Chances Aren't

by Young, Luke

To pull this off, I simply need to keep young Ben from meeting Emily tonight and then somehow teach him everything I know so he can keep Laura happy. I need to do it as soon as possible, since I'm not sure when my time here will run out. Hell, even William didn't know when it would be over. I suppose that just as quickly and easily as I came here, I could go back. For all I know he's watching and if he is, he's seen me satisfy my initial goal of reliving that one perfect night. At any time he or whoever is controlling this thing could end it and when it's over and I return from where I came, if I can successfully pull all this off, everything in my life will be different. That I'm sure about.

  In the shower, I rack my brain figuring out how to get Ben up to speed, bedroom wise. There's no Internet, I'm pretty sure the DVD player hasn't been invented yet. Sure there are video tapes, but where the hell am I going to get an instructive sex video and do it quickly? I could probably scrape up some lame porn, but he's already seen a bunch and look where that's gotten him— yeah, nowhere. It's left him with partners uncomfortably squirming to get away from him, and girls who are glad when the evening is over. He could do a whole lot better. I could probably go to a library and find a book, but he needs some hands on lessons. Short of hiring a hooker, I'm going to need to find items to stand in for female parts. Recalling an article I believe I read in Playboy in my mid-twenties, a few things come to mind. When I return to the room, I choose another one of Ben's classically lame eighties-wear outfits, the least hideous one I could find. I call Laura from the phone in the hall, but only reach her sister, leaving a message to call me back. Searching the room for cash, I find a ten dollar bill and head out the door.

  Thirty minutes later I return to find young Ben in the room, standing at the dresser. When I walk through the door, he smiles at me, but doesn't say a word.

  "I've figured out how we can do this," I say.

  As I'm opening up the bag, he nails me right in the jaw with his fist. I go down hard. Shaking my head, I glance up to him. "What the hell did you do that for?"

  "For locking me in the closet and I should hit you again just for having sex with Laura."

  After rubbing my jaw, I hold my hands up in surrender. "Do you really need to hit me again?"

  "I don’t know, I'm thinking about it." He falls down into the beanbag chair and folds his arms across his chest.

  I struggle to get on my feet, picking up my bag along the way, then move to the bed. "We've got a lot of work to do, so let's just call us even, okay?"

  "Work?"

  "Yeah, I'm going to teach you all that I know about giving a girl an orgasm. Now I'm no expert, but I've had—"

  He scoffs. "I already know how."

  "Really?"

  "Yes, really."

  "So, how many orgasms did you give Laura last night, huh?"

  "She had a good time." He gives me a confident nod.

  "How many?"

  "I'm sure she, um, had at least one."

  Pointing to the hole in the wall, I say, "I was watching the whole time from right—"

  "Pervert," he interjects.

  "Like I said, I was watching and... Actually I asked her and she confirmed it. I don't even think she ever got close with you. No offense."

  "No way."

  I look at him smugly. "I gave her two."

  "Congrats."

  "I'm serious."

  "So am I." He sighs. "How do you know you gave her two?"

  "You can tell."

  "How?"

  "If you give a girl an orgasm, you'll know."

  His eyes glaze over as he looked past me. "I did hear her making an awful lot of noise while I was trapped in the closet."

  "And if you heard it all the way over there, imagine how loud it was over here."

  Rubbing his chin, he narrows his eyes. "What did you do?"

  "First I used two fingers rubbing her G-spot while I licked her, and for the second one I got on top of her from behind and had sex with her while I rubbed her clitoris."

  "G-spot, what the hell is that? I've never even heard of—"

  "Don't worry, I'm not even sure if the G-spot was discovered until the nineties or something."

  "Honestly, I've heard of the clitoris, but I'm really not exactly sure where it is."

  "Sometimes it hides."

  His jaw drops. "It hides?"

  "Yeah, let me tell you the whole production, it isn't easy. It takes lots of work. Usually you don't get even remotely good at it until you've been with the same girl for like eight years trying a whole lot of stuff that doesn't work before you find what does."

  "Shit."

  "But I think I can help." I give him a confident look. "Do you really want to learn?"

  "I guess."

  "Great. Now let's start with something simple. For example breasts. I didn't see you spend any time with them at all. You've got to start there. I mean, after kissing her of course."

  After pulling a bunch of grapes from my bag, I toss him one and slip one in my mouth. I roll it around on my tongue then hold it with my tongue against my top teeth and nod my head.

  "Now do this," I struggle to say.

  "What?"

  I pull the grape out of my mouth. "Do that. The grape is like a nipple. The trick is to gnaw on it while trapping it between your tongue and your top teeth without biting down too hard. Some women like it harder than others. You've got to listen and pick up clues, which tell you to go harder or softer."

  I place it back in my mouth and use my tongue to roll it around without biting down. Taking it out, I continue, "Now roll it around like that."

  Young Ben gets to work biting down too hard on the first few. After a few tries he gets the hang of it and I remind him again to listen to his partner. To pick up her signals and figure out what she likes. I tell him the trick is to alternate between sucking the entire nipple with different degrees of force, licking the nipples and doing the grape trick. Some girls, I tell him, even like it when you bite down a little harder as they approach orgasm using both sets of teeth. I warn him though, not to get too carried away with the teeth.

  Next I pull peaches from my bag and construct a makeshift vagina out of them by cutting a sliver away with a knife. I walk him through the location of the clitoris and the infamous G-spot. Then he follows along as I demonstrate licking techniques and as we do it both our peaches drip juice down our wrists.

  Next up is what I call old faithful. Over the years it's the method by which I had the best chance of giving Emily an orgasm. I don't have any actual scientific data, but I estimate the success rate to be in the mid eighty percent range with Emily and last night with Laura I was one for one.

  I attempt to demonstrate using the bean bag chair, but it goes horribly wrong. I can't get my hand under it and he really can't see what I'm doing.

  After thinking a moment, I give him a hesitant look. "Um, so… I think there's no choice, but I'm going to have to actually show you how to do it."

  "What do you mean?" He gives me a horrified look.

  Waving my hand at him, I say, "It'll be fine. Just lay on the bed."

  "Dude, you are not getting on top of me and—"

  "This is important and we're going to keep our clothes on."

  "Oh, yeah that makes it better. Screw you. No way."

  "Don't be such a pussy."

  "Yeah, that's what I'm afraid of." He takes a step back and shakes his head.

  "Lay on your stomach and be the girl."

  "I said no."

  I roll my eyes and sigh. "How about if I lay on the bed and you be the guy?"

  "Um, that's not making it any more appealing."

  I lift my hands. "Look, do you have a boner right now?"

  He gives me a sickened look. "No, do you?"

  "No I don't. So there is little chance with both of us fully clothed and neither of us sporting wood that one of us will inadvertently fuck the other, okay?"

  "Are you serious?"

  "Yes, this is important."

 
"All right." He sighs. "Let's just get it over with."

  Moving onto the bed, I lay face down and spread my legs wide. "Okay, now get up here and, you know, get in the right position."

  Craning my neck to look at him, I see he hasn't moved any closer. "Come on."

  He exhales deeply, climbs on the bed and carefully positions himself over me.

  "Really get in there. Lay on me."

  "Wait this isn't what you really traveled back here to do is it?"

  "What?"

  "Have a gay affair with your younger self, because that seems really creepy."

  I slump on the bed defeated and say in a tired voice, "Oh yes I want you, now take me big fella." After a few seconds I look back. "Hurry up will ya?"

  "I can’t believe I'm actually doing this," he says and I feel him again hovering over me.

  "Unless you are Long Dong Silver, which I know you’re not, you've got to actually get close."

  Reaching around, I pull him down on me and feel it pressing in the wrong area. "Okay, scoot down, because it feels like you are trying to screw me in the ass and as I hope you know the vagina is a little south of that."

  "All right, geez."

  After feeling him adjust his position correctly, I say, "Okay good. Now support your weight on one elbow and slip your other arm under me and reach for where my clitoris would be, that is, if I had one."

  Mumbling under his breath, he slips his hand under me and puts it right on my equipment.

  "Come on. No, that's my dick."

  He pulls his hand out. "Well, you said put it where the clitoris was."

  "Yeah, but it's a little higher than that, where the pubic bone meets the shaft."

  "Could you stop using words like shaft or I think I'm going to throw up."

  "Come on let's just get this over with."

  "All right."

  Slipping his hand back under me, he places it now in a better position. "Okay, that's good."

  "What now and hurry up because I think I'm really going to be sick."

  "Now thrust and rub at the same time."

  He starts thrusting and rubbing.

  "Okay, good. But stop breathing on my neck like that."

  He keeps going as he says, "Where the hell am I supposed to breathe?"

  "Just turn your head."

  "Okay, how's this?"

  "Better. Okay, so you think you've got the hang of it."

  "Yeah. What else do I need to know?"

  "As I said before, just listen to her moans and how her body responds and you can adjust the pressure accordingly. Oh and if you want to get really advanced lean down and take one of her nipples into your mouth but keep doing everything else."

  "That sounds really tough."

  "It's not. Here try it. The girl has to turn sorta to one side then you put your head on the mattress and find the breast and you're all set. I mean, don't really find my nipple but give it a try."

  I turn my body to one side as Young Ben places his head down near my chest and does his simulated thrusting while rubbing with his hand. I say, "Great, yeah, you're getting the hang of it. Good."

  "Holy fuck!" I hear a voice say loudly.

  Young Ben jumps off of me and tumbles to the floor and when I flip over, I see Alan standing there wearing a horrified expression I'm sure I'll never forget.

  Alan looks first at me and then at Ben on the floor then back to me and his eyes bug out even more. "What the fuck? What the fuck?"

  "Alan, hey there," I say. "How've you been?"

  Alan doesn't respond, instead he takes a few steps backward until he runs out of room and hits the wall. He looks at each of us over again, and returning to me asks, "Ben?" He looks at the other me on the floor. "Ben?"

  Young Ben gets to his feet. "Um, this is my, um—"

  "I'm his…" I begin, but I've got nothing else after that.

  "He's my twin brother," Ben says nodding confidently.

  "Oh, okay," Alan says. "And you are having some sort of sex with each other or—"

  "No, I mean, he was just showing me how to, um, you know."

  "My brother taught me how to hit a baseball, but, okay yeah…" Alan says unconvinced. "I've known you a couple years and you never told me you had a twin brother."

  "He's new."

  I cover my mouth to suppress a chuckle, then look to young Ben before returning to see Alan now holding his head.

  "What he means is, I'm his." I get up from the bed and stand next to Ben. "Oh, screw it. I'm him."

  "What?" Alan asks.

  Pointing to Ben, I try to explain, "I'm him. I'm Ben, but I'm from twenty five years in the future. I've come back in time to, let's say… to fix some issues."

  "He's telling the truth," Ben adds.

  "You, you... just traveled back in time." Alan asks, confused.

  "Yeah."

  "How exactly?"

  "Um, it's a long story, but I saved this guy's wife and daughter from a car crash where he died. He's some sort of angel and granted me one wish and—"

  "Your wish was to come back and live in this shit hole?" Alan whirls his hand motioning around the room gape mouthed and waiting for a reply.

  "No... I came back to make sure I didn't screw it up with Laura. But I didn’t know he…" Grimacing, I nod my head twice in Ben's direction. "…was going to be here."

  "Hey, screw you."

  "No offense."

  Moving closer to us, Alan narrows his eyes, "Um, so you came back here to hook up with the ice cream chick?"

  "Pretty much." I nod, shrugging my shoulders.

  He takes another step toward us. "Wow you guys look exactly—"

  "He's got the same birth mark and other stuff," Ben says

  "We can show you," I say lifting my shirt up a bit.

  "No, that's okay." Alan lifts his hands up defensively.

  "Oh and he knows stuff about when I was younger, that, uh..." Nodding wide eyed, Ben switches gears. "Yeah, he's not bullshitting, he's telling the truth."

  Alan moves to the bed and takes a seat. "So, you were supposed to see the ice cream chick last night how—"

  "Her name is Laura," Ben interrupts, frowning.

  Alan says, "Laura, yeah so how'd that go?"

  I break into a wide smile. "It went great, I gave her two orgasms… two."

  Quietly Ben admits, "I tried, but evidently I didn't give her any."

  "Wait, which one of you is the real Ben?" Alan's eyes dart between the two of us."

  "I am," Ben says as I point his way.

  Pointing to me with one hand, Alan rubs his chin with the other. "You gave her two orgasms."

  "Uh-huh."

  He shifts his gaze to young Ben. "And you also had sex with her?"

  "Yeah."

  "At the same time?"

  "No, no, that would be weird," I say cringing.

  "Yeah, that would be weird," Ben agrees.

  Nodding, Alan looks at both of us like we're out of our fucking minds. "Yeah, that would be weird. I'm almost scared to ask this, but did, uh, Laura know about you two and that you both, um, you know, both has sex with her?"

  "No, um, no she doesn't," I reply.

  "So you had sex with her without her consent."

  Ben and I share a confused look, then I think for a moment and shrug. "Um, well, technically I guess you could maybe characterize it in that fashion, but, uh—"

  "You raped her."

  "I did not."

  "You just said you did."

  "I said technically, but…" I turn to Ben. "Ben, you're in that law class right now. Did I rape her?"

  "It's business law."

  "Yeah."

  "It's not a criminal law course."

  I give him a tired sigh. "But in your opinion."

  "I don’t know." Ben raises his hands in the air in defeat. "You took the class too."

  "Like twenty five years ago."

  Holding my head high, I return to Alan. "Look, I don't think any court would convict me of rap
e. She consented with him and I'm him so…"

  "Really?" Alan widens his eyes. "Why don't we call her up and ask her what she thinks?"

  I stammer, "Uh, we don't need to do that, no, that, uh, she doesn't um…"

  "I rest my case."

  Noticing the poster, Alan says, "And you took my poster, what the hell." He gets off the bed and unpins it from the wall.

  "He did that," Ben says.

  "Oh, yeah that, I'm going to need to buy you a new one because…" I cringe.

  "What the hell is this?" Alan kneels down and peers through the hole in the wall to his side of the room. He stands up and turns to find Ben making a face and pointing at me.

  "I can explain… Ben wasn't going to let me sleep with Laura or anything so I thought I would watch."

  "You watched?"

  "So now we can add third degree sexual assault to your rap sheet."

  "Geez, lighten up. I went through a lot to get here. It's not easy traveling through time. It's, it's well it was sort of easy, but regardless I've been through a lot in the last twenty five years— a wife who really doesn't like me, a job I fucking hate with every fiber of my being. Bills like you wouldn't believe and if I'm lucky, I get to have sex like once a month. That's if all the planets are aligned and… Do you know what that's like?" I stare at them dumfounded.

  "That sounds pretty amazing. I haven't gotten laid since Christmas." Alan scoffs.

  "Before Laura it was a year for me," Ben says.

  "I know you're a loser," I reply.

  "Blow me, ass." Ben shoots me a hateful look.

  "Look, guys, I didn't come here to argue. I came here to set my life on a new course, you know, Ben's life here."

  "So, what time are we getting together with Laura tonight?" Ben asks me.

  "Dude, you are coming to The Turtle with me tonight? Don't dick out on me," Alan says.

  "I'm sure Laura will want to go with us."

  I give him a hesitant, smile. "Um, well I haven't been able to confirm the time quite yet."

  Ben holds his head high and says sarcastically, "I thought she couldn't wait to see you, I mean, me again. You rocked her world, I think that’s how you put it, right?"

  "I did, I did, but I haven't exactly spoken to her yet. I have left a few messages though. Just waiting on a call back."

  "Okay, great, that's great," Ben grumbles.

  I scoff. "How the hell do you guys survive without texting and cell phones? In two thousand thirteen I could just call her and she would actually answer."