From The Ashes (Golden Falls Fire Book 3)

by Scarlett Andrews

  I’m holding back how hard I’ve already fallen for you, he thought. I’m trying like hell to un-fall for you, and you’re not making it easy.

  “Remember, we talked about this. Work, et cetera.”

  “No one has to know. It’s really no one else’s business.”

  “I hate secrets,” Jack said. “Secrets can destroy a person.”

  “And I hate letting an opportunity pass me by.” She looked up at him, more sad than seductive. “I’ve done that too much in my life. But now I know that when you see something good, you have to reach out and take it.”

  “Elizabeth …” I want to take you, he thought. You’re my good thing. And if only I could give you back all the years your family suffered because of my father’s actions and my own silence.

  “Tell me that we couldn’t have a good thing, Jack.”

  He couldn’t. He’d never wanted a woman more and never deserved her less, than this marvelous, tiny, beautiful creature looking up at him from across a snowy field.

  “I should go,” he said. He leaned his head against the window. Although it was triple-paned, he could still feel the below-freezing chill when his forehead touched the glass. “Are you warm enough in there?” he asked her softly.

  “I’m warm enough … In fact, I’m so warm I might have to take off some of my clothing.”

  He nearly groaned with frustration. Damn, Elizabeth. You sure know how to turn a guy on.

  He had to shut this down before he lost all control.

  “Make sure to close your curtains, then,” he said.

  She shook her head. “That’s the thing, Jack. I don’t want to close my curtains. I want you to get a glimpse of what you’re missing.”

  Jack’s imagination leaped ahead to the visual feast of what her words implied. “Trust me, Elizabeth—I know what I’m missing.”

  “No, you don’t.” She put her hand on one hip, pouting. Or taunting. “If you did, you wouldn’t be missing it.”

  He grinned, liking her confidence. “Is that right?”

  She grinned back. “That’s right. You’re just too much of a gentleman for your own good. Are you sure you won’t invite me over for that brandy, Jack?”

  If she were anyone else, it would happen in a heartbeat. But she wasn’t anyone else. She was Elizabeth Armstrong, and he owed her a decency he hadn’t been able to offer when he was younger. He couldn’t lead her on because if she ever learned the truth about him, she’d hate him forever. He had to respect what would be her wishes, even without her knowing why.

  “I’d better not,” he said.

  She shrugged, a slight, perky move of her shoulders. “Then take a peek over here in a few minutes, Jack. Maybe I’ll open my curtains just for you.”

  With that, she ended the call and drew her curtains closed. Jack turned, stepped away from the window, and sank his head into his hands, his lust replaced by a bottomless regret. He cursed everything that had happened in his life that led him to this moment of wanting a woman so much it was a physical ache—and yet knowing he could never have her.

  After hanging up with Jack, Elizabeth poured herself a shot from the bottle of Jack Daniels she’d found in one of the kitchen cabinets.

  Liquid courage.

  She’d come up with the idea to entice Jack by being in various states of undress in front of the window. That’s why she’d left her curtains open that night, to ease into it. To titillate him. To tease him, and then to put on a show in which she was the allegedly unwitting star. Every guy’s fantasy, right? Only Jack was too decent to let her get away with it.

  Which was good, in the long run. It meant he respected her and wouldn’t take advantage of her. It meant he could be trusted.

  It also meant he now knew that whatever she did, she was doing on purpose. She couldn’t help but feel a little slutty, as well as embarrassed about being willing to be a bit slutty. In truth, she was also turned on by the idea.

  But she needed liquid courage. More liquid courage.

  She did a second shot of Jack Daniels and then went to her dresser and got out the one and only set of actual lingerie she owned: an elegant, embellished black lace bra that showed more skin than it concealed and a matching cheeky panty that hugged over the line of her hips and showed an alluring flash of her rear end. She changed into the outfit and added a button-down cardigan sweater over the top. Something casual. Something she could unbutton slowly.

  It was all in the reveal, she knew. The reveal and the confidence she’d now be able to muster thanks to the alcohol. She did a quick refresh of her hair and makeup, and then she set out a bottle of body lotion on the kitchenette table. She staged it to look like a typical getting-ready-for-bed routine, but it was much more than that, and Elizabeth felt a thrill of adventure at what she was about to do.

  Let the show begin, she thought, confident that Jack would still be in his bedroom and still have his curtains open.

  But when she opened her own curtain again and looked up at Jack’s window, it was dark. Seconds later, she heard his garage door open and stared in shock as he drove off in his red Ford F-350.

  Jack Barnes was running away from her and everything she had to offer.

  Of course he’s trying to get away from me, she thought, as all of her insecurities kicked right in. He never wanted me here in the first place.

  Humiliated, she undressed again, slipped into a pair of warm flannel pajamas, crawled into bed, curled into a fetal position, and began to cry.

  She’d gone through tough breakups before. She’d felt the sting of rejection before. She’d even thought she’d been in love before.

  But now she knew that she’d never been in love. Not until Jack. His soul spoke to hers in some tender, inexplicable way.

  As the hot tears streamed down her face, Elizabeth thought how it didn’t make sense, how she barely knew the man, and yet somehow the sense of their mutual destiny was still there and growing stronger with every interaction she had with him.

  Which made it even worse that she couldn’t have him. No matter what lame excuse he gave, she knew the real reason was that she came from a trashy family that had shamed the entire town. It was a fact that would never go away, even if her father did.

  Maybe Nate Armstrong wasn’t the only one who needed a fresh start in a new place.

  Maybe she did, too.

  19

  Jack drove toward town as fast as he dared on the snowy roads, wanting nothing more than to get away from the scene that was in danger of playing out at his house. Every time he saw her, spoke to her—hell, even thought about her—his willpower to resist her diminished. He imagined that right then, she was pulling open her curtains as promised, wearing who-knew-what. He’d promised himself to make her life easier by letting her stay at the cabin, but it felt more and more like a selfish excuse to be near her.

  As his truck barreled down the dark road, framed on both sides by mountainous piles of snow left by the plow, all kinds of thoughts ran through his head.

  I can’t have her.

  I want her, and she wants me.

  Dad screwed up Elizabeth’s entire life, and you told no one about it.

  Things are going to come to a head, some way and somehow. I feel it coming. How do I keep from hurting her even more?

  For the first time in a long while, Jack felt at a loss as to what was the right thing to do. The only course he could think of was to call up a buddy and drink to get drunk and tell someone the whole stupid situation. Not Doc Bauer—he was too much an elder figure, and while Jack valued his opinion greatly, he needed someone on equal footing, someone who knew how Jack operated and wouldn’t judge.

  He couldn’t call Josh. He’d always protected his little brother from the truth, and if the day came where he did tell him about their father’s actions, it couldn’t be because of Jack’s desperate desire to be with Elizabeth.

  That left Tom Steele, Jack’s closest friend, traveling buddy, and fellow fire captain. He needed some
one to talk some sense into him, and Tom was one of the most sensible men he knew.

  He called Tom, and they agreed to meet at the bar at the Pioneer Hotel, where the pair of friends often met because of its excellent whiskey selection.

  They arrived at about the same time. The bar was quiet, but Jack still chose the table furthest in the corner. They ordered drinks, and Tom ordered a plate of beef sliders.

  “You haven’t had dinner?” Jack asked.

  “I did,” Tom said. “I’m hungry again.”

  Jack noticed the telltale red in his eyes and laughed. “Ah. Got it.” Recreational marijuana had been legal in Alaska for some time, and beyond its medicinal value, quite a few firefighters found that it helped them cope with the stress of the job and the inconsistent sleep. Jack knew which strains Tom preferred, which made birthday gifts easy.

  “I thought I’d be staying in tonight,” Tom said. “But I’m glad you called. As soon as my rideshare got to my house, I realized how hungry I was for some burgers.”

  Their drinks arrived, along with Tom’s food, and as Jack watched his blazed friend enjoy his sliders, he considered that maybe he should get high. It might help with the anxiety that had been roiling through him unrelentingly since he’d met Elizabeth on that icy road a few weeks back. Growing up with a cop for a father before pot was legal must have left some residual baggage because he’d never before been tempted, although intellectually he was fine with it.

  “Tom, I need advice.”

  Tom looked up. “Yeah? What about?”

  “Elizabeth Armstrong’s got me all tied up in knots. She’s amazing. And attractive. And the more I get to know her, the more I want to be with her, and I need you to talk me out of it.”

  “Okay, but why do you want to be talked out of it?” Tom asked. “I mean, I get wanting to stay single. I’m right there with you.”

  “That’s not it,” Jack said. “This woman is something special, and I want her. Like, really want her. For the long haul. She’s got me thinking marriage and the whole business.”

  Tom’s eyebrows shot up. “You’re kidding.”

  “But it’s more complicated than that.” Jack took a long bracing drink of his whiskey. Here it came, the whole story, demanding to be let out. “There’s something I need to tell you. It’s about something that happened a long time ago.”

  Tom’s frank blue eyes never left Jack’s face as Jack explained the whole thing, starting with his mom’s illness and his dad’s desperation. He confided to Tom about his dad’s theft of the money and how the path of the Armstrong family was forever changed as a result, and not for the better. He shared the emotional ups and downs he’d suffered, from his guilt at staying quiet to his damaged relationship with his siblings to the current crux of it—meeting Elizabeth and falling so hard for her.

  By the time Jack was done telling the story, he’d reached whiskey number three.

  Tom sat back in his chair, arms folded, looking up at the molded metal ceiling tiles. He let out a low whistle. “Hell,” he said. “So that’s what you’ve been carrying around all these years? I wish you’d told me. It’s not your fault, you know.”

  “Tell that to Elizabeth, will you?” Jack ran his hand through his hair. “I didn’t commit the theft, but I committed a crime by not turning in my dad. Elizabeth’s whole life was defined by what happened.”

  A fresh wave of guilt crested over him at the thought.

  “That’s a screwed up situation for you to be put in,” Tom said. “Who knows what any of us would do? Probably exactly what you did.”

  Jack stared at a knot in the polished wood table. “I doubt Elizabeth would see it that way.”

  “Well, the way I see it is, you have two choices. One, you can keep quiet and live as if.”

  “As if what?”

  “As if none of it ever happened. You can ask her out, date her, marry her––all that––and hope she never finds out.”

  “I don’t want to live that way,” Jack said. “I couldn’t. It would eat me up, and it would keep us from being intimate the way I’d want to be. If someone’s going to love me, they’ve got to love the whole me, flaws and all. It wouldn’t be real love, otherwise.”

  “Your other choice is to tell her,” Tom said. “To come clean and let the chips fall where they may.”

  Jack groaned, downed his drink, and then said, “I was afraid you were going to say something like that.”

  “What’s your legal liability at this point?” Tom asked.

  “The statute of limitations expired a long time ago.”

  “What are you inclined to do, my friend? Besides having another whiskey, which isn’t a good idea.”

  “What would you do if you were me?” Jack asked him.

  “I’m not you.”

  Jack took a deep breath. “Honestly, I want to do what’s best for Elizabeth. I just don’t know what that is. And I’d really like to give up this pretense that I’m such a great guy. It’s exhausting to feel like a fraud.”

  “But you are a great guy,” Tom said. “Knowing this about you doesn’t change my opinion on that. You’re a stand-up guy and someone I’m proud to call my best friend. And I hope you know that no matter what you decide to do, you’ve got my support.”

  “Thanks, man.”

  “I mean it.”

  While Tom finished his first drink, which he’d been nursing much more slowly than Jack with his, Jack thought about his options. He didn’t know what he’d hoped Tom would say, but he wanted a way out from his dilemma. He wanted to be with Elizabeth, and it wouldn’t work if this particular secret were between them. He could treat her well, and he could love her, and he could build a life with her, but it would be unconscionable to pursue a relationship knowing what he knew and what she did not.

  “I’m not even sure if it’s a good idea to go home,” he said, and then told Tom about Elizabeth’s invitation to watch her through the window. “It took every ounce of willpower I had to walk away from that.”

  Tom whistled in admiration for the restraint Jack had shown. “You're a stronger man than me, buddy.”

  “Give me advice, man,” Jack said. “Tell me what to do.”

  “I don’t know what else to tell you,” Tom said. “Only that if you can’t keep it from her and you don’t want to tell her, then you should move on. Find someone else and let Elizabeth go.”

  Yes, Jack thought. That’s what I should do. Let her go. Let her find someone else who’s worthy of her.

  “Let’s go bar-hopping,” he said.

  Tom burst out laughing. “I was just about to put you in a cab to send you home.”

  “Can’t go home,” Jack said.

  Tom laughed again. “Because of Elizabeth. Okay, bar-hopping it is. Maybe you can get that twig of a bartender out of your system.”

  “As if that’s possible.”

  But it would put an end to things with Elizabeth, Jack knew. He couldn’t tell her his unforgivable secret, but he could tell her he’d turned down what she’d offered him that night and hooked up with someone else instead.

  She’d think he was a jerk, and she’d be right, but maybe it was the kindest thing he could do, in the end.

  20

  Two hours later, Jack was slouched in the backseat of Hayley March’s Subaru. Josh was driving, and Hayley was in the passenger seat, passing Jack a bottle of water.

  Jack thanked her and Josh profusely for picking him up from the downtown bars.

  “No problem,” Hayley said. “We weren’t busy.”

  “Well, not in the traditional sense,” Josh said. He nudged Hayley, who giggled.

  Jack sniffed. “It smells good in here.” Puzzled by the fresh lavender scent, he sniffed again and leaned forward. “Why does it smell so good?”

  They laughed.

  “We were taking a bath, buddy,” Josh said. “Hayley’s got a hell of a nice tub, and it’s a great way to end the day.”

  “Aww,” Jack said. He was buzzed en
ough to speak freely and uncensored, although not drunk enough to slur his words. “That’s so darn sweet. Me, on the other hand, not so sweet. I was trying to pick up a woman.” He was buzzed enough to speak freely and uncensored, although not drunk enough to slur his words. “I’d much rather be taking a bath. Not with you two, obviously.”

  Eyes light with amusement, Josh looked at him in the rearview mirror. “With who, then?”

  “Elizabeth, of course.” Jack looked out the window at the soft snowflakes coming down. “Beautiful Elizabeth. Not one of those women tonight could hold a candle to her.”

  “Elizabeth Armstrong? My friend, Elizabeth?” Hayley asked.

  “The one and only,” Jack said. “The prettiest eyes I’ve ever seen.”

  Laughing, Josh and Hayley exchanged a glance.

  “Are you seeing her?” Josh asked.

  “No,” Jack said.

  “Do you want to?” Hayley asked.

  “Yes.” Stupid question, Jack thought. “The answer to that will always be yes.”

  “Why don’t you call her?” Hayley said.

  “You think?” Jack asked hopefully. Tom would have said no. Tom would have said it was a bad idea. Thankfully, Tom wasn’t there. “You think I should, Hayley?”

  “Definitely!”

  Drunk enough to think this was a good idea, Jack got out his phone and found Elizabeth’s number.

  “Liz!” he said when she answered. “It’s Jack! Hey, can I call you Liz? Where are you? Are you standing by the window?”

  There was silence on the other end of the line.

  “Elizabeth?”

  “I’m not standing by the window, Jack.”

  “Oh.” That made him feel sad. “I liked it when you were standing by the window.”

  “If you liked me by the window, then why did you completely blow me off tonight, Jack?”

  “Oh!” That’s right, he’d left her. What an idiot he was. “Because you’re so beautiful. Because your eyes are so blue.”

  “I guess my brother likes blue eyes,” Josh said to Hayley.