Anything but Innocent

by Dayna Quince

  Lisbeth set her hands on her hips and jutted her breasts forward in a tantalizing display. “I’ve waited long enough for you to greet me properly, Chester. I don’t know that I can forgive you for this slight.” Her eyes lingered on his bare chest. She reached out to touch him, but he stepped back. She clenched her jaw and slipped past him into the room.

  “Get out, Lisbeth. I’m not doing this with you tonight, or any other night.” He prowled around her.

  His anger excited her. What she wouldn’t do to excite more of it, to feel his hands roughly pawing at her skin as he took her against the wall, or aggressively on the floor.

  “What is the matter, Chester? You don’t sound like a man satisfied with the company he keeps. Did you think a virgin of noble birth could slake your desires as I could?”

  She saw him pause in his gate and change direction. She smiled triumphantly.

  “At one time, you were a virgin of noble birth, or have you forgotten?” He threw the question back at her.

  “I have not. I paid my dues and so shall Lady Lucy.” Lisbeth smirked at his dangerous scowl.

  “What is that supposed to mean?”

  “She can’t marry a man like you. You will destroy her. It takes time and experience to satisfy a man of your passion. Have her when she is ready and capable, after she has put her husband to rest and taken a few lovers.”

  He didn’t speak as he circled around her. Her eyes having adjusted to the darkness now, she could see the shifting planes of his abdomen as he moved. Two of the buttons of his breeches weren’t fastened. She licked her lips in anticipation.

  “Mr. Peters would be a good beginning for her. He’s gentle and sweet, and a very patient teacher. Sir William could be her second. He’s a bit more adventurous, but he won’t hurt her. Then perhaps Mr. Halstead or maybe Colonel Dickens—”

  “Don’t say another word.” His voice was deadly.

  Lisbeth sat upon the bed and ran her hand over the sheet. “Does it upset you?”

  “Get out. Leave this house before you stain it.”

  Lisbeth smiled, but it didn’t reach her eyes. She had the bitter taste of bile in her mouth. “How dare you judge me. What mark will you leave on this house? On Lady Lucy? If her family knew of the shame you have brought to your own…the blood on your hands. They wouldn’t let you have her. They won’t let you lick the filth on her shoes.”

  Lisbeth grew angrier when he didn’t respond to her taunts. She could feel the empty chasm between them and practically taste his disdain for her. She pushed herself off the bed and approached him. He didn’t back way. She trailed her fingers along his chest as she walked a circle around him.

  “Let’s not fight anymore. I want to make up.” She came to his front and faced him. “I want you. People like us don’t belong here. We’re different, we’re animals controlled by our passions.”

  “I don’t want you, Lisbeth. I told you I was done and that hasn’t changed. We had our time and now it’s over.”

  “It’s over when I say it’s over.”

  He shook his head.

  “You think you can deny me? I know you. I know everything you love, everything you need to find complete, utterly decadent satisfaction. You won’t find another woman like me, Chester.”

  “I can only hope that is true.” He moved away from her. He went and stood by the door, waiting.

  Lisbeth glared at him and didn’t move. “What will you do? Toss me out like garbage?”

  “If need be.”

  Lisbeth stalked forward, pausing at the door to give one last warning. “I don’t know what it is you see in the chit. She isn’t anything like us. When she sees the dirty, worthless soul you carry inside you, she won’t touch you. But I will be waiting for you to return to your senses and realize how bored you would be with a woman like her. It shan’t take long, I think.”

  He folded his arms. “You’re right, Lisbeth. She isn’t anything like us. It’s her best quality.” He put his hand to her back and pushed her out the door, closing it swiftly and quietly behind her.

  For a moment, Lisbeth considered making enough noise to wake the others so it would be known she was leaving his room—but no, she calmly returned to her own. She retained a respectable place in society and she wanted to keep it. There were always whispers circulating about her, but without substantial proof, they only served to make her more popular. She wasn’t going to give that up in a fit of jealousy.

  Lucy woke the next morning with a permanent smile. She bathed and dressed, quickly making her way to the morning room where she hoped to find the man who filled her thoughts and dreams. Things would be different today, she could feel it. She could hear the pleasant chatter before she entered the breakfast parlor and it only fueled her delight for the day.

  “Good morning, everyone.” She smiled cheerfully as she met the eyes of each person who responded in kind and went to fill her plate. She met his last but didn’t find anything to encourage hers to linger. She thought about that as she filled her plate. She didn’t actually know what last night had meant. She was still clueless this morning as she took her plate to her seat beside Thea and began to eat. The chatter continued, and Lucy wondered if perhaps he didn’t appear to act differently towards her is because he was used to conducting affairs discreetly.

  Affairs? Heavens no, she mentally scolded herself. This was not an affair. This was the beginning of her life. The start of their shared life. What did she expect him to do when she entered? Burst to his feet and declare his love? She giggled. While enchanting that vision was in her head, it wasn’t like him. He was, by nature, not publicly expressive. That suited her just fine.

  “Dear?” her mother called to her.

  “Yes?” Lucy looked up from her plate.

  “Is your breakfast amusing?”

  “Beg pardon?”

  “You’ve been staring at your food and giggling,” her brother said from her other side.

  “I have?”

  Thea leaned over and look at her food.

  “It isn’t my food.” Lucy playfully nudged her. “I am simply happy.” She looked around at her table companions. Her father was peeking over his paper at her and looking at her oddly. She grinned at him. He chuckled and resumed reading.

  “Isn’t today just lovely?”

  Everyone else blinked at her, but as she caught Winchester’s eye, she saw him smile as he took a sip of his coffee. Joy filled her. She didn’t care how strange she was acting. She was bursting with joy, and she would infect everyone with it if she had to.

  “Well, I think it’s marvelous you woke with such a sunny disposition,” Thea commented.

  “Thank you, Thea. Did you sleep well?”

  “I did.”

  “I feel a hike is in order. The ground must be dry enough for a pleasant hike. Jonathan, Winchester? Would you like to join us?”

  “Actually, we’re leaving with Father.”

  “What?” Lucy’s joy faded.

  “It’s his annual trip to check the other estates, remember?” her mother said.

  “But that isn’t for another month. You never leave this early.”

  “I’ve decided to change my plans. I want to get it over and done with sooner rather than later, especially since Lord Winchester has offered to assist me.” Her father resumed reading the paper.

  “You’re going with them?” This she said to Winchester.

  “I’ve been invited and am honored to help in any way I can.”

  “You will be counting cows.”

  “And I shall do so with joy.” He smiled crookedly.

  “Keep your chin up, Lucy. Mother is taking you to Bath.” Jonathan said.

  Lucy smiled tightly. She didn’t want Bath. She wanted Winchester, alone, all to herself. As quickly as her dreamy summer had begun, it was over. Her father was always gone at least two months when he toured their properties.

  “Why don’t you wait at least until the end of the week? We have a guest, after all.�
� Lucy had almost forgotten about Lady Lisbeth. She was absent from the table.

  Her father coughed. “Um… We’ve had a record number of calves born this year. I want to get an early start before the heat settles in.”

  Lucy sighed. She knew there wasn’t anything she could say to alter her father’s plans. “Very well. You must name a calf after me.”

  Her father chuckled.

  Lucy poked at her eggs for a little while longer before convincing Thea to take a walk with her.

  “What was that all about?” Thea asked as the descended the steps leading toward the stable. They wouldn’t be riding, but instead, visiting the pond to see the ducklings.

  “Something happened last night that boosted my spirits and now it was all for naught.”

  “Do I wish to know what the something is?” Thea said with trepidation.

  Lucy thought about telling her but decided not to. “No, but I thought it meant things had changed between us.”

  “Perhaps he was only behaving like a typical rake?”

  Lucy pondered that. She had been waiting outside his room. Could he have just taken advantage of her? No. NO. There was so much feeling in that moment, such heady emotion. There was far more going on than simple lust. She’d been alone with enough rogues to know the difference. If he hadn’t cared for her, he would have taken things much further. Instead, he’d taken her to heights she hadn’t known existed and taken nothing for himself.

  “There is so much more to him than what he wants to show me. I won’t get a chance to discover what it is if he is away with my father.”

  “I’m sorry,” Thea said.

  They found the pond and cooed over the little ducklings, but it wasn’t long before Lucy wanted to return to the house. She needed to speak with him. He couldn’t just leave without explaining last night. When they returned, they found Lady Lisbeth in the drawing room.

  “Good morning, Lady Lisbeth.” Lucy greeted her with reserve.

  “Good morning, Lady Lucy. I can see you’ve been enjoying the outdoors.” Lady Lisbeth indicated the grass stained hem of her gown.

  “Yes, I have.”

  “I’m disappointed to hear our gentlemen will be leaving us,” Lady Lisbeth said coolly.

  “My father and brother do it every year,” Lucy responded.

  “How nice of Lord Winchester to join them.”

  “Yes.” Lucy wondered where this conversation was going.

  “You know, after I spoke to Winchester last night in his room—oops. Pretend you didn’t hear that.” She winked. “He and I are very old friends, you see. I decided it was time for me to depart, as well. I have friends waiting for me. Fortunately, my steward has the part for my carriage and will be returning to repair it today. I will leave tomorrow.” She smiled serenely.

  Lucy returned her smile, but on the inside, she felt a chill sweep through her. Last night in his room?

  “How fortunate. We usually visit Bath and take the waters while my father is away.”

  “Lovely. Bath is a wonderful alternative to London.”

  “Yes.” Lucy nodded. “If you will excuse me. Thea and I must meet with my mother to plan our own trip.

  “Just a moment, Lady Lucy. If I could have a private word with you?”

  “Certainly.” Lucy shared a glance with Thea. Thea moved to wait outside on the terrace. She looked out over the gardens with her back to them.

  “Woman to woman, I think you could have a very rosy future if you followed the right path, my dear,” Lady Lisbeth whispered. She nodded toward the terrace doors.

  Lucy twisted to look. Winchester was now there with Thea.

  “Men like him aren’t suitable for a novice. One must begin slowly with a marriage to an older man. Get rid of the annoying burden of virtue the respectable way.” She winked and covered her mouth while she laughed huskily.

  Lucy frowned at her.

  Lady Lisbeth swatted her knee playfully. “Don’t frown, dear. You’ll give yourself wrinkles! It’s not so terrible wedding an older man. You close your eyes, and it’s over rather quickly. But the important part is, after it’s over, you can move on to younger men, men with skill, and men with talent.” Her eyes moved back to the terrace doors.

  Lucy summoned all herself control to keep herself from reacting. Women like Lady Lisbeth wanted a reaction, they wanted shock and awe. They fed off the attention from others. What Lucy didn’t understand was why she felt she could say such disgusting things to her.

  “Men who don’t want to trifle with virgins.”

  Lucy couldn’t resist looking again. She felt herself falling into the trap Lady Lisbeth had set for her, or perhaps she had set it herself. She believed she could charm him into falling for her. He looked in their direction, drawn by their gaze. Lucy presented her back to him. Her heart thudded painfully. She watched in growing discomfort as Lady Lisbeth continued to boldly stare, her eyes wandering over him in obvious carnal familiarity.

  Lucy swallowed back her rising fury. She must not react the way Lady Lisbeth wanted her to. She took a deep breath and leashed her emotions. “That is not the kind of future I want or the kind of marriage I want.”

  “What a foolish thing to say. You’ll never taste the delights of a man like Winchester any other way.

  Lucy bit her tongue. She remembered such delights vividly though now they were tainted.

  “Your mother told me about Mr. Farris. He seems safe and boring. You should marry him, but that means your life will also be safe and boring.”

  “As opposed to…” Lucy couldn’t help asking.

  “A life like mine,” Lady Lisbeth preened. “I can have my pick of men,” she leaned closer, “and I have.”

  “I suppose that is one way to look at it.” Lucy shrugged.

  “I beg your pardon?” Lady Lisbeth blinked.

  “Having men rather than having been had by so many of them.”

  Her eyes narrowed. “Semantics.”

  “If you say so.”

  Lady Lisbeth pursed her lips. “I need to prepare to leave. Good day, Lady Lucy.”

  “Good day, Lady Lisbeth.”

  Lucy exhaled slowly as the woman disappeared into the hall. She was ready to cry… or murder her.

  “What did she say to you?” two voices said behind her. Lucy turned to find Thea and Winchester there with twin expressions of concern.

  “Nothing of importance,” Lucy lied. She would not show how hurt she could be by Lady Lisbeth and in essence, him. He would only use it to further his notion that he was out of her league. Lucy felt the doubt like a vice around her heart, but she was not ready to concede to it. She let her anger override the sadness and come to the forefront.

  “What is it you’re afraid she told me? That you and she have had an affair? Am I supposed to be shocked and frightened by the both of you?” Lucy stood.

  “She’s upset you.” He looked angry, too. Was it on her behalf? She didn’t want it. At the moment, she didn’t even want to look at him.

  “I’m not a child, Winchester. I can handle women like her. She isn’t the first or the last of her ilk. Thea, let’s prepare for our trip.”

  “Wait.” He reached out and took her hand.

  Lucy looked down at it with disdain.

  “I’ll give you a moment.” Thea hurried to the hall and closed the door.

  Lucy pulled her hand from his.

  He slowly dropped his hand to his side. “Have I convinced you then?”

  “Of what?”

  “Our differences. We are two people who can never be one in marriage. Like fire and ice.”

  “Am I supposed to be ice? Cold and pure as snow?” She walked around him and looked out the terrace doors. The day had been so beautiful when it had begun, now the sunlight made her angrier. She turned back to him. “I feel like fire. I’m hot, and I want to burn you so you know exactly what I’m feeling. It is you that is cold. You refuse to feel, refuse to go any deeper than carnal cravings. You are devoid of
color and warmth, not I.”

  He scowled at her, but he didn’t say anything.

  “Have you nothing to say?” She taunted him, poking him in the chest. He grabbed her hand, threading his fingers through hers so she couldn’t pull away. “You are innocent. You shouldn’t have to face the ugliness that lives inside me or Lady Lisbeth. You’re right. I am ice and you are fire. You live and grow, and I will always be just one thing.”

  “Don’t you dare call me innocent. I am anything but innocent. I may not have the disreputable history of you but nor do I deserve to be treated like some fragile creature, protected, preserved like a specimen in a jar. I want to live, I want to make love, I want to see things I’ve never seen before and do things I shouldn’t be doing. I won’t be caged. I won’t be cowed by people like you, Lady Lisbeth, or anyone else. You still refuse to see who I am, and that is your fault, not mine. Have you convinced me?” She mocked him. “You’ve convinced me how much of a coward you are.”

  He let go of her hand then, his face hardened. She waited to see if he would say anything, but he didn’t, so she left the drawing room. She walked away feeling like she was tearing herself in two. She was letting go of her dream of him and it hurt more than she could bear. She hated herself. She hated that she was giving up.

  Chapter 19

  Two months went by, and Dean returned to the place where he had left his heart. It was a lonely house that sat at the top of a hill looking over the valley and its village with condescension. That’s how Dean always felt when he stood in its shadow. He wasn’t good enough. He’d failed to live up to the house’s and his father’s expectations. He hadn’t realized that, after all these years, he could still feel like a boy of twelve. It was unnerving.

  Rigsby snored beside him, and Lord Heath sat opposite, staring out the window as the carriage climbed the hill toward the house.

  Dean stared out the opposite window, but he only looked north. If he looked south, he could see the roof of Abbey House. If he looked there, all the reasons he hated coming here would rush back. His father he could deal with—maybe, but not Abbey house, not those memories.