Broken Wings (Cruel and Beautiful World, Book One 1)

by Stoddard Hancock, L.

  "Don't you worry, Ruby. I'll make sure to take great care of your friend." Bronson winked and rode off, Luka fast asleep and with his mouth hanging open in the passenger car beside him.

  Xander had just enough time to run inside and make it to the bathroom before he was vomiting vigorously into the toilet. He waited a bit and got it all out before cleaning himself off. Then he ran to a nearby store and bought a toothbrush and toothpaste, getting rid of all traces of his vomit before flagging down a car and heading home. At least since they were so expensive, it was never hard to find one.

  When he got there, he stumbled to his room and collapsed on the bed, more than a little disappointed to find it empty. It was another minute before Deryn's door opened and she appeared in his doorway, a blanket wrapped around her shoulders.

  "You're drunk."

  "No shit," said Xander, holding out his arms.

  Deryn walked over to the bed and let Xander pull her into him. She nuzzled into the crook of his arm, letting his warm body consume her.

  The two of them were silent for a long while and Deryn assumed Xander had fallen asleep. But then he turned his head and, when she looked up, he was staring right at her.

  "Why are you never in my bed when I get home?"

  "What?"

  "On nights I go out, when I get home you're always in your bed, but you've been sleeping in mine for weeks now. Why aren't you just here?"

  "Oh, I ... I don't know."

  "Is it because you think I might come home with someone else?"

  Deryn looked away and blushed. She hadn't realized it before, but something in her gut told her he was right. This was exactly what she thought.

  "Because I wouldn't ..." He gulped. "I wouldn't do that to you. Not after everything you've been through."

  Deryn frowned. "You've already brought one girl back here to spite me. What's to stop you from doing it again?"

  Xander's throat ached as she looked at him once more. "That was a mistake. I don't ... I mean, I'm not ..." He sighed. "I'm not good at this, Deryn, but I like you, and I want you to be here." There. He admitted it.

  Deryn's heart skipped a beat.

  "There isn't going to be anyone else. Be here."

  "I guess I can make a point to -"

  "No," he said, shaking his head. "Not good enough. Move in here."

  Her eyes widened. "What?"

  "Get all of your shit from the guestroom and move it in here. The clothes, the books, the damn chocolate bar. All of it. I want it here. I want you here."

  "Xander, that's crazy."

  "So? It all is, isn't it?"

  Deryn released a heavy sigh. "You're drunk."

  "That has nothing to do with -"

  "I'll tell you what. Ask me again in the morning when you're sober. If you remember to do that and you still feel the same way then I'll do it."

  "You will?" he asked hopefully.

  She gave him a faint smile and nodded. "If it's really what you want then yes."

  Xander frowned. "No. It's not just about what I want. What do you want, Deryn?"

  She sighed again and brought her hand to his cheek, running her thumb along his soft skin. "I want you," she said simply, truthfully.

  Xander leaned in and kissed her then. Softly. Sweetly. Gently massaging her lips with his, making her heart race and her palms sweat.

  "Don't ever leave me," he breathed into her mouth before reclaiming it with his.

  Deryn didn't answer, her chest feeling heavy as he continued to kiss her. She knew this was wrong, but she couldn't stop herself. Xander had become too special to her, too significant. She didn't want to leave him but, at the same time, she knew she couldn't stay here forever. It had already been three months. Three incredible months that she wouldn't trade for anything. But, someday soon, it would be time for her to go and she would have to leave Xander behind. All of him. It was the only way she was going to survive this.

  When their kiss finally ended, Xander closed his eyes and pressed his forehead against hers. Deryn kept her eyes open, watching him closely as tears built behind them.

  "I'm going to make some tea," she said. "Would you like some?"

  He nodded.

  Deryn gave him one last kiss before reluctantly climbing out of his arms. She went into the kitchen for a moment and just stood there, bringing her hand to her mouth and trying to hold in the sobs. She knew getting involved with Xander was a mistake, but she had done it anyway. Because she was selfish. Because she wanted something that was hers. Because she wanted someone that was hers.

  Deryn's eyes drifted over to Atticus's covered figure in the photo on the bookshelf. She still hadn't told him about his father. But how could she now? Despite everything, she didn't want to lose him. And if he knew the truth nothing would ever be the same. Xander would never look at her the same.

  Sucking back all of her feelings for yet another night, Deryn went to work on making that tea. Just as she was finishing, the lock on the front door clicked and she ducked behind the counter, mugs in hand.

  The door opened and she heard someone humming. She smiled and stood back up.

  "You're in bright spirits," she said, looking at Bronson. "Any particular reason?"

  "Nope," he said with a wink.

  "Don't tell me you and Luka -"

  Bronson rolled his eyes. "Please. I was there for maybe ten minutes before I had to get back here for curfew. Did Ruby tell you I was going to molest him or something?"

  "No." She smiled wider. "It was just an observation from earlier. Thin walls, you know?"

  "Well, I can assure you I didn't. Anything that might've happened in those ten minutes was completely consensual."

  "What does that -"

  "This is for Ruby," said Bronson, handing her a small computer chip. "I figured he wouldn't want to keep it in his bike. Night, Deryn." He winked one last time before heading out the door.

  Deryn put the chip in her pocket. She went back to Xander's room, tea in hand. When she got there, he was lying with his back to her. She walked over and saw that he was asleep.

  After putting the mugs of tea on the nightstand, Deryn crouched beside the bed and gazed at him, unable to stop herself from reaching out and moving some stray hairs from his eyes. She kissed him softly and climbed in beside him, pulling the comforter over them and wrapping her arms around his back, surprisingly happy to be the big spoon for once.

  The next morning, Deryn was awoken with a kiss. She barely had time to open her eyes before Xander was picking her up and carrying her to his shower. They joked around while he lathered her up with her floral soap, not once mentioning their conversation from the night before.

  Even as he picked her up and had her against the shower wall, Deryn's mind was never far from his request, both anticipating and dreading that he would ask again.

  While Xander got ready to leave, Deryn put on her robe and slippers, and made him breakfast. He pulled her onto his lap as he ate, giving her a kiss on her cheek, her nose, her lips between almost every bite.

  And then it was time for him to leave. Deryn cleaned up while he headed for the door, stopping beside the couch.

  "Deryn, come here," he said suddenly.

  Deryn put down the dishes she was holding and walked over. Xander pulled her close and kissed her affectionately.

  When he pulled away, he looked at her with his golden eyes. "I meant what I said last night. I want you and all of your things in my room today when I get back."

  "O-okay." Her body quivered.

  "You may have to do some rearranging in the dresser, but take whatever space you need. Just keep our underwear separate. I hate it when people share a drawer for underwear."

  Deryn smiled and nodded.

  Xander gave her one last kiss before leaving.

  Deryn brought her thumb to her mouth and bit down on it, staring hypnotically at the door for a long while, a faint smile still visible on her lips.

  This was a mistake. She knew it was. Everythin
g inside of Deryn told her that she would regret this later, that no good could come from her moving into his bedroom. But then why could she not stop smiling?

  Chapter Thirty-One

  It had been a week since Deryn moved into Xander's room and everything was going great. As far as either of them were concerned, anyway. Bronson hadn't been too thrilled about it when he went over there and Deryn was in the process of making the move, rearranging all of the drawers in the dresser and using the small ones at the top to separate their underwear.

  No, Bronson was definitely not happy about it. And while he bit his tongue, it was impossible to hide the dissatisfaction on his expressive face, which was why Deryn hadn't invited him over in a few days. To avoid feeling that judgment.

  But not today. Today she needed him, to be - if nothing else - a distraction. Because for the first time since she had been living with Xander he was sent on a mission to the outside world, to investigate what happened to two guards who went out for a routine check of the area and never returned.

  She was worried. There was no doubt in her mind that Resistance members always had their eyes on the doors to the city, watching those who entered and exited.

  Xander assured her that he had been out there many times before and he always came back safe, but that didn't make her feel any better about it. It only took once for someone to never come back.

  So, on that day, Deryn had asked Bronson to join her in the basement to work on her Element. Over the weeks, she had turned it into a fairly good weapon, but it was capable of so much more than that and she was determined to make its defensiveness as great as its offensiveness.

  What she wanted was a shield that was large enough to protect more than just her. Two people, at least. Preferably three.

  After some tinkering, she asked Bronson to stand behind her and gave it a try. Their upper bodies were protected, but if someone went for their legs there wasn't much they could do about it.

  "That thing is coming along pretty nicely," said Bronson as she tinkered some more.

  "I do what I can," she said.

  "And with your Element working so well, don't you think it's time you came up with a plan to get out of here?"

  Deryn didn't answer. Just kept tinkering.

  "It's obvious the curfew won't be lifted anytime soon. Probably never. So shouldn't you consider trying to find some other way to escape the city? It's not impossible, especially since you're just one person."

  She remained silent.

  "Deryn ... you still want to leave, don't you?"

  Nothing.

  "Say something."

  "I want to leave, Bronson," she finally said. "I want to see my dad and Talon and Dax and everyone else, but ..." She sighed. "But I don't want to leave Xander here. I already can't breathe when he gets home late. What's it going to be like if we're separated?"

  "So ... what then? You're just going to stay here forever because you don't want to be worried about Ruby?"

  "No, of course not. I just ..." She sighed again. "I don't want to leave him behind."

  Bronson bit his cheek. "You want him to come with you."

  Deryn blushed as she continued to stare at and tinker with her Element.

  "You know he'll never go for that. Besides, you're planning to look for the headquarters of the Resistance. Sending him into their hive, even on the arm of their leader's daughter, is still suicide. Surely you realize -"

  "Bronson, I know!" she shouted, her head whipping towards him. "I'm not an idiot! But he can't stay here! A bunch of Guardians already have it out for him!"

  "But he can't leave. Staying is his best option."

  "No, it's not!" Deryn put her Element down, stood and turned so she was facing the other direction. She brought her hand up to wipe her tears away before Bronson could see them.

  "Deryn, I'm sorry, but you need to be realistic here," said Bronson with a frown. "Ruby will never be able to escape the president. Not until one of them is dead."

  "I know that, too," she said after a small pause, her heart feeling heavy. "But I've already lost so much. I don't want to lose him, too."

  "I know." He hugged her from behind. "But just because you have to separate doesn't mean you're going to lose him. There's still a chance you'll both survive this. If you can get your dad out of hiding and start a battle against that bastard we're forced to call president, then you can sure as hell bet Ruby won't be fighting on his side. Just tell your friends not to attack him."

  Deryn smiled. "Yes, I'm sure that will go over really well with Talon and Dax."

  Bronson's arms tensed around her. "Deryn, you're not ... I mean, you and ... and Dax. Are you still planning on going back to him?"

  Deryn's smile faded. "I don't know."

  "Have you thought about it?"

  "Of course I have," she said. "Every day I think about it. But I haven't seen Dax in five years. How am I supposed to know if those feelings are still there?"

  "Well, ask yourself this. On nights when you're feeling sad and missing home, who do you want there with you? Xander or Dax?"

  That was simple. "I want Xander."

  "Then shouldn't that be your answer?"

  Deryn shrugged. "I don't know."

  She knew it should be that simple. Xander was the one she wanted, the one she desired, the one she thought about constantly, but Dakota ... he was her past, her first love, one of her last ties to her old life, and she had always thought he would be her future. But now there was Xander. And a future without him just seemed so bleak.

  ~

  Xander walked along the overgrown path, his gasmask on tight - molded perfectly so his face was still visible - and his hand on his Element, which dangled from his hip. Just in case. He had been sent out to investigate the disappearance of two rookie guards who had been on a routine sweep of the area. They were often conducted to make sure no Outsiders had taken up residence in their old villages on the border of Utopia. The villages had been cleared out shortly after the Resistance was formed and the president planned to keep them that way.

  A light breeze rustled the bushes and trees, not to mention Xander's trench coat, and he found himself checking his mask again, making sure it was fastened properly. While he was fully aware the president was a liar in many aspects, he had never been able to shake the idea that perhaps the air outside really was toxic, and only some were immune. He feared he was not one of those some.

  Deryn told him he was crazy. She was probably right.

  Xander stood still and waited for the breeze to pass. He hated being out there. Especially alone. He supposed he could have brought Luka with him. He definitely would have come too, considering he had been persistently trying to speak to Xander over the last few days, but there was never any time for that with his beautiful fugitive at home waiting for him.

  Luka had even tried to stop him before he came to the outside world that day, but Xander was eager to get his job done quickly, leaving enough time to report back to the president and still arrive home before curfew. Plus, he sort of feared the reason Luka wanted to talk was because something had happened between Bronson and him and he needed to tell somebody. Xander really didn't want to be that somebody.

  When everything was still again, he released a breath of relief and looked up. Other than the wind, it was a beautiful, clear day. Unlike the overcast dome above the city, which supposedly mimicked the sky he was looking at now. Just one example of the many lies the president told.

  After this realization, Xander wondered if maybe he really was being crazy and he could take off his mask. But the moment his hand started drifting upward it stopped. He sighed, let his hand fall, and continued on.

  Knowing there was very little chance he would ever find those guards, Xander had decided to take a little side trip to the largest of the border villages. He stopped by the hand-painted sign and read the name.

  Redwood.

  All of the villages had been named after ancient trees. With no access to the res
t of the world, it was impossible to know if they were extinct or not.

  Xander walked through the village quickly, making sure to look straight ahead. Not to the right, where several houses had been burned, probably with entire families trapped inside, or to the left, where many graves had been dug by those who survived for their lost loved ones.

  No, Xander did not dare look at either of those things. Even though he hadn't been there for the destruction of Redwood and all of the other villages in the vicinity, it certainly felt like he had.

  And then he saw it. A wooden house near the back of the village slightly bigger than the rest. It was the house the leader of Redwood had shared with his two children before they were taken from him. The same person who also led the Resistance. Deryn's father, Godfrey Leon. Last seen that fateful night five years ago but still believed to be very much alive. President Saevus had no doubt in his mind that his cousin was still out there somewhere, refusing to show himself out of fear for his daughter's life. It was no secret that the president had every intention of executing her while her father watched, and not a day sooner, despite rumors to the contrary.

  Xander shuddered at the thought. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath before walking up the steps and onto the porch. There was a swing to the right of the door that Deryn had spoken of once. On warm nights she would sit there sandwiched between her father and brother, leaning on her father's shoulder so she could read along to whatever book he had brought out that night. Even though he spoke aloud she always preferred to see the words. It made the stories more real for her.

  Xander put his hand on the knob and turned, the door creaking as he pushed it open. The house was covered in dust and cobwebs with small, black spiders in the center of them. There were no spiders in Utopia but Xander still knew what they were. He had encountered quite a few large ones while wandering the forest in this area, and he was not fond of them at all.

  Even though Xander had been to Redwood many times, he had never actually entered Deryn's house before. To the left there was a living room, and to the right a kitchen. He walked straight ahead, down a hallway, opening doors until he found a room that looked like it might belong to a young girl. It didn't look much different than the other rooms, aside from the lacey white curtains, but Xander knew it belonged to Deryn the moment he saw all of the books. Covering every flat surface, every corner, and every shelf nailed to the walls. They were even stacked up on a chair near the window. There was a good chance it had not once been sat in.