All I Want for Christmas is Big Blue Eyes

by Claire Ashgrove

  A little snort of laughter fell from her lips as she sat forward. Pulling free of his grasp, she dropped her head into hands. “I can’t pay you back, Josh. This house is mortgaged twice, and more often that not Lucas has to pay it. I owe him so much money it’s embarrassing.”

  “In that case, why don’t you let me negotiate something for you with Sandra? If she takes the land back, you’ll get only what she sells it to her company for. That’s sizeable, but given what I understand of your relationship, she’s screwing you.”

  Like that was any big news. Sandra had been looking for an opportunity to do exactly that since Tyler proposed. “I know. But she’s not going to work out any deal with me.”

  He draped his arm around her shoulder and pulled her against his side. “Not with you, maybe, but she wants my land too. I haven’t committed on it. I’ll guarantee she’ll negotiate with me. I think we’ve got a good chance of leasing the land to Sandra so Emma would be a silent partner of sorts. All the rents, after expenses were taken off, would make Emma very, very rich, honey. In about four, maybe five years, she’d have enough in investments to not want for much of anything. In twenty years, if the project takes off like it should—who knows.”

  It was a bitter pill to swallow, and in the back of her mind, Amanda knew Josh was right. Maybe she should let him work out something with Sandra. It certainly was the smartest option.

  After all the years of fighting Sandra, however, and all the insults Emma suffered from her aunt, Amanda couldn’t bring herself to willingly join any venture of Sandra’s. No matter how much Emma might profit. Emma needed family, not money. An aunt who acknowledged her in public would be a good place to start. Even if Josh worked out something with the property, it wouldn’t change Sandra’s attitude toward Emma. In fact, she might even resent her more.

  She plucked at the cotton fabric of his shirt. “I can’t, Josh. Not unless you can find a way to legally force Sandra to be the aunt she’s supposed to be. I can’t bind Emma to that woman eternally. And while it sounds petty, I know Tyler would have never wanted that land used for commercial development. I can’t stand the thought of dishonoring him by erecting some concrete monster that’s an eyesore.”

  He stayed silent for a long while, his fingers trailing up and down her arm. After several moments, he tilted his head down to look at her. “If I show you my design model, will you consider it? It isn’t going to be ugly, honey. I could even incorporate something in the landscaping that would honor Tyler’s memory.”

  Shaking her head, she answered in a quiet murmur, “I’ll look, but it won’t change my mind, Josh.” She pushed against his body and sat up straight. “I’m not going to help that woman. If I have to, I’ll go in to the bank after Christmas and have Lucas work up a loan against the flower shop. If it goes through, I’ll go job-hunting in the city. It’ll cut down on the time I have with Emma, but I’ve waited too long, doing nothing.”

  With a curious furrow of his brows, he asked, “The flower shop’s paid for?”

  Amanda nodded solemnly. “What little Mom had left, I used to pay that off. I figured if I had the source of income paid for, I wouldn’t have to worry about losing it on top of everything else.”

  He closed his eyes with an almost indiscernible shake of his head. “Baby, you don’t want to do that. Don’t jeopardize the one thing you own.”

  “I don’t have a choice. Now, if you’ll excuse me, you’ve had ten minutes. I don’t want to lose my temper and argue with you. I’m going up to check on the girls, and then I’m going to lie down. I’m exhausted.”

  Reluctantly, she stood up, catching his hand before it tumbled completely away. With a gentle squeeze, she silently apologized for her stubborn pride.

  Twenty-seven

  Josh rubbed his eyes as he slid his chair away from the card table. With a yawn, he rose and stretched. Rolling his neck on his shoulders, he popped several stiff joints. He glanced down at the foam board cutouts and multi-colored shapes he’d diligently crafted, and moved a red piece away from the pile of greens.

  The house had fallen silent hours ago, the girls’ laughter fading away to intermittent bursts before eventual, complete, quiet. For a while after Amanda excused herself, she’d shuffled around in her bedroom, the telltale rustle of paper leading him to believe she was wrapping gifts. He’d worked to the quiet drone of the television across the hall, until it too blipped mute.

  He’d wanted to go to bed then. To creep beneath the covers and hold Amanda close, smell the shampoo in her hair, feel her breath against his cheek. But the cut-outs took on a life of their own, demanding he shade and blend, measure and snip, align and position until his eyes were so dry from the strain that blinking hurt.

  The clock on the nightstand gleamed a neon blue 1:00, and with one last look at the jumbled pieces, Josh turned off the nearby lamp and left the guest room. With everything now cut out, tomorrow he could begin assembling. If time worked in his favor, he could finish the entire project the day after Christmas. It would require long hours that day, but the model was scaled so small he had time. At that point, he could ask Amanda to reconsider her decision on the property.

  As he reached for the bedroom door, he paused, cocking his head toward Emma’s room. The hallway was chilly now that the heater had kicked off, and he told himself he wanted to make sure she had plenty of blankets.

  Deep inside, however, he knew that was an excuse. He just wanted to watch her sleep a while. Revel in the way her angelic little face spread happiness through him.

  He edged her door open and poked his head inside. Both girls lay sound asleep in Emma’s full size bed, Amy near the wall, and Emma on the opposite side. One of her pajama-clad legs dangled off the edge, a bare foot sticking straight out.

  Can you be my dad?

  Josh closed his eyes as her hopeful voice rang in his memory. He’d almost said yes right there. God knew he wanted to. But it wasn’t that simple. He couldn’t just step into that position without considering everything else, especially Amanda. Though he knew what Amanda wanted, his emotions were so mixed up inside he couldn’t sort through them all. The last thing he wanted to do was disappoint either of them. Not Emma, and most assuredly not Amanda.

  Still, all the remaining mortared together blocks of rock around his heart had crumbled with Emma’s heartfelt request.

  He pushed the door open farther and quietly crossed the room to tuck her leg back beneath the thick comforter. Pulling it up to her shoulder, he bent down and pressed a kiss to her forehead before he left the room and eased the door shut.

  Amanda. God, what a priceless woman. She’d raised that little girl into the perfect princess she was. He would have never believed she possessed that sort of strength. And he hated himself for not being there for her.

  Opening the bedroom door, he tugged his shirt over his head and dropped it to the ground. He’d left his shoes in the other room, and using his toes, he pulled off his socks. Unbuttoning his jeans, he stopped for a moment to admire the way moonlight danced over Amanda’s bare shoulder. Tonight, she slept in a cotton tank top, and although the covers hid her legs from view, he was certain she had pants on beneath. Pants that would hug her perfect little bottom when she walked across the room.

  Her hair tumbled over the pillow, shining almost silver in the pale light. Hair he loved to touch. It felt like silk between his fingertips.

  What she was going through now bothered him more than he dared let her know. She refused his help when she most needed it. He’d do anything for her, and he didn’t know how to react to her refusal.

  Of all the people in this world, Amanda didn’t deserve what life dropped in her lap. She was the most gentle-hearted person he’d ever known. Sure, she had faults—like getting jealous when Laney looked at him a little too long. Those little things had always amused him. He rather liked the fact other women’s attentions drove her batty. It made him feel special.

  He cocked his head
, studying her profile. Such a dainty nose. Soft full lips. High cheekbones that added a noble quality when combined with her long, delicate neck.

  No, not just special. It made him feel loved.

  Love he didn’t deserve, but needed all the same.

  Because he loved her.

  He closed his eyes, letting the realization roll through him. It seeped from his heart, spread through his veins, and left him struggling for air. He’d tried to deny it, tried to run from it. Bolted every time this overwhelming feeling threatened to consume him.

  Yet, tonight, as he watched her sleep, he didn’t want to run. He yearned for a life together, ached for the same things she did. The promise, the vows, the whole damn package. He wanted to give her the world, take away all of her worries, spend every waking moment making her happy.

  Yes, he could live without her. He’d stupidly gone out of his way to prove to himself he didn’t possess his father’s weaknesses. But Amanda wasn’t his mother. Amanda gave up ten years to loving him with no reason, no benefit, nothing but heartache in return. His mother wouldn’t have hung around that long. She’d have bolted the first day he got in his car and drove a state away to go to college.

  He could live without her. But he never wanted to spend another day that way.

  Kneeling on the bed, he ran a hand down her arm. He had to tell her. Needed her to know he’d been so wrong, such a fool. That he’d loved her all this time and had been too terrified to admit it.

  As he dipped his head to kiss her cheek, intending to wake her, he paused. Not like this. Ten years of putting her through hell deserved more than a whispered, I love you in the middle of the night. Particularly when two sleeping little girls limited his ability to reinforce those spoken words.

  He drew back and slid off the bed, careful not to jar the mattress and wake her. For three days, he’d worried what he should get her for Christmas. All along, the answer stared him in the face. Lucas said he couldn’t wave a magic wand and fix everything. True, he couldn’t. But that didn’t mean he couldn’t do everything in his power to try. He knew exactly where to start too.

  Padding to the dresser, he picked up his cell phone and left the room. He took the stairs quietly, ensuring the only noise he made came with the creaking of the old wooden planks and not from his steps.

  Downstairs, he turned on the Christmas tree and sat in the multi-colored glow as he dialed his home.

  “God, what do you want?” Olivia barked in his ear. “It’s after one in the morning. Are you that bored with Amanda?”

  Josh let out a low chuckle. “I’m not bored at all. I need your help.”

  She yawned in his ear. “All or nothing, Josh. I told you that last time. Can I go back to sleep?”

  “I’m going with the all, Olivia.”

  Something thudded onto the floor on the other end of the line. “What?” she exclaimed.

  Giving in to a smile, Josh leaned back in the chair, stretching his legs out before him. “I’m in love with Amanda.”

  Damned if it didn’t feel like a thousand weights lifted from his shoulders when he confessed what he’d kept bottled up inside. A strangely giddy feeling flooded through him, widening his smile.

  Olivia’s laughter rang so loudly in his ear he had to hold the phone away. He glared at the phone as she howled.

  When the cackling died down, he glanced at the phone warily, and tested the volume by bringing it close to his head once more. A few chuckles drifted through the receiver, and he pressed it to his ear. “Why are you laughing?”

  “Because everyone in this damn world has known you’ve been in love with her for years. Except you, evidently. I used to think you were joking with me when you denied loving her. Never understood why, but God, Josh, that’s funny.”

  He blinked. Olivia had known? How was that possible?

  Never mind. He didn’t have time for that discussion. He had a day and a half before Christmas and needed his project finished by then. Which wouldn’t happen without another pair of hands. “Listen, I need your help.”

  “I think you’re doing fine without it,” she answered, still chuckling. “But what do you need?”

  He took a deep breath, knowing his next utterance would send her over the edge. “I need an extra pair of hands with a project I have to finish by Christmas.”

  Something else thudded to the floor on Olivia’s end of the line. “You’re out of your mind, Josh. I’m not going to Lexington. I got away fourteen years ago.”

  “Please. This is the most important thing I’ve ever worked on. Please, Olivia. I’ll make it up to you somehow, but come down here and help me. I’ll take you back as soon as Christmas is over. First thing the morning after. You don’t have to see anyone but us.”

  “Josh,” she lectured, her voice rising in pitch.

  “Don’t make me beg.”

  He heard the heavy pounding rhythm of her feet as she stomped across her bedroom floor. “Fine,” she snapped. “But I’m not driving myself down there, and I’m bringing my dog.”

  Josh rolled his eyes. “Sis, I don’t have a car. I slid off the road the other night, and it’s in the shop. You’re gonna have to drive. I’m not sure Amanda would be happy with a puppy underfoot and getting into everything, either. Can’t you board it someplace?”

  She snorted. “You want me down there, your ass comes to get me, and the dog comes along. You pick.”

  With a heavy sigh of surrender, Josh nodded. “Okay. I’ll come get you. But you better be ready about nine. And absolutely no telling Amanda I made you come down here. I intend on telling her you wanted to come.”

  “Nine?” she screeched.

  “Yeah. You can sleep on the way back.”

  For a few moments, all he could hear was her muffled muttering. In a calmer voice, she asked, “You expect me to admit to wanting to come back to Lexington?”

  “I do. C’mon, you can fake it. Two days. You made a great actress in court for longer than that. Besides, you’ve got to meet Amanda’s daughter. You’ll love her to pieces.”

  “Daughter?” Her voice held distinct disbelief. “I think I missed something.”

  Josh grinned in the dark. Not nearly as much as he had, but she’d learn soon enough. “I’ll fill you in on everything while we work. Pack your oils.”

  “You are such a pain in the ass.” With that, she hung up.

  Josh chortled as he stared into the blinking lights on the Christmas tree. For the first time since he’d arrived at Amanda’s house, he caught the faint scent of pine dangling in the air. How long had it been since he’d sat beside a real Christmas tree? For that matter, how long had it been since Christmas actually held excitement?

  Unable to hold back a delighted smile, he dropped his phone onto the coffee table and returned up the stairs. Instead of crawling into bed with Amanda, however, he wandered back into the guest room. Rejuvenated, he still had at least another hour’s work left in him.

  He sat down in front of the stacks of colored cutouts and pushed the three different piles of reddish blocks into a large one. He took out another square of foam-board and picked up the red marker. Coloring half of it in, he used his exacta-knife and cut off the rectangle, then divided that into smaller squares, measuring approximately one half-inch. With all the red he’d need, he did the same thing with the remaining half; only this time he quartered it into brown and white blocks. The last cuts he made were to carve four half-moon pieces out of unadorned board.

  When he finished cutting the last set of squares, he pulled another piece of foam board from the large plastic sack and laid it over his little hills of color. Four minutes later, he had the entire surface colored in green. Before setting it aside, he dabbed a splash of yellow through it.

  Rummaging through the sack once more, he retrieved the ream of cardboard paper and tugged three pieces of white out of the cellophane wrapper. Five snips with his scissors, and he split it all into narrow lengths.r />
  Fighting back the call of sleep after another hour and a half of work, he summoned the determination to complete one more aspect. Picking up his glue, he smeared a thin line along one edge, and rolled them into four narrow tubes that he pinched between thumb and forefinger until they no longer popped open when he removed the pressure.

  Satisfied at last, and exhausted beyond all measure, he pushed himself to his feet. A weary smile drifted across his face before he trudged across the hall and tumbled into bed.

  He slid his arm around Amanda’s waist, molded himself around her back, and closed his eyes.

  Some dreams just needed time.

  Twenty-eight

  As the sun slid down the horizon, the sky washed with deep orange and passionate shocks of pink. Her head tucked in the crook of Josh’s shoulder, Amanda listened to the gentle waves lap against the white sand beach. It blended with the steady beat of his heart, and she snuggled closer, seeking shelter from the evening breeze. But her belly got in the way, thwarting her from full contact.

  Looking up at him, she giggled. “You didn’t know you brought a beached whale to Mexico did you?”

  He chuckled, but when he turned his head to look at her, his eyes shone with bright adoration. “Stop. You’re beautiful.”

  No matter how many times he said it, a shiver always crept down her spine. She pressed a kiss against his bare chest and splayed her hand over his taut abdomen. The Mexico sun kissed his skin, turning it a darker bronze, and she could still smell the faint scent of coconuts from the oil she’d rubbed into his body earlier in the day.

  “This is paradise, Josh.”

  His fingers trailed down her arm in a gentle caress. “I know. That’s why I brought you here. A get away before our lives are dictated by a hungry baby.” He tugged on her. “Come up here. I want to kiss you.”