by Ella Brooke
In the quiet of the cabin, with the darkness coming in fast from all sides, she had to admit to herself that the dream was what she had wanted all along. Mommy and Daddy and baby makes three, and it was such a stupid dream when she thought about it. The moment she took a step back--or in this case, a drive to a quiet cabin--it all fell apart like a house of cards.
She was the little nobody from the Midwest, and he was the prince of an enormously wealthy and traditional country. If Benny allowed herself to think about it too long, Abbed al-Touma's face swam up in front of hers again. It was too easy to imagine that there was an entire country of men who thought just like him, who saw her and even Jodie as interlopers who had no business being anywhere near their precious prince.
The few precious hours between feeding Jodie and bedtime were spent restlessly roving the cabin. When she was driving up, Benny had wondered if going up north was going to be a mistake. There were no distractions, there were no restaurants, no night spots, no hum of people around her. However, as the night closed in and the silence only grew, she realized that there was a soothing comfort here. She didn't need the television or the Internet. There was only a peace here that could not be penetrated, a calm that she willed to fill her.
I would have been terribly distracted, anyway. There's no television show or app game that could take my mind off of this.
She had left the crib in Evanston, of course, so she built a little space for Jodie on the bed itself, bordering the drowsy girl with pillows on all sides. It would at least prevent her from rolling on Jodie in the night, and Jodie from rolling off the bed entirely. It was by no means a permanent solution, but it was a workable option for the moment.
Benny sat up in bed, stroking Jodie's tight cap of curls until the baby's breathing evened out.
When she thought of Jinan swearing over building the crib, she smiled, and though there was a pain there, it was far away. Perhaps at some point in the future, all of her memories would be like this. Sweet, pleasant, without pain and so beautiful.
She knew it would take a while--it might take most of the rest of her life--but perhaps she could get there.
That was proved to be a lie when she woke up in the middle of the night, tears on her cheeks. Jodie was whimpering sadly in her sleep, and Benny stroked her hair until she fell into a deeper slumber.
All I can think is that he is not here, Benny thought sadly.
She knew he couldn't be, but her soul and her heart reached for him, wondering where he was, what he was doing now.
Chapter Fourteen
Jinan had never thought that coming home to an empty house could be so terrifying. Benny had left a light burning in the living room, but the rest of the rooms were quiet and shut down. There was something haunted about the place, as if it resented being left alone after having been so recently filled with joy.
After the first initial search, where he had ascertained that they were both in fact gone, other facts became more clear. The first was that she had left prepared. Her dresser drawers were open, her toothbrush was gone. Things had been taken for Jodie as well, and he could feel his temper rise.
If she had put all of that effort into leaving, couldn't she have put some effort into staying? Into leaving him at least some kind of message, something that would have stopped him from driving himself crazy?
He paced through the house, and it suited his dark mood to leave the house as dim as she had. He paced from room to room, thinking of the joy that they had found together and contemplating the idea that it might all be relegated to the past.
It was after midnight when he made his decision. He stood up resolutely, turning on all the lights. Inaction did not suit a man like him, and now it was time to do what was right and proper.
There were still no messages from her on the phone, but that didn't matter. He was a prince of Asrac, and he would have, at the very least, answers.
***
DAWN ARRIVED WITH a kind of crystal clarity that could have broken Benny's heart if it wasn't already broken. She blinked at the light slanting into the cabin window, and for a moment, all that mattered was how beautiful it was. Then she remembered everything that had happened, and she flinched away, wanting nothing more than to pull the covers over her head.
However, that couldn't last forever, and a few morning cries from Jodie got her moving again. There was something both gratifying and painful about taking care of her normal chores, like feeding the baby, and transposing them to this exotic location. On one hand, there were no painful reminders of Jinan here, but at the same time, she also couldn't help but wish fiercely that he was there. What would he think of the old cabin, of all of the memories she had of it? Would he think that this was all far too humble for a man like him, or would he be delighted and look eagerly towards making their own memories there?
She shook her head.
Benny knew it wasn't healthy to dwell, but she could see herself doing it for a good while longer yet.
After breakfast with Jodie, she stepped outside into what was a surprisingly warm spring day. There were small puffs of white clouds in the achingly blue sky, and everywhere she could hear the spring birdsong.
“Come on, sweetie,” she said with a slightly hopeful smile. “Let's see if we can introduce you to your first real taste of the great outdoors. Maybe it would be fun to live up here, you think? Get out of the city, really get in touch with the natural world?”
Even as she got them dressed and Jodie settled in the sling, however, she knew it was just a fantasy. Her work was all performed in urban areas, and she would hate to miss out on the schooling and social opportunities that a city could give to Jodie. However, walking through the damp and growing woods gave her a kind of peace that she had been lacking. Nothing would ever soothe the hole that Jinan had left behind, but this helped a little.
Of course, all of that help was shattered when she returned to the cabin and saw a large dark car in the drive, one that she recognized very well. For a moment, Benny simply froze, staring at it. It felt like a specter or a ghost, something so out of time and place that it was nearly painful in its wrongness. Jodie squalled a little at being held so tight, and Benny stroked her hair absently, intent on the car.
It crossed her mind that she should run, or walk back to the road, or do something that would prevent what was coming. What was almost worse was the whisper of hope that wound through her heart, telling her that now he was here, it was all going to be all right. It was going to be just fine.
However, before she could decide on what she was going to do, a voice rang out from the porch.
“Don't you dare,” Jinan growled. “I have spent most of the night looking for you, and I do not intend to do it again.”
Well, that settles that, she thought, and with a feeling that fate was closing in after her, she walked up to the porch.
If seeing Jinan's car was strange in the woods, seeing the man himself was even stranger. His dark suit was slightly rumpled, his jacket slung over the rail and his shirtsleeves pushed up. From the look on his face, he had been up most of the night, and there was an intense feeling rolling off of him that made her wonder about his temper.
“Are you all right?” he asked, his voice still with a hint of growl in it. “You and Jodie are not hurt at all?”
“No, not at all,” she said, and the moment the words were out of her mouth, she found herself dragged into a breathtaking embrace.
“Jinan!” she murmured with shock, and he shook his head, adjusting his grip so that Jodie was not crushed.
“We can talk in a moment,” he said gruffly. “Only...only let me have this. I was worried sick about you.”
Suddenly she could imagine how it was for him, returning to the townhouse only to find it empty, with no call, no note, no nothing to tell him that there had not been some kind of horrible disaster.
“Oh, god, I am sorry, I am so sorry...”
“You should be,” he said a little more lightly. He pulle
d back to look at her, and she was somehow reminded of a man draining down quarts of water after having been lost in the desert. “Now that we are on the same page again, I can help you get packed up. You can come home, and...”
“No,” Benny said in shock, staring up at him. How could he have gotten it so wrong?
“No, I can't do that,” she repeated, shaking her head. “I'm sorry, Jinan, but...but things have changed. It's all different now, and...”
She sniffed back the tears that appeared in her eyes. He made a soft sympathetic sound, touching her face and making her lean into his touch. God, she had missed it, even in the short time they had been apart.
“And why not?” His voice hardened, and she winced until she realized that he wasn’t angry with her. “My great-uncle... I am sorry about what happened. But he will not speak to you like that again. I have forbidden him from coming into our presence, and I will make sure that he regrets it if he tries...”
“Are you going to say that to every one of your citizens?” she asked. “Are you going to say it to the other members of your government, to the people who keep your country running, who make sure that you have a country to run?”
“What the hell are you talking about?”
She could have laughed at how blind he was, but instead, Benny wanted to cry.
“Don't you get it? Are you really that blind? Abbed called me a foreigner whore, and if that's what he's willing to call me, I have no idea what he and people like him are going to call Jodie! Do you really think that a baby is so thick-skinned that she can let that roll off of her back? Do you think I am?”
“I don't understand,” he said, shaking his head. “Are you telling me that you are going to stay in a cabin in the woods instead of with me because...because you are afraid of what small-minded people might say?”
She took a deep breath. She told herself it didn't matter how it came out, because at the end of the day, she was losing him. They were losing each other. It didn't have to be said elegantly, it didn't have to hide the complete and total vulnerability that she felt. It only had to be the truth.
“I am doing this because I am afraid that what they say might be true.”
The thunderstruck look on Jinan's face was painful, and she forced herself to keep going.
“They're right. At best, I am a woman that you married because you felt sorry for me, someone who will be dealt with in a quickie divorce and who someday might make an amusing anecdote in a history book. At worst...I'm a concubine, someone kept for pleasure while your wife lives with you and shares your life.”
“Benny...”
“And I can't do that,” she said, her voice breaking. “I can't. I wondered if I could. You are so wonderful that I didn't want to give you up, didn't want to leave without at least trying, and this isn't even related to things that you were doing for me, kind and generous things that I had no right to deserve! I wanted to stay, even if I was going to be a...a concubine, but at the end of it, I realized that I couldn't do it, don't you see? I'm not... I'm not good enough...”
“No.”
The single word struck with the force of a hammer on steel, and it made her look up at him, wide eyed.
“No,” he repeated. “We have had this talk before, and you are never, ever to say that you are not good enough again. Not in front of me.”
She blinked at him. “This isn't some fun game, Jinan...”
“For me, it never was.” He paused for a moment, considering. “Will you come and sit with me?”
He gestured towards the porch swing, and with a confused nod, she allowed him to pull her over. Instead of sitting next to him as she intended to do, he sat her in his lap.
“Jinan...”
“Shh. Just stop and relax for a second.”
For a moment, feeling the spring breeze puff against her skin, the warmth of Jinan's body underneath her and the baby in her arms, it felt strangely peaceful. Her body relaxed into his, and he made a soft sound of approval.
“This isn't a game to me,” he said. “Not even at the beginning, though perhaps I didn't know it then.”
“What are you--”
“No, you are listening to me now. When I first met you, there was something about you. I could never name it, and perhaps, looking back, I was simply too afraid to do so. What I think happened when I first saw you that rainy night was that I fell in love with you.”
Benny gasped, and she would have said something, but Jinan shook his head.
“The thing was, in some ways, you are right. The position of Princess of Asrac has always been held by a woman from the country or from one of our close neighbors. There is an expectation that she will be well-bred and a part of the culture. This has been going on for so long that I could not imagine an alternative, even if my heart and my brain were screaming at me.”
It sounded like exactly like what she had been going through, but surely Jinan could not have been experiencing the same thing?
“So I tried to do the impossible. I tried to ignore the feelings while giving in to them at the same time. The first few weeks with you were amazing. They were full of fun, full of pleasure, but it wasn't until Jodie appeared that things started to change.
“When I saw you give everything you had to take care of Jodie, when I saw how your heart was so strong and yet so gentle, I knew that you had to be mine. I swear to you now, if you marry me, if you say yes, I will destroy anyone who speaks against you. I will protect you, and I will show you that far, far more of my country is like me than it is like Abbed.”
“What are you...”
“Marry me,” he said, his voice thick, his eyes dark with passion and love. “I love you, I need you, and I want you to marry me. Really marry me, and not just on some American legal document.”
The tears that she had been trying to hold back finally spilled over, and it felt as if her heart was going to overflow with joy and love.
“I love you,” she whispered. “I love you, I love you so much, yes, yes!”
With a soft cry that was barely recognizable as her name, he pulled her into his arms. The kiss he gave her was the sweetest they had ever shared, and she knew it was because it was only the first of a lifetime of kisses they were going to have together.
“Well, Jodie? What do you say to all of this?” Jinan asked, pulling back and smiling down at the little girl. It struck Benny all over again that this was forever, this man, this girl, and the children that they would have after together.
Jodie looked up at him with her face utterly solemn, and then she leaned forward into his arms.
“Da-da,” she said with satisfaction, and Benny had the pleasure of seeing Jinan's eyes go wide.
“Did she...”
“I think, my prince, she is trying to say that she is wild about all of this,” Benny said, and she couldn't stop herself from dragging Jinan into another deep kiss.
THE END
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