Tattered Stars

by Catherine Cowles

  I obeyed. “This would be a hell of a lot better if you were naked.”

  “Hayes,” she hissed.

  Hadley choked on a laugh. “If you ever want to get laid again, I’d hold your tongue.”

  I shut up and did what I was told, letting my arms hang at my sides. Everly moved gently, careful not to let the shirts touch my wound. When the fabric dropped to the floor, I bent forward and brushed my lips against hers. “Thank you.”

  Her cheeks deepened to a pretty pink color. “You’re welcome.”

  “Enough with the lovey-dovey stuff. Let’s get you stitched up so you don’t bleed to death. Mom would blame me until the end of time.”

  I met Everly’s gaze. Maybe my sister and mother had farther to go than I’d hoped.

  38

  Everly

  I couldn’t take my eyes off Hayes as Hadley fixed him up. Not even when the needle pulled through his skin, creating a neat row of stitches. “You’re sure you didn’t get a good look at who was shooting?”

  Hayes looked up from his phone where he had been texting with someone on the Forest Service team. “No, only his back for a split second.”

  I picked at a loose thread on my t-shirt until Hayes tugged me towards him with his free hand.

  “Hey, watch it. I’m working here. Do you want me to scar you even worse?” Hadley groused.

  “A scar will just make me sexier.”

  Hadley rolled her eyes.

  Hayes laced his fingers with mine, pulling me down onto the arm of the chair. “You okay?”

  No. I was not. Not in the slightest. “I’m fine.”

  “Liar. Talk to me.”

  I found that same thread and picked at it. “I just wonder if it was Ian or Allen.”

  “I had the same thought. And I honestly can’t say one way or the other. The guy was wearing a hat, so I didn’t get hair color, just a rough idea of size that could’ve been any number of people.”

  I nodded slowly and kept tearing at that string, trying to break it off. But if I did, maybe the whole shirt would unravel. Just like my life. What would be the breaking point for Hayes? For his family? They’d brought me into their fold now, but that could change in the blink of an eye.

  My stomach roiled at the thought of how this could’ve turned out. Hayes really hurt. Or worse. The Eastons had already almost lost one daughter because of my family. I couldn’t be responsible if they lost a son.

  “Ev.”

  Hayes’ soft voice turned my focus to him. “Hmm?”

  “I don’t like where that beautiful head is at right now.” He squeezed my hand. “No running, okay?”

  I didn’t look away. “I’ll run if that’s what keeps you safe.”

  His expression turned stony. “You run, and I’ll just follow.”

  “He’s right,” Hadley interjected. “You can’t let some crazy run you off. You shouldn’t let anything scare you away from what you want.” Her gaze flicked to Calder for the briefest of moments and then back to me. “You deserve to be happy.”

  Happy. It felt too dangerous to reach for. Yet I’d had so many bright starburst moments of it. But that only felt more reckless. Just like my hope and my peace. I wanted them but was scared to fully reach out.

  Because as I looked at this man in front of me as Hadley tied off the final stitch, I knew he made me happy. Just like his family did. Spending little bits of time with Addie and Ben. My job with Miles, Kelly, and Tim. And seeing the sanctuary becoming a reality… It all made me ridiculously happy—this life I was building.

  But it all felt like sand, slipping through my fingers. I was just one wrong move from it disappearing altogether. Only it wasn’t my wrong move that I feared. It was my family’s.

  Hadley pressed a bandage over the neat row of stitches. “You need to keep that dry for two days. Take Tylenol and Motrin for pain and swelling. I’ll check it in a few days.”

  Hayes reached out and ruffled his sister’s hair. “Thanks, lil’ sis.”

  “Yeah, yeah. Don’t make a habit of it.”

  “I’ll do my best.”

  Young popped the last bite of her pizza crust into her mouth. “Now that we know you’re going to live, we should hit the roads with everyone else. We’ll let you know if we spot anything suspicious.”

  I’d heard radios crackling as Hadley stitched Hayes. Squad cars relaying their positions. But no one had seen a single man on horseback.

  Hayes nodded. “Give me a few to get cleaned up, and I can join—”

  Ruiz held up a hand to stop him. “You know you can’t work this case anymore. Advisory only. You’re clearly a target.”

  His jaw worked back and forth as he swallowed down the words he wanted to let fly. “All right. Keep me in the loop.”

  “You know we will,” Ruiz said.

  “You put the word out to all area doctors and vets?”

  Ruiz pulled his keys out of his pocket. “The phone tree has been activated. I promise, we’ve got it covered.”

  “Thanks. I’m not trying to be an asshole—”

  “You just don’t handle giving up control well.”

  “Understatement of the century,” Hadley muttered.

  Calder moved forward into the circle of people. “Cut your brother some slack, Hads.”

  “He doesn’t need to be cut some slack. He needs to be more careful.”

  “Okay,” Hayes said, holding up his good hand. “I’m fine. Let’s dial it back a notch.” He turned to Ruiz, Young, and Williams. “Hit the road. I’d like a brief every hour or so with any developments.”

  Young gave him a mock salute. “You got it.” They headed through the cabin and towards their vehicles.

  Hayes looked at the rest of us. “I need to get cleaned up, but it looks to me like we’ve got a feast to eat. Ev, you want to heat up our Mexican food?”

  I forced a smile. “Mexican food and pizza. Can’t think of a better combination.”

  Hayes’ arms wrapped around my waist from behind. “Leave the rest of the dishes. We can finish them tomorrow.”

  “I just want to get it done tonight so it’s not hanging over my head. But you should go to bed. You’re probably exhausted.” I certainly was. It was the kind of tired that seeped into your bones. Not one from lack of sleep but from being worn down.

  “I’m not going to bed without you.” He pulled back my hair so he could trail kisses along my neck.

  I ducked out of his hold, moving to put two plates on a drying rack. “You can wait up if you want, but I’ll be a while. I need to look over some plans before our new arrivals get here this weekend.”

  Hayes spun me around. “Talk to me. Don’t shut me out or blow me off—or whatever else you have in your head that you think will help push me away.”

  “I’m not pushing you away.”

  “Bullshit. You might as well have been a robot tonight.”

  I’d thought I’d done a pretty good job of holding it together during our makeshift dinner party. Smiling and laughing when appropriate. Making polite conversation. But, apparently, that hadn’t been the case.

  I gripped the counter behind me. The edge of the wood bit into my palms, but the little flicker of pain kept me grounded. “I’d never be able to forgive myself if something happened to you because of me. My family has already cost yours so much.”

  “Enough with that already. How many times do we have to go over that the burden of that isn’t on you?”

  “It might not be my fault, but that doesn’t mean I don’t still carry it with me. That I’m not marked by it. You can’t just erase it all, Hayes.”

  He moved in close, the heat of his body pouring into mine. “I wish I could.” He placed a finger between my brows, that spot that always wrinkled when I was stressed or worried. “I wish I could take away every last bit of pain you experience. I’d give anything.”

  “But you can’t. And you can’t ask me to pretend it doesn’t exist.”

  Hayes wrapped his arms around me,
pulling me against him. “I know. I just wish you wouldn’t carry everyone else’s actions on your shoulders.”

  “If this was Allen or Ian—”

  “We don’t know that it was. This could be some sick stranger neither of us knows.”

  “Or it could be my uncle or brother.”

  He pressed his lips to my hair. “It wouldn’t change a thing about how I feel about you. You aren’t them. Just like you aren’t your father or uncle or mother. You’re Ev. And you make everyone’s lives better. It’s impossible not to fall in love with you.”

  My heartbeat sped up, seeming to trip over itself as it did.

  “I love you, Ev. You don’t have to say anything right now, but I need you to know that. And nothing your family does will ever change that.”

  My vision tunneled as my breaths came faster. He’d sent us careening over a cliff there was no coming back from. And even though I felt the words, I couldn’t give them voice. Instead, I gave him me.

  My mouth crashed down on Hayes’ with a ferocity I barely recognized. His response was immediate, taking as good as he gave, meeting my tongue stroke for stroke. He lifted me in one smooth movement.

  “Hayes, your arm.”

  “Don’t give a fuck about my arm right now.” His head came down, taking my mouth again. I was too lost in the kiss to argue. We fumbled down the hall, bumping into walls until we finally made it to my bedroom.

  My hands were already tugging his shirt over his head, as his went to the button on his jeans. I moved to my shorts and tee, not waiting for his fingers to be free. But he caught me before I moved to my bra. “Wait.” His thumbs circled my nipples through the sheer lace. “I love this on you. Just give me a minute to cement this in my memory.”

  “How about I give you something else to remember?” I gripped his shaft, gliding my hand, teasing and stroking.

  His breath hitched as he slipped a hand under my hair to tip my head back. Hayes nipped and licked his way down the column of my throat, down my chest until he locked on to my nipple through the thin lace and sucked hard.

  My body moved of its own volition, arching into him as I let out a moan.

  “Like that?”

  “I don’t hate it.”

  He chuckled against my breast, and the vibrations twisted everything inside me tighter. As if there were a rope made out of my nerve endings, and he was the master weaving it all together.

  Hayes unhooked my bra and let it fall to the floor. His fingers moved to the lace straps at my hips, tugging them slowly down my legs. The cord inside me turned again.

  “So damn beautiful. Covered in lace or my tee, it doesn’t matter. You take my breath away.”

  I wanted to give him those three little words. Each one clawed at my throat to get out. Yet I couldn’t set them free. Instead, I gave him something else. “I’m on the pill.”

  His eyes met mine. “I’ve been checked. You sure?”

  I nodded, swallowing hard. “I trust you.”

  He understood in that moment what I was giving him. When so many people had let me down, I was trusting that he would never lie to or hurt me.

  Hayes laid me back on the bed, his movements almost reverent. He worshiped my body with his fingers, his lips, his tongue. And when he slipped inside me, it was with a whispered, “I love you.”

  He moved with a rhythm that said he was in no hurry. Yet it made me burn for him even more as I lifted my hips to meet his thrusts. Hayes didn’t need those three words to tell me what was in his heart. He showed me with every action. And as I came apart with him, I said the words silently, knowing they would always be true. Even if I never had the courage to say them out loud.

  39

  Hayes

  “How’s the arm feeling?” Calder asked before he took a sip of his coffee.

  “It’s fine.” It was a little sore after last night’s festivities, but a little pain was more than worth it. Being with Ev last night had been different. Almost reverent, somehow. Even if she hadn’t said the words I so desperately wanted to hear from her, I’d felt them.

  “No leads yet?”

  “I haven’t gotten the full brief yet, but my last report from Young was that there was no sign of him.”

  Cammie walked up to the table and winked at Calder. “You boys ready to order? The special this morning is Huevos Rancheros.”

  I was more than a little relieved to see the mischievous glint back in Cam’s eyes. “I’ll take the special.”

  Calder handed her his menu. “I’ll do the oatmeal, and two scrambled eggs on the side.”

  She rolled her eyes. “Always so predictable.”

  I couldn’t help but chuckle. Calder sent me a glare. “Don’t encourage her.”

  “She has a point. It wouldn’t hurt you to get out there and shake things up a bit.”

  “How is ordering a breakfast special going to shake things up?”

  I took a sip of my coffee and studied my friend. “It’s starting small. Then maybe you’d actually take some steps to having a life beyond your job and your girls.”

  “I like that life.”

  “I’m not saying you shouldn’t. I’m just saying that there’s more.”

  Calder met my stare. “And you’ve found that more?”

  “I have. It wasn’t where I expected to find it, and that makes it all the sweeter.” Everly might as well have come along and smacked me with a two-by-four. And it was precisely what I’d needed—a wake-up call and coming home all at the same time.

  “Does she feel the same?”

  Calder’s question brought me out of my Everly haze. “What?”

  “Does she feel the same about you?”

  “I think so. She’s skittish. And she carries a lot of weight from things that aren’t hers to carry.”

  “The kidnapping.”

  “That. And things her brother has done. Her uncle.” God, I’d give anything to help her release even just a little of that. I hated that it ate at her, and I had no idea how to help her let it go. I only hoped that it would start to fade with time.

  Calder ran his thumb along the rim of his coffee cup as if searching for words he didn’t have. “That’s rough. And I feel for her, being raised in that environment... I can’t begin to imagine. But do you really think you should put all of your eggs in that one basket?”

  My spine stiffened. “Is that what this breakfast was about? To tell me you think Ev isn’t a fit for me?”

  “It’s to catch up with my closest damn friend. And to tell you to be careful.”

  “Everly isn’t like Jackie. She doesn’t have that reckless streak in her. If she has a flaw, it’s that she cares too deeply.”

  A muscle ticked along Calder’s jaw. “You’ve only known her a few months. You can’t be sure—”

  “Stop. I appreciate you looking out, but you’re just pissing me off.”

  Calder held his tongue, but I could see every doubt in his expression.

  I took another sip of coffee, trying to give myself time to choose my words carefully. Something Everly was responsible for. Knowing how I’d hurt her with carelessly dropped bombs the first time we’d talked had stayed with me. I didn’t want to let my temper get the best of me with anyone I cared about.

  “I love her. And that’s not going to change. I also know it won’t be an easy road or a simple one. But it’ll be worth it. There’s nothing in me that doubts that in the slightest. And we have all the time in the world.”

  Calder nodded, but it had a bit of a robotic quality to it. “I hope you’re right.”

  I bit down on the inside of my cheek to keep from biting his head off. “Have you ever considered that what you went through has skewed your vision?”

  He let out a chuckle with a bitter tinge. “How could it not? But I’m not sorry that it’s made me cautious. I won’t let anyone hurt my girls like that again. Put them at risk—”

  “Or hurt you,” I interjected. Because as much as Calder was trying to shield his d
aughters, he was trying to protect himself, too. When the woman you loved turned on you, it left scars. I simply hadn’t realized just how deep they’d been carved into Calder.

  His grip on the coffee mug tightened, knuckles bleaching white under the restaurant’s bright lights. “I just don’t want to ever go down that road again.”

  “Opening yourself up to finding someone doesn’t mean that’s where you’ll end up.”

  “But there’s always a chance. So, I’m not going there.”

  The flash of fire in Calder’s gaze told me that this wasn’t a conversation worth pursuing right now. I held up both hands in surrender. “It’s your life. But Everly isn’t you. She wants a connection, a person to be with. She’s just scared of what that means she could potentially lose.”

  “She’s smart to realize that now. But I don’t want you getting caught in the crossfire if she bolts.”

  “Everly will always be worth that risk for me.”

  Calder set down his mug with a thud. “I hope that’s the right play.”

  It had nothing to do with right or wrong anymore. It was the only play. Because I’d given myself over to Everly without even realizing it. And I wouldn’t change a damn thing.

  40

  Everly

  Tim pulled me into a hard hug. “I’m so glad you’re okay. I mean, you are okay, right? They said you were, but you never know. I can’t believe that happened at your house.”

  I patted his back and then stepped out of his hold. “I’m fine. Really. Hayes has a few stitches, but other than that, we made it out relatively unscathed.”

  Tim scowled at Hayes’ name. “You’d think they would’ve had this figured out by now. You should really think about staying with me for a while. It would be safer in town.”

  Kelly made a tsking sound as she came out of the office area. “Please, she’s locked up with Mr. Tall, Dark, and Sexy. I wouldn’t be giving that up for anyone. Wouldn’t matter how many bullets were flying.” She gave me a quick hug. “Real glad you’re okay, though.”