by Ella Brooke
He sighed. Going to the hospital to look in on a man who was likely one of his least favorite relatives was hardly his idea of an enjoyable way to spend the night, but it had to be done. Still, perhaps when he got home later on, it would be early enough to curl up on the couch with her and share the time they had.
With that thought in mind, he started the drive.
***
AS THE HOURS passed and nothing actually happened, Benny found herself growing at least a little calmer. There was nothing to be done either way, and all she could do was live in the moment. It was the way that she had always done things, and it should have been fine now, but she realized that now there was certainly a different factor in the equation.
She was reading to Jodie, pointing out the bright shapes and colors, and wondering if the words were sinking in at all. Then, as Jodie babbled happily at the book, Benny found herself thinking of Jodie and Jinan. Jodie already reached for Jinan when he entered her room, shrieked with joy whenever he played with her. When he sang her the traditional lullabies from Asrac, she listened enraptured before falling asleep.
It was one thing to look at her own heart and say that it could bear the break.
It was quite another thing to look at Jodie and say the same. All at once, Benny felt a deep chill run over her as she hugged her niece close. Jodie, who had been having a good time looking over the book, squawked with dismay at the interruption, and Bennie put her down in the playpen to do some pacing.
Every day, in every way, Jodie was getting attached to Jinan. What would happen to her when she lost Paul, and then Jinan, never to see either of them again? Perhaps a therapist could tell her for sure, but she could guess. The patterns developed young were the ones you walked forever, or the ones you fought forever. Would she always assume that the people who loved you left? Would she be afraid in the back of her mind that someone she loved would simply disappear never to return?
Benny could feel herself start to panic, but then her phone chirped. She blinked, realizing all at once how late it was, and then she sighed with relief when she saw that it was a text from Jinan. When she opened her phone, she found herself smiling a little at the picture of Jinan and Jodie in there.
The text was brief and to the point.
Hello darling! I am sorry that I am not going to make it back to the townhouse as early as I was hoping to do so.
She started to let him know that it was fine and to be safe, but then she paused to see he was still typing.
This is strange. It turns out that my great uncle Abbed is in town for some reason. Why, no one seems to know, but the old fool got himself hit by a car. He seems fine, but I should be responsible and go check on him. If it gets to be too late, I might simply rent a hotel room out here and come back tomorrow.
She froze when she saw the name “Abbed” on the screen. She wondered if she should be at least a little satisfied that the man who had frightened her so had been hit by a car, but all that she felt was a kind of numb horror.
Anyway, I'm heading into the hospital now, and I won't be able to check my phone much for a while, so hope you have a good evening, expect me when you see me...
She knew she sent a reply of some sort, something pleasant and noncommittal, but then she had to sit down on the couch, her head spinning.
Benny could altogether too easily imagine what Abbed would say to him, what he would think. Abbed was a man of some fame and renown in Asrac, and she shivered when she thought of him saying those harsh words about concubines to Jinan. Jinan had nearly said the same thing to her when they were discussing their ill-fated marriage. In her mind, she imagined the two men returning to the townhouse together, Jinan's face...never as twisted as his great uncle's, but stern and sad. She imagined him sitting down with her, solemnly and seriously telling her that it was over, it was time to go, he had done as much as he could for her, but now she needed to leave...
She pressed her hand over her mouth, stifling a sob. There was nothing she could do to stop any of this. She had known what was going to happen, and truly, she would have done nothing different, but the pain that ran through her made her feel as if she was on fire.
Benny tried to calm herself, but it didn't help. She could breathe, she could hold on to Jodie, she could stare wild-eyed at the picture of Jinan and Jodie on her phone, but she felt as if she had been frozen. It felt as if the world was ending, but there was no sound except what was in her head.
He is going to leave. He is going to leave and you are never, ever going to see him again.
That was the thought that spurred her into motion.
Benny realized with a kind of heartbreaking clarity that she could not simply stay in one place and wait for the terrible thing that was coming. Perhaps it made her a coward, but the idea of waiting for the hammer to come down made her feel sick.
She frantically thought back to this morning, when Jinan had left her exhausted and happy in bed so pleasured and pleased that she could barely move. She had seen a light in his eyes that made her think of love, even if the word was never said, and he had leaned down to kiss her forehead so gently that her eyes had fluttered shut.
The thought of that normal morning being the last time she ever saw him made her heart ache, but it was better by far than waiting for what she knew was going to happen.
Jodie squalled a little when her aunt ran to the bedroom, but after a quick check, Benny ignored her. She had to work quickly. The more time she could put between her and Jinan the better, and even if in the end it came to the same thing, she couldn't stop herself from feeling a sense of great urgency run through her.
Suddenly, the happiness she had experienced in the townhouse made her feel slightly sick. She had told herself that she could live for the moment, but the truth was far different. As it turned out, all she could do was ignore the future and then run away when she had to face it. She could almost forgive Jinan for what was going to happen; surely he didn't know that he was with a coward.
She moved fast, stuffing clothes into her suitcase. Benny had to pause when she came to the dress that he had directed her to purchase. A part of her wanted nothing more than to take it with her. She wanted to treasure it, to use it as a memory of a time when her happiness had been so real that it was tangible. Instead, she tore herself away, shaking her head. There were more important things to attend to right now, and she could not be stopped.
After she had filled some of her suitcase with her things, she took it to Jodie's room, where things were more difficult. As she looked through the cabinets and drawers, she realized with a pang how very many things that Jinan had bought for the little girl. Virtually every scrap of clothing, every beloved toy, had been purchased by Jinan. Heck, even the bottles were his. She wavered for a moment, torn between justice and need, and finally with a sound that was more than slightly agonized, she started to pack. She guiltily reasoned that Jinan wouldn’t save Jodie's baby things for another child, and then she had to stand still until the idea of Jinan with another child had passed. The pain was still sharp and new, and she prayed that at some point it would dull.
When she was finally packed, it was time to take care of Jodie, but Jodie seemed to sense that there was something going on. She was as uncooperative as a fish taken out of the water in Benny's arms, wild and wiggling. Her low whimpers turned into a full-out howl, and Benny couldn't shush her. Finally, she bundled the little girl as best she could, carrying her out to the car while dragging her luggage behind.
Benny knew it was ridiculous, but she couldn't prevent the errant thought that Jodie knew exactly what she was doing and she was trying to fight her on the matter.
“Shush, shush, sweetie, I promise you, I swear, it will be all right,” she said. “I promise I will take good care of you, and we are going to be fine, I promise...”
For a moment, she sat in the darkness, stunned. She didn't know where she was going to go. She had no clue. If she went to her own apartment, she knew she would only pace
and fret some more. It would be far too easy for Jinan to find her and for them to have the talk she was dreading. It might have been cowardly, but she could not face that.
Benny nearly panicked as her mind came up short about what it needed, but then inspiration hit. She remembered the sound of the wind rustling through the branches, endless days where the sun turned the nearby Lake Waukana into shimmering jewels, the taste of grilled meat and vegetables and a happiness that had seemed as if it would surely last forever.
She knew now that that happiness was a lie, but perhaps her childhood refuge could still open its arms to greet her. At the very least, it would provide her with a safe place to land. The cabin belonged to the family, and there was a system regarding who could stay there and when, but that was really only an issue in the summer. In the early spring, it would be deserted, and Benny felt her plan form in her mind.
Next to her, Jodie whimpered fretfully, and Benny reached over to touch her.
“It's going to be okay, sweetie, it really is. I promise.”
However confident she sounded, though, she knew it wasn't something that she believed in her heart. She knew what happiness was now, and it lay with a man with a heart stopping smile and a way about him that simply made her melt. Right now, she was driving away from it, and she had no idea if it was ever going to be all right again.
Still, she knew she had to do it. She backed down the drive and turned down the street. The entire time, she kept her eyes off of the townhouse where she had been so happy. She was afraid that she would find it looking dark and small.
She was even more afraid that she might find it looking no different at all now that she and Jodie had taken their leave.
Chapter Thirteen
The hospital was a cold and sterile place, and Jinan frowned. His great uncle certainly deserved better than this, and he would make it a point to have the old man moved as soon as he figured out what was going on.
Still, Jinan thought as he waited, there were mysteries to be solved. What the hell was Abbed doing in the United States? Why had he suddenly decided that Jinan needed to be found?
If he were honest with himself, most of his concern for the old man rested in his regard for his grandfather. His father had considered Abbed a genius and a fine man in his day, but his day was long over. He seemed unconvinced that the world had moved on, and the man that Jinan had known for most of his life was now suspicious, angry, and far more inclined to resort to personal attacks than decent arguments.
Still, as far as he was concerned, the old man was worthy of respect, so he entered the room where Abbed was recuperating with a large smile.
“You have seen better days, uncle,” he said by way of greeting, and the old man turned a narrow gaze to him. He was sitting up in bed, and there was already a large cast over his foot, but he still looked dreadfully alert and more than a little angry.
“There you are,” Abbed all but spat. “I had been afraid that you might go on hiding from me, that you might retreat farther into this cesspit of a country.”
Jinan found his smile fading, and he looked at his great-uncle in confusion. “Uncle, you have been injured--”
Abbed waved a careless hand at him, his eyes burning with a fire that was beginning to make Jinan more than a little uncomfortable.
“Do you think it matters?” he demanded. “It was some idiot who could not understand that I was walking to my own vehicle. She said something about not seeing me, about failure to yield, when such things mean nothing to me at all. She wept and carried on so that it gave me a headache. Do you think it matters when you have brought shame to this family? I am doing my duty to set you straight, and a little bit of broken bone is not going to stop me.”
Jinan scowled, and at this point, he was rapidly approaching the point where he did not care if the old man was injured at all.
“Uncle,” he said, his voice a deep growl. “I am prepared and even eager to excuse you after the day that you have had, but that is becoming increasingly difficult.”
Abbed seemed to rear up in bed as if he were a striking snake, and his eyes burned with anger.
“Excuses, it is always excuses with you, isn't it? What is your excuse when you have been neglecting your duties at home to run off to the United States for debauchery and wasting money? What is your excuse when you find yourself besotted with some woman, some whore, who bears your child and keeps you away from the things that should be the most important to you? Shameless!”
For a moment, Jinan was so shocked that he simply stared at his uncle. It occurred to him how terrible it was that a man could live so long and somehow become this poisonous, this terrible.
“You are treading on ground which you should not be treading on,” he growled, and then he realized something. “You spoke to Benny...”
Abbed sneered. “You mean the blonde woman you were keeping tucked away at the house? I told her precisely what she was, her and her brat as well. If she thinks she can trap a man from the line of al-Touma into something--”
“Shut up.”
Jinan's voice was so dark with menace that it made Abbed's mouth snap shut. Before his great-uncle could recover himself enough to speak again, Jinan was shaking his head.
“We are no longer family,” Jinan said, his voice as cold as ice. “You will never again come to an event where I am. You are never, ever to speak to me again, and if you try, I swear that I will have you arrested, and I will make sure that your holdings are stripped from you. You will live out your life as a nobody, something that for you would be worse than death, and no one will speak with you for fear that my wrath is contagious.”
His uncle's look of shock was so absolute that it was almost funny, but Jinan was in no mood to be amused. He felt as if a cold armor had locked over him. This man was nothing to him. This man was no longer his blood relative, no longer a man of any consequence. He was nothing, and if he opened his mouth about Benny one more time, he was going to find out exactly what happened when he enraged a man like Jinan.
He looked at Abbed with cold disgust to make sure that the old man understood, and then nodded sharply. With nothing more than that, Jinan spun on his heel and stalked out.
He was almost back to the car before he started to thaw, and underneath that was a raw panic for Benny. He flinched when he thought of what Abbed might have said to her. He could feel his heart beating faster at the idea of that man being anywhere near someone as precious to him as Benny was, as Jodie was. Right then, he could have cheerfully returned to the man's side and strangled him, but there were more important things to attend to.
Suddenly the realization that he had not heard from Benny in a few hours took on a rather chilling importance. She usually sent him texts off and on, small things, sweet things and unimportant things, but she had been silent for a while. He realized with a sickening lurch that she had been silent ever since he had mentioned going to Abbed's bedside, and he cursed the old man all over again.
When he called, it went straight to voice mail, and after a moment of deliberation, he left a message.
“Benny...I do not know what happened, but I do know that we need to talk. My great-uncle is a terrible human being that you are never, ever going to have to deal with again, and I am so sorry I could not spare you his presence before. Please believe me when I say that I had no idea... Well, it is not an excuse, and I understand that. Call me.”
He hung up and got into the car. He told himself that there was nothing to be afraid of. Abbed had likely said some horrible things, but he wouldn't have hurt her. Some part of him wanted nothing more than to congratulate the lady who had struck down his uncle with her car.
He would go back to the townhouse. He would speak with Benny, and this would all be straightened out. He told himself that it would be fine, but somewhere at the bottom of his heart, Jinan doubted that very much. His uncle had somehow brought Asrac right to the United States with him, and he knew his country very well.
Asrac
was greedy, and it would never be denied.
***
IT WAS AN easy trip north to Lake Waukana, and somehow, miraculously, Benny found the way as if by magic. She thanked her lucky stars that the nights were getting warmer and warmer; the cabin was only chilly when they got there, and in fairly short order, with the generator going, it was quite cozy.
There was no cell reception, but that was hardly something that she minded right now. Instead, Benny went into the kitchen, busying herself with feeding Jodie. There was even an ancient high chair there where she could place the little girl, and Jodie only murmured quietly as Benny bustled around the kitchen.
“We're going to be fine, you and me,” Benny said with something like assurance. “You come from strong stock, I'll tell you that for nothing, and we don't...we don't need families when we have each other, I promise you that.”
Even as she said the words, they struck her as ridiculously lonely. Two people could indeed be a family, but they were quite a small one. And two who had been three, well, that felt smaller still.
She had picked up a bag of groceries on the road, and now she sat down with a jar of baby food for Jodie. Jodie screwed up her little face at the sight of it, however, and Benny felt her heart in her throat as the baby looked around expectantly. While Benny fed Jodie often, Jinan took over those duties more often than not when he was around. She braced herself for a round of crying or flailing when Jodie could not locate Jinan, but to her surprise, the baby simply looked at her, tiny brow wrinkled in confusion.
“Da-da?”
Benny told herself that it was a coincidence. It had to be. There was absolutely no way that Jodie could have meant it like that, and when she started to feed her, the little girl settled into it with only a bit of grumbling. Benny managed to get through the feeding chattering and babbling with Jodie, but the entire time, she was blinking back tears.