Drowned

by Nichola Reilly

  Panic. He can’t live underwater for much longer. Not the way I can. And without light it’s impossible to tell up from down, or which way is out. He can’t survive like this.

  Nononono, I scream in my head, kicking idly in circles as I swing the light around. How could I have let him go? Why couldn’t I have held on tighter?

  I can see the opening to the passage behind us, hazy through the water, lit by orange torchlight. It must be Finn and his men. In the blackness, without light, that’s the only thing Tiam would have seen. We’re too far from the end of the passage, where Star and Fern are waiting. His only chance is if he went back toward the torches. I have no other choice. I have to go back, too.

  I swim back to where the floor rises, then walk along the floor until my head is on the surface. I blink the water from my eyelashes and see a figure standing in the water, his smile a nasty slit, his metal spear glinting in the torchlight. Finn.

  I turn away from him and see Tiam at his feet, hunched over and defeated. He’s breathing hard, chest heaving, dripping hair matted against his eyes. He grabs his side and coughs again and again, but doesn’t attempt to look at me.

  Finn slowly saunters up to me. He’s with two lanky men I recognize as fishermen, not the same guards he was with earlier. It takes me a moment to realize that his two hefty guards would never fit down the small chute, but it doesn’t matter; each fisherman has his own spear. There are several other bodies in the background; the light glints off of their spears. In the torchlight I can also see that Finn’s face is dark and raw in spots from the fire, the once sun-streaked stubble on his chin now crisp, a chunk of white skin hanging loosely off his nose. It doesn’t seem to bother him. “So, this is where the exit is,” he says.

  “There’s no exit,” I mumble, helpless.

  “I’ve had enough of this, Coe,” he growls, jabbing the spear into my ribs. “It was a surprise to find that Tiam was alive after all this time. But it explains perfectly where you’ve been. You’ve been lying to us all along.”

  I turn to Tiam. But I have no other plan. No ideas. I point to the flooded passage, all the while hoping Clever Gretel will provide me the inspiration I desperately need. But my mind is blank, my body tired and wasted. “It’s not that way. We just tried it. Flooded.”

  Tiam finally speaks up. “Leave her alone, Finn,” he growls, still breathless.

  Finn scowls at Tiam and presses a spear against his neck. “Or you’ll do what?” But Tiam’s eyes are focused on me, intent, unblinking. He’s trying to tell me something. But what? I take a tentative step forward.

  “Coe, your light was flickering. Let me fix it,” he says, his voice stilted. He motions to my portable light.

  I’d almost forgotten I was carrying it. I hand it to him, wondering what he has in mind. I don’t remember seeing it flicker, so I can only hope this is part of a grand plan to save us all. He crouches down, reaches into his bag and begins working on it. Then he screws the top on it again and hands it to me. “Should work better now.”

  “What are you—” Finn starts.

  “Relax, they’re just lights.” Tiam takes one out of his bag and hands it to Finn, who lowers his spear and does just what I did. He inspects it for a while, turning it over in his hands, trying to figure out how the damn thing works without emitting any heat. And in that moment, Tiam mouths something to me.

  Help Fern and Star. Don’t worry about me.

  What is he talking about? Is it possible he doesn’t know that I’ve spent precisely every moment between every tide worrying about him?

  Finn smiles, still taken with his new gadget, oblivious to the change in Tiam. The muscles in Tiam’s chest and shoulders tighten, his jaw sets. His eyes dart between Finn and my own eyes. Finally, they settle on me, almost lazily. “Coe,” he says. “R-U-N.”

  I stare at him. And maybe it’s that all this time I’ve had this image of us going to the escape together, but my knees suddenly buckle. Don’t worry about me. He wants me to go. Without him. I shake my head, but he doesn’t relent. Before I can open my mouth to protest, his voice echoes through the chamber, full of fight. “Now!” he shouts, and lunges for Finn.

  It all happens so fast, I stand there, frozen. “No,” I say, over and over, as he and Finn topple to the ground, Tiam delivering punch after punch to Finn’s already raw face. But immediately, the other guards are on him. And I know the odds aren’t good.

  I want to help him. I want to tell him that I’ll wait for him, that I would never go anywhere without him. I couldn’t. And yet I know what he’s thinking. He’s thinking he tried it, and it’s impossible. He can’t make it through the flooded corridor. But there is one way for him to feel useful again. And this is it.

  Just then, two of Finn’s guards charge me. I’m no match for two of them. Either I run now and live, or let them take me and die. I know those are the only choices. And so I take the light, run down the hallway and plunge into the black water.

  Twenty-Four

  Not with a Bang but a Whimper

  Everything about this feels wrong. What am I doing? As I swim, I look over my shoulder until the light of the torches disappears. He’s gone. I left him. There were a dozen of them, only one of him. And I left him. Why? I could have helped him fight.

  But we were outnumbered. And I know what Tiam would say if he were with me. Keep going. Don’t look back. Better just one casualty instead of two.

  I don’t know how I keep pushing forward when everything—the only thing—I want lies behind me. My vision blurs, and I’m sure it’s because I’m crying. My body trembles as I move through the cold, taking the water in, letting it flow through me. Washing every trace of Tiam away. Only heartbeats have passed, yet I already know that this was the most important decision of my life, and I made the wrong choice. I already know that as long as I live, that will be the moment I replay time and time again in my head, wishing I had the chance to do it over.

  When I arrive at the shore, Star and Fern are sitting there, huddled together, studying the map. I crawl out and collapse beside them, sobbing.

  “I left Tiam,” I whimper, and once the words are out I know that I will never see him again. And I know that Tiam was wrong to let me go alone, because the moment I left him, my world ended. We both died.

  Fern’s sweet face goes white, and her lip trembles. Star squeals, “What do you mean?”

  I don’t answer. I can’t bring myself to talk about that horrible moment. I just lie there on the ground, wanting it to suck me in and bury me forever, in the same passage where Tiam will meet his own end. At least that would be a fitting final chapter to the story of Tiam and me. Together, apart.

  “We have to get him! We can’t leave him!” Star shouts, malice in her voice.

  I don’t want to move, but somehow I pick myself up from the soft mud and say, “Finn and his men. I don’t think they can make it through. But in case they can...we need to go.”

  “Leave him? Just like that? But he’s my beloved!” Her face is twisted, giving her an ugliness I never thought possible. Her breath comes out in short bursts, and tears form in her eyes. “We can’t go. Not until Tiam is with us.”

  I’m too tired to fight her. “Then you go back for him. But they’ll kill you. There are a dozen of them. If not more.”

  She contemplates the flooded passage for only a second before slumping onto the muddy ground. “We’re done for,” she moans between sobs.

  “What are you talking about?” I whisper, my voice flat and toneless. “The map goes on for a while, but we can make it. We just follow it. And if Finn and his men come through, they’ll never be able to find their way without the map.”

  “You don’t under
stand,” Star moans. “He was to be my husband, my protector. I love him. I need him.”

  I look at the ground. She makes it seem as if she’s the only one. As if I don’t need him. As if I discarded him on the other shore like a piece of seaweed. Maybe it stings so much because she’s right. I spent all my days wanting him, and yet I just left him. Too easily.

  I take Fern by the hand. Fern. She is all I have to live for now. She is the reason I must go on. I squeeze her close to me as we walk, not wanting to ever let her out of my sight. Star points the way with her own light, and I follow with Tiam’s. It makes a strange rattling noise as I move, in time with our footsteps. We continue through a maze of doorways, on and on, but Star doesn’t falter. She doesn’t speak, and I wonder if it’s possible she could be feeling as terrible as I do. We’re sisters, after all. Even if we are so very different. We’d been raised in completely different circumstances. But maybe we have more in common than I know.

  This is my family. And I’ll protect them with all that I am, because I know Tiam would have done the same.

  * * *

  I cannot say much about the rest of the journey. I crawl inside myself, just a walking, breathing corpse.

  Just as Tiam had predicted from the lines scraped into that map, the passages narrow considerably. We stop to rest twice, or three times, but even rest does not revive me. There are many wrong turns, even with the map, scrapes and bruises from the rocky, craggy walls, frightening, ghostlike sounds and movements in the darkness that prove to be only our imagination. With every obstacle, I am reminded of what Tiam would have said or done to make things better. A thousand times, I hear his voice in my head, feel his lips on mine.

  And then...

  “The map ends here,” Star says softly, awakening me from my daze.

  We come to a giant slab of thick, solid metal. I think of the opening that Kimmie wrote about in the journal—big, steel, carved into the side of the hill. There is a small door to its side, and words scratched into a plaque nearby.

  BLACK MOUNTAIN

  EMERGENCY CONTAINMENT UNIT II

  ENTRANCE

  PROPER ID REQUIRED

  I read the words to Star and Fern.

  “Oh, my goodness,” Fern whispers, squeezing closer to me. “This is it?”

  I nod. I try the door. It opens with a creak, grinding on its hinges as if no one has ever opened it. But someone must have, thousands and thousands of tides ago. Aliah. Our mother.

  I peer through the darkness. There’s a light glowing in the distance. Someone is there. Star walks forward, ahead of me, making her way through the dark passage. Toward light. Toward a new world.

  Behind her, I take a deep breath, all the while feeling cold and distant, as if watching this amazing moment in the history of our people happen to others, not me. Because I guess in my heart, without him, I’ll always be on that island, waiting for the end. Tides was never where I belonged, and it never belonged to me. He was my world, and I abandoned him. Before, the thought of escape sent a thrill through me. But now my heart is still. Dead.

  As if it senses the fact, my portable light suddenly goes out, casting me into darkness.

  I shake it, and it rattles noisily. The light does not return. It’s rattled ever since Tiam “fixed” it. Curiously, I turn it toward the ceiling and unscrew the top, the way he’d done. And then I reach inside.

  Behind the dead bulb, my fingers brush against something strange. Tilting it over, I scoop out a handful of milky pearls. The stones are warm from the light, and they melt pleasantly into my palm.

  Tiam’s pearls.

  My pearls.

  I pool them in my fist and press them against my heart for a moment, then follow Star into the new world.

  * * * * *

  Acknowledgments

  My sincerest gratitude to the following people, who helped make Drowned happen.

  Mandy Hubbard, thanks for being the first to say that this crazy idea might actually work.

  Rhonda Stapleton, Lynsey Newton, Jennifer Murgia, thanks for reading my drafts and for your insightful comments and cheerleading. If it wasn’t for you guys telling me that you couldn’t forget this story, even months after you read it, I’m sure I would have. And to the Debs, who so many years later still give me sanity.

  Thanks to Jim McCarthy for never giving up and always patiently answering my inane questions.

  My deepest appreciation to the entire wonderful team at Harlequin TEEN, especially Natashya Wilson, for seeing the potential in my story, and my editor, Annie Stone, for the amazing read-throughs and insightful comments.

  Thanks to my family, who indulges me.

  And last, but certainly not least, none of this would be possible without you, the reader. Thank you for allowing me to tell you this story. I hope you enjoy it.

  Questions for Discussion

  Coe is a unique protagonist for a variety of reasons, but not least because of her wide range of strengths and weaknesses. What do you think are the most important strengths that set her apart from her fellow citizens of Tides? How does she offset her weaknesses, and would you say that she thinks of herself as a strong or a weak person?

  Through her family’s journal entries, Coe learns of the events that created the reign of the Wallow family. Why do you think the people of Tides were willing to follow the Wallows’ leadership, even as it became corrupt? Basing your answer off the events of the novel, do you feel that people naturally gravitate toward having a leader, or do they wish to rule themselves?

  Tiam and Finn are set up as opposing claimants to the throne. How do their goals for the island nation differ? In your opinion, which of them is better suited to be king, and why?

  Despite their history as childhood playmates, Star and Coe are raised very differently, and have starkly different beliefs about the world around them. Yet in some ways their goals and desires are very similar. What do you think their biggest differences are—and do you think these differences are inborn, or a result of their differing upbringings?

  How does Coe’s belief that her world will soon come to an end affect her actions and her relationships? When do you feel Coe begins to truly have hope for an escape from their island home?

  Coe copes with her father’s absence by trying not to think about the fact that he’ll likely never return. What are some other coping mechanisms that characters in Drowned use to deal with the harsh realities of their lives?

  Coe thinks of Tiam as the strongest person on the island. In your opinion, is he? Why or why not?

  “Creeping normality” refers to the way a major change can be accepted as the normal situation if it happens slowly, in unnoticed increments, when it would be regarded as objectionable if it took place in a single step or short period. For example, the ruin of the Easter Island civilization came about because of gradual deforestation, though it seems strange, in hindsight, that the inhabitants would not have recognized the loss of a resource so important to them. What are some beliefs the people of Tides have slowly come to accept that may be hindering their chances of survival?

  Interestingly enough, history has shown us that societies most vulnerable to collapse are also the ones that are most creative and technologically advanced. Drowned offers up one reason why a mighty society might collapse: environmental change. What are some other reasons a society might collapse? Why do societies succeed?

  The chapter titles from Drowned are from T. S. Eliot’s famous poem “The Hollow Men.” In what ways are the people of Tides hollow? How are they not?

  “Captivating, mysterious, fun and deep…for readers of John Green or any re
alistic YA authors, I would highly recommend this new wonderful novel.”

  —Fresh Fiction

  Five Strangers. Countless adventures. One epic way to get lost. Don’t miss one of the most anticipated debuts of 2014, Let’s Get Lost (August 2014) by Adi Alsaid.

  Available in ebook.

  Order your copy today!

  Four teens across the country have only one thing in common: a girl named Leila. She crashes into their lives in her absurdly red car at the moment they need someone the most.

  Hudson, Bree, Elliot and Sonia find a friend in Leila. And when Leila leaves them, their lives are forever changed. But it is during Leila’s own 4,268-mile journey that she discovers the most important truth—sometimes, what you need most is right where you started. And maybe the only way to find what you’re looking for is to get lost along the way.

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  ISBN-13: 9781460326701

  DROWNED

  Copyright © 2014 by Nichola Reilly

  All rights reserved. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the non-exclusive, non-transferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on-screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, down-loaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of publisher, Harlequin Enterprises Limited, 225 Duncan Mill Road, Don Mills, Ontario, Canada M3B 3K9.