When he arrived at his apartment, thunder was echoing loudly throughout it. He tore off his coat and shoes, tossed them aside and hurried to his bedroom. His bed was bare of its comforter, and the gentle sound of weeping came from behind his bathroom door.
Xander opened the door, tiptoed inside, and climbed into his large, round bathtub. He slumped down next to the heap of blankets, rummaging through them until he found the warm body he was seeking.
"Hi, Deryn," he said, lifting the comforter so he could see her face.
She looked at him with tear-filled eyes and sniffled.
"Are you alright?"
She nodded.
"I'm sorry I left," he said, wrapping his arms around her. He found comfort in the feeling of the oversized, flannel pajamas she wore so often.
"I-it's okay," she said, whimpering as she buried her head in his shoulder. "I understand why you're mad at me."
"Is that what you think?" he asked, stroking her hair out of her face. "That I'm mad at you?"
"Aren't you? For not telling you -"
"You shouldn't have to tell me, Deryn. I should've known. But I just -"
Xander gulped.
"I don't understand when it happened. My father's never owned a slave. I would've known if he -"
"I was never his slave, Xander. His house is where they kept me in the beginning. Before Elvira recommended I join the slave trade."
"They kept you in his house? While I still lived there?"
Deryn nodded. "They kept me in the basement. I could hear your voice sometimes."
Tears filled Xander's eyes as he continued to gaze at her. "Deryn, if I'd known -"
"It doesn't matter," she said.
"And my father ... did he take advantage of you often?"
She shook her head. "Only once."
If there was ever a moment to tell Xander more, she knew this was it. But, for some reason, the words never came. She didn't have the courage to tell him that his father had been the first, because she could already feel him pulling away from her, and that was something her heart couldn't bear.
Xander closed his eyes and pressed their foreheads together, his tears dripping down his cheeks and onto hers. "I'm so sorry, Deryn. I wish I could have saved you sooner."
"I'm just grateful that you're here with me now," she said, digging her fingers into the sides of his sweater. "And I know it's not what you want to hear, but I'm not ready to leave you."
Xander cried harder as he pulled her even tighter against him. "It's not fair," he said. "It's not fucking fair."
Deryn didn't have to ask him what he meant, because she already knew. It all wasn't fair. The feelings they had, the short time they were given together, the horrible realties that would always try to tear them apart. Life wasn't fair. And the cruel world they currently lived in wasn't making it any easier.
Chapter Thirty-Five
Xander sat at the president's table, unable to focus as his eyes constantly drifted to his father sitting about halfway down on the other side. He hadn't been on active duty in a few months, a benefit that came with age, but he was back now and couldn't have returned at a worse time.
Atticus kept catching his son staring at him, his eyebrows creasing in curiosity at the look of contempt he was receiving.
"How reliable would you say your source is?" asked Saevus, staring down the table at Veli.
"Very reliable, sir. They've never been wrong before."
The president tightened his lips. "And you realize this source is taking you to the same place you had that embarrassing display last year, don't you?"
Veli blushed. "I do, sir. But I trust -"
"Xander."
Xander removed his eyes from his father and looked at the president.
"You will take the lead on this."
Veli's mouth dropped.
Xander looked at him and smirked. "Of course, Mr. President."
"Choose your team."
"Well, I think it would only be fair to have Veli-belly come along with me."
His eyes narrowing, Veli said, "How dare you call me -"
"And who else?" interrupted Saevus. "Perhaps your father -"
"No, I think not," said Xander quickly, glancing at Atticus out of the corner of his eye. He was still unsure of what to do about his father and, since he was planning on setting up a deathtrap on this mission, it simply was not the place for him. "His skills are better suited here. "I will also take Luka -" For backup. "- Sorey," he winked at Soren, "Aila, Wenton, Orson and Gordon." A good mix of trash.
"You may have one more," said Saevus.
Xander thought. "I'll take Finley." He knew he had a soft spot for Finley because of their history together, but she had hurt Deryn, just like the others, and he could never forget that.
"I will also send two S.U.R.G.E.'s and a team of guards with you. You will leave in the morning. Everyone is dismissed."
Xander stood up first, as he always did, and motioned for Luka to follow him. He had barely stepped out of the room when someone grabbed his shoulder. He turned to see his father.
"Xander, I was hoping you and I could speak over dinner and -"
Xander pulled away from Atticus and took several steps back. "Don't touch me," he spat.
Atticus cocked an eyebrow. "Is there a problem?"
Xander wanted to shout at him, " You raped the girl I love !" but he knew how important it was to hold his tongue in front of his current crowd. So, instead, he said, "No, Father. None at all."
"Then why have you been looking at me like you want to rip me apart all evening?"
Because he did. "I don't believe I have."
Atticus studied his son. "Xander, what is -"
"Ready?" asked Luka, walking up to them and looking anxiously at Xander.
Glancing around, Xander noticed they had an audience. He always did. "One second." He looked back at his father. "I'm afraid I've already made other arrangements tonight. Another time. Let's walk," he said to Luka, heading for the front door.
"Where are we going?" asked Luka once they were outside.
"I need to get a message to someone. You're my lookout."
"Let me guess. I'm going to have to be extra cautious tomorrow."
"You should always be extra cautious."
"And you should be a little more discreet with those death stares you're giving your father."
"Well, I can't help that," said Xander. He perked up his ears. "So who's following us?"
"Our precious Veli-belly, as always," said Luka, who was an expert at spotting people by the distinct sounds they made while walking. "And Gordon."
Xander groaned. "Let's just get to Middle City. Bronson works a couple blocks from the gate. We can duck into his kitchen and slip out the back. He's let me do it before."
Luka crinkled his nose.
It was a straight shot from the president's house to the gate, since it was towering in Utopia's center. When they arrived at the Middle City gate, the guard and S.U.R.G.E. approved their entry immediately and opened the large, iron doors that ended about ten feet up where they hit an invisible and impenetrable force field. The doors didn't even have a chance to close before Veli and Gordon were walking through. Xander led them around a few twists and turns, eventually stopping in front of a busy restaurant.
"He works here?" asked Luka as Xander pushed through the waiting crowd and headed for the door.
"Yes," he answered. "Ever been?"
"Brought a few of my usuals here to keep them happy before." He paused. "So all this time I could've gotten a free fucking meal?"
"Guess so."
Xander opened the door and they headed inside, the hostess looking up from her chart and smiling as they walked towards her.
"Oh, hello. You're Bronson and Mason's friend, aren't you?"
"Mason?" asked Luka, cocking an eyebrow.
"Quigley," said Xander, right as Quigley walked by holding several plates of food. He nodded at them. "We need to see Bronson. It's important."
> "Absolutely," she said, her smile broadening. "Give me just one second and I'll -"
"I'll take them," said another hostess, popping up and giving them a smile to rival her coworkers.
"No, Jemma. I'll take them. You stay here."
Jemma glared at the other hostess as she left her station to lead Xander and Luka to the kitchen. She made sure wink at Luka as he passed.
"So ..." The hostess slowed her pace so she was walking side-by-side with Xander. "Has Bronson ever said anything about me?"
"No," scoffed Luka from behind them.
The hostess frowned.
Inside the kitchen, Xander immediately spotted Bronson throwing ingredients in a pot while a waiter standing incredibly close to him whispered something. Glancing sideways, Xander caught Luka scowling. When Luka noticed him looking, he pulled it back.
"Bronson!" the hostess called, not even noticing the obvious flirting happening right in front of her. "Your friends are here."
Bronson looked over and smiled. "Well, if it isn't my two favorite Guardians."
The kitchen went very quiet.
"Relax, everyone. They're not here to arrest you," he announced to the room. "To what do I owe the pleasure?"
"Nothing. We just need to slip out the back," said Xander.
"Being followed by those dick-holes again?"
"Always."
Bronson nodded. "Farrah, be a dear and make sure to keep any other Guardians that walk in here busy, will you?"
The hostess blushed and nodded. "Anything, Bronson." She hurried back to the front of the restaurant.
Looking at Bronson, Luka puckered his brow.
Bronson smiled. "I don't just go around announcing my sexuality, Luka. I shouldn't have to. If she ever asked I'd tell her." He winked at the waiter, making him blush even redder than the hostess and fumble with the plates he'd just picked up. The embarrassed waiter hurried out of the kitchen.
"I believe you know your way to the back door, Ruby," said Bronson, tossing them each a piece of bread that had barely come out of the oven.
Luka sniffed it before taking a bite. His eyes lit up. "Holy fuck."
"Focaccia," said Bronson with a smile. "I'll make it for you sometime." He winked and Luka blushed. He seemed to have that affect on a lot of people.
Xander and Luka slipped out the back door and the two of them headed for the Shopping District, this time without any followers.
"Anything you want to tell me, Luka?" asked Xander as they walked.
"Th'fuck you talking about?"
He supposed that was a no.
The Shopping District was not too far from where Bronson and Quigley worked, and the building Xander needed was right near the edge of it. Seemingly abandoned, the place was old and made of brick, in opposition with all of the newer metal buildings around it. The new Utopia was not about style, it was about safety and practicality.
Xander led Luka around the boarded up building to an alley just behind it. He asked him to keep watch while he did a very specific knock on the back door. Several seconds passed before something on the door shifted. A small section in its center pushed inward and was replaced with a pair of eyes.
"You're early," said a woman's voice.
"I'm not here to stay," said Xander. "There are rumors that Outsiders have once again taken up residence in the village called Willow. If there's any truth to these rumors, I suggest you inform your people to get the citizens out before tomorrow."
" And bombard the stupid Guardians," said a young man's voice from behind her. The eyes vanished and there was a loud cracking noise. "Ow!"
"I was actually going to suggest the same thing," said Xander.
"Will you be there?" asked the woman, her eyes returning.
"Of course. I'm the head on this mission."
She blinked and moved her eyes away from him. "I really wish you would let me tell them about you."
"No," he said quickly. "This is a war, and if someone from your side is captured, what's to stop them from supplying information about me to bargain for their lives?"
"But someone might hurt you by accident," she said, looking back out with worried eyes.
Xander sighed. "That's a risk I have to take." He glanced over his shoulder at Luka - who was watching him more than keeping watch - and beckoned him forward. "There's someone you should meet. In case something ever happens to me. He's my oldest friend and, even though I've installed that chip I told you about in his wristband, he's trustworthy without it."
"If he's trustworthy then he should meet more than my eyes," said the woman. Her eyes vanished and were replaced by darkness, then the darkness was replaced by the original chunk of the door.
There was some arguing going on inside, and Luka was sure he heard at least four voices. Maybe more. Despite all of that, the door still opened, but only one person stepped out of the shadows. A woman with dirty-blonde hair, faintly streaked with gray, and tired blue eyes. She was pretty, probably in her late forties, and very familiar looking.
"Hello," she said with a faint smile. "You're Luka Voclain, aren't you? Perhaps you don't remember me. I'm -"
"Adelaide Saevus," finished Luka, finally recognizing the president's wife and Elvira's mother who had vanished shortly after the war on the Outsiders had been declared.
"Formerly Saevus," she corrected. "It's Adelaide Norris, but you may call me Del."
She lifted her right hand, Luka only now noticing that it was made of metal. It squeaked like a S.U.R.G.E. that needed to be oiled. He shook it and let go as quickly as he could. The metal was surprisingly warm. Looking at Xander, he said, "Your double life just keeps fucking growing, doesn't it?"
"Language!" shouted a child's voice from deep within the building.
"We should go," said Xander. "I just wanted you two to meet. You know. In case."
Del smiled and said, "Nice to see you again, Luka. I will get your message out as soon as I can, Xander. And, please, be careful."
He nodded and she disappeared inside the dark building, shutting the door behind her.
"In case of what?" asked Luka as they walked towards the street.
"I think you already know," answered Xander.
"How is she living there with the curfew? It's not a residence."
"Back when it was a store, the owner lived on the top floor. When he died and no new buyers came forward, it just slipped through the cracks. It's still registered as both a business and a residence."
"Oh." Luka looked down at his feet and went quiet.
Neither of them said anything more as they walked towards the gate. When they got there, Luka returned to Inner City while Xander collected his hover-bike from the lot and rode off.
When Xander got home, Deryn was not in the front room like she normally was. He took off his shoes and coat, and headed for the bedroom, where he found her asleep with a book laying open on her stomach. He smiled and took it off of her, carefully marking the page before changing his clothes and climbing in beside her.
It had only been three days since Xander found out about his father, and he and Deryn had not so much as kissed since. Other than the occasional cheek peck. Even wrapping his arm around her now didn't seem right, but it had become a habit that he really didn't feel like breaking.
"You're late," she said quietly as he pulled her into him.
"I had to pass along a message to your people," said Xander. He had told her a while ago about Del and the others. But while he'd told Deryn about Del, he hadn't told Del about Deryn. There were too many risks involved if the Resistance found out she was free and in hiding, namely them coming for her in idiotic fashion. Talon and Dakota tended to lead missions in the Resistance, and neither of them were known for subtlety.
"Why?" she asked, turning and looking at him with fluttering eyelashes.
"We're following a lead on Outsiders said to be living in Willow tomorrow. I had to warn them."
Deryn blinked. "But ... the Resistance doesn't know you're a
spy, do they?"
Xander sighed. "No."
"Then how will they know not to attack you?"
"They won't."
Deryn froze. Her lips quivered. "Xander, you can't go on that mission. It's a deathtrap."
"I'll be fine," he said. "I've done it a dozen times before."
"But -"
"There are no buts, Deryn. I have to go. Would you rather I didn't warn them and let the Guardians take them by surprise?"
Deryn sighed. "No. I would rather you weren't a Guardian."
"Too late to change that now," he said, giving her cheek a stroke. "You remember what to do if I don't return?"
Deryn gulped. "Go to Bronson the moment the curfew's lifted and have him take me to Del." If he wasn't around it was the only option.
"And you remember the knock?"
She nodded shallowly and did the knock on his chest.
"Good," said Xander, taking her hand in his. He brought it up to his lips and kissed it. If he couldn't have her lips then this was a close second.
"Promise me you'll be careful."
"Of course I will."
She nuzzled against his chest.
Now it was time for the big question. "If I see anyone you know and opportunity presents itself, should I tell them you're free?"
Deryn thought about this. "I suppose you should tell Talon or Dakota. But only if you can actually get them to sit down and listen. I don't want either of them finding out and then breaking into the city to get to me. Just tell them ..." She gulped. "Tell them I'll be with them shortly."
He nodded against the top of her head. "I should tell you now that this opportunity is highly unlikely."
Xander couldn't see from his current angle, but Deryn was smiling. She'd already told him she wasn't ready to leave him and she'd meant it. Not until she knew where the two of them stood and, after her confession about Atticus, it was even more unclear now than before.
It wasn't long before Deryn's breathing grew shallow against his chest. She'd had a nightmare the night before about Atticus, but tonight her dreams were all about Xander. About what their lives could have been if they lived in a different world. One where there were no obstacles threatening to tear them apart, other than their own stubbornness.
Broken Wings (Cruel and Beautiful World, Book One 1) Page 34