Broken Wings (Cruel and Beautiful World, Book One 1)

by Stoddard Hancock, L.

  "Am I in it?" he asked while circling the rim of his mug with his finger.

  "No," she said honestly. In all her years reliving the same nightmare, not once had Xander made an appearance. It was always President Saevus, Elvira and Atticus, with her other former owners occasionally sprinkled in. A shiver ran through her. "Why do you ask?"

  Xander shrugged. "I don't know. I suppose it's the way you look at me every time I wake you. Like you're ready to kill."

  The smallest of smiles crept onto Deryn's lips. "Sorry."

  "It's probably my fault for even attempting to wake you. I wouldn't bother at all if your damn screams weren't loud enough to alert the whole fucking neighborhood."

  Deryn frowned. "Well, maybe if you put a soundproof shield around my room, like I ask every day after you bring one of your women over, we wouldn't have that problem."

  "You know I can't do that. It connects to my wristband and the president has all technology used by his guards and Guardians checked every morning, and he knows I live in an area that's basically deserted. It's his way of keeping us under his iron thumb. Then he has us check everyone else's homes so they're under our iron thumb."

  "But you put one up every time I'm out on the balcony."

  "Yes, because I can use it once and say I have loud or nosy neighbors downstairs." Which he did. "It's either a soundproof shield at night or your balcony privileges. I'll let you make the call."

  Deryn's frown deepened. She looked down at her tea and quietly said, "Balcony."

  "What was that?" he said, leaning his left ear towards her. "I couldn't quite hear your mumbling. Speak up."

  "Balcony," she said slightly louder as she looked up and scowled at him.

  Xander smirked. "I knew it. I knew you secretly enjoyed hearing me fuck."

  Deryn's cheeks flushed. "N-no -"

  "Don't deny it. I can see it written all over your face."

  "Stop it."

  "Come on, Leon. I might actually believe you if you weren't blushing."

  Now her whole face was red. "I said, stop it."

  "Not until you -"

  "I need to go out on the balcony so I don't suffocate in here!"

  Xander's eyebrows rose high into his hairline as he gave her a look of surprise. His face stayed frozen like that for a few seconds, unblinking. Until, eventually, that signature smirk of his returned. "If you'd like, I can give you a few pointers."

  Deryn gazed at him, heavy breaths coming out steadily through her nose. Then she rolled her eyes. "You repulse me."

  Xander's smirk widened. "Ah, now there's the Leon I remember. We'll have you cursing at me in no time."

  The corner of her mouth twitched upwards. "Ass."

  Chapter Nine

  "Shit!"

  Deryn popped awake at the suddenness of Xander's shouts.

  "I'm fucking late!"

  A bit disoriented, she looked around to see that she was still in the living room. A flash of blond hair ran by.

  "I work for a sadistic psychopath and I'm late. Fuck!"

  His door slammed and, a few seconds later, she heard the water running in his personal shower.

  Deryn waited a few more seconds for the shower door to open and then close. Once she heard the click, she got up from the couch and tiptoed over to his bedroom door. She opened it just enough to slip in and went over to his bed, thoroughly searching the pillows for any stray hairs belonging to whomever he'd brought home the previous night.

  This was Deryn's only chance to do this, since Xander always tossed his sheets in the washer downstairs on his way out, to rid them of last night's conquest. She was, of course, absolutely repulsed by this task, constantly fearing that she would accidently come across a different kind of hair, but it was necessary. She had been there eleven days now and her body was finally starting to feel normal again. It was time to prepare.

  Her time spent in guard training was not all about Element usage and fighting. Upon entry, everyone was tested and the most intelligent of applicants were also used to help develop the ever-growing technology of Utopia. She had actually been chosen to start working in the Government Lab the day she turned eighteen, but that obviously never happened.

  One of these technological advances was the wristbands everyday citizens wore on their right arm. They were connected to the wearer's DNA and were able to store all of their information. Hence the hair, and a project she had every intention of starting.

  Deryn finally located one, long and honey-blonde this time. That made two blondes, one brunette and one raven haired girl since she'd been there, only missing one from the woman that first night. Hair in hand, she slipped out of his room and went to hers. She took out a plastic bag she'd found and put this hair in with the rest.

  Once that was done, Deryn caught sight of the list she had written yesterday and slid it into her pocket. She then went back to the living room and waited for Xander so she could give it to him.

  The water turned off and there was more shuffling around his room. Xander was rarely ever late in the mornings and was always really good about eating breakfast. Looking at the clock, she realized there would be no time for that.

  On instinct, Deryn went to the kitchen and turned on the toaster oven. She took out a loaf of bread from the small pantry and cut two slices. While they were toasting, she grabbed some jam from the refrigerator and a knife from the drawer.

  Xander burst out of his room, sheets in hand, just as she was finishing spreading the jam on the pieces of toast. His eyes scanned the apartment until they located her. She walked over and handed him a slice.

  "Here," she said. "You should eat something before you go."

  Staring suspiciously at the toast in her outstretched hand, Xander lifted his eyebrows.

  "Just take it," she said, shoving it into his hand. He took it. While he still stood there baffled, she took a bite of her slice. "I have compiled a list of everything I need at the Black Market. Are you still going to be able to go for me today?"

  "Yeah, I should have time," said Xander, aggressively chomping his toast.

  Deryn took the list out of her pocket and handed it to him. He unfolded the paper as best he could with his full hands and carefully scanned it. After reading only a few items, he turned to her and cocked an eyebrow. "Are you making wristbands?" he asked.

  "Yes," she said. "I would like to experiment with them to see if I'm able to create a false identification for myself."

  "There really is no need. For the right price, I'm sure I can find someone -"

  "No, I want to do it," she said sternly. "It's been years since I've worked on anything like this and I want to give it a try."

  "You were second best when it came to these types of experiments in training. I doubt -"

  "I was the best, Ruby. Don't delude yourself into thinking otherwise."

  He sneered at her while taking another aggressive bite of toast.

  "Be that as it may, I'm out of practice, and it's something to keep me busy so I don't go crazy locked in here alone all day."

  Xander grunted. "Yeah, fine," he said, slipping her list into his pocket. "I want to get you trained with that knife of yours, too. You need some sort of protection and I refuse to get you a better weapon until you're fully healed. Even if you get a wristband with a false identity working properly you can't just go running out of here. You need a plan, and I suspect it'll take several weeks, if not months. Have you finally accepted that you're going to be stuck here for that long?"

  "I suppose I have," she said, taking another bite. "You're late, remember?"

  Xander's eyes widened as he released a loud, "Shit!" and ran to the door. "Don't forget! No balcony when I'm not here!"

  She waved at him nonchalantly and shrugged a, more-or-less, affirmative yes.

  "I mean it, Leon! You're in hiding. Never forget that."

  "I know," she said firmly.

  Xander narrowed his eyes and took a forceful bite before opening and slamming the door.
/>   “You dropped a pillowcase!”

  He stormed back in, grabbed the fallen item, sneering once more as he hurried off.

  Finding herself alone again, Deryn made a cup of coffee before curling up in her favorite blanket on the couch. She really should have tried to go back to sleep, and in the proper location this time, but she knew it was pointless. By now, she had accepted that she would never get a decent night's sleep again. There were just too many things plaguing her dreams.

  Deryn sat there in silence for a while, her finger absently tracing the rim of her mug as she stared over at the desk and the untouched portable computer Xander used for reading. Untouched by her, anyway. Xander had said she could use it to read anything she wanted and gave her the password days ago, thinking that maybe his lack of permission was why she hadn't already, but, for some reason, she just couldn't bring herself to pick it up. Even though her body was healing nicely, her mind still didn't feel quite right, and she was afraid to find out how much damage had been done. Not to mention the improper feel of a hologram of words in front of her eyes.

  They were nothing compared to the paper volumes she read in her youth, most dating back to before the war that destroyed their world. While many books had become mush over the years, there were plenty that could still be read. Every time her father went out to explore a new region, he would always return with them for her. Books, records, music boxes, snow globes. Any knickknacks he came across that were still in good shape. Usually finding them in a rusted safe or bomb shelter. Once he had found an entire library that had been preserved by sheer, dumb luck. He had promised to take her there one day, but had never gotten the chance.

  With a heavy sigh, Deryn stood from the couch and carried her blanket and untouched coffee out to the balcony.

  ~

  "You're holding the knife wrong again, Leon."

  "How many ways can there possibly be to hold a knife?" asked Deryn.

  "Two. The right way and the wrong way," answered Xander. "Now correct your form."

  With a grunt, she placed her hand the way she knew he wanted. For being the right way, it certainly felt wrong.

  Xander stepped forward and readjusted her elbow, making her stance feel even more wrong. "From what I recall, you were a good soldier. Why are you so bad at this?"

  "This sort of combat wasn't exactly touched upon."

  "Yeah, because why would you want to fight with a knife when you have a gun that can turn someone to dust?"

  Deryn gave him a look. "Which is exactly why I need something more powerful than this stupid thing. Get me a gun."

  Xander laughed. "The Black Market is full of rebels and Resistance members. While they may want my money, not one of them would dare sell me a gun."

  "You're a Guardian! Get me something from your side."

  "Since you've been out of the loop for the past five years, I'll excuse your naivety and tell you a little story," said Xander with a grimace. "Once upon a time, a large group of Outsiders broke into our training center, took our weapons and used them against us. The president was not pleased, so when the battle was over he had every last Element collected and destroyed, ordering his team of top engineers to come up with a new design. One that could only be used by its owner."

  He pulled back his coat and grabbed his Element out of its holster. While showing it to her, he placed his finger on a small gold square on the side. It beeped, a blue light scanning his finger before pricking it. The moment it had a blood sample, both his wristband and the Element started glowing.

  "New weapons are only ever made anymore when we have a new recruit. And if you lose yours you're executed. No questions asked."

  Deryn stared into his golden eyes and frowned. "Well, that blows."

  "Yes, it does," he said, using his fingerprint again to turn the Element off before putting it away. "Now, proper form."

  She did as she was told.

  "When taking someone down, I can imagine going for their heart is the initial gut reaction. Or, in your case, slitting their throat."

  Deryn gave Xander a look. He just smiled and moved so he was in front of her.

  "I got him, didn't I?" she said with a sneer.

  "Yes, but only because the bastard was an unsuspecting victim. Now imagine, if you will, someone coming at you. What do you do?"

  Deryn looked at her raised knife, and then at Xander as he took a step forward. "You're right. I think heart." She tapped his with the tip of her blade.

  "Exactly. But, from my experience, the heart is too unpredictable when acting quickly. You could miss or hit the ribcage, or even stab the heart successfully, but that doesn't mean your victim will die right away. They could still get one good whack at you."

  "Stop calling them that. I can assure you, anyone I stab is not a victim. They will deserve it."

  "Oh, I have no doubt," said Xander. "But when your prey comes for you, might I suggest that you raise your knife -" He grabbed her hand and lifted the knife higher. "- and get them right here." The tip of the blade touched his neck. "Sever the jugular vein." He positioned the knife correctly.

  Deryn stared at the spot on his neck for a moment before meeting his eyes. "Slitting the throat worked just fine for me." She ran the knife gently across his neck.

  Xander stared back at her and asked, "Then why did you stab him first?"

  "I only had a moment to react and I hit him where I could."

  He grinned. "That's all fine and dandy, but if you have more than a moment, do yourself a favor and go for the jugular vein." Xander stepped away from the knife touching his throat and began looking around. "Now, where is that holster I got you? I want to show you how to attach it and pull the knife out with ease on your unsuspecting vict - I mean prey."

  She lowered the knife and helped him look.

  "I must've left it in my room," he said, heading that way.

  Continuing to look around the living room, Deryn finally found the holster between the couch cushions. "Got it, Ruby!" she called as she picked it up.

  "Fine! Gonna take a piss if that's alright with you!" he called back.

  Deryn rolled her eyes. She did that a lot when he was around.

  While she waited for him to return, she took a good look at the holster. It was basically just a thin band for her arm with a little pocket attached. She put it on her right arm, slipping the knife into the pocket. It fit like a glove.

  Deryn bent her wrist down but was unable to grab the handle. She lowered the holster and tried again, successfully grabbing the knife, but pulling it out a little too aggressively. The knife went flying, knocking something on the bookshelf that fell off the edge with a crash.

  Deryn gasped.

  She ran over and kneeled beside the broken object. She couldn't quite tell what it was anymore, but it appeared to be some sort of blue bottle. She thought apothecary, but considering Xander had spent his entire life living in the city she highly doubted he owned an Outsiders trinket.

  "What are you doing?"

  Deryn whipped around. Xander was standing in the doorway of his bedroom, his eyes drifting to the pile of blue glass on the floor. His face sank.

  "Sorry, I ..." Deryn gulped. "It was an accident."

  "How the fuck was it an accident?" he spat as he marched over and crouched down beside the broken glass. He lifted a couple of pieces and tried to match them together like a puzzle, but the thing was completely shattered. "What were you even doing over here?"

  "I ..." Deryn lifted her arm and showed him the holster. "I pulled the knife out too hard."

  Xander stared blankly at her arm for a moment. Then his face fell into a hideous scowl. "I was gone for two fucking minutes! You couldn't wait that long for me to teach you properly?" he spat, dropping the pieces and rising back to his feet. "Fuck!"

  "I-I'm sorry," she stuttered. "I didn't mean to upset -"

  "Do I look upset ?"

  "Well ... yes, I would say -"

  "No one asked you!"

  "But y
ou just -"

  "Stupid, fucking toxic trash! Stay the fuck away from my things!"

  Deryn's eyes grew wet as Xander turned on his heel and marched into his bedroom, dramatically slamming the door behind him. She was too stunned to move. He had called her toxic. Something he hadn't done since before. Maybe he truly did believe the lies he was told about the outside world. And suddenly he seemed a lot more like the boy she once knew in training, who thought less of her because she was from a world he had been taught to hate. A place he had never gone to without a gasmask for protection.

  Xander's old self had never felt so close to her, so real. Every day she would justify her staying with a Guardian by convincing herself that he was different than the rest, but how different could he really be if he still saw her that way? Just a piece of toxic trash.

  One outburst was all it took for Deryn to lose that ease she had been feeling for the first time in years. Now she was as scared as ever.

  Without another thought, she grabbed her knife and put it in the holster on her arm. She stood up and ran for her room, knowing she couldn't stay here another minute. Not with him .

  Deryn snatched her coat out of the closet and threw it on, then grabbed her map and chocolate bar off of the dresser and tossed them in her pocket. Once she had everything, she ran back to the living room, found her ragged old boots in the closet by the front door and put them on. Then, with a deep breath, she pulled on her hood, opened the door and left the apartment for the first time in almost two weeks.

  Without looking back, she ran down the stairs two at a time and left that building as fast as she possibly could, barely noticing Bronson sitting in the hall outside of his apartment, eyeing her curiously as she sped by.

  Xander was in his bathroom, splashing cold water on his face when he heard the door. He whipped his head around and tried to listen closer to see if his ears had deceived him, but there was no other sound.

  He hurried to the living room, calling the name, "Leon," as he went into her bedroom. She wasn't there. So he checked her bathroom. Nothing. And then the balcony. She was nowhere. "Leon!" he called louder. No one answered. "Fuck!"