours this time, Richland’s.” The last word comes out with some serious attitude. Kylie’s back.

  sixty-two

  “Hey, guys! I want you to know that Kylie and I worked everything out. For real this time,” I say as I jog over to join my teammates at the center of the gym.

  Kylie walks over to us. “Yup. The whole thing is over. Taylor didn’t hook up with Zachary after we signed the three-B contract, so we’re cool.”

  My teammates look up at Kylie as if she just announced she’s really a dude.

  “Today is too important,” I say. “Kylie and I will never put anything in front of the team again.”

  “Really?” Missy asks.

  “Yeah, basketball means too much to us to let stupid stuff get in the way. And this is our chance to get a playoff bid and finally three-peat!” I exclaim.

  Tamika giggles. “Yeah, but are you still sore from yesterday’s stage dive?” she asks.

  The ice melts as the rest of my teammates break into laughter.

  “A little bit,” I
reply. “But don’t think it’ll get in the way of my crushing Rodriguez and the rest of Richland today.”

  “It better not!” Tamika jokes.

  “Sooooo, Taylor, we heard that other than your falling episode, you did a really great job at the show,” Jessica says.

  “Yeah, check this out.” Eva turns her iPhone horizontal and clicks the screen. A pic of me in the ivory dress walking the runway appears.

  “Wow, check out Taylor,” Zoe says, grabbing the phone. “She’s on fire!”

  “You look amazing.” Abby grins, nudging me with her elbow.

  I stare at the pic. Is that girl with the cascading chestnut curls, pouty lips, and almond eyes, really me?

  In a stroke of perfect timing, Hannah hobbles over to the team. “What’s all this fuss about?” she asks. “Is everyone congratulating my model?”

  “Kind of,” I reply.“But you’re the one who really deserves some major congrats.”

  “Yeah, Hannah,” Jessica says. “Your designs are unbelievable.”

  “Aren’t they?” I say, enveloping her in a hug.

  “Thanks, Tay. Your walk certainly made my fashions memorable.” She grins. “Did you get my get-well flowers?”

  “Yeah,” I say. “And I made you a thank you.” I dig into my bag and hand Hannah the card. It reads: “Although I’m making a concerted effort to showcase my inner beast from time to time, I still think that there are certain occasions that call for politeness.”

  “Tay, you really are the sweetest!” Hannah smiles. “Though, let’s face it, you’re still sort of a klutz in heels. A gorgeous klutz, but a klutz.” She then opens up her bag to throw the thank you card inside, and as she’s doing so, notices that her phone is buzzing. She glances at it and shouts, “Oh. My. God.”

  “What happened?” Jessica asks.

  “I just got a text from my sister,” Hannah answers.

  “Is she having a fashion disaster or did Daddy say no?” Kylie giggles.

  “No, I think it turns out that—surprise, surprise—she actually has a heart,” Hannah announces.