“Until you are ready.”
I hug my father before he parts and consider what it will be like to have five of the Original Archangels within the walls of The Keep. This is going to be a bumpy road.
Mounted torches light the narrow corridor as I descend to the Dining Hall, my footsteps echoing against the limestone walkway. The steps level out, and the door of the Dining Hall looms to my right. I remain outside the doors, listening to the animated conversations and perceive a man’s Australian accent I don’t recognize. My bond to Jack pulls tighter, then he opens the door to find me waiting.
He gestures with his head, “You coming or are you going to stand out here all night?”
My regard pleads with him, “Can we talk?”
His tight-lipped grimace is accompanied with a sigh. “After dinner.” The corner of his lips quirk, “You need to eat, and you know my mother won’t let you leave without putting food in your stomach.”
Wide-eyed, I confirm, “Your mother’s here?”
Evelyn’s voice floats from behind Jack, “Yes, dear. We’ve been waiting for you. Please, come eat something. You must be starving.” Jack steps aside for me to enter, and Evelyn approaches with open arms. I hug her tight. She says, “It’s good to have you back again.”
My voice quivers, “It’s good to be back.”
She kisses me on the cheek and squeezes my hands before taking her seat at the head of the table on the left—where Beleth used to sit. The room is quiet. Surrounding the long oak table, every eye anticipates my first move. Along the table, opposite the entrance, an empty chair waits for me between Evelyn and Jack. Next to Jack sits a young man I don’t recognize with buzzed hair and deep red eyes.
I immediately react to them. “Who are you?” I scowl with clenched fists.
He clears his throat as he stands to greet me with an incline of his head. “My name is Ezra. I’m a friend of the Roe’s, as well as Mr. Strickland and Ms. Craig. When Jack told me of his missing sheila, I offered my help, and it sounds like the party’s about to start, so I thought I’d stick around.”
Jack adds, “Ezra’s not a Seraphim. He’s a Power.”
I nod, and Ezra’s cheeky smile pulls my attention from his eyes, putting me more at ease about his presence. An empty chair separates him and Cassius, who smiles at me softly in greeting. Beck winks from next to him, making me roll my eyes. I guess they aren’t too mad. Don’t know if I can say the same for Alice and Eric.
I find Eric and Alice together, opposite of Jack. Alice’s anger is palpable, yet I’ve never seen Eric appear so disappointed in me. I want to apologize, but I don’t think now is the right time. There’s another empty seat next to Alice. To the right of it, I find Solas’ ice blue eyes, asking for me to open up my mind to him, yet I’m not ready to have the talk I need to have with him. Thea gives me a wan smile from beside him, leaving the last empty chair at the head of the table on the right, between her and Beck.
I choose that seat, taking the head of the table where I need to be and not playing favorites between Jack and Solas. Then, I realize the separation amongst the table with Divine gathered at Evelyn’s end and Fallen at mine. The tension in the room is not only for my return but between the factions of beings before me. I have to fight the urge to clear my throat.
Evelyn places her hands on the table for everyone to join her in gracing the food, “Are we ready to say grace and eat?”
Hands link together around the table. I reinforce my empathy with steel, not wanting to make the same mistake as before. Evelyn leads the blessing, then each hand slips from the other to reach for food. My mouth waters as steamed vegetables, mashed potatoes, lemon chicken, and steaks for the Griffins are passed to me. I skip the meat, loading extra salad and bread rolls on my plate when they make it down the table.
We eat for a few minutes, the clinking of silverware and plates filling the silence with music. I’m surprised when Thea snitches on her brother, “Beckett, why don’t you tell Ivy about your big news.” She gives him a mischievous grin, and Cass chokes on his food. I find Thea’s behavior odd as she has always been one to keep to herself and remain serious. Beck sighs, and I glance to him in time to witness the redness in his cheeks.
I pursue Thea’s attempt, “What big news?”
Beck shakes his head, swallowing his food. “No big news,” He replies, avoiding my gaze.
Cass chuckles, slapping his brother on the back and gripping his neck playfully, “Oh, come brother. Tell us all again how you’re done enchanting helpless women with your charms.”
My mood lightens. “What’s this about?” I pose, notably embarrassing him further.
He gives me a sidelong glance. “I think I’ve found her,” he admits.
“Found who?”
Pushing his food around on his plate, he says, “My Ivy, my Alice, my Mrs. Roe…” He looks to me with a spark in his eyes. “My Light in the Darkness of this world. A chance to redeem myself.”
I’m stunned, transfixed. I guess, “Becky?” He nods, smiling wide. I add, “You love her?”
His gaze is unwavering as he affirms, “I do.”
I revel in his happiness. “I’m happy for you… But you know what will happen if you hurt her, right?” His smile falters but never ceases. “You’ll have to answer to Alice and me.” I look to Alice for confirmation, and she amazes me with a sideways smile and a wink.
Although everyone appears to be accepting of my return with Solas, now feels as good of a time as any to say what I need to say. I search around the table, taking in each essence of my family, and strengthen my resolve as I stand. Eric hasn’t looked at me since I sat down to join everyone for dinner, and my heart sinks with guilt again.
“Eric?” I voice down the length of the table. With hesitation, he regards me. I pause at the affliction in his countenance. “I’m sorry.” Other than a single blink, he doesn’t react. I start again, “I never wanted to hurt you.” I look into every set of eyes upon me, “I never wanted to hurt any of you. I hope you know that.”
Evelyn elucidates, “We know, dear. We only wish you would have trusted us to be able to help you. We would have tried to find a way without putting you in danger. We’re family. That’s what we do. We’re just glad your safe now.”
I understand where she’s coming from, yet I have to justify my reasoning, “I couldn’t let any of you put yourselves at risk for me. It had to be me. I’m the reason Solas was there.”
Jack interjects, his anger rising quickly, “You have to stop blaming yourself for everything. He made his choice. It was his choice, not yours. And did you ever think about how by leaving everyone out of it that you took away our choices? Each of us in this room has made a choice to protect you. And don’t give me that shit, you don’t need protection because you’re a big girl. Until you can prove how much you can handle on your own, none of us will back off… Even if you can, we will always be here. Like Mother said, ‘We’re family.’ Do you know what that means? It means you can’t get rid of us. You have a very specific destiny, and we’re going to make sure you fulfill it.”
I’m struck with astonishment at his audacity to scold me in front of everyone. Jack’s changed since he came back from Paradise, letting his anger get the best of him.
Solas goes rigid, looking Jack dead in the face, “She’s entitled to her own choices. She has more tenacity than anyone I’ve ever met. She’s not a child. You don’t know her like I do. You want to know what she’s capable of? How do you expect her to prove herself if you don’t allow her?”
Jack erupts from his seat, “If it weren't for you, she wouldn’t have put herself in danger. She doesn’t belong in Sheol.”
The tension in the room is suffocating, and I see a fight coming. Evelyn warns, “Jack.”
His chest visibly rises and falls as his fists clench and his irises darken. “And she doesn’t belong to you.”
With the quickness of a lightning strike, they collide midair, then crash to the dinner tab
le. Plates and food fly through the air, and everyone bursts from their seats. My wings explode out wide, but I don’t know how to stop them. Solas throws Jack against the bar behind the table, glass shattering as broken bottles of liquor shower. I jump on the table. Solas lands an elbow across Jack’s face. Ezra pounces with Eric and Cass to separate them. Jack grits his teeth, his fist and knee connecting with Solas’ jaw and ribs.
Evelyn’s voice resounds with earth quaking reverberation, “Enough!”
Jack’s feet connect with Solas’ chest as Cass pulls him away. Cass and Solas sail through the air together, crashing into me. We tumble over the table and land against the door in a heap. My right wing snaps. I cry out in frustration, pushing the two hundred and forty pound Griffin and the two hundred and seventy pound Solas off of me.
The room freezes. Eyes go wide and mouths hang agape. Solas is the first to reach me, helping me to my feet, “I’m sorry.”
I’m fuming. Jack tries to approach me, but Ezra lays a hand on his chest. Rage pours from me, “This is ridiculous! Look at you both! There’s a war coming. How do you expect us to survive if we can’t work together?” Questioning gazes fall around the destroyed room. I dispatch the Griffin’s General, “Thea. Remember what we spoke about earlier?” She nods once in confirmation. “Catch everyone up.” I regard Jack as he swipes the blood from his face with his arm, his hooded eyes glaring at Solas beside me. I persist, pointing at Jack, “We need to talk.” He doesn’t move. I demand, “Now,” as I turn to leave the room.
Solas lays a hand on my arm, “Ivy.”
“I need to speak with you too. I’ll come find you.”
He releases me, then I retract my wings to heal before marching down the corridors to the Throne Room as Jack follows.
Chapter 22
Leading Jack into the Throne Room, Beleth’s black throne of obsidian sits on the raised platform at the end of the columns lining the cavernous hall. I stop before reaching the center of the room. It brings back memories I don’t wish to dwell on.
Jack starts, “Ivy—”
I turn to face him, “—No. Just listen.” I take a deep breath, not knowing where to start. His eyes bear his shame. I ask, “What’s happened to you? This isn’t like you.”
“I’m sorry.”
My heart and soul are split in two. One belongs to Jack, the other to Solas. What kind of person does that make me?
I tell him the truth he needs to hear, “I love you, Jack.” Pausing to let my statement sink in, my eyes plead for his understanding. “I will always love you. Saving Solas was never about my choice between the two of you, or who comes first to me. It was about doing what’s right.”
“Is that what you’re saying? That he’s right for you?”
“No. I’m saying that saving him was the right thing to do. I know you may not like it, but I need him. He’s important to me too.”
His voice falls as he utters, “I need you.”
I’m not explaining this well.
I step closer to him and get straight to the point, “I need Solas’ expertise to help me lead. He understands me better than I understand myself sometimes. I’m going to ask him to be my Chief Commander.”
Jack’s anger ignites, “You don’t need him! Where has he been these last few months? Where was he after you crashed your car in high school? Where was he, huh?”
I scream back at him, “He was doing what he thought he had to in order to keep the Darkness from hunting me down!”
“No! I’m the one who’s been here for you. I was here when you were just a fledgling. I was here in these dungeons, fighting for your freedom.” His voice drops with a pleading sadness, “I died for you.”
You did.
My chest feels as if it will cave in, and I persist with softer diligence, “It’s not that I don’t believe you’re capable of the position. Solas has always commanded the Griffins. They trust him.”
Jack shakes his head at the ground in disbelief. “Your bond with him is affecting your judgment.”
Tears well up in my eyes. “It’s not. It was taken from us.”
His brows furrow, “How? What happened?”
I tell Jack everything that occurred while I was in Sheol, and I don’t save him from the gory details of us being eaten alive by demons of Kiaofi. Between his fear and sorrow, I think he realizes the amount of trauma I went through. I believe he sees my strength in a new light.
His head falls forward, regarding the space between us. “I’m so sorry.” When he observes me again, he confesses, “I never should’ve left. Maybe we could’ve gone together, and none of this would’ve happened to you.”
I reassure him, “I’m fine now.” He embraces me, relief flooding us with a renewed sense of belonging.
Searching my face as I hold him to me, he leans back, “I love you.”
“I hate fighting with you, Jack.”
His hand cups my chin, and his thumb strokes my bottom lip, “Me too.” Jack lowers his head enough for our breaths to stir together as his hand moves to the back of my neck, threading through my hair. He pulls me to him, his lips tender against mine.
I pull away as I whisper, “I’m sorry.”
His hands fall away from me, and his hurt pride sends guilt through my spine. “So, you’ve made your choice.”
Crossing my arms over my chest, I worry my bottom lip with the tips of my fingers as I think about how to answer his question.
He repeats, “Have you made your choice?”
I shake my head. “No. I love you, but I hate what’s happening between us. We can’t stop fighting. And I honestly can’t make this choice right now.”
“Why?”
“There are more important things for me to worry about. My father came to me this morning. My mentors will be here soon. I also had a vision while in Sheol. Lucian and Lilith are coming with their legions. I don’t know how long we have before they get here. Thea’s sending scouts, but I need to talk to Solas. We thought the wards around The Keep would prevent them from finding me, but the more I think about it, the more I’m unsure it’s working.”
Jack doesn’t seem happy about it, but nods. “I’ll go talk to Ezra. He’s the most efficient assassin among Powers. He’ll be able to help.”
“Thank you.”
He takes my face in his hands, “I’ll be here when you’re ready.” His lips meet my hairline, and I nod.
I leave Jack brooding in the Throne Room and head back to my chambers. As soon as I’m alone, I open my mind to Solas, Are you busy?
He responds, “Where are you?”
My room.
“Give me ten minutes.”
Ok.
After closing my fretting mind again, I wait on pins and needles, pacing the rug before the cold hearth. I want the conversation to go as smooth as possible. I don’t want him to regret coming back with me, but above all, I don’t want to lose him.
Solas knocks softly on my door. When I open it, his ice blue eyes carry memories of the love we’ve shared—as friends, then as lovers. My emotions collapse. I leap into his arms as I choke on unshed tears. He carries me into the room to shut the door behind us for privacy.
I snivel into his neck, “I’m sorry.”
He squeezes me tighter, “You have nothing to be sorry for.” Allowing me back to my feet, he guides me to my bed, “Here. Let’s sit down.” I allow him to climb onto the bed first and sit beside him. He puts an arm around me, “Come here.” I lean back into his arms, laying a hand on his chest as I breathe him in. Solas releases the plait from my hair. His fingers slide through my locks with soothing affection. “I haven’t had a chance to talk to you since we escaped. Are you ok?”
The lump in my throat makes it hard for me to speak, “I think so.”
“I’m sorry about blowing up at Jack,” he admits.
Kneading his shirt between my fingers, I muse, “I didn’t know you held such animosity between each other. I’ve never seen you that enraged before.”
>
He sighs. “These past few months have given me a lot of time to dwell on what if’s. My emotions boiled over. I’m sorry you had to see that.”
I have to be careful with my words, but I need him to understand. I sit up to face him, leaning on one arm. “I’ve been trying to talk to you for days now. I just never got the chance in Sheol.”
He says, “You have plenty of time to talk now. I’m here, and no one will stop you.”
My heart pounds in my chest. “I want you to know… You’re important to me, Solas.”
“I don’t doubt that after your escapade to bring me back,” he notes with a quirk of his brow.
I declare, “You’ve always been my rock, and you’ve always guided me in the right direction, even when I didn’t realize I was on the wrong path. I trust you with my life.” There’s a hesitation as I bite back my nerves. “I have so much ahead of me. Dominions are sending the remaining five Original Archs of Paradise to train me in my duties.”
“When?” he requests.
“Soon. My father said they’re coming to The Keep and that this is the best place for my training.”
“Do I need to leave with the Griffins?”
I shake my head. “No. I’ve demanded they remain. Whether you and the Griffins stay is up to each of you. But Lucian and Lilith are coming, and I need your help.”
His hand brushes my cheek, “Anything.”
I swallow hard, sitting a little straighter. “I need you to be my Chief Commander.”
He takes my hand in both of his, “You know I will.”
I bite my bottom lip with nervousness. “There’s more… I don’t want to lose you again. I need you with me, but things have changed between us since I found out you were Gideon.”
His brows furrow, “I should’ve told you sooner.”
I tighten my grip on his hand in mine, needing to hold on to him in some way, so he doesn’t leave. “I loved you as a child, and I love you for the strength you instilled in me after Jack died. I needed you then, and I need you now. You know me better than I know myself at times, and you believe in me more than anyone else.”
The Helio Trilogy: Volumes 1-3 Page 61