Where Love Grows

by Jerry S. Eicher

  “I see,” Steve said, understanding coming slowly. “Is this man staying around?”

  “Nee, he’s gone back to Missouri where he lives. And now there are some matters I need to take care of today. Can you go on with the corn yourself?”

  “Sure. I’ll start setting up the stacks when I’m done with the field. How long will you be gone?”

  “It may be all day. There are things more important to me right now than the farm. I wish to speak with my daughters about the news. And then I will speak with Deacon Ray and the other leaders.”

  Steve shrugged. “Do what you need to. I will carry on the best I can.”

  “I will see you later then.”

  Steve nodded, slapping the lines. The horses lurched forward.

  Returning to the barn, Menno harnessed Toby and tied him to the hitching post. He then hurried toward the house. Across the lawn, he saw Ada walking up the road from her place. And from the other direction another buggy was approaching. He recognized two of his daughters—Betsy and Miriam. They were arriving to begin the cleanup from the wedding, moving down to Ada’s place afterwards. Already Da Hah was making the path clear for him.

  Menno stopped and turned toward the driveway. He greeted Betsy and Miriam as they drove up and climbed out of the buggy. “Gut morning!”

  “What are you still around the house for, Daett?” Betsy asked.

  “We’ve had a lot going on this morning,” Menno said as he undid the tugs.

  “I see you have the benches loaded,” Miriam commented.

  Menno cleared his throat. “Yah. I need to speak with the two of you. And with Ada too. I’ll meet you in the house as soon as I put your horse in the barn.”

  They glanced at each other as they took their cleaning supplies from behind the buggy seat.

  This was going to be even harder than he had thought. Most of the excitement was gone that had been present when he’d told Susan. Taking the horse into the barn and putting him into a stall, Menno slid the bridle off. He shut the stall door and shoved a quarter of a bale of hay into the manger before walking back to the house. How would the girls take this news? The joy was indeed leaving his heart, seeping away under the weight of the words that lay ahead. Yet he could still see Donald’s face. Yah, Menno thought, my sin had been great, but the goodness of Da Hah was just as great—nee, it was even greater.

  Menno squared his shoulders and walked into the house. Betsy, Miriam, and Ada were standing in the living room with Mamm beside them.

  “I’m not telling you a thing,” Mamm was saying. From the tone of her voice, he guessed she’d said it before. “Your daett will have to tell you himself.”

  “What is it, Daett?” Miriam asked turning to face him when she heard the door open.

  Behind them Maurice appeared in the stair doorway with baby Samuel in her arms. Silence fell over the living room.

  “Am I interrupting something?” Maurice asked hesitantly.

  “If you could give us a moment, Maurice.” Mamm tried to smile. “Menno has something he needs to tell the girls.”

  “Sure…” Maurice was already turning, and one foot was on the first step.

  “Wait, Maurice,” Menno said. “I want you to hear what I have to say. I will not keep this secret any longer.”

  “But Menno!” Mamm protested.

  “This is going to be more than a family issue,” Menno told her. “It involves everyone. The entire community will know very soon.”

  “Okay,” Mamm agreed, motioning Maurice toward the couch. She then turned and called toward the kitchen, “Susan, please come in here.”

  “I already know what Daett’s going to say,” Susan’s muffled voice answered.

  “Come anyway,” Mamm said, taking her seat on the rocking chair.

  Susan appeared a moment later bringing a chair. She sat down, still wiping her eyes. The other daughters sat down and waited, worried looks on their faces.

  Menno cleared his throat. “Girls, there is no easy way for me to say this. And yet it must be said, so I will waste no words. A man arrived this morning—well, he was here yesterday. I’m sure you noticed him.”

  “Yah,” Ada said. “I spoke with him. He’s doing research…”

  “Nee,” Menno said. “He is not really doing research. His real name is Donald Fry, and…and he is my son.”

  There was stunned silence.

  “I know this will be hard to hear and believe,” Menno continued. “I will explain. Forty-some years ago while I was doing my military alternative service in St. Louis, I went out with an Englisha girl. Her name was Carol and she worked at the hospital. We went to parties together, and…well, one thing led to another, and…I…I did something I shouldn’t have. I committed a great sin. Then Carol told me she was pregnant. Not long after that, she told me the child had been lost. I believed her.”

  The women were still silent, so Menno kept going. “We had talked about our different worlds. She was raised Catholic, and I came from the community. Neither of us wanted to come the other’s way. And we parted. Not in the best of circumstances, of course, but for what we thought was the best. Yet I found out a week or so ago that she had not told me the truth. She hadn’t lost the child. She thought she was making it easier for me—and for her—by going her way and letting me go mine. She placed him for adoption when he was born. After he grew up, Donald contacted Carol, and she, in turn, contacted me. And he has come to find me.”

  “You really did this?” Ada finally asked.

  “Yah, Ada. I repented of this sin years ago, but the consequences of sin are far reaching. And now I must face it in the open. I shared this with your mamm, and she has forgiven me and agreed to accept Donald. I told Susan when Donald came here this morning. Now I am telling you. I will be writing to your other sisters, and Anna and I will go to Deacon Ray this morning yet.”

  Betsy was the first to her feet. She walked forward to give her father a hug. The others followed. Susan stayed on her chair and Maurice stayed on the couch.

  “I’m very sorry about this,” Menno said for all their benefit. “I know this comes as a shock.”

  “When did Mamm know about this?” Ada asked. “I never heard a whisper about it growing up.”

  “I knew some of the story,” Mamm offered. “But even your daett didn’t know Donald was alive until a short time ago.”

  “May I say something?” Maurice asked. “I don’t want to speak out of turn...”

  When Menno nodded, she continued. “This might come as a surprise to all of you, but this story is the most incredible thing I’ve heard in my life. And believe me, I’ve heard a lot.”

  “I hope you don’t think ill of our people because of this.” Menno looked troubled. “Because I’m the one who sinned.”

  “Gracious no!” Maurice exclaimed. “You’re human, that’s all. Don’t you think that makes me feel better, not worse? I was beginning to think you were all angels walking the earth in human form.”

  “Nee, we are not angels,” Mamm assured her.

  Maurice laughed. “That’s what everyone kept saying, and now it’s nice to have some evidence—and in language I can understand. Things like having a baby out of wedlock...a hidden pregnancy…an adoption too. Now that’s my world.”

  “I’m very sorry about all this,” Menno said again. “I beg your forgiveness.”

  “Not to trample on your piety, Menno, but thank you for letting me be part of this. I believe your God is more real after experiencing this confession. I was beginning to wonder. It’s good to know He can handle the human failings part of life.”

  “I have sinned,” Menno said. “But I have also seen my son this morning—my only son. I repented of the sin years ago. But even with the sorrow there is joy in my heart.”

  “Come, Menno.” Mamm took his arm. “We have to speak with Deacon Ray. And then you must write to the other girls before the news reaches their communities.” She turned to the girls. “While we are gone, you can get sta
rted on the cleanup work.”

  Together Menno and Anna walked across the lawn, Anna’s hand around his arm. Helping her into the buggy, Menno untied Toby. He climbed into the buggy. Slapping the reins gently against the horse’s back, he drove down the road without looking back.

  The girls were at the window watching their daett and mamm leave.

  Never again would they look at him quite the same, Menno realized. Sure, they had offered their forgiveness, but he would live with this disappointment for the rest of his days. The shame of it seeped into his very bones. Yet he would also rejoice over his son. He would welcome him home whenever he chose to come. The whole situation would lie in his heart in one irreconcilable bundle. Much like the wrath and the mercy of Da Hah. Unexplained, unresolved, and yet existing sid by side. Da Hah wouldn’t fully undo, in this world at least, the dark deeds of men.

  “I’m very sorry,” Menno muttered again, the reins held tight in his weathered hands.

  “Yah,” Anna said. “And you should be. That was a very wicked thing you did all those years ago. You broke that poor girl’s heart. She wouldn’t have told you what she did if she hadn’t loved you and wanted the best for you.”

  “We didn’t belong in each other’s worlds. You know that, Anna. I have loved you with all my heart.”

  She took his arm. “Some things aren’t meant to be understood, Menno. As for me, it is enough that you came back all those years ago. And that you have been a gut husband to me. I wouldn’t ask for our lives together to have been different.”

  His beard blew over his shoulder, as a sudden gust of wind rocked the buggy. Menno held on to the lines. “I am not worthy of you, Anna. You know I have never been.”

  She tucked her hair under her kapp, ignoring his comment. “You also realize what Deacon Ray is going to say about this, don’t you?”

  “I suppose I do. He’ll now know why I worked so hard on Teresa’s behalf.”

  “Was that the only reason?”

  “She is also like a daughter to me. You know that.”

  “It’ll make no difference to Deacon Ray. You’ll be excommunicated. There’s no question in my mind.”

  Menno sighed. “Even if I’ve repented?”

  “It won’t be enough, Menno. You’ve hidden the matter for all these years, and now the whole community will be shamed. They’ll excommunicate you for a long time—months no doubt.”

  “I’m sorry for your sake, Anna. As for me, I’ll be happy to sleep in the barn until my time is done.”

  “You’ll do no such thing,” she said. “I’ll not have your side of the bed cold while mine is warm.”

  Menno glanced down at her face. “You would join me? Even in the great darkness outside the church?”

  “We will be warm together,” she said. “And the grace of Da Hah will not forsake us. Besides, Deacon Ray will never believe I didn’t know. A woman supposedly always knows.”

  “And did you know?”

  “I thought of it once, Menno. But I figured it was only my imagination. I did know there was a sorrow in your heart.”

  “I’m sorry, Anna. So very sorry.”

  CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

  Menno brought the buggy to a halt beside Deacon Ray’s barn and climbed out. Anna stayed inside while Menno tied the horse. Wash hung on the lines behind the house, swaying in the morning breeze. The noise of a small engine running filled the morning air. Moments later Deacon Ray’s wife, Esther, appeared as she climbed up the outside basement steps. In her arms she carried a hamper of wet wash.

  “Gut morning!” Esther called across the lawn. She set down her hamper and came toward them.

  Anna waved and climbed out of the buggy.

  “You’d better go talk with her,” Menno said, “while I find Deacon Ray.”

  “I will do nothing of the sort,” Anna stated. “I’m staying with you.”

  “She needs to know why we’re here.”

  “Is Ray around?” Anna called to Esther and put on her best smile.

  “Yah, here he comes now.” Esther looked over her shoulder. “He was fixing the washing machine motor for me.”

  A surprised look crossed Deacon Ray’s face when he saw who was waiting for him. But he came toward them with a firm step. Esther turned back and picked up her hamper. With a quick nod toward Anna, she headed to the back of the house.

  She knew this was church business, Menno figured. And Deacon Ray would tell Esther the news once they left. As well he should. Soon everyone would know he had a son among the Englisha people. But even when the shame came crashing down on his shoulders he would know he had a son. That was something he would never wish to change.

  “Gut morning,” Deacon Ray greeted them, smiling to Anna. “I hope you don’t come with bad news on this morning after the wedding.”

  “Nee.” Menno tried to smile. “But we do have some serious business. There’s no easy way to say this, so I’ll just have it out. The Englisha man who was at the wedding yesterday stopped by this morning. It turns out he’s my son. I’m here to let you know and explain the situation. I wanted to be the one to tell you.”

  Deacon Ray’s mouth fell open. “Your son? But you have no son.”

  “It turns out I do. Do you remember the time you and I spent in St. Louis doing our alternative service? Perhaps you remember I was seeing an Englisha girl. Her name was Carol.”

  Deacon Ray nodded. Then he turned to Anna. “Did you know about this?”

  Menno spoke up. “Deacon Ray, I didn’t even know Donald existed until a week or so ago. So how could Anna have known?”

  Deacon Ray turned back to Menno. “The Englisha girl didn’t tell you she was…expecting?”

  “Yes, she did. But later Carol told me she’d lost the baby. I believed her. Perhaps because I wanted to believe her? Yah, but this does not change anything now. We parted ways, Carol and I. She moved back to her hometown, and I came back here. I didn’t hear from her again until she wrote me some time ago to tell me I have a son. His name is Donald. And I’m glad he has found me.”

  “You don’t sound very repentant, Menno. I’m surprised at you. And you told no one of this matter? For all these years? Not even Anna?”

  “How could Menno tell me about his son if he didn’t know himself?” Anna asked. “I hope you use some common sense in handling this and don’t go racing off on some wild judgment.”

  “Now, Anna.” Deacon Ray gave her a stern look. “You know me better than that. I don’t plan to go racing anywhere. But this is a matter of grave concern. Menno has been a member of the church since his youth. He has played a hand in many church matters, giving his counsel, which we took as coming from an upright man. Now we find out that he has a son in the Englisha world. That cannot be ignored, Anna.”

  “You can do with me what you wish,” Menno told him. “I have met my son, and he’s a blessing from Da Hah. Even if he was conceived in sin.”

  Deacon Ray nodded. “I wouldn’t wish the man to bear any of your shame, Menno. The Englisha man I saw seemed decent. And now I thank Da Hah that I did invite him to the wedding. I see what lay behind all this. As the Scriptures say, the man who covers his sin will not prosper. It was nothing but Da Hah’s grace from the beginning to bring this out into the open. And you helped hide this, Anna? For all these years?”

  “We’ve told you. Menno did not know of his son until a few days ago. He told me the morning of the wedding what there was to tell,” Anna said. “Menno didn’t know his Englisha son had been born.”

  “And I’m supposed to believe this? Coming from you, his wife? You shared your heart and your bed with this man for all these years, and yet you knew nothing of his sin with an Englisha girl?”

  “There are things one does not speak of, Ray. And you of all persons should know that.”

  “Well, perhaps you aren’t as guilty as he is, Anna. But you should have asked questions. That’s what a wife is supposed to do when she suspects sin in the life of her husband. None of us are
to turn a blind eye to evil.”

  “I saw a heart in Menno that sought after the will of Da Hah. It was not in me to question that, regardless of what sins lay in his past. It’s not like any of us have always done what is right. And Menno has lived honorably all these many years. He has loved me, and I have no regrets for the marriage we’ve had.”

  Menno cleared his throat. “It’s best we talk of this without harsh words. I will take whatever punishment you and the community see fit to give. It was my sin, and I will own it. I repented of the sin years ago with Da Hah, although I didn’t talk of it publicly. I will not have Anna carry any of this on her shoulders. She knew nothing of it until a few days ago.”

  Deacon Ray looked down for a minute or two. Then he looked at Menno. “This is a great shame, Menno. I will take the matter up with the ministers and with Bishop Henry. Then we’ll decide what is the right way to go.”

  Anna straightened her shoulders. “If you choose to excommunicate Menno, I will still share his bed. You should know that now.”

  “Anna, please!” Menno touched her shoulder.

  “Anna, it would be best if you stayed out of this,” Deacon Ray said. “This is the sin of Menno, and he should bear his own burden.”

  “I am his wife. Nothing that has happened changes that. I will stand by him.”

  “You would not forsake him for false doctrine?” Deacon Ray stared at her. “You would stand with Menno if he left the faith?”

  “Nee, I wouldn’t repent. And you know that. But Menno isn’t leaving the faith. He is choosing to submit to whatever consequences the community leaders decide. You heard him say so. I will stand with him in this decision. Even if it means the darkness of being cut off from the fellowship of the church for a time.”

  “I will speak with the others on this matter.” Deacon Ray stroked his beard. “This news will be a great sorrow. All of us will walk with bent shoulders for many days. I wish you had brought this up years ago, Menno. Perhaps at your baptism. It would have been dealt with much lighter there.”

  “What one should have done is not what one always does,” Menno said. “In my heart I did repent at that time, and I spoke with Da Hah about it. But now my son has found me. I accept him, and I accept what must be done. In that I will be satisfied. You and the church leaders will let me know what is decided. I will not protest whatever is chosen to do.”