by J. Thorn
“Are those? Uh…?” Page looked up at me with wide eyes.
“Definitely,” I nodded. “Haley has two for the cuss jar.”
Haley stuck out her tongue at us.
Vaughan ignored us and then instructed, “Alright, stick together, be alert, be on guard. We’ll find the first empty building and regroup. Keep your eyes open for another vehicle. If it’s not too far from this one, we’ll syphon gas and circle back.”
The doors opened as one and everyone climbed out. Nobody bothered to close a door; we just grouped tightly together and then started walking down the highway in the direction of south.
America was an interesting place to spend the end of the world. We drove everywhere, houses could be miles apart, towns even farther. When you had to walk across the entirety of the great fifty states, you realized how much freaking space there was. And on a quiet morning like this, with not even a bird to keep us company, Missouri felt infinite…. impossible.
“If it makes anyone feel better,” Haley broke the silence first, “Reagan and I walked from the middle of Iowa to where we found you guys. So walking is possible.”
She said this to a group of guys that were walking with guns literally pointed in every direction as they moved as a military unit over the roads in Middle America.
“And how long did that take you?” Hendrix asked.
She cleared her throat, “A little under two years.”
“So, going by your timeline, which is being a bit generous at this point with all of us traveling together, we’ll reach the Andes mountains in the middle of Peru in about…. fifty years.”
Haley shot him a saucy grin and then said, “Just in time to retire. Think of this as like your 401k. Any good plan takes hard work.”
“Was that a commercial slogan?” Nelson laughed.
“For a bank back home,” Haley shrugged.
“Here we go,” Vaughan barked out suddenly.
And there they were; the first of the Zombies we would meet on foot. The smell should have tipped us off, but most places smelled like them now- both inside and outside. It was like one of those Axe cologne commercials, whenever you could smell it, people were ravaged and attacked. Only instead of hot guys getting mobbed by hot girls it was every kind of person getting mugged by Zombies. So exactly the same…. only not.
I was actually kind of surprised to see the ten Zombies, lured in by our pumping blood and beating hearts. I really wanted to make it farther than twenty minutes this morning without getting covered in blood and gore. But this was the end of the world, after all, so I really shouldn’t have had unrealistic expectations.
“Page?” Vaughan reached out behind him to make sure she was there. She clutched his hand and drew herself into the back of him.
“Reagan?” Hendrix asked quieter.
“I’m here,” I promised, following Page’s lead and slipping my hand into his for just a moment. I quickly withdrew it though in favor of a semi-automatic handgun I thought would be more appropriate.
And then the first shot rang loudly through the air. Harrison caught the closest Zombie right in the throat. Deep, crimson colored blood started to shoot from the wound, spraying his companions in his carnage.
It was- frankly- disgusting. But there was so not time for things like emotions and revulsion. We had to survive…. together. Because that was apparently what we did now.
The Zombie didn’t react in any way, shape or form. He just kept coming at us, blood spurting everywhere like the fountain of death. His homies were gaining speed, running at us now with their superhuman speed.
We spread out, so as not to hit each other with our gunfire and started aiming at the group of ten. There were more of them than us, but we were faster. They groaned and moaned as they set about attacking us, their grunting sounds very reminiscent of the movies from before the initial infection. For some reason, I didn’t expect that early on, I didn’t expect them to be so…. Hollywood –like. At least they weren’t running around groaning “brains, braaaaaains.” That would have just been overkill.
I hit one right between the eyes that was missing a foot and an arm, then moved my attention to a once upon a time, elderly woman who had lost her life to the Zombie disease that took over her mind. I cringed as I shot at her, but what choice did I have?
Hendrix stood to my left, hitting target after target and Haley to my right, not doing so bad herself. Page hid behind Vaughan, clutching his shirt, clinging to him for security.
There was no way this child was going to grow up with a healthy perspective for this world. Not that I had one, but if the youth were our future, I wondered if it would be better or worse than it was now.
Gary and his good ol’ gang couldn’t be left in charge of things forever, but what did a future look like when the children grew up killing things daily and hiding in the shadows, scavenging for food.
Were our options really this bleak?
I took out another Feeder, just because thinking about how f-ed up they made everything really
pissed me off. Bang. Bang. Another one bites the dust, bitches.
We finished those ones off easily enough and then went back to walking toward Peru.
“Ok, I quit,” I declared loudly when we had stepped over the finally silent bodies of the dead Feeders. “We can’t seriously be walking to Peru- to f-ing Peru.”
I stopped in the middle of the road. The blooming trees of spring rustled in a light breeze, and shaded the stretch of highway we were on from the bright morning sun. Behind the putrid stench of rotting Zombies, was the faint scent of new grass and fresh buds on trees. The air was light and the breeze gentle and caressing, the sweet undertones of plant life and warm nights filled the space in between rotten flesh and fresh gun shots. It was frustrating how close I was to something beautiful, yet it was completely overshadowed by the death surrounding me.
It was like this metaphor for my life and I freaking hated it.
“That’s it?” Hendrix scoffed. “You’re giving up?”
“Peru is super far away,” I reminded everyone needlessly. “It was a stupid dream, a stupid goal.”
“You were planning on walking before,” Nelson pointed out. “When it was just you and Haley.”
“Besides, the Hummer only had a little more than a fourth tank of gas anyway. Gary probably added one extra day to our trip, that’s it.” Hendrix added.
“Plus, there’s your goals, Reagan,” Vaughan chimed in. “What else is there besides your goals?”
“Love?” I answered defiantly.
“You’ve got love?” Vaughan asked, shocked and disbelieving. It was in that moment I confirmed he was talking about him and me. Brat. I should have known better than to trust these boys with friendship. They all wanted to get laid.
Ok, I knew better than that too- so much better than that. But it was still shocking that we were thinking beyond terms of how to help each other survive.
“No, I don’t have love yet,” I threw back on a laugh.
“Alright, then you’ve got your goals. And Peru is a goal. A big, impossible, dangerous goal.”
“But it’s my goal,” I agreed.
“Damn right, it’s your goal,” Vaughan said seriously. “So let’s go already, it’s going to take us our entire lives to get there, we don’t have time to waste.”
“You know, you guys aren’t so bad,” I admitted once we started walking again. “I think I’ve decided to keep you around”
All five brothers looked at me like I had just lost my mind, all wearing the same look of disbelief, all shaking their heads in refusal to believe what I had just said.
“We spend a week going in the wrong direction- her direction. We lost three/fourths of our ammo and weapon supply. We lost our transportation. Hendrix risked his life, then I did, then Hendrix again and then Vaughan. I spend the night knowing the worst anxiety I’ve ever known- as in now I have an ulcer and no way to medicate it. And then we engage in the fifty sixth Zombie bat
tle to the death for her. And she’s just decided to keep us. After all of that,” Nelson griped. “Reagan you are so lucky you brought Haley.”
Apparently every Parker brother agreed with that because they all made similar statements under their breath and then turned back to Feeder Watch 2013.
We spent the day searching for a town, fighting the random Zombie and sticking together. We were melting into this unified entity and it was hard to imagine what life was like before the Parker brothers, before every weakness was protected, every blind spot covered.
Eventually we came upon an abandoned gas station that was isolated in the middle of some forested area. In a past life this would have been the perfect setting for an ax murder or serial killer set up. Yet this was my life, my life the horror movie.
However, I did opt to protect Page and sit cover duty while Hendrix, Vaughan and Nelson inspected the inside. Sorry, there was only so much courage a girl could pull on each day. They could take care of the potential Mike Meyers threat; I’d stay in my safe-zone picking off Zombies.
Once we were given the “all clear” we set about securing the interior, so it would be safe for the night. We had about an hour left of light and we needed to utilize every second of it, so we could have a peaceful night.
Haley and I checked the back door, locked it and then shoved every heavy object in the back room in front of it. It opened to the outside, so that was probably all unnecessary. But for real, we knew how to trip a bitch if someone were able to rip that heavy metal door open and then walk in here in the pitch dark. Then we set up a community sleeping room in the same back room.
The boys locked the front doors with a set of keys left near the cash register and then moved all the racks where food was once stored in front of them. They blacked out some of the windows with some tarps from the back room, but there wasn’t enough to cover every window.
This wasn’t the most ideal place to stay, but we knew how to be absolutely quiet and how to not show any light. We hadn’t made much noise while we were in here. This had to work; we didn’t have any other options.
We made a meal out of some cheese cracker packs, left over Pringle tubes, Twizzler Nibs and bottles of water that hadn’t been looted. It wasn’t chicken like the night before, but this might as well have been a feast. Nibs? Hello.
There was also a pack of razors I grabbed, several sizes of batteries available, tampons- a must, because believe me, Mother Nature did not abandon us all- and pens and paper. I was pretty sure Page hadn’t had a second of school since she went on the run with her brothers, and while it might not have been the most important part of our day, nor would I be all that great at teaching her, I could offer reading and writing lessons. No matter what the decline of civilization looked like for the rest of the world, anyone I was partially in charge of was going to be able to do both. I didn’t believe this was the end for humanity.
I couldn’t believe that.
I had to live for something.
I had to hold on to hope in some way.
“So was that like a mental breakdown earlier?” Hendrix whispered, bringing his make-shift pillow over next to me while I repacked my backpack, giving up some of my abundance of underwear to make room.
“I guess,” I shrugged, even though he could barely make me out in the dim light from the moon outside. “The enormity of what I’m asking you guys just kind of hit me and I suddenly felt stupid for asking you to do this impossible thing with me.”
“Never feel stupid for asking me anything, Reagan,” Hendrix ordered. “We’re in this together; stupid things and all.”
“Alright,” I nodded. “Thank you.”
“Not those,” he said instead of “you’re welcome.”
“What?” I looked around and then his hand covered a silky pair of lime green and black lace panties in my hand- completely ridiculous, but then when we looted Victoria’s Secret we weren’t exactly able to find practical pieces.
“Not those,” Hendrix repeated. “I like those.”
I snorted, “Like you’ll ever get to see them on me.”
“Not the point, Reagan,” he whispered after I’d thrown them back in my pack and zipped it. He tugged on my arm so I lay down next to him. He turned to his back and so did I, our shoulders pressed into each other. He slid his foot over so that our boots touched as well, and I thought this had to be the sweetest moment in all of time. “I just need to know they’re there, that they’re an option. I can wait patiently. I can wait as long as I need to before I see them in action.”
My heart fluttered uncertainly for a few beats before I was able to ask, “Is that like a metaphor?”
He turned his head to face me, so I mimicked him. We stared at each other for a long time, even though his face was mostly obscured by darkness. I knew he was there, and I knew he was looking at me and that was all that mattered.
I heard the smile in his voice when he answered dryly, “Yes, Reagan, that’s like a metaphor.”
I smiled back, although I was positive he couldn’t see it and then turned back so I was looking at the ceiling obscured in darkness again.
Vaughan and Nelson were on first watch. Page was lying next to me, sleeping soundly so that her soft breaths floated in rhythmic patterns like a melody of peace. Haley was safe. King and Harrison were safe. And I was next to a boy I’d started thinking of as more than a stranger, more than a friend. He was somewhere in between my future and my present, I just didn’t have a word for him yet. Other than safe.
He was my safety.
He was what made me feel protected.
Vaughan was right; love wasn’t what motivated me yet. But I could feel it coming, feel it rolling into my life slowly, securely, in a way that wouldn’t get erased or replaced. And while I waited for love, I would fight this decay and live with hope. Because if it was all I had, hope when everything was hopeless, wasn’t so bad.
Episode Three
Chapter One
665 days after initial infection
“Haley! Get it off! Get it off!” I screamed, ok, no I screeched like a banshee into the quiet afternoon stillness. “Please for the love of all that is holy get it off of me!”
A flock of birds took flight. An irrational pang of guilt sliced through me when I realized I’d disturbed their peace. It didn’t make sense because they were birds and could find harmony anywhere- fly above the chaos the rest of the world had fallen into. But there it was. I felt remorseful.
I wasn’t a psychologist, but it didn’t take much to figure out these feelings were misplaced and pulled from other issues in my life.
Nice, Reagan- psycho-analyzing yourself in the middle of nowhere. That’s just perfect.
Probably, if I had to guess where all this guilt was stemming from, it would be the endless body count I had piling up behind me. True, I was only killing infected Feeders already trying to kill me- or worse eat me bit by painful bit. But it’s not like I was a born murderer. This instinct to kill was trained into me out of necessity. At some point my once do-gooding, cheerleader of a brain was going to remember that and break. Until then, I just wanted to survive.
However, all these shameful feelings might have less to do with the long laundry list of RIP Zombies and more to do with the particularly gruesome kill I’d accomplished not twenty minutes ago. The big guy’s carnage still painted my body with his sticky, foul-smelling blood and stuck to my hair in big globs of chunky flesh. Gag.
“Ok, just hold still,” Haley attacked my scalp again, scrubbing thoroughly along the bank of a slow waterway called Little Sugar Creek. “I mean, it’s like you have Feeder brain everywhere.” And then she gagged- for real gagged, right over my shoulder. “Did you try to take a shower in corpse?” And then she gagged again- a throaty sound, her whole body going rigid with the effort not to puke.
Which of course made me start gagging.
“No, I didn’t try to get him all over me. I wasn’t thinking about the consequences of shooting him so c
lose, I was just trying not to die!” This guy had gotten really up-close and personal. He almost had me. But at the very last second, I managed to jam the barrel of my gun directly under his chin before pulling the trigger, but that meant splatter…. everywhere. And not just like sprinkles of blood, oh no, we’re talking huge buckets of gory bloodbath. More gagging.
Part of the problem was my giant barreled hand gun. We were out of all the good ammunition and easy to use weaponry. So I had to resort to some kind of piece I’d only ever seen in movies. The barrel was cartoonish it was so big, and the entire thing weighed at least twenty pounds. But it got the job done. Obviously.
“Get it out, Hales,” I whimpered. This was me at my most pathetic. I could handle shooting, killing, going a week without bathing. I could handle smelling bad and dealing with greasy hair. I could handle sharing a toothbrush if I had to. What I could not handle was the sticky, oozy remains of a dead Zombie all over my body and glued to my hair. At the very least, I’d had the foresight to duck my head so nothing dead or bloody landed on my face- or worse, my mouth.
There wasn’t a whole lot of research done before the world fell apart, so nobody was really certain what constituted contact between Feeder and human. Was it just the bite? Like a vampire? Or fluids mingling?
It was hard to tell. And I wasn’t exactly on the mailing list for The New England Journal of Medicine. Plus, this wasn’t the first time I’d been covered in Zombie goo, but never before had it been close to getting in my mouth. Ack!
“I can’t-“ Haley ran off and puked in the bushes.
At least this wasn’t all in my head. This was for real disgusting.
I pressed the back of my hand- my firmly scrubbed and disinfected hand- to my mouth and squinched my eyes shut. I would not puke. I would not puke.
The sound of Haley retching behind me did nothing to support that argument.
“Come here, Reagan,” Hendrix’s firm, commanding voice sounded from behind me.
I winced and this time it had nothing to do with my current gore-covered condition. I wasn’t exactly at my sexiest. That thought alone annoyed me. Hendrix had seen me in all sorts of stages of disarray over the last couple weeks and still his interest had not seemed to fade. And I wasn’t interested in him, so it shouldn’t matter anyway.