Broken Wings (Cruel and Beautiful World, Book One 1)

by Stoddard Hancock, L.

  While the old woman thrashed and screamed on the floor, Elvira went up to her and slashed her with her knife. The same one she had taken from Kara Triggs all those years ago. "How do you like it, bitch? Can you imagine the pain my husband must have felt?"

  "Is this all really necessary?" asked Luka in an almost bored voice. "She makes the best cottage pie. That's why my father and I always take her in. A world without it just seems so ... blah."

  Xander glanced at him and successfully fought off an eye roll. Luka had a natural coldness about him that rivaled even Atticus's, and it was only getting worse with age. He hated to admit it, seeing as Luka was his oldest friend and all, but he really was a true Guardian. Not like him or Finley. She hated it, only ever becoming one to please her father.

  "She's done evil," said President Saevus, turning his back on the old woman and walking towards the center of the room. "I show no compassion for criminals. You know this." He stopped. "Finish this, Elvie. We won't waste our time here a moment longer."

  Elvira looked down at their next victim and smiled. "Xander, get over here."

  Xander stood up from the windowsill and obeyed.

  "Finish her," she demanded.

  He began to take his Element out of its holster, but Elvira held out a hand to stop him.

  "Not with that. With this." She slipped her knife into his hand. "Let her know what it feels like to have a knife rip her apart. And just a reminder," she said, falling to her knees and pulling the woman up to a seated position by her gray hair, "we will be doing this exact same thing to my precious cousin the moment we find her."

  The old woman spat at her. Elvira flinched and smacked her hard across the face.

  "Toxic bitch! You will regret trying to contaminate me!"

  The woman sneered. "I regret nothing."

  Xander's hand shook slightly as he tried hard not to let his mind wander to visions of Deryn being captured. He needed to make sure Elvira never got close enough to lay a hand on her.

  The old woman's eyes moved to his trembling hand. He steadied it quickly.

  Elvira stepped back and joined her father in the center of the room. Xander crouched beside the woman.

  "Your soul ... it's different," she whispered, reaching out to grab his coat.

  "What?" asked Xander, not moving quick enough to avoid her grasp.

  Even in her weak state, she still lifted her head and met his gaze. Her hand came forward and gripped his chin.

  "I read souls and yours is good." Her eyes stared through him, like she was entering the depths of his mind.

  Xander pushed her off of him and fell back on his heels. When his eyes focused again, she was still sitting there. Only now she was smiling.

  "It's alright," she said softly. "Do what you must. I'm not afraid."

  Xander gulped. If only so many people weren't watching him, he could give her a tonic or something to take away the pain. But there was no way. The best he could do was make it as quick as possible.

  Xander clenched his eyes shut and discreetly mouthed, "I'm sorry," before plunging the knife into her neck. The jugular vein. It only seemed appropriate.

  "What the hell are you doing? Slice her fucking throat open!" shouted Elvira from behind him. But it was too late. The woman was gone, her death made quicker by her own will to leave this world.

  "Well, I suppose it would be rude of me not to offer you all a piece of her very last cottage pie," said Luka with a frown. "Fucking waste."

  "I'll pass," said Xander, walking over to Elvira and handing her back the knife.

  "Me too," said Finley.

  "Mmm ..." Elvira moaned, letting a tiny bit of blood drip on her finger and licking it off. "Don't you just relish in it, Xander?" She smiled wickedly as she smeared one side of the blood-covered knife on his cheek, and then flipped it and smeared the remaining side on the other.

  "You're fucking twisted," said Xander, wiping his face. He turned to leave.

  "I don't know what you see in him, Father. The boy is weak."

  Xander stopped and tightened his fists. "Don't test me, Elvira."

  "Xander, please, call me Elvie." Another infuriating smile. "I don't know why you keep him so close, Father. He's not -"

  . In one swift movement, Xander had his Element out and aimed at her. He pricked his finger, turned on the wind, and sent her flying backwards with such force she smashed through a window and continued into the garden.

  "Now, Xander, was that really necessary?" asked President Saevus, looking quite pleased.

  "It always is," said Xander, putting his Element away. "I'm not weak and I will punish anyone who says otherwise. Never let her put a doubt in your mind about me. My loyalty is here."

  "I know where your loyalty lies," said the president, displaying a faint smile that had always greatly disturbed Xander. "Now, young Voclain, about that cottage pie."

  "It's this way," said Luka, taking one last glance at the old woman's still figure before leading the president out of the room.

  Xander headed for the front door with Finley following closely at his heels. He had barely walked a block when he realized she was still behind him. "Did you want something, Finley?" he asked, turning around.

  "I was just wondering what you're doing tonight."

  "Going home to wipe this shit off me," he said, looking down at the blood that had already dried in his fingernails.

  "And after?"

  "I don't fucking know. Why?"

  "I wanted to know if maybe you'd like come over. You know, spend the night? It's been a while since -"

  "No."

  Finley looked at him sadly. "Why not?"

  "It's not a good idea."

  "But I don't understand. Luka says you're with random girls all the time. Why will you go home with them but not me?"

  "It's not personal."

  And that was exactly how Xander liked it. Random meant it was never personal. It meant detachment, and detachment meant never caring.

  Xander could care less about himself, and he could never get truly hurt as long as he felt that same way towards everyone else. He and Finley had history. They had dated off and on when they were teenagers. She was his first everything.

  And then his mother died and it was all put in perspective. He had ended it with her for good shortly after. Sure, they had shared a few lonely nights since, but the deeper Xander fell into President Saevus's inner circle, the more he realized it was a bad idea.

  "Goodnight, Finley," he said, and continued on his way home.

  ~

  Deryn was lying in her bed with the radio on her stomach. Over the past week she had become accustomed to listening to it, flipping through the stations for any sign of life between the time Blackbird ended and Talon and Dakota's voices began. Just in case something important was to happen.

  Upon hearing the front door slam, she put the radio on the nightstand, got up and walked out of her room. Xander's bedroom door slammed next. She went over and knocked.

  "Ruby, are you alright?"

  There was no answer.

  Deryn slowly opened the door and poked her head into his bedroom. "Ruby?"

  Nothing.

  She stepped inside and saw a light coming from his bathroom. There was a weird mumbling just beyond it.

  Against Deryn's better judgment, she walked on, stopping as she reached the doorway and gasping at what she saw.

  Xander was inside at the sink, scrubbing vigorously at his hands. The water swirling around the bottom of the basin was blood-red. "Won't fucking come off ... Won't ... fucking ... come ... OFF!"

  Deryn ran over. "Ruby, what happened? Are you alright?"

  "No," he said, moving away from her. "Not fucking alright."

  "Are you hurt?" she asked, grabbing his hand and turning it all around, looking for some sort of gash.

  "Not mine."

  "What?" Deryn's eyes shot up and met his. More blood was smeared on his cheeks.

  "It's not fucking mine!" he said, pu
lling his hand away. "Get out of here, Leon!"

  "Ruby, what -" She tried to grab his arm but he pushed her off again.

  "Don't! I just want to get it off!" He rubbed his hands violently against a bar of soap. "But it won't ... Fucking. Come. Off!"

  "Let me help you!" Deryn tried to grab the soap but he pulled it away from her.

  "No! Get out! I don't want you to fucking see!"

  "But I've already seen! Ruby, please -"

  "No ... no ... no!" He pushed her away again, this time a little bit harder.

  Deryn's eyes went wide as she stumbled backwards. "Don't push me!" she shouted, pushing him back.

  Unprepared, Xander went flying into the wall and used it to slide to the floor. He brought his raw hands up to his eyes and cried into them.

  With a sigh Deryn grabbed a washcloth, wet it under the running tap and lathered some soap into it. She turned off the water and took a seat beside him.

  He glanced at her and she took this moment to grab his face and hold it still, using the washcloth to wipe it clean of blood.

  "Why are you doing this?" he asked, keeping his eyes steadily fixed on her.

  “I don't know. But you've helped me during my weak moments, haven't you?"

  "I'm not weak -"

  "It's alright to admit it. We all are sometimes."

  Xander's eyes clenched shut. "Fine, I'm weak. I'm a fucking coward," he said, his voice cracking in agony. "Is that what you want to hear?"

  "No," she said honestly. "I'd rather hear that this is Saevus's blood and the war against the Outsiders is over."

  "It's not."

  "I figured. Hands."

  Xander held out his hands and let her use the washcloth to scrub them. "You'd hate me if you knew whose blood this is."

  "Is it my dad's?"

  "No."

  "My brother's?"

  "No."

  "Dakota's? Or anyone else I was close to?"

  "No."

  "Then I don't hate you," she said, taking the time to really scrub underneath his fingernails. "You've done too much for me to dismiss you like that." She stopped scrubbing and looked at him. "So whose is it?"

  Xander gulped and looked down at the hands she was still holding. He couldn't look at her as he said it. "That woman's. The one who gave you the knife."

  "Oh," said Deryn softly. "You found her." She closed her eyes. Damn.

  "Elvira put the pieces together. She tortured her, and then she made me do the dirty work. She always does. She's determined to break me."

  "But she hasn't." Deryn began scrubbing again.

  "Not yet," he said. "That woman ... she told me my soul was different. That she could read it and it was good." Xander felt Deryn's hands tremble in his. "She told me it was alright, and to do what I must."

  Deryn stopped and put the washcloth down. Now she was looking at him with nothing to distract her. Just her and him. Xander tensed as he realized this.

  "She looked me directly in the eye and told me it was alright to kill her, Leon. I don't know what I'm fucking supposed to do with that." He brought one of his hands back up to his eyes and wiped the tears that were still falling. "I just don't fucking know. What the fuck am I supposed to do with that? Does it make it okay?"

  "No," she said in a dry voice.

  "I know! I fucking know! But it's all I have! It's all I fucking have and I don't know what to do!"

  "There's nothing you can do. She's already gone."

  "She said she wasn't afraid," he went on. "She knew she was going to die and she wasn't afraid. But me ... every day I wake up fearing that it's my last. I could never not be afraid."

  Xander wasn't looking, but he suddenly felt Deryn's hand slip into his. He stopped rubbing his eyes and turned to her. She looked at him without fear and smiled softly.

  "I'm afraid, too.”

  They gazed at each other for a long time, neither flinching as they realized this was the closest they had ever gotten to really understanding one another. Deryn had been eager to get into Xander's head for a long time, and now she felt like she might actually be there.

  He was afraid. Just like her. But, being born into a family of Guardians, he was forced down one path while she, being born an Outsider, was forced down another. Neither was easy, and both left their souls in tattered messes, even if they were good. Knowing that if you didn't murder someone you would lose your life ... there was no winning for a Guardian with a sense of right and wrong.

  Deryn gave Xander's hand a squeeze.

  Mesmerized by the faint upturn of her lips, Xander reached forward and touched her cheek. He cupped it in his palm and stroked it with his thumb, tracing the faint scars that still lingered there. Their eyes were still locked, neither of them breathing as their hearts started beating unbelievably fast. It had been years since either of their minds had felt so incredibly at ease.

  Without another thought, Xander leaned forward and delicately brushed his lips against hers. He kept his eyes open, staring deeply into her green irises as she slowly began to respond.

  And then he was on her, holding her face between his hands as he kissed her zealously, slipping his tongue into her mouth only to be met with a matched enthusiasm.

  Her hands clutched the sides of his sweater. Xander could tell she didn't know what she was doing, so he helped her by pulling it over his head. Then he took her hands and pressed them to his bare chest. He wanted to feel her. He wanted her to feel him.

  Deryn gazed dazedly at his chest for a moment, stroking her hands across the perfect, porcelain skin that was untouched by sun, not stopping until her right hand was directly above his heart. Her fingers trembled as she felt the beating of it. It was so real. More real than anything she had ever felt before.

  She looked at him and gulped.

  Xander wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her towards him, kissing her passionately as he lowered them to the floor.

  "Ruby ..." he heard her moan as he moved his lips over to her ear, nibbling down her neck and towards her collarbone. His hands were tangled somewhere in her sweater, touching every inch of skin he could find. It felt so natural. So pure. So ...

  "Fucking beautiful."

  Xander didn't know how long he had wanted this, but these feelings of his weren't new. They had been there.

  His lips moved back to hers and their tongues tangled once more. He brought up his left hand and stroked it through her hair.

  "Ruby ..." she moaned again as he kissed down her jaw. She turned her head to the side to give him better access, opening her eyes for just a moment, but a moment was all she needed to come face-to-face with Saevus's crest imprinted on his left wristband. "Ruby!" she shouted suddenly. "Ruby, stop! Stop!"

  Deryn pushed his chest. Xander pulled back, looking confused. It was a moment before his eyes finally moved to his wrist, still resting beside her head.

  Deryn was crying, her eyes closed tightly as she lay there trembling, her head turned in the opposite direction.

  "Leon ..."

  "Please, just stop," she said with a whimper.

  Xander's eyes hardened. "I'm not fucking raping you."

  Deryn's eyes shot back open. She turned and stared at his cold face. "I ... I know."

  "Do you?" he said, stumbling to his feet. "Because it doesn't fucking look that way. I mean ... Fuck !"

  Xander went into his bedroom and rummaged through his drawers for some clothes. After putting on a clean shirt, he noticed Deryn watching him from the doorway.

  "Where are you going?" she asked as he pushed past her to get back in the bathroom.

  "Finley invited me to stay over tonight," he said before turning on the sink and splashing his face several times. "And I'm taking her up on her offer."

  Deryn's heart stopped at the sound of her name. "Ruby, I'm sorry, I just -"

  "I really don't fucking care, Leon." Xander grabbed a towel and used it to dry his hands and face. "What happened just now ... that was a mistake. A mistake we will
never make again. Do you understand?"

  Deryn's bottom lip quivered as she slowly nodded yes.

  "Good. Glad we're on the same page."

  "But do you have to leave right now?"

  "Yes."

  "Why?"

  "I don't feel like being alone right now, alright?" he snapped. "Simple as that."

  He wasn't alone.

  "But ... you want to be with her ?" spat Deryn.

  "Your enemies and mine are not the same, Leon. Never forget that."

  Not wanting him to see her cry again, Deryn ran out of there and to her own room, making sure to slam the door behind her.

  Deryn stood against her door, listening as Xander left his room and then the apartment. There was a strange pang in her heart as she heard the front door shut that she didn't quite understand.

  And then she realized. Maybe the problem was that she didn't want to be alone either. For five years she had been nothing but alone. But then, just now, lying on Xander's bathroom floor ... kissing him ... touching him ... holding him for those few moments ... that was the closest she had been to an actual connection with someone in a long time. And even though the ending was hardly ideal, she found herself craving more. More of him .

  Lying on her bed, Deryn was suddenly aware that she wanted Xander to come back. Right now and without some random girl. Or, worse, Finley. Someone who she could not even think about without feeling the pain burning in the scars Finley had left behind. Back when her father had owned Deryn.

  She sobbed into her pillow as her poor heart ached. Finley didn't deserve to be in Xander's arms. But she did. After the hell she had lived through, she certainly deserved some form of happiness. Even if it was just for a moment.

  More than anything, Deryn wanted to hold him again. To touch him. To feel his lips pressed against hers. If only for the night, she didn't care.

  What was happening to her? What was this horrible pain she was feeling?

  "Not him," she whispered into her pillow. "Please, anyone but him. He has his eyes."

  But they were not his eyes. They were a shade lighter with a gold ring around the pupil. And those eyes ... Xander's eyes had gazed at her tonight in a way that no man's ever had before.

  "Not him," she repeated into the still of the night. Only, this time, she meant it differently. He was not him. Xander Ruby was not his father.