Finding Mrs. Wright

by Sherri L. Lewis

  “Miss Cassandra, could I ask you a question?” Brianna looked at me, big tears forming in the corners of her eyes. “Please don’t be mad at me, Daddy, please.”

  Cassandra frowned. “What, chickadee?”

  “Could you be my real mama?” Brianna burst into tears again. I let out a deep breath. I couldn’t be mad at her. She had just lost her horribly twisted mother and she was resting in the arms of a woman who had shown her true love. What else could I expect her to do?

  “Real mama?” Cassandra asked. She looked at me with a frown, her eyes asking me to explain.

  I simply closed my eyes and shook my head again. What could I say?

  “Everybody at school has a real mama. Except Timmy Johnson and he gets in real bad trouble all the time and I think it’s because he doesn’t have a real mama. My mama is gone now and I . . . I wish you could be my mama. That’s why I said it was important for you and Daddy to be friends, because later on you have to be his wife to be my real mama.” Brianna burst into another round of tears.

  Cassandra held her, but I could tell she didn’t know what to say. I hated the fact that she was being put in this awkward position. She let Brianna cry until she quieted down to rhythmic sniffles. When Brianna got quiet, Cassandra released her from the hug and let her lie back on the bed so she could look at her. “Tell you what, Miss Lady. If it’s okay with your dad, I can be your godmother.”

  Brianna’s eyebrows furrowed. “What’s that?”

  “That’s like a mama-friend who is always there for you and takes you places, and you can always talk to her and tell her everything, and sometimes she buys you really special presents.”

  Brianna’s eyes widened as she considered the possibility. “It sounds good, but it doesn’t sound as good as a real mama.” I almost expected her to fold her arms and pout. “Is a godmother what you get when somebody wants to be your real mama, but they don’t want to marry your daddy?”

  Cassandra chuckled a little and then looked at me. All I could do was laugh and shake my head. “Bree . . .”

  “What, Daddy? Gammy said this was grown folks’ business, but I don’t see how when I’m in it too. I’m the one without a mama.”

  We got a momentary reprieve as the nurse popped her head in and said she needed to check Brianna’s vital signs. When she stuck Brianna’s finger, she didn’t close her eyes and sing. She was too busy staring me down, her six-year-old eyes challenging my stance that she didn’t have a right to be a part of this conversation. I used the few minutes to try to think of something to say.

  When the nurse left, I took Brianna’s hands in mine. “Baby girl, I understand that it’s important to you and that this affects you. But grown-ups are the only ones who can decide if they love each other and if they want to get married and spend the rest of their lives together. A little girl can’t decide that for them, okay?”

  “But, Daddy, how could you not love Miss Cassandra and want to marry her?” She said it like, “any dummy could figure that one out.”

  Cassandra stepped in to rescue me. “Brianna, me and your daddy like each other very much. But you can’t meet someone one day and decide you want to marry them the next day. Things like that take time.”

  “It’s been more than one day. A lot more than one day,” Brianna protested.

  “Brianna . . .” me and Cassandra said together.

  She rolled her eyes. “Oooookay. I won’t talk about grown folks’ business anymore.”

  We both laughed. Cassandra stood up and held up her cell phone. “Let me call Chuckie and Tisha to let them know everything’s okay. You might want to call your parents, too.” She walked out into the hallway.

  I reached for my cell phone, but Brianna grabbed my wrist. “One more question. Don’t be mad, okay?”

  I let out a deep breath. “What, Bree?”

  “I know you said I can’t talk out loud to you and Miss Cassandra about it, but is it okay if I ask God to make Miss Cassandra your wife and my real mama? Like when I say my prayers at night, can I talk to Him about it?”

  I hugged Brianna and gave her a big kiss on the cheek. “Baby girl, you can always talk to God about anything that’s on your heart, okay?”

  A big grin spread across her face like the answer was already yes. In her mind, all she had to do was pester God like she pestered me when she wanted something, and me and Cassandra would get married and she’d have a real mama and we’d all be a big, happy family.

  As Cassandra sauntered her sexy self back into the room, I took in those big, pretty eyes, that sassy smile, and that peachy smell. Brianna’s question echoed in my head.

  How could I not love Miss Cassandra and want to marry her?

  Nineteen

  For the first few weeks after Shauntae’s kidnapping fiasco, we were all a little jumpy about her whereabouts, wondering when she’d choose to reappear to try to get in my pockets again. She had told Brianna she was leaving, but I had to wonder where exactly she could have gone. It wasn’t like she had many close family members in the area. And the few she did have, she had burnt bridges with because of her constant begging and borrowing. The only person who hadn’t written off her trifling behind was her mother, but she was out in California. If Shauntae was as broke as she said, there was no way she could have gotten out there.

  So we waited. And hoped. And prayed that she would not surface. The administration at Brianna’s school knew that there was a warrant out for Shauntae’s arrest and knew to call the police if she showed her face there. We didn’t expect her to show up at church, but Cassandra talked to the children’s church leader who covered the alternate Sundays when she was off. And of course, my parents were praying that Shauntae showed up at their house. Mom planned to show her mad love and invite her in for a big dinner while my Pop went up the back stairs to call 911.

  Bottom line—if Shauntae made an appearance anywhere Brianna was, her butt was going to jail.

  It was actually a shame how happy Brianna was with her mother out of the picture. All my worries about her being traumatized by Shauntae’s sudden departure went out the window after a few weeks. She spent her days singing, dancing, and playing. We hardly had any problems with her diabetes. Every once in a while, her sugar would go a little low if she was too active or was too picky with her food and didn’t eat enough. When she got a rare treat or persuaded one of her classmates to trade her something sweet from their lunchbox for one of her diabetic treats, her sugars ran high.

  The first few times that happened, I wondered why any kid would trade a Twinkie for some nasty, sugar-free treat. The teacher told me that Brianna had somehow glamorized her disease to the point where the kids were convinced that Brianna’s diabetic foods were better than anything their mother could have put in their lunchbox. The teacher finally had to make regular announcements that no one was allowed to trade anything from their lunchbox with Brianna.

  The only time Brianna ever mentioned Shauntae was during her bedtime prayers. After she prayed for Gammy and Poppy, and her teachers and school friends, she spent a good five minutes praying for God to help me and Cassandra fall in love and hurry up and get married so Cassandra could be her real mama and we could be a family. When she finished her begging and pleading, almost as an afterthought, she’d say, “And please take care of my other mama, wherever she is.” She didn’t sound sad or mad or upset when she said it—it was more of a matter-of-fact, dutiful sentence she tacked on, before praying for the school hamster and for me to buy her a puppy.

  One night, long after I had put Brianna to bed and done a few things around the house and went to bed myself, the phone rang. I had just gotten into a deep sleep. I was ready to ignore it, but figured if someone was calling me that late, it must be important. I rolled over and picked up the phone and saw that it was from an unknown number. I debated for about five seconds and finally curiosity got the best of me and I answered.

  “Hello?” It needed to be an emergency, ’cause I was prepared to cuss out
whoever it was who was interrupting my sleep. There was no answer. “Hello?”

  I could hear someone breathing, but they didn’t say anything. I held the phone away from my ear and looked at the time: 1:04 A.M. “Hello? Whoever this is needs to stop playing. I’m ’bout to hang up.”

  I was just about to click END on my iPhone when a voice finally spoke. “Devon, it’s . . . it’s me.”

  It actually took a second for my brain to register the voice. “Shauntae?”

  “Yeah. Hey. How y’all doing?” She said it like I had just talked to her last week.

  I sat up in bed and turned on the nightstand light. “What’s wrong, Shauntae?” I braced myself for whatever monetary request she had called to make.

  “Why something gotta be wrong for me to call you? You always thinking the worst about me.”

  “It’s one o’clock in the morning. Why would you call me at this hour if nothing was wrong?”

  “Oops, my bad. I forgot.”

  “You forgot? You forgot that I work and go to bed at eleven every night?” I was about to ask her how she could forget about my job since she used to rely so heavily on my paycheck. But I didn’t need to argue with Shauntae anymore. Since she had been gone, it was like a poisonous toxin had been removed from my system. I wasn’t about to let it get stirred up again. Besides, I remembered it was Friday night and I didn’t have to be anywhere tomorrow but the grocery store.

  “No, I mean I forgot what time it was there. It’s not your bedtime yet here.”

  I thought for a second. “Where are you?”

  The line was quiet again.

  “Shauntae, where are you?”

  “At my mama’s.”

  “Oh,” was all I could think to say. I could have asked how she got out there, how she was doing, how her mama and stepfather were doing, and all kinds of polite things, but the truth was I didn’t care. I was glad to know she was so far away and not a threat to Brianna at all, but other than that, I didn’t need any details about her life. “What’s going on?”

  “Why something gotta be going on? I can’t just call to check on my daughter?”

  I almost laughed. Instead I said, “You left your daughter with some paramedics, unconscious after having a seizure three months ago, and for real, you don’t even know if she survived that night with you. She could be dead and you never even looked back. I’m supposed to believe that all of sudden you care and want to check on her?”

  “I know she ain’t dead. I called the school. What you tell them? The lady at the school was talking about if I come on the premises, they would have me arrested. That’s foul, Devon—you putting my business all out there at Brianna’s school.”

  I no longer had to clench my teeth to keep from saying the wrong thing to Shauntae. I let out a deep breath. “What did you really call for?”

  Silence.

  “I don’t have time for this. Whatever you want the answer is no. I’m going back to bed. Take care of yourself.”

  “Wait, Devon, why you always gotta treat me so bad? You’d think that as the mother of your child, I’d get a little respect from you.”

  “What do you want, Shauntae?” I said it firm enough to let her know that she needed to spill it or I was hanging up the phone.

  “I was wondering . . .”

  I knew she heard the deep, exasperated breath I let out at her opening phrase for whatever unreasonable request she was about to put on me.

  “What?” she snapped into the phone.

  “I don’t have any money for you. I can’t believe—”

  “I ain’t call to ask you for no money. Why you automatically assume that’s what I want?”

  I let out a chuckle. “You really want me to answer that?” The only thing that kept me from hanging up was knowing that Shauntae would call me every day until I at least listened to her request.

  “I don’t need your money no more. If I was depending on you to take care of me, I’d be starving and homeless.”

  Yeah, that’s about right. “Then what do you want?”

  “Devon, I really need you to . . .” Her voice had gone syrupy sweet and I could almost imagine her twirling her hair and licking her big lips. “I need you to lift that warrant offa me.”

  “What?” For the first time since our conversation started, I felt my blood rise just a little. “You must be crazy asking me that.”

  “I ain’t crazy. You got me kicked out of my apartment and kicked outta my state and now I can’t even see my friends anymore. Sherece put me out after two days because she said she couldn’t be living with two people with a warrant on them. Why you do me like that?”

  “Like I said before, do you really want me to answer that?”

  “I need to come back to Atlanta, Devon.”

  “Do you really think I want you back in Brianna’s life? Things are really peaceful for her without you around. She’s really doing well, by the way. Thanks for asking.”

  “I was gonna get around to asking about her. I needed to ask about this first.”

  “And besides, you told Brianna you were going away for a long time and that she wouldn’t see you until later when she’s grown up. Why, all of a sudden, are you trying to come back into her life? I’ve taken care of everything in court so there’s no way that you can see her. The child support agreement has been completely dissolved so if you come back here, I hope it’s not because you plan on me supporting you. I don’t—”

  “Didn’t I tell you I don’t need your money no more?”

  “Then why do you want to come back? Let me guess, your mother is pressuring you to get your own spot.”

  “No, my mama was happy to see me and she wants me to stay. She got my room fixed all nice and she’s taking real good care of me. Especially since I’m . . .”

  “Since you’re what?”

  Silence.

  I let out a deep breath. I had no more patience for this conversation.

  “Since you’re what, Shauntae?”

  “I’m . . . I’m pregnant, Devon.”

  Now it was my turn to be silent.

  “You heard me?”

  “Yeah, I heard you. I can’t believe it, though. Why you would bring another child into this world . . .” I stopped myself. “Anyway, you know it’s not mine this time so I don’t know why you’re telling me.”

  “I’m telling you because I need you to lift this warrant offa me. The baby’s daddy is there in Atlanta and he wants to be with me. But he can’t leave there because he has two kids with his ex-wife and won’t leave his children. He’s a real good man and a real good daddy.” She paused for a second. “Like you are.”

  I didn’t say anything, not sure if she was trying to butter me up so I would honor her request or whether she had realized that about me since she had been gone.

  “He says he can’t have his child growing up on the other side of the country without being in his life. He wants me to come back so he can marry me and be with me and his baby. He wants to take care of us. That’s why you gotta take this warrant off.”

  So she had trapped herself another good dude. I could only imagine the nightmare that was about to begin in his life. Poor dude had no idea what he was in for, talking about marrying Quartisha Shauntae Randall.

  “I’m telling the truth. I promise you won’t have to worry about me coming anywhere near Brianna. She won’t even know I’m in the same city.”

  I felt sad for her. Sad that she would make that kind of promise and think it was the right thing to say. Sadder for this new baby she would give birth to and probably not treat any better. The poor child would probably end up being the responsibility of her mother or the poor unsuspecting dude who had gotten her pregnant.

  “I could sign papers saying I won’t come anywhere near Brianna. I won’t even try to call her. I need this, Devon. I’m too grown to be living with my mama.”

  The irony of it was overwhelming.

  “Devon?” Her voice was pleading.

&nbs
p; I thought for a second. I could already hear the voices of Mom, Pop, Chuckie, and especially Cassandra screaming, “No.” I thought about the fact that our lives could have been peaceful so much sooner if I had put Shauntae in jail the first time she left Brianna in the house by herself. I thought about how Brianna would have never ended up in that emergency room after having a seizure if I had put Shauntae in jail after leaving Brianna alone the second time. I had been soft on her before, because I never could have imagined the horrible things she would do to her daughter. But leaving her in that ambulance was the last straw. I now knew Shauntae was capable of anything when it came to Brianna.

  If things didn’t work out with this new dude—and I was 100 percent sure that they wouldn’t—she would have a baby to take care of and would be desperate for money. That would send her sniffing around for my pockets, and that would make Brianna vulnerable to whatever scheme she could think of to get money out of me. There was no way I could chance that.

  “Devon?” Shauntae’s voice was hopeful, but we both already knew what I was going to say.

  “No, Shauntae. I can’t do it.”

  “What? Why? I told you I’d sign papers saying I’d never come near Brianna. Why you—”

  “I’ve seen what you do when you’re desperate for money. I’m not willing to risk Brianna’s life like that. No. There’s no way I’m lifting the warrant and nothing you can say will change my mind.”

  “Why are you trying to ruin my life? I finally have a chance at somebody marrying me and taking care of me and you’re going to mess that up? How am I supposed to take care of myself and a baby without him? You gon’ force me to be a single mom and struggle and suffer? You just doin’ this to spite me because of what happened with Brianna. I said I was sorry. You s’posed to be a Christian and forgive and all that stuff. Can’t you forgive me and—”

  “It’s not about forgiveness. It’s about—” What was the point of talking to her and trying to explain anything logically? She was blaming me for stuff she had done and holding me responsible for her financial well-being. Nothing I could say at this point could make her a responsible adult. “I really don’t want to get into a long discussion about this. The answer is no.”