Stupid Girl

by Mary E. Twomey

  I slapped my hand to the mattress, moisture pooling in my eyes. “You’ll leave!”

  Bastien shook his head adamantly. “No! I’ll never leave us. I want this, honey. I want to protect us.”

  That he said “us” instead of just wanting to protect me was what clinched it. I wasn’t the weak princess who needed saving, though sometimes I felt exactly that. It was us together that needed protecting. It was our connection, however simultaneously strong and fragile. It demanded nothing but our best efforts. “Are you sure?”

  Bastien didn’t answer right away, but pulled my shoulders up so I was kneeling on the bed facing him. He didn’t care that I coughed in his shirt; he only cared that we were in the same boat. That even when we were lost, we would drown in the same ocean, choking on the same air. His arms coiled around my waist, thumbing the small of my back. “I’m more than sure. It’s you and me. There’s never been a chance of anyone else. Trust me to take care of us.”

  I didn’t know how to answer; the whole thing felt like a marriage proposal. When I leaned up to kiss him again, I realized my chin was trembling. I wasn’t sure if I was nervous or excited or scared, but all of my emotions bubbled to my tear ducts when I whispered, “I trust you,” against his lips.

  Bastien kissed me, holding me tight against him – partly out of desire, and partly because closeness was key for feeding him the heat that was still yearning to leap out of my body and give itself over to him. Part of me realized that it had belonged with him from the very first kiss. It was denying that truth for this long that had gotten us into so much trouble. “I love you,” I whispered with a shiver.

  “It’s always been you, Daisy.” Then his lips melted into mine, soft and needy with an earnest desire for more – always more.

  The heat in me rose once again, no matter how many times I told it to go away. No matter how often I’d repressed the warmth Bastien coaxed into me, it was there all the same, rising up from my belly to my throat, choking me for only a moment before it migrated from my mouth and into his.

  Bastien stiffened, letting out a cry that muffled itself against my lips. His body went rigid, holding mine just a little too tight before he fell away from me. Bastien landed on the mattress and bounced, falling out of my grasp with eyes wide open.

  I realized then that I should’ve asked what would happen immediately after my lueur went into Bastien. His breaths came in deep gulps, as if the air was too thin for him to get in a decent pull. I ran to the door, unlocking it and flinging it open when his body started seizing. “Remy! I need Remy! Draper, help!”

  Several servants ran to my aid, but I couldn’t let any of them in with Kerdik lying there. I kept them at bay until Draper bolted up the steps, taking them three at a time. “What is it? What’s wrong?”

  I let only him in, apologizing to the others before I locked us inside. “He’s freaking out! I don’t know what’s wrong with him!” I ran to the bed and tipped Bastien onto his side, hoping he wouldn’t swallow his tongue or something.

  The jostling roused Kerdik, who grumbled at the imposition like a jerk. “He’s fine, Rosie. This is all perfectly normal.”

  “It’s not normal! I gave him my lueur, and he started to spaz out! Help me, Draper!”

  The urgency in my brother went down a few degrees. “Oh, I didn’t know you were seriously considering doing that with Bastien. Wow. I guess I should probably stop giving him such a hard time.”

  “We can talk about that later. Help me calm him down!”

  Draper gently pried my fingers off of Bastien, standing upright and holding me to his side while he explained the way of the world to me. “His body’s adjusting to your lueur. It’s a very old, powerful bit of magic. When a Brownie takes a Fae’s lueur, part of the Fae goes into the Brownie. Makes them one, in a sense.”

  “He didn’t tell me I’d give him a seizure! Get it out of him! Can I yank it out somehow?”

  Of all things, Draper chuckled. “No. He probably didn’t tell you because you’d refuse to give it to him if you knew. No Brownie who can handle the job of a Guardien dies from this.”

  “You’re telling me there are Brownies out there who have died trying to do this?” My voice was shrill, my spine straight as a board.

  Draper winced. “Only the ones who couldn’t handle the responsibility. The lueur is smart. It knows not to move inside of a body that can’t support it.” He waved his hand at Bastien. “He’s been watching out for you for a long time now. The lueur won’t reject him. It’s been trying to find its way into his body since your first kiss.”

  I tore away from Draper and climbed up onto the bed, throwing my arms around Bastien’s chest to steady him as much as I could. “I’m sorry! I didn’t know this would hurt you. I didn’t know I would hurt you. Why didn’t you tell me?” His flannel twisted around his torso as he jerked and twitched beneath me.

  Draper pried me from Bastien again, drawing me back so I didn’t get punched by one of Bastien’s errant fists. “It won’t take long. Bastien’s worthy.”

  But it did take long. It took a solid hour of Bastien crying out and thrashing on the bed. It took an hour of my soul freaking out and my prayers spilling unintelligibly through my lips for everything to be okay. An hour of holding Kerdik’s hand in a chair at the other side of the bed. An hour of my father still lost to us with me nowhere near him to offer any sort of solace. An hour of the sun still not rising.

  Protecting Us

  It was midmorning, but still looked like the blackest midnight outside when Bastien finally stopped seizing. Draper had moved him to the ground so he didn’t accidentally punch Kerdik and incur his sleepy wrath. We moved him back onto the bed when his body finally stilled. To his credit, Draper stayed with my crazy brain the entire time. He brought Bastien broth when my boyfriend’s eyes finally opened, and rubbed a reassuring circle into my back as I fed Bastien spoonfuls of the golden liquid I hoped would make him better in a blink.

  Bastien didn’t say a word for a while, letting the silence build between us until he knew he would have to be the one to break it. “I didn’t piss myself, so that’s a plus.”

  My mouth set in a firm line while Draper sniggered. “That’s all you have to say to me?” I raged, letting loose the anxiety that had somehow morphed into fury. “You didn’t tell me any of that would happen to you! I had no idea my lueur would kill you if it decided you couldn’t handle it!”

  Bastien shrugged, wincing at the slight movement. “You wouldn’t have given it to me if you’d known there was that chance.”

  Draper clapped me on the shoulder. “Told you so.” He kissed my temple and stood from the bed. “I’ll leave you to your fight. Maybe I’ll see if Reyn or Remy needs any help. You want me to send Remy up here, Bastien?”

  Bastien’s posture was slumped against a stack of pillows, his body worn out from the nonstop workout of seizing for an hour. “Yeah, might as well. When he’s bored. Don’t rush or anything. I’m really fine.”

  My tone was clipped when I turned my head toward Draper. “That means he’s really hurting, so unless Remy’s actively resurrecting my dad, please send him on up with everything in his arsenal.”

  “Will do,” Draper said, shutting himself out of the room.

  Bastien had the gall to smirk. “You love me.”

  “Fat lot of good that did either one of us. You almost died!”

  Bastien scoffed. “I nothing like ‘almost died.’ I was fine. Bored, actually. Thought about taking up knitting to pass the time.”

  I was shaking with anger, and spilled a few drops of broth onto the comforter. “You’re about to be wearing this soup, you jackballoon. Don’t act like everything’s going to be simple when it’s not. Don’t let me hurt you! I just… And then you… I hurt you!” I’d thought all my tears had been worked out of my system, but apparently I had a few more for just such an occasion.

  Bastien’s smile was sympathetic and sweet. He patted the space between himself and Kerdik. �
�Come here, honey. You didn’t hurt me.”

  I set down the bowl of broth on the nightstand and crawled in between my two guys. I wasted no time at all snuggling up to Bastien’s side, feeling a deep sense of belonging when we connected like this. I’d felt it before, but this time the symphony in my chest was amped up to a ridiculous volume, drawing me in and captivating me. His arm fell around my hips, and though he tried to pull me to him, I could feel how weak his grip was. “How can I make it better?”

  “Just keep looking at me like that, but with less pity. Honestly, Ro. I’m strong enough to handle a little struggle.”

  “You were seizing forever! It wasn’t a little struggle, Bastien. You scared me. I thought I’d killed you!”

  “Nah. It’d take a lot more than that to kill someone like me. It was nothing. I’m just milking it so I can get more sympathy. I like you close like this.”

  Kerdik groaned, whimpering in a childlike voice, “No, Father! Stop it! I don’t like it out here!”

  I sucked in my breath, hoping Bastien hadn’t heard the unconscious admission that Kerdik had parents. I knew he wouldn’t want either of us to know the secret he kept tight to the vest. “You didn’t hear that. I mean it, Bastien. Forget he said that.”

  Bastien nodded. “I’m barely upright. Just tell me I hallucinated him saying something, and I’ll believe you.”

  “You hallucinated.” I reached over and tugged Kerdik’s pillow closer to my other side, shifting his head so his temple rested against my hip. I combed my fingers through his thick blue hair, my heart clenching in my chest as he moaned in relief at my touch. Finally he mumbled something unintelligible and then fell back asleep. He breathed more evenly and was prone to fewer fits when he was touching me, so I kept my hand against his cheek.

  “He loves you,” Bastien remarked, his chest moving in a slow rhythm, his eyes barely open. “I don’t know how I like that.”

  “He needs me. He has literally no one else. He stays until I say he has to go.”

  “I wasn’t assuming I had a choice in any of it. Just be careful. Kerdik’s love can be terrifying.”

  I shivered when I recalled the ice he’d used to imprisoned me. “I remember. But he doesn’t know any better. He needs to learn how to be kind. Everyone needs someone to be good to them, and he has no one who speaks that language to him. He’s so isolated. It worries me how alone he is.”

  “You’re so predictable. Always taking in strays and loving too much. Though, I guess I can’t complain. You took me in easily enough.”

  “You never needed me. You’re so self-assured. I’m just lucky to be along for the ride.”

  Bastien worked out a light scoff. “When we were apart? Mad had to fish me out of a pub after I’d carried on with my misery a little too much.” He shook his head, and then grimaced at mention of his drinking. “Never again. Never doubt that I need us.” I loved when he said he needed “us” instead of “me”. My affections only grew stronger for him that it was our connection he was protective of, the team we’d built, just the two of us.

  “Where does it hurt?”

  He turned his head to crack his neck and groaned. “Only everywhere. I’m glad I never have to do that again. It’s all downhill from here, right?”

  “Let’s hope so.” Though something in me warned my waning optimism that we might not have hit the worst of things yet.

  The Last Will and Freakout of Bastien

  Three days passed, and the sun still hadn’t risen. It was pitch black, the province lit only by oil lamps hanging off of tall posts that had been provided by Lane.

  Bastien was good as new, and perhaps even more so. His senses seemed sharper, hearing things before anyone else did, and putting smells to things and people to identify them without having to turn around. He’d gone from action star to supernatural action hero overnight. He’d paused over breakfast, his shoulders tensed, and then took off, abandoning his porridge mid-bite. His freaky Guardien intuition had alerted him that there were weak stones near the servants’ quarters, and could be used as a possible break-in point, if anyone else knew. Within two hours, the weak stones were reinforced, and he was back to his cold porridge, breathing easier, now that a gap in my protection had been covered.

  Our connection had never been stronger, adding a layer of intensity to the fire that was already there. It often caught those around us off-guard. I could sense when he walked into a room now, and felt the cold absence when he left. His rounds to make sure the mansion was secure every morning were done in haste, hurrying to return to me. I know it sounds dramatic, but even brief separations were painful for us both.

  When Bastien needed to go out to see to adding extra security, he sent Link in to watch me – as if I was a toddler who might electrocute myself if left unchecked. Link wasn’t too bad a guy to hang with, though. Lane found us a ball, and we kicked it back and forth in my bedroom while he drilled me with question after question about Common. Link was prone to laughing, and didn’t hold the joyous sound back, but belted out levity at every opportunity. He’d even made up a song for me that he sang throughout the house when he wanted to announce his presence: “Rosie, I love ye. Rosie, I care. Rosie, without ye my heart’s in despair.” He was a goofball.

  Bastien still hadn’t slept, though we both knew it was coming. He was fighting it off as long as he could, using his magic sparingly to fend off the inevitable. Hamish scolded him over breakfast that it wasn’t a weakness to be a creature that slept. In fact, in Faîte, it was sometimes an indicator that you’d wielded a great amount of magic.

  Link and Draper teased us mercilessly the first couple days, making jokes about how we couldn’t eat off two separate forks. When we shrugged and continued feeding each other like the gooey lovebirds we were, they gave up on their quest to call us out on the obvious. Every now and then, Link just stared at us in utter flabbergast, his mouth gaping open so wide that I debated shoving a roll inside.

  I rarely left my bedroom, since every time I did, Kerdik started freaking out. When I’d gone to visit my dad and talk to him (as Britney Spears, of course. I was still too chicken to tell him who I was), and then headed down to the dining room for dinner with the crew, the house started shaking halfway through the meal. I’d thought it was an earthquake until Remy shouted to me that Kerdik was trying to reach me in his sleep. The second I bolted up the steps and held his hand, the ground calmed.

  Province 9 lost eight sheep, one empty hut (thank goodness), and injured a few people in the quake. It was for all our sakes that I basically lived in my bed now.

  It was hard to tell night from day anymore, but when I started yawning and Bastien caught a bout of the same sleepy cue, I knew it was time. He was nervous, and called Madigan and Link up to give them a talk. He pointed his flat hand perpendicular to the floor, meaning business. “No one comes into the castle that you two don’t personally clear. I mean it, guys. I won’t be able to help, and I don’t know how easy it’ll be to wake me up. I don’t really know much about sleeping, other than watching Rosie.” He ran his palms over his thighs, wiping them off on his jeans. “If anything happens, wake me up. If you can’t wake me, then tell Lane. Her head of security’s a joke.”

  Link nodded. “Aye. Nice enough lad, but I wouldn’t trust him to guard a wee kitten. We’ve got Abraham Lincoln. Rosie’s taught him to listen to us, so ye’ve no need to worry. People tend not to mess with two Untouchables from Éireland who come armed with a bear.”

  I moved over to Bastien and ran my hand over his shoulders, rubbing the tension and hopefully soothing a little of his fear. “It’s alright, Bastien. Sleeping is nothing to be afraid of.”

  “The only thing I’m afraid of is something happening to you while I’m out.” Bastien fidgeted on the side of the bed, shifting to keep himself awake for as long as he could. He met Madigan’s eye with a brotherly trust that ran deep. “If something should happen to me, I want you to make sure Rosie’s taken care of.”

  “You�
�re not dying, Bastien! Honey, it’s really okay.” He sounded like he was writing his will.

  Madigan didn’t miss a beat. “Aye, brother. Ye don’t have to worry about tha. I’ll look after your lass with my life.”

  My mouth dropped open in shock, unable to hide how moved I was at Madigan’s vow to be good to me. “Mad, you don’t have to do that.”

  Madigan met my eyes with a certainty that told me there was no use arguing. “It’s done. Untouchables take care of their women.”

  Bastien’s eyes slid to Link. “Nicholai’s locket is buried under the hideaway in my cabin. If I die, see he gets it back. But not until I’m actually dead. Otherwise keep it hidden there. He can’t be trusted with that much power.”

  Link stood with Bastien, taking his hand and using it to pull him in for a tight hug. The sweetness touched me deep in parts I hadn’t assumed needed softening, but melted all the same. “Aye, brother. Ye don’t need to worry about a thing. Get your beauty sleep. Ye look like you’ve been needing about a week’s worth for a while now.” He slapped Bastien a few times hard on the back before he released him.

  Madigan wasn’t prone to such affections, so he kept his distance, nodding his loyalty to Bastien. “I’ll keep the fort locked down for ye.” Then he turned to me and gave me a look that told me to be gentle with Bastien when he was in this rare fragile state.

  “Goodnight, wee Rose.” Link smooched my cheek, and then blew a loud raspberry on my skin. He always doled out the adorableness before earning the slap he was constantly begging for.

  “Alright, alright. Get out of here, Lucky Charms.” After I shoved Link and Madigan out of the room, I locked us inside, turning to face Bastien. “Are you okay? I think you’ve got the wrong idea about sleep. It’s not dangerous or anything. You’ll be fine.”

  Bastien shook his head slowly, stretching his arm across his chest so he could pop his shoulder. “I need to go do another walk of the grounds. I’ll be up in a few.”