Tattered Stars

by Catherine Cowles

  Hayes pushed back from the table a bit. “I’ll keep my distance, then.”

  “Wise.”

  He looked up and met my gaze dead-on. “I love my sister. She’s different because of what happened to her, and I’d give anything to change that for her. I’d do anything to keep her from hurting now.”

  His words sliced and clawed. Each one cutting deeper than the last. “You’re a good brother.”

  “I try.”

  I took a deep breath. “But different isn’t always bad. Sometimes it’s a superpower. Make sure you’re not overlooking what’s so special about Shiloh in search of things that are wrong.”

  Hayes was quiet for a moment, but he didn’t look away. “I don’t. I…hell.”

  I reached across the table and laid my hand over his. “There’s only one thing you need to do.”

  “And what’s that?”

  “Love her for who she is now, no matter the whys of it.”

  “I can do that.” Hayes turned his hand over so we were palm-to-palm. And, for some reason, I kept mine there.

  We stayed like that as the seconds drifted into a minute, and still, I didn’t pull away. Not until a whine sounded from the back room and broke the moment. But I felt the heat of that hand for the rest of the night.

  22

  Everly

  I swung my keys around my pointer finger as I leaned against the hood of my SUV. I’d begun to notice a pattern over the past few weeks. Every Monday, someone brought Addie into town. Sometimes, it was Allen. Other times, Ian. But every once in a while, I got lucky and it was Ben. And it was always during my lunch hour that she walked past.

  Today, I wasn’t taking a chance. I’d overheard some guys at the hardware store saying they were working a fencing job at the Kemper ranch. Allen would never let workers be at his home unsupervised. I had to hope that meant Ben would be the one bringing Addie today.

  I looked up as two figures rounded the corner—Addie with a bag slung over her shoulder, and Ben beside her. I straightened from my spot and started towards them. “Addie, can I talk to you for a minute?”

  She ignored me and kept walking past.

  “Addie, please.”

  Ben moved in closer. “Give her some time. She needs to trust that you’re back for good. And you know Addie. She doesn’t trust easily.”

  I muttered a curse under my breath. Addie’s mother leaving her with her asshole of a father had done a number on her. And I’d repeated the cycle. “I don’t know if she’ll ever forgive me.”

  He reached out and squeezed my shoulder. “She will. I promise.”

  “I wish I had your confidence.”

  “I know Addie, and I know you. Evie, you’ve never given up on something you truly wanted. And Addie has high walls, but you’ve always been able to scale them.”

  That was before. When Addie thought I was on her team. Now, I was pretty sure she only saw me as the enemy.

  Ben raised his chin to point down the block. “Walk with me? I need to pick up a few things for my mom at the quilt store. Unless you have plans?”

  I looked down at the little lunchbox cooler in my hand. I’d made enough food for two, hoping I’d convince Addie to eat with me. I lifted the insulated bag. “Hungry? I was planning on having lunch in the park. Unless you’re in a hurry?”

  “Fabric and thread can wait.”

  We started towards the little park a few blocks from the vet’s office. It was impeccably kept. The grass the perfect height, and the picnic tables were refinished each year over the winter months. It looked as if they’d gotten new playground equipment since I’d been here last. There was even a splash pad now. A handful of children squealed with delight as they ran through the dancing water.

  Ben led us to a table under the shade of an Aspen. I unzipped the bag, pulling out two sandwiches, a bag of chips, and two sodas. His expression gentled as he sat. “You were hoping Addie would join you.”

  “Hope springs eternal.”

  “She will, eventually. Just—”

  “Give her time. I know.”

  Ben unwrapped his sandwich in the same methodical way he always had. “This looks delicious.”

  “I have to warn you, it’s veggie. But I promise it’s good.”

  He raised a brow. “A vegetarian now?”

  “I think it’s a hazard of the job.”

  “Understandable. You always did have a soft spot for critters.”

  I unwrapped my sandwich and popped the tab on my Coke. “How are you doing?”

  Ben washed down a bite of his sandwich with a sip of his drink. “It’s been a tough year, but I’m hanging in.”

  “I heard that your wife passed away. I’m so sorry.”

  His Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed. “She was amazing, my Liza. You would’ve really liked her. Knew just how much to push. Could go against the grain without even Allen realizing it.”

  “If she could pull one over on Allen, we definitely would’ve been friends.”

  “I think so. I miss her every day.”

  “That’s a measure of how much you loved her.” I’d never known that kind of love. I tried to imagine what it would feel like to have someone talk about me in the same reverent tone Ben had slipped into for his late wife. But I couldn’t picture it.

  “You’re right there. But it’s hard to live with guilt. The millions of what-ifs. Mom says, sometimes, we can’t know God’s plan for us. But this feels like a really shitty road to put me on.”

  My heart seized at his words, its rhythm tripping and stuttering. I didn’t have words of comfort for something like this. I wished I could think of something that might ease him just a little, but I kept coming up empty. “Seems to me that if God is who they say He is, He can take our anger and grief. He can take our rage. It’s when we stuff it down that we get into trouble.”

  Ben’s gaze lifted to mine. “You get into trouble?”

  “Maybe trouble isn’t the right word. But I’ve struggled to find my peace. To hold my anger and love at the same time.” It often felt as if there was only room enough for one of them at any given moment. That I could rage about all the ways my mother had let me down or remember the tender moments we shared in the garden or out on a hike, where she showed me which plants were edible. But I couldn’t hold both.

  “She loved you. You know that, right? I know she wasn’t perfect. Far from it. Just like I know she regretted not doing more to protect you. We both carried that burden.”

  That war was lighting inside me again. Wanting to reach for forgiveness and, at the same time, feeling like nothing would ever be enough. “I’m trying to find my way to understanding her more. I think that’s part of why I needed to come back here.”

  I picked at a piece of my sandwich’s crust. “I’ve found empathy for her. Especially the girl who got married so young. Who really didn’t know what she was getting into. She was barely past her teenage years when she had Ian. Few would be equipped to handle that at her age.”

  “But she did her best.”

  “I’m sure she did. But she got so wrapped up in my father’s conspiracy theories. Fell down that rabbit hole. She constantly moved in response to whatever he did or didn’t do.” I tore the piece of crust into bits. “Looking back, I realize that he manipulated her with his emotions. Dad never raised a hand to her in anger. But if she displeased him, he ignored or berated her. That happens enough, you begin to toe the line.”

  Ben’s brows pulled together as he studied his lunch. “I think she slipped into the same pattern with Allen. After you left, she did whatever he asked, but it was almost robotic.”

  “She’d given up any fight left in her.”

  “I guess you’re right,” he agreed. “I hate that he leads that way. There’s so much more power when you gain your devotion through respect.”

  I took a sip of soda. “That’s how your parents work.” While Ben’s folks had different beliefs than most, they never forced them on others. They worked
hard and led by example, instead of force.

  “I can only hope to be half the man my father is one day.”

  “I’m sure you will be.”

  Ben flicked at the tab on his can, twisting it in some sort of rhythmic pattern. “You know you’d be welcome to come stay with them. Or me. Whenever you want. I hate the idea of you up at that cabin all alone.”

  “I can’t, Ben.” It was too close. Too much in that world I’d done everything to escape. “I want to be where I am.” It felt like I was making a true home for myself. Maybe it was having the Eastons’ help these past few weeks, or perhaps seeing the paddocks start to take shape as Shiloh and I put up fencing. I was beginning to see what the property could be.

  Ben’s mouth pressed into a firm line, but he nodded. “That invitation doesn’t have an expiration date.”

  I reached across and patted his arm. “Thank you.” I wanted to find a way to meld the good parts of my past like Ben and Addie with the future I was building. That was what had always been at the heart of this journey. Melding the old with the new and forming it into something good.

  Because as much as I tried to simply ignore the past, to build myself into an entirely new person who didn’t have a father in prison or a brother who never resisted using his fists, or a mother who had simply faded away, that wasn’t me. And who I was had strength and empathy because of where I’d come from.

  “Well, isn’t this cozy?”

  I lifted my head to see Ian strolling across the grass. I didn’t stand or let any glimmer of alarm rise to my face. I simply picked up my Coke and took a sip. “Hello, Ian.”

  He ignored me and turned to Ben. “Allen needs you at the ranch. There’s an issue with the water pump, and no one can figure out how to fix it.”

  Ben had always been gifted with machinery and mechanisms. He’d constantly taken apart old appliances to see if he could figure out how to fix them. Apparently, that hadn’t changed.

  “I’ll head over as soon as I’ve finished up lunch.”

  Ian swiped his hat off his head. “You’d side with her over the people who have had your back your entire life?”

  Ben rolled his eyes heavenward. “It has nothing to do with sides. I’m hungry, and I’d like to finish eating. I need to wait for Addie anyway.”

  “I’ll wait for Addie,” Ian gritted out.

  Ben opened his mouth to argue, but I waved him off. “Take your sandwich to go. We can catch up another time.”

  Ben met my stare as if checking to see if I really meant what I said. The tiny action made my chest tighten. It was a silent promise that he had my back against Ian this time. I gave him a small nod, and he rose, picking up his lunch.

  “Does this mean you’re finally learning your place?” Ian asked.

  “My place is wherever I want it to be.”

  My brother scoffed, turning to Ben. “She always did have grand ideas about what she thought she could be. You might want to keep your distance from that one. She was willing to throw anyone under the bus to get what she wanted. It’s why she’s alone now. Burned every bridge she ever had.”

  “I don’t know,” Ben said, “I think a few grand ideas is a good thing.”

  He sent me a wink as they took off across the park, and I let out a slow breath. This was what the new normal would likely be. It seemed my brother might be settling, and I could only hope Allen did the same. They would never be friendly, but maybe over time, they would be content with snide jabs and rude comments.

  I only hoped that Ben and Addie would be able to withstand them, too. Then maybe I could have both of my worlds and wouldn’t be so alone anymore. Maybe I’d build that rich life I’d always wanted. If I could just hold onto all of the pieces.

  “You okay to lock up?” Tim asked as he gathered up his water bottle, phone, and keys.

  “No problem. I want to finish up these chart notes so they’re not hanging over my head.”

  “Paperwork is everyone’s least favorite thing.”

  “And I wouldn’t want you coming after me if I don’t get it finished on time.”

  Tim chuckled. “I am pretty terrifying.”

  “You’ve got us all quaking in our boots.”

  “Right where I want you.”

  He waved as he headed out the front door, and I turned back to the file in front of me. Miles had let me take point on Koda’s two-week follow-up today. The pup was healing well and surprisingly spry while lugging around his cast.

  I grinned down at the desk. The shepherd was giving Hayes at least a dozen heart attacks a day. He’d been taking Koda to work with him so he could keep an eye on the canine, but Koda wanted to be in everyone’s business and explore every nook and cranny. He was jumping on and off of furniture, but Hayes didn’t have the heart to crate him all day.

  Hopefully, in another few weeks, they’d both be free. But I had a feeling Koda was already used to going into the office with Hayes, and Hayes would have trouble keeping him at home now. Maybe Koda could become the Sheriff’s Department mascot.

  I moved through my stack of charts as quickly as possible while double-checking my work. Being the new person on the roster meant I wanted to make sure I was pulling my weight and not making more work that others would have to clean up. After scanning the last page one more time, I shut the folder and stood. I raised my hands over my head for a stretch.

  The darkness outside the window took me by surprise, and I glanced at my watch. It was after nine. We stayed open late on Thursdays so people who worked could bring in their pets after the close of business, but it made for a late day. My stomach growled as if to punctuate the point.

  I had a feeling it was a frozen-pizza kind of night. I quickly filed the charts and moved to pick up my purse. Double-checking that the correct lights were off, I headed for the door.

  I made quick work of the alarm and lock and started for my SUV. The moon was almost full, and the sky not quite black yet. It was more of a dark twilight—one of my favorite times of day. Enough light to see by, but it had an almost magical glow to it.

  I’d eat my pizza on the back deck tonight. Maybe even make use of the outdoor shower back there. It was certainly warm enough. I beeped the locks on my vehicle, but as I did, a hand curved around my middle, and another around my mouth, jerking me back.

  The shock stole the air from my lungs and froze my muscles. Those first few seconds seemed to last a lifetime. Everything tunneled as I realized a cloth covered my mouth. The taste of the cotton and something sweet jerked me out of my frozen state.

  I bit down, hard. The man behind me howled in pain, and the cloth fell away. I was hazy and sluggish. Whatever had been on the fabric was already working its way into my system. But I still managed an elbow into my assailant’s ribs.

  “Hey, what are you doing? Let her go!”

  The voice came from down the street but it sounded so very far away. The arm around me released, and then I was falling. There was blinding pain, and then nothing at all.

  23

  Hayes

  “Here’s a refill, Sheriff.”

  I looked up as Cammie slid a Coke across the table. “Thanks, Cam. Just holler at me if I’m keeping you from closing up.”

  I’d turned the booth at the bar and grill into my office for the evening. Koda was spending the night with Shiloh, and I hadn’t wanted to go home to an empty house. So, instead, I’d holed up here and worked as I ate.

  “You’re fine. We don’t close until eleven.”

  I glanced towards the bar end of the space. They were doing steady business, but the restaurant half was pretty much empty. Collecting my papers, I inclined my head to the bench opposite me. “Why don’t you sit for a minute?”

  Cammie glanced around to see if anyone needed her, but clearly they didn’t. “Okay.”

  I studied the girl across from me. Dark circles rimmed her eyes, and her hands couldn’t seem to keep still. “How are you holding up?”

  “I’m doing okay.”
<
br />   I arched a brow in question, and Cam blew out a breath, sending her bangs fluttering.

  “All right. I’ve been better. I’ve had a hard time sleeping.”

  “Nightmares?”

  She nodded. “And once I have one, I don’t want to go back to sleep.”

  “I get that. I’ve been there. After we got Shy back, I had ‘em for almost a year.”

  The fluttering of Cammie’s fingers stopped for a moment. “You did?”

  “It’s normal. Did the ER doc talk to you about seeing a therapist?”

  Her cheeks heated. “Yeah, but I don’t know if that’s for me. I’m not that bad.”

  “Cam, there’s nothing to be embarrassed about. Talking to someone about what happened will help you heal. My whole family went for a long time.”

  “But nothing actually happened to me. I’m fine. I fought him off.”

  “And that’s damn admirable, but it was still a trauma. You don’t want to let something like that fester. Do me a favor and call someone. If you want a rec, I think Dr. Kensington is amazing.” I pulled my wallet out of my pocket and riffled through it to find her card. I always kept a few on hand.

  Cammie took it hesitantly. “Thank you.”

  “Are you going to call?”

  Cam rolled her eyes. “Yes.”

  I chuckled at the action, but it lightened a little of the worry sitting on my shoulders. “Good.”

  My phone buzzed on the table, and Cammie stood. “You take that. I need to clean some tables.”

  I hit accept on the screen and put the phone to my ear. “Easton.”

  “Sheriff, we’ve got another attempted abduction.”

  “Where?”

  “Wolf Gap Veterinary.”

  My blood turned to ice, and everything around me seemed to slow and fade. The noise from the bar, the bright overhead lights, the country music drifting through the speakers. “Who?”

  “Everly Kemper.”

  I stood, tossing a twenty on the table and gathering up my pile of papers. “She okay?”