Bittersweet Surrender

by Q. B. Tyler

  “Yes…I mean, eventually,” I say looking at the naked man in bed staring at me like he wants to devour me again.

  “Eventually? Charley…you’ve got to be smarter about this. Neither of you have filed, hell you’re not even legally separated. If this gets back to Matt, his lawyers could argue that you had a fight and that’s all this was. A Rachel and Ross ‘we were on a break’ of sorts.”

  I smile at her FRIENDS reference as I move back to the bed and climb in next to him, back into his arms. “Definitely not just a break.”

  “Yes, I’m aware, I have a car full of your possessions that would agree.”

  I wince. Shit, I’ve dragged Lauren into this and just ran away with Will. Not that I could have stopped her. Lauren would walk through hell with me. I know her irritation is stemming from more than just the space I’m taking up in her car. “Shit, I—”

  “You should come here, Charley,” she says, and I see the look of defeat Will is giving me. He can obviously hear her.

  “Tomorrow. I just—” I look at Will, the love for me written all over his concerned face. “Tomorrow, Lo.”

  “And what do I do if Matt shows up here?”

  “Why would he?”

  “Hell if I know, but your husband is a wildcard right now. He’s a man that’s been hurt and he wants his woman back.”

  “I’m not his woman, Lauren. Not anymore.”

  “Fine. He wants his wife back. That you still are.” Her voice is authoritative, almost motherly. I half expect her to call me young lady.

  “Tell him I’m at my mother’s…or a hotel. I don’t know, Lauren.” I hate that I’ve put her in this position. “I’m sorry for getting you involved.”

  She’s silent for a moment. “I’ve been involved since college, Pierce.” I smile hearing her words, and I don’t even notice the tear trickling down my face until I feel his mouth on my cheek kissing the wetness from it. “Just be careful, and make sure you know what you’re doing.”

  “I’ll come tomorrow, okay?”

  “I’ll have wine poured.”

  “Thanks, Lo…for everything.”

  “No thanks necessary. You know I’ve got your back.”

  “I know.” I smile into the phone before I hang up.

  “I wish you could stay here with me.” He pouts and it’s literally the most adorable thing I’ve ever seen. I have a flash of a smaller human that looks exactly like him giving me a similar pout and my heart melts.

  I cup his face and brush my lips across his. “I don’t want to be away from you either, but I want to be smart about this.”

  “Maybe you can stay at the new house.”

  “Oh, because that’s not obvious.” I roll my eyes and I’m met with a pinch on my side.

  “Don’t roll your eyes at me,” he growls before he pins me down and presses his lips to mine.

  Later that night, I’m in Will’s kitchen in nothing more than his t-shirt and my panties. Will had ripped my pants off the second I tried to put them on. I’m standing on my tippy toes as I reach for a bowl, having a taste for pancakes even though it is almost ten at night. He reaches over me and pulls the bowl down, giving me a boyish grin. Pretending to hand it to me, he snatches it away raises it high above his head out of my reach. I jump to reach and grab it but it’s absolutely no use. I glare at him jokingly and cross my arms before he boxes me against the counter pressing his lips to mine. Setting the bowl on the counter, he reaches for me, snaking his hand under my shirt when I hear someone approaching.

  “Oh shit, my bad, bro, sorry!” I look at the source of the voice and my mouth drops open when I realize who is in front of me.

  From the restaurant earlier this week—Andrew, his brother. SHIT!

  I wonder if Will has told him about me, but by the look on Will’s face, I take it he has not.

  “Don’t you fucking knock?” he yells, pulling my less-than-clothed body behind him. I wonder if it’s just because I’m barely clothed or because he doesn’t want Andrew to put two and two together.

  “Sorry, but we had plans to watch the game? I’ve been calling you for hours…no wonder you haven’t answered,” he jokes.

  “Oh right…sorry. As you can see, tonight isn’t good…” Will points to the door.

  “So, you’re not going to introduce me to…” He signals toward me even though I’m successfully hidden behind Will. Andrew attempts to come closer when Will takes a step back, backing me against the counter to shield me from his brother.

  “Back off, Drew,” Will growls.

  No one says anything for a few seconds when I hear, “You’ve gotta be shitting me, bro. The woman from the restaurant? Your patient?” Andrew accuses. Will’s shoulders sag with defeat having been caught when he turns to face me.

  “Baby, go back to my room.”

  “Baby?!” his brother exclaims as he finally has a good look at me. “Aren’t you married?”

  “Andrew,” Will barks at him before he turns back to me. “I’ll be there in a few minutes, okay? Let me just get rid of my brother…that doesn’t know how to knock.” He glares at him. I nod and he places a gentle kiss on my lips. I leave the kitchen and thank God that there’s a wall separating the kitchen from the living room because I’m absolutely about to eavesdrop.

  “What the fuck, man? She’s married, isn’t she? The woman who’s married to the guy that got so hammered the other night? The one that didn’t take his last name when they got married? I never forget a hot woman, Will. Don’t you dare lie to me and tell me it isn’t the same one from the restaurant.”

  “Watch it,” Will warns him.

  “Is that why you put such an emphasis on calling Renee Olivia’s friend? Because you didn’t want to piss your married girlfriend off?”

  “Keep your fucking voice down,” Will snaps.

  “She’s your woman? The one you had to get ‘home’ to? Are you insane? She’s married, Will.”

  “Her name is Charlotte, and…she’s getting a divorce.” Even though I can’t see him, I can hear the agitation in his voice.

  “Oh, for the love of God, Will. Are you kidding me with this? You’re a therapist and you can’t see through that bullshit? People do this shit all the time! Promise the world and that they’ll leave their spouses for their mistresses or…what are you anyway? Are you her mistress?”

  “Fuck you, Andrew. I was there when she asked for the divorce.”

  There’s silence and I wonder if they’ve started whispering. I crane my neck to try and hear better. “How long has this been going on?”

  “Five months.”

  “You’ve been fucking this married woman for five months. Are you out of your mind? A woman that pays you to counsel her and her husband? You’re supposed to fix the problems in her marriage, not create them! Do you care about your license? Your practice? Your life? You’re throwing all of that away for a piece of ass?”

  I hear a chair skidding across the floor and then a bang against the wall. “Next time that will be your face, if you EVER say something like that again,” Will growls. There’s silence and then I hear him again. “I’m in love with her, Drew.”

  “Are you shitting me right now?”

  “I didn’t mean to…I swear. I tried…for months to stay away from her. I counseled her and her husband for months before I did anything…before I touched her. I couldn’t take it another second. I had to have her.”

  “She wasn’t yours to have!” Drew exclaims.

  “She loves me too.”

  More silence.

  “You are so fucked, you know that?”

  My heart sinks. Are we? Are Will and I just being naive that we think that we can get out of this with minimal damage?

  “It’ll be fine once she’s divorced.”

  “Tell me you aren’t that naive! You can’t be. You do this for a fucking living. I know I don’t have to tell you that divorces take time, sometimes they want you to be separated first…does her husband know? Have any ideas?�
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  “No…her husband wouldn’t notice her if she was on fire.”

  “So, she went looking for a man that would give her attention?”

  No! Of course not. Is that what people think? That Matt was ignoring me so I went looking to start an affair?

  “It’s not like that.”

  “Then what’s it like?”

  “You don’t understand.” His voice is almost pleading. I don’t know much about Will and his relationship with his brother, so I’m wondering if Andrew’s reaction is judgmental.

  “Clearly. Make me understand.”

  “I don’t know what you want me to say. We fell in love.”

  “But she’s your patient. She and her husband are your patients. You say she’s getting a divorce, but is it official? Has she even filed before you have her here half naked in your house cooking dinner? Has she even fully moved out of her house before she came here and set up shop? Do you know how bad this could be for you? For your reputation? For your life? Does she know? You say she loves you but does she care that you’ve risked it all for her?” The questions are shooting out of him in rapid succession. I can barely keep up.

  The tears are rolling down my cheeks fast, and before I know it my feet are moving forward and I’m back in Will’s kitchen. “Of course, I know!”

  Will’s and his brother’s heads both snap toward me and I see the hurt look in Will’s eyes that are a direct reflection of my own. “Baby.” He moves toward me and I stop him.

  “I know that he’s risked everything to be with me. I know that me being here is risky but…we just couldn’t help it. I couldn’t help it. I love him, more than…anything in the world. And I’m here because it hurts too much to be apart. We’ve had to be apart for months, and I don’t want to do it anymore. He showed me what it feels like to be in love. Totally and completely in love,” I say softly as I wipe the tears from my eyes. “I know how this looks but…I tried to get a divorce last year. I won’t bore you with the details, but it just wasn’t working. My husband begged. Got down on his knees and begged me for another chance and he came up with this idea to go to counseling. I was skeptical at first, but I agreed. And then I met Will.” I look at him and give him a small smile. “I didn’t mean to fall in love with you…” The tears start to fall again. “I’m sorry! I never meant to screw up your life.” I back away slowly out of the kitchen, the sobs wracking my body. I don’t make it three steps before I’m cradled in his arms, inconsolably crying into his chest.

  I hear the faint sounds of his voice soothing me but my sobs are so loud it’s all I can hear in my ears. He pulls my face out of his chest and cups my cheeks, wiping my eyes with his thumb. “Hey, why all the tears?” he asks, rubbing his nose against mine. “You know I don’t feel that way.”

  “Hearing…all of that… I hate that I’ve done this to you.”

  “He doesn’t understand, but he will soon, okay? He didn’t know that we are in love, Charley.” He rubs my back and hugs me tightly. “Come on, stop crying. You didn’t do anything to me. We are in this together.”

  I don’t remember falling asleep but the next thing I know my eyes pop open. His brother left moments after his intrusion, and Will brought me back to bed, holding me in his arms until we fell asleep. It’s dark, only the light from the adjacent bathroom creeping out into the room. Will is no longer in bed next to me, and I’m immediately on the move to his bathroom. I see him in the shower, his balled-up fist against the tile next to his forehead that is resting against it. I pull off his shirt and my panties and climb into the shower with him. I move forward and touch his shoulder, pressing a kiss to his shoulder blade. “Why didn’t you wake me?”

  “I thought you needed to sleep…and I needed to think.”

  He still hasn’t faced me so I pull on his bicep in an attempt to get him to look at me. “Think about what?” I ask, immediately fearing that his brother’s words are resonating with him.

  “Not what you’re thinking, baby,” he says, turning around. He must have heard the insecurities threaded through my words. “No matter what happens…” he starts, “being with you…us being together is the most important thing to me, Charley.” He rubs his wet nose against my dry one. I’m sensing a “but,” and I don’t like it. “That being said…maybe we need to do a better job of lying low, at least until your divorce is finalized.”

  “How?” I ask, although I know what he’s going to say.

  “You can’t stay here.” I look down and nod once. “You know I want you here all the time. But if we want to get out of this with minimal damage, we need to create some space. If Matt finds out then we deal with it, but right now he doesn’t know about me which means we—you have the power here. If he somehow gets proof…things become difficult.”

  I nod. “So, I can’t see you at all?” I ask, my heart constricting at the thought of being away from Will for so long. “Can’t we continue having sessions?”

  “I might be able to throw in some ‘post-marital’ sessions. And I can meet with Matt as well… I can’t imagine not seeing you for a month, but—”

  “A MONTH?!” I exclaim.

  “That’s how long it takes for an ‘uncontested’ divorce to be final in the state of Georgia starting with the day you file and the papers are served.”

  “I’m filing tomorrow,” I say rubbing my forehead. I need these wheels to go into motion ASAP. “Fuck, I need a lawyer, and you heard Matt. He’s got a great lawyer. I—”

  “I’ll ask my father.” I remember him telling me that his father is a lawyer, but is that a good idea? Involving his family?

  “Is that a good idea?” I ask, voicing my concerns. “Not only would that raise some red flags to Matt but…won’t your father have a lot of questions? Certainly not how I would like to start them off meeting me,” I say.

  “Oh, because your mother has the best impression of me?” he asks. raising an eyebrow at me.

  “Touché.” I roll my eyes, thinking about the inevitable line of questioning that will happen when he meets my mother, starting with, What the hell were you thinking!?

  “I’m not going to ask my father to represent you; just if anyone in the firm can take your case. But he is my lawyer, so in case I need him, it wouldn’t hurt to keep him in the loop.”

  “I’ll protect you from Matt as best I can. If it comes down to it, I wouldn’t want you to lose everything over me.”

  “I’d give it all up for you,” he whispers against my mouth.

  “You’d eventually resent me.”

  “No, I wouldn’t…never, but we aren’t even near this bridge, baby. All we have to do is make it one month, as long as Matt doesn’t contest it.”

  “One month,” I repeat, “and then we can start the rest of our lives together.”

  I don’t know how long I’ve been awake staring at the ceiling, but it was dark when my eyes first opened, tears leaking from the corners and streaking down my face as I think about how Will and I have to be apart.

  He did say we could maybe work around it, but we certainly won’t be seeing each other three times a week like I’m used to…and even that isn’t nearly enough time in the first place.

  As the night has turned into early morning, the anxiety creeps in. Will reaches for me when the early morning turns to 8 a.m., his hands parting my legs and he slips inside, holding me…loving me…worshipping me. We make love for the better part of an hour, savoring every part of each other before we enter into a period of absence. The tears stream down my face, delaying my orgasm. “It’ll be okay, I promise,” he whispers. “We’ll still talk. You have your Blackberry.”

  “Promise me once it’s official we’ll be together.”

  What if he meets someone else? Or…decides it’s too much? No…Charley, you’ve got to relax. He bought you a house and he wants a family with you. Babies—with you.

  The thought calms me as he traces kisses along my face and whispers, “Always…forever…the second it’s official…”r />
  I wrap my arms around him as the final moments of our lovemaking come to a close. I feel his climax rip through him and I’m a beat behind. I’ve never cried during an orgasm…well, a few times with Will but that was because I was so overcome with pleasure. But I’ve never come with tears in my eyes out of sadness. I can’t seem to stop them as I say goodbye to the man I love more than anything.

  Even if this is just “see you later,” I hate it.

  We get dressed in silence and soon my phone is ringing, letting me know that Lauren is here to pick me up. His hands wrap around me as I end the call.

  “I love you.”

  “I love you too.” I sniffle.

  “A month is nothing,” he says and I raise an eyebrow at him. “In comparison to the lifetime we’ll have together?”

  My heart melts hearing his words and I reach up to pull him into a hug. “Call me later?”

  “Of course, and who knows…we can probably still see each other…just file and give it a week or two to settle.”

  I smile. “Okay.”

  “I have something for you,” he whispers, and I eye him curiously. He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a small but very recognizable red box; the gold Cartier script causes my heart to skip a beat. My eyes widen and he smiles. “Not an engagement ring…yet.” I open the box and see the familiar ring and I look up at him, overcome with shock. Matt had hated this collection, stating it wasn’t classic like the Love Collection, of which I have a dozen pieces. I remember the first time I bought a “Nail” ring for myself since my husband refused. I had been so excited but when I got home, he told me it was tacky and too edgy for me, and to take it back. The tears run down my face that he’s bought me the same exact ring I returned two years ago.

  “I don’t think it’s tacky… I think it’s you.” He smiles.

  “Will you put it on?”

  My left hand still wears the two rings of another man, so he slides them onto my right ring finger before placing a kiss on it. “I promise we’ll be together.”

  “Okay,” I say, giving him one final hug and pressing my lips to his. “See you later.”