Rise Again

by L. J. Hamlin

  "Not really, not even to all the cute ones. I'm not going to lie: there's something about you that captivates me. It's a little scary, actually."

  "Scary?" Arkady repeats.

  "I've known you a week, and I already feel like I'd do anything to make you smile. That intense feeling is scary. I've dated before, and cared deeply for some of those men, but this? Don't get frightened that I'm going to declare love at first sight, but it's definitely deep, like at first conversation." Cade sounds nervous, like he's not sure how Arkady will react.

  Arkady has been honest about his dating history, how he didn't really do much dating, sticking mainly to casual sex. He'd told Cade he'd never been in love, and that he hadn't really been looking for it. But his heart feels different when he looks at Cade. It leaps when he gets a damn text message. He thinks Cade has it right, though. This isn't love, yet, but the potential is definitely there.

  "My life changed when I got hurt. I thought it was over. Meeting you doesn't fix everything—far from it. I still don't know what I want to do with the rest of my life, but I know it's better for having you around. And I hope you stick around, despite all the drama. I mean, someone's trying to kill me. I'd understand not wanting to be around that." Arkady is still a little surprised that a guy as together as Cade wants him. Cade has a good job, a social life, options despite his arm. But he seems genuinely interested. Arkady just hopes it's not too good to be true.

  "I can't say it doesn't frighten me, knowing someone out there is after you, but my parents taught me not to run away from things just because they scare me. If I ran away from the big things, I'd never have opened my gallery. I wouldn't be showing my art and other artists' stuff. And you're worth risking a little danger, and not just because you're hotter than the sun," Cade says with that gorgeous grin. He takes Arkady's hand, and it makes Arkady feel like he's melting inside a little. Arkady has been accused of being made of ice by his competitors before, and maybe they were right, but the ice has been cracking under the pressure of everything he's been going through.

  "You know, I was hoping to get a first kiss as well as a first date tonight," Arkady says, looking at Cade's handsome tanned face and his plump lips.

  "Well, we can certainly do something about that." Cade throws his sandwich wrapper in the trash, and moves the little tray table over Arkady away from him.

  Then Cade cups Arkady's chin in his strong left hand, and Arkady notices a little smudge of green paint on one finger. His heartbeat slowly picks up as Cade leans in, and it feels like it's going to beat out of his chest before Cade kisses him. He manages not to have a heart attack before Cade's sweet lips meet his and kiss him deeply, gentle, but firm.

  When they part, Cade's smiling in a cute, dopy way, and Arkady can feel a similar smile on his face. He reaches out with his right hand, the one without a heart monitor on, and he puts a hand on the back of Cade's firm neck, pulling Cade back in for another kiss.

  "Time and a place, gentlemen," a nurse says, clearing her throat.

  They spring apart like guilty teenagers, and the nurse chuckles. She's a small Korean woman, and she doesn't look shocked or disgusted, which is always a worry when being caught with another man by a new person.

  "Sorry," Cade says guiltily, his nose and just around it flushing red. It's kind of adorable.

  "Oh, don't worry. If my boyfriend looked like either of you, I wouldn't be able to resist either. I did knock, but I don't think you heard me," she says with a smile. She comes further into the room, introduces herself as Mia, and starts checking all of Arkady's vitals and lines.

  "If you need anything, just let me know, but visiting time is officially over. We let you have more time, considering what you've been through," Mia says gently, and Arkady wonders if she means an attempt on his life, or if she thinks he tried to kill himself.

  "Okay, can I just say goodbye? I won't take long. I promise," Cade asks, and Arkady doesn't know about nurse Mia, but Arkady couldn't say no to those big brown eyes.

  "Five minutes, then I'll come back. Your boyfriend needs to rest," Mia says firmly.

  "Okay." Cade nods and waits till Mia leaves to close the gap again. He puts his left hand on Arkady's, threading their fingers together.

  "I can come help you pack some stuff up tomorrow when they let you out, if you like," Cade says.

  "You don't have to, but I would like to see you," Arkady replies.

  "Well, then let me help, and afterward, maybe I can take you for lunch?" Cade asks, and Arkady is so glad Cade hasn't been scared off.

  "I'll need a turtleneck before I go out, but I'd like that," Arkady says, touching his sore neck lightly.

  "Or a scarf, if you don't want stares," Cade jokes, and Arkady frowns. "You scowled? Too soon to joke?" Cade asks.

  "No, it's not that. The man who attacked me, he had a bright red scarf around his face, and I keep getting the strangest feeling I've seen someone like that before." Arkady tries to focus on the fleeting memory, but it's like trying to hold water between cupped hands: it just trickles away.

  "Maybe you can get your therapist to help you try and bring the memory out. It could be important. I'll be back tomorrow." Cade leans in, stealing a quick but firm kiss that makes Arkady's lips tingle.

  "Good idea. I'm going to be so bored, but I promise we'll have a better date tomorrow." Arkady doesn't want to say goodbye to Cade, but he knows he has to.

  Cade walks over to the door and lingers, worry overtaking his face. "Stay safe, okay? I'd hate for something to happen to you. We got lucky today."

  "I'll be careful, and I'm sure the hospital has security." Arkady's trying not to let fear consume him, but he can feel it in the background, and once he's alone it'll be worse.

  Cade says goodbye and leaves. Arkady tries to get comfortable, but it's going to be a long night. He's really starting to hate hospitals, but at least he's much more clear-headed this time around. Someone might be trying to end his life, but his life is far from over.

  Chapter Seven

  "My parents will pick up the stuff. We just have to pack it in suitcases and leave it by the door," Arkady calls to Cade from his bedroom, where he's gone to find something he can wear that will hide the ugly bruises on his neck.

  "I found your kindle where you said it would be," Cade says, walking into Arkady's bedroom.

  "You know, not many men have been in this room," Arkady says thoughtfully as he grabs a few more t-shirts to put in a bag.

  "I'm guessing you just didn't bring them home? Too worried they'd get attached?" Cade asks, but he doesn't sound like he's judging Arkady for his past.

  "Partly that. And Lou doesn't like everyone, and some people are scared of him. So it's easier to go to the guy's place or hook up at the club, whatever. I'm not a dirtbag, though. They all knew what was going on, that it was a one night thing." Arkady doesn't want Cade to think badly of him, but he's not ashamed of his past. He was young and single. He enjoyed himself.

  "You let me come to your place, and I was supposed to be here while Lou was the other day. I'm not fishing for compliments, but what makes me different? Being disabled doesn't mean you have to settle down, if that's not your style," Cade says hesitantly.

  "I can't say my accident hasn't had an impact on me. It made me re-evaluate my life a little. I stopped sleeping around; it wasn't something I wanted to resume doing. I wasn't even thinking about dating till I met you, and I don't know, you get me, and you're hot as hell," Arkady replies.

  Cade moves closer, and he puts a hand on Arkady's hip. Arkady's heartbeat speeds up in his chest, just from the simple but intimate touch. Cade's fingers slip beneath Arkady's shirt, his fingertips pressing into the soft skin of Arkady's waist. Arkady feels like his body is on fire, and he can't remember the last time he felt like this from a simple touch.

  One night stands didn't feel like this. They were fun, but those men didn't affect him the way Cade does. Arkady has been smiling like an idiot at every text message ever since he met Cade
for coffee, and Arkady doesn't think he's ever texted one guy so much, even a guy he wanted to hook up with. There's just something about Cade. It's like, when he looks at Arkady, he sees right into Arkady's soul.

  "Are you putting the moves on me, Cade?" Arkady asks, surprised by how rough his voice sounds.

  "Little bit. I just… the last time I was in this apartment, just a day ago, you were dying. I feel like I need to grab hold of you to make sure you're really still here."

  "I'm still here. Nothing's going to happen to me. The cops will catch the psycho who attacked me, and it'll all be fine. But if being close to me makes you feel better, I don't have any objections." Arkady smiles, and he does believe there's a chance the cops will find the guy, or he just won't risk attacking again, but he's not going to let it control his life. Arkady's had to give up too much already this year. He's not giving up anything else because someone wants him dead.

  But he understands wanting to seize the moment, and he moves closer to Cade, until their hips touch, groins and stomach flush. He lets go of the dresser he'd been using to steady himself and puts his trust in Cade to help him keep his balance.

  "Smooth," Cade smiles.

  "I don't feel smooth. I feel like a teenager chasing his first kiss, even though we've already kissed. How stupid is that?" Arkady laughs a little awkwardly. He's not used to being shy, but his confidence has been a little low of late, and Cade is so amazing, successful, handsome, and confident.

  "Not stupid. It's kind of cute." Cade smiles, and he cups Arkady's jaw gently, tipping up Arkady's head, slowly, like he's being careful of Arkady's sore neck.

  "Just kiss me, okay?" Arkady asks. He doesn't think Cade will say no, but he's still nervous, standing here, holding on to Cade, keeping his weight on his good right leg, his stick leaning against his dresser. He feels vulnerable but excited.

  Cade doesn't keep him waiting, simply presses their lips together. He wraps his left arm around Arkady's waist, closing the remaining gap between their bodies, the kiss going from closed mouth to deep and wet.

  Arkady doesn't want to stop, but his knee is starting to really hurt, to feel weak, so he breaks the kiss, a little out of breath.

  "Can we sit down? I'm not trying to rush you. My knee hurts—I've been standing a while," Arkady says. With another guy, he might have felt the need to put up a front and pretend he wasn't uncomfortable, but Cade understands pain, and he won't think less of Arkady for needing to sit down.

  "Yeah, come on." Cade encourages Arkady to lean on him as they take the few steps to Arkady's bed together. They sit down on the edge and remove their shoes, and then lie down beside each other.

  Not wanting to lose the warm feeling in his chest, Arkady moves closer again. He feels more free to move lying down like this, and he wraps his arms around Cade, careful not to squash his right arm, which just moves with his body. Arkady has felt numb a lot since he was hurt, since his passion was taken away. It was like his heart had turned to ice, but when Cade touches him, Arkady feels like he's melting.

  Arkady's watching Cade lick his own plump lips, when Cade threads a hand into the back of Arkady's hair, cupping his skull, and drawing Arkady closer. Only having the use of one arm doesn't seem to be slowing Cade down at all, but then, he's had his whole life to get used to doing things this way.

  Cade kisses Arkady again, and it feels like the most natural thing in the world to kiss back, to open his mouth for Cade's tongue. When Cade pulls Arkady's hair a little, Arkady's surprised by how much he likes it, and by the moan that comes out of him.

  Cade's gentle, but he's not treating Arkady like he's fragile, and Arkady likes that. People seem to be so afraid of touching him, terrified that they'll hurt him. Cade seems to get, without Arkady needing to tell him, that he can take it, that he's not made of glass. He's survived up to this point, coped with the pain. He can handle a firm touch.

  They kiss deeply, pressing their bodies together, and Arkady grows hard against Cade's hip. When Cade pulls out of the kiss, he whimpers at the lost sensation.

  "Shh, I'm going to take care of you," Cade says softly. He moves down Arkady's body a little and moves between Arkady's legs. With practiced ease, Cade undoes Arkady's belt buckle with one hand and unzips his fly.

  Arkady is a little nervous about taking his pants off and showing the surgery scars on his knee. Maybe Cade picks up on that, because he doesn't pull down Arkady's jeans all the way. He just pulls them and Arkady's underwear out the way and frees Arkady's dick.

  "Jesus Christ," Arkady groans, just at the feeling of Cade's breath on his sensitive cock head.

  "My Jewish family make me feel the need to say don't blaspheme." Cade smirks, a teasing glint in his eye.

  "You're Jewish?" Arkady asks, he'd thought Cade might be, but he'd not been sure. He's not really interested in religion right now, though. He's more interested in how close Cade's lips are to his hot skin.

  "Lapsed. I haven't been to temple since I was a teen. So I have no hang ups about going down on a lapsed catholic." Cade grins, and as if to prove his point, he opens up his mouth and wraps his lips around the head of Arkady's cock.

  Arkady's head drops back on the pillow as pleasure shudders through him. Cade runs his tongue up and down the warm skin of Arkady's dick, sucking firmly, taking more and more of Arkady's length, using just his mouth on Arkady while he uses his good arm to prop himself up.

  Reaching out, Arkady threads his fingers through Cade's silky brown hair, not trying to take control of the blowjob, even though he can be bossy in bed. Right here and now, he's content to let Cade take the lead, play with Arkady's body as he will.

  He fists his free hand in his bed sheets, his toes curling and cramping. For once, his mind is focused on one thing: this moment. His pain is still there in the background, but it's very much a secondary thing. The pleasure he's feeling in waves is so intense that nothing else seems to matter.

  "I'm going to come," Arkady groans after a while, when the pleasure builds and builds, and Cade doesn't pull off. He just keeps going, and Arkady can't hold off much longer. It doesn't seem like Cade wants him too, so Arkady just lets himself go.

  The pleasure ripples through him, like a stone landing in a pond and sending out waves. Arkady calls out Cade's name and several curses as he comes in Cade's mouth, and Cade swallows without hesitation.

  Cade pulls up and off Arkady's dick, and crawls up his body till they're face to face. Arkady doesn't pause for thought, he just leans up and claims a kiss, tasting his own flavor in Cade's mouth. He's getting lost in kissing Cade again when he hears keys in the door and his mother announcing herself.

  "I'll stall her," Cade says, leaping up, trying to straighten himself out, but at least his dick isn't hanging out.

  Arkady puts his cock away as quickly as he can without getting it caught in the zipper and tries to make himself look presentable. Grabbing his stick and a bag of clothes, he makes his way out into the main room, where his mother is standing and looking very suspicious.

  "Your father is downstairs. Are your things ready?" his mother asks.

  "Almost. Em, Cade, can you make my mother a coffee while I finish up?" Arkady asks, and Cade nods, heading for the kitchen.

  Feeling like a coward, Arkady goes back to his bedroom and finishes packing. By the time he comes back out, his heart isn't racing quite as hard, and he puts all his things together, ready to leave.

  "I'll call your father. You said you had lunch plans. You boys go, have fun," his mother says.

  "Are you sure?" Arkady feels guilty about leaving his parents to take his things, but he also wants to get out of here with Cade, and to apologies for the embarrassment.

  "Of course. Go, relax, but keep in touch. I know you're a grown man, but all things considered, I'd appreciate you letting me know where you are," she says. She's not an overly sentimental woman. She always left him to do his own thing, so Arkady can tell she's worried about his safety.

  "I'll let you know where
I am and when I should be home." Arkady makes a gut decision and approaches his mother. Reaching out with one arm, he gives her a quick hug, stepping away before he can become too embarrassed.

  His mother looks surprised but pleased, and before he can move too far away, she reaches out and smooths his hair out of his face. She hardly ever does that. Arkady vows to worry her as little as possible.

  Arkady and Cade leave, and he's not sure when he'll be coming back, which feels weird. He's spent so much time in this building, in his apartment. He has good memories of his apartment, but now he can't help thinking he'll always remember nearly being murdered. He'd had chills today standing in his own kitchen, even though he hadn't been alone. He's not sure he'll ever want to be alone in this apartment again.

  They take a cab to a cute little cafe that Cade promises does wonderful food. Cade picks a table near a bookcase in one corner, and Arkady's reminded of the way Cade had been reading when Arkady first saw him. It doesn't feel like it was such a short time ago, but then, a lot has happened.

  Coffee and burgers make up their lunch, and they're eating when an adorable little African-American girl with braids comes over and tugs on Arkady's arm.

  "Hello, sweetheart. Are you okay? Are you lost?" Arkady asks, worried. The girl looks no older than ten, so too young to be in the cafe alone.

  "My mom's over there, but I wanted to ask you something," the little girl says, glancing over to a table where a slightly embarrassed looking woman is sitting, feeding a baby a bottle. The woman has the same gorgeous dark skin and eyes as the little girl, which makes Arkady relax. The kid is safe. She probably saw him and Cade hold hands at some point and wants to ask about that.

  "Okay, but what's your name? My name is Arkady." He says his name slowly, so she'll have more chance at getting it, as many adults struggle with Russian, and he smiles at her mom to let her know he's not bothered by her curious daughter.

  "My name's Mandy. Mom said it was rude to ask, but why do you have a walking stick? My grandpa has one because he's old. You're not old," Mandy asks curiously. Arkady expects a bigger pang in his heart about being asked about his stick, but it doesn't come. There's just a dull sadness. Maybe because she's a child, and there's no malice in her question.