Happy New Year--Baby!

by Marie Ferrarella

  The girl looked terrible. “The hell you do. You’re spending the night here.”

  Nicole swung around, the deadness receding as anger took over. Anger at being hurt. Anger at the world. It focused on the small woman standing in front of her.

  “I’m not ten years old anymore, Sally. You can’t tell me what to do.”

  The woman placed her hands on her hips.

  “I don’t care how old you are. I’ll always be older. And I will always be the one in charge.” There was to be no arguing with her. “Now, you’re staying and that’s that. You’re in no condition to be driving home, especially not with the children.”

  If they weren’t here, they had to be in the nursery. Nicole began walking out of the room. “I’ve got a taxi waiting.”

  Sally caught Nicole by the shoulders. Smaller than the other woman, Sally was still a power to be reckoned with.

  “I don’t care. Send him away. Marlene’ll be home in a few minutes—”

  Emotionally exhausted, Nicole gave in. Up to a point. “All right, I’ll stay. But I don’t want to talk to Marlene. I don’t want to talk to anyone, Sally.” She tried to shrug the woman’s hold off, but Sally continued to hold on to her.

  Sally searched Nicole’s face. “Hurt you that badly, did he?”

  Unable to maintain her bravado any longer, Nicole dissolved into tears. For a moment, she clung to Sally, crying her heart out. “Big time.”

  Sally stroked Nicole’s head. “I’ll kill him.”

  Nicole raised her head. She shook it, brushing back tears. “It was my fault. I left myself wide open. But not anymore. Not anymore.” It was a promise she meant to keep.

  Nicole hardly slept that night. Each time she closed her eyes, she saw his face. How could he have looked at her that way and lied so well? He looked so innocent, so truthful. She would have believed him if he had said the moon was made of green cheese.

  Which was what he was banking on, she thought miserably.

  Nicole spent most of the night in the nursery, tending to the twins and Robby whenever they woke up. Sally tried to make her go to bed, but Nicole remained steadfast. She insisted on taking care of them on her own, without any help.

  She was never going to need help again, never going to rely on anyone again for anything, Nicole vowed fiercely to herself. If you depended on someone, you only left yourself wide open for pain.

  And she was never going to hurt again.

  Marlene had protested, then relented. Perhaps this was Nicole’s way of working through everything. In the morning, she would talk to her. For now, she left her sister’s gaping wound alone.

  But when morning arrived, it brought other surprises to their door.

  The door chimes rang at eight. Marlene had decided to go into work late, allowing herself time to talk to Nicole. Nicole had continued to reject any attempts to discuss the problem and Marlene was growing concerned. The last thing on her mind was a visitor.

  It was too early for any deliveries or salespeople. Who—?

  When Sally opened the door, she was completely unprepared for the visitor who was standing on the doorstep. The older woman was rendered speechless. Mutely, she stepped back, taking the door with her. “Mrs. Bailey?” she breathed.

  Laura Bailey smiled shyly at the housekeeper who was as much of a fixture at the house as the richly carved front door.

  “Yes, Sally, it’s me,” she answered in a soft, hushed voice made that much more quiet by the fear that palpitated within her. Fear that it was too late. Fear of rejection. “It’s me. Is it all right if I come in? I’d like to see the girls.”

  Sally didn’t say a word. She only nodded, her hazel eyes huge as she turned to lead the way into the living room.

  “Who is it, Sall—?”

  Marlene’s voice drifted away as she saw the woman with Sally. A tall, slender blonde whose face had eluded the mark of time. Only her eyes showed what she had lived through. And they were incredibly sad.

  “Mother?” Shock drenched Marlene. Her voice came out in a whisper.

  The woman who stood there, dressed in a beige suit, looked like an updated version of the photograph Marlene kept on her nightstand.

  But how could it be?

  Laura couldn’t help the tears that rose to her eyes. They glistened like scattered jewels.

  All these years, all these sad, lonely, wasted years, she had envisioned this moment. She had been far too fearful to make it become reality. Even after she had heard that James had died, fear had paralyzed her, preventing her from approaching her daughters.

  What would they think after all these years if she walked back into their lives?

  “Yes, it’s me.”

  Laura did the only thing she could. She opened her arms to her daughter. And prayed.

  It took Marlene only a moment. Marlene, who never bore a grudge against anyone, felt as if Christmas had just exploded within her chest. She fell into her mother’s arms. The two women hugged each other fiercely, trying to make up for all the lost years in that one embrace.

  Laura sobbed against her daughter’s hair.

  “Oh, God,” Marlene cried. “What are you doing here?”

  Laura drew back, wanting to look at Marlene’s face. Wanting to absorb every nuance. “I came to see you, to ask you for your forgiveness.”

  That went without saying. She had never hated her mother, only ached for her comforting presence. “But why now?”

  “I had a visitor last night—” Laura stopped as she saw her other daughter enter the room.

  Nicole’s eyes were red rimmed from crying, from trying to wash Dennis’s touch out of her life. Her expression immediately hardened as she recognized the woman beside Marlene.

  “What are you doing here?” Unlike Marlene, her voice was cold, harsh.

  Laura felt uncomfortable all over again. The relief she’d experienced moments ago was now a thing of the past. She had her father’s eyes, Laura thought, looking at her youngest child. Laura tried to remember what Dennis had said to her last night.

  “I came to clear something up.”

  Why now? Was her past going to continue to insist on haunting her? First Craig, now her mother. Was there no peace anymore? Nicole ran her hands along her arms, feeling cold. She looked to Sally for help, but the woman remained mutely on the outskirts. This was a family matter.

  “After all these years, I don’t think there’s anything to clear up.”

  Laura nodded. She wanted to gather Nicole to her breast, but was afraid. Nicole had always been the emotional one. “He said you’d probably say that.”

  Nicole felt as if she were frozen to the floor. “‘He?”’

  “Dennis Lincoln,” Laura explained. “He came to me last night and said—”

  How much more tangled was this going to get? Was her mother somehow involved in all this, too?

  “How do you know Dennis?” Nicole demanded.

  “I don’t,” Laura explained quickly. She heard the hurt in her daughter’s voice and ached for her. Had she done this to her? Wanting to do right, had she jut made things worse? “He tracked me down.”

  Nicole no longer believed anything she was told. “Why?”

  Laura took a deep breath to fortify herself against the anger in her daughter’s voice. “Because he said you needed to see me. Needed to see me more than I needed to remain away.”

  He was still interfering in her life, messing with her mind. Damn him for living. “Well, I don’t,” Nicole said. “So you can just go away again.”

  “Nicole!” Marlene cried. She’d let her sister go on, knowing how hurt she was, how much she’d been hurt when their mother had left. But she wasn’t going to allow Nicole to push her away now.

  Nicole turned to Marlene. How could she just accept their mother back, after what she had done to them? “She’s been gone all these years and we’ve managed just fine without her.”

  “Have we?” Marlene asked pointedly.

  Nicole felt as if
the remainder of her world were crumbling, but she raised her chin defiantly. “Yes.”

  Being gentle with her hadn’t helped at all. It was time to get tough. “Sit down and shut up, Nicole. I want to hear what Mother has to say.” Marlene looked at the woman who had long ago given up the claim to that title. “Why did you leave us and go away?”

  Stung, Nicole slanted her sister a look. Marlene had never talked to her that way before. How could she side with Laura Bailey after what her departure had put them both through?

  “Why did you take his money and sell us?” Nicole demanded.

  Laura didn’t understand the question. “Sell you? If anything, when I left, I bought you peace of mind.”

  Nicole shook her head. “I don’t understand.”

  Marlene sat down on the sofa, pulling Nicole down beside her. “Neither do I.”

  Laura sat down on the wing chair opposite her daughters. She twisted her hands together in her lap. “This isn’t easy for me.”

  “Not like walking out, huh?” Nicole asked bitterly.

  Marlene shot her sister a silencing look.

  But Laura didn’t blame Nicole for the bitterness her daughter felt. She was entitled to it. They both were. It surprised her that Marlene didn’t share Nicole’s feelings. But then, Marlene had always been a kindhearted little thing.

  Dennis hadn’t said much when they’d talked. Only that Nicole needed her mother. Laura wet her lips and began.

  “When I married your father, I was very young. Too young to realize what a mismatch we were.” She smiled sadly. “I guess I had my own idealized version of marriage.” But all that was in the past and she knew better now. “I could never please him, but I tried. I really tried. For eleven years.” She sighed as she remembered. “Eleven years of rejection, of criticism, of being made to feel that I couldn’t do anything right.” She watched her daughters’ faces carefully as she continued. “And then I met someone.”

  So that was it; she’d left them for a lover. “And ran off with him?” Nicole’s question was almost a challenge.

  “No.” Laura tried not to think about the man in her past. It had been over with for years. “It might have been easier on me if I had, but no, I didn’t.” She searched their eyes for understanding. They had to be made to comprehend what it was like for her. “He was very kind to me. Said things I needed to hear. Things your father never said.”

  Marlene understood exactly what her mother must have felt. She’d worked for years for her father, wanting only a single word of approval. It had never come.

  Laura didn’t realize that she was smiling as she remembered Brent. “He made me feel special, as if I had something to offer a man.”

  Like Dennis, Nicole thought.

  “I fell in love with him and had an affair.” She held her head high. If nothing else, she still had her own integrity. “I’m not proud of that, but these things happen. I was afraid that one of you might find out.” She looked from one to the other. “I would die before hurting you. So I broke it off. I sent him away. But not before your father found out.”

  If she closed her eyes, she could still see him. Still hear him. Raging. Calling her names that wounded her.

  “He was furious that I could do such a thing to him. When he calmed down, he demanded a divorce.” She shrugged helplessly. “I was almost relieved. But then he told me that he was going to keep all of you.” Even now, her face turned pale as she relived that moment. “I felt as if he’d ripped out my heart. You were the only things I had worth living for.”

  “That’s why you left?” It sounded like complete nonsense to Nicole. If you love someone, you stayed. You didn’t leave.

  So much hurt, Laura thought. So much pain. If she had to do it all over again, it would be different. She would dig in and fight. But she had been young then and there had been no one to turn to for support, no one to guide her.

  “No, I left because he threatened to take me to court and involve me in the worst custody battle of the century.” The smile was sad. “Those were his words. ‘The worst custody battle of the century.’ He was going to drag me down in front of you, prove how unfit I was to be a mother.”

  She rose, unable to watch their faces any longer. If they didn’t forgive her now, then there was no purpose to her sacrifice.

  “There was nothing to gain and everything to lose.” She saw Sally standing in the entrance to the family room. There was genuine pity in the older woman’s eyes. “I didn’t care about my name, but I did care how that might hurt you. So I agreed to go.” She said the words to the fireplace.

  “For a hundred thousand dollars.”

  Laura swung around to face Nicole, confused. “What hundred thousand dollars?”

  Maybe Nicole was being a fool again, but the surprise on her mother’s face looked genuine. “The hundred thousand dollars Father said he paid you to leave us.”

  What a little, little man James had been. It wasn’t enough to deny her her children; he had to destroy her in their eyes as well.

  “Not a dime,” Laura said fiercely. “I didn’t take a dime from him.” She crossed to her daughters. “How could I? That would be like…selling you.” As she said the words, she realized why Nicole had accused her of that.

  Nicole rose to her feet. “Then where were you all these years?”

  The years she had remained away were all a blur now. “At first, I stayed away because of his threat. And as you grew older…after Robby died…” The very words burned in her throat. She hadn’t been allowed to attend her son’s funeral. She had gone later, to bid goodbye to her boy alone. “…I felt that you wouldn’t understand. I was afraid of your rejection. Afraid of the look that’s in your eyes right now.”

  She didn’t want to believe, she didn’t, Nicole thought. If she believed, she could be hurt all over again. “Why did you change your mind now?”

  That was simple. She had wanted to return for so long. Last night, she’d been given an excuse. One she clung to.

  “Because Dennis said you needed me. He came to me last night. He was very persistent.” And for that, Laura was going to be eternally grateful to him. “He persuaded me to tell him what really happened. And then he surprised me. He said you cried out for me when you were in labor.” When Nicole didn’t bother to deny it, Laura knew that it was true. Her heart swelled. She’d been right to return. “I knew that I had to put my own feelings aside.” She stood between them. “I do love you. Both of you. And Robby.”

  Tears glistened in her eyes again. “You don’t know what it’s been like, all these years, just following your progress from a distance.” But, hopefully, all that was in the past now. She smiled sadly.

  Nicole thought of how she would feel, barred from her children. How awful it would be if she could never hold them in her arms again.

  She looked deep into her mother’s eyes and saw the truth. That all these years what she had believed was a lie. The way she saw life had been shaped by a lie. She hadn’t been abandoned. Her mother had left her because she loved her.

  Laura repeated what she had first said to Marlene. “So I’ve come now to ask your forgiveness. And to tell you that I’ve never stopped loving you.”

  Marlene was first. She went to her mother and hugged her. The two women cried openly. Laura looked toward Nicole and extended her arm.

  With a sob, Nicole joined them.

  In the distance, the sound of tiny wails began to drift down the stairs. Sally stood in the doorway and shook her head. “Three crying up there, three crying down here. What a place to work.”

  She wiped the corner of her eye with her apron and went to tend to the babies.

  Chapter 15

  The Mustang wasn’t in the carport when she pulled up later that morning. The sense of urgency that had prompted her to leave the reunion with her mother now threatened to overwhelm her.

  He was gone. She was too late.

  The words drummed through her brain like a death knell. He wasn’t jus
t at work, or running an errand. He was gone.

  Being reunited with her mother and discovering that the version of the past she had always thought was true had been nothing more than a fabrication by her father was like a huge awakening for Nicole. Like a tilted kaleidoscope whose pieces reformed a completely different picture, she suddenly saw her life in a totally altered way. She’d allowed her childhood to color the way she saw relationships. But that way was wrong, completely wrong. Her mother hadn’t rejected her, she’d been trying to protect her by leaving. Nicole realized that she had wasted all this time feeling unloved when in actuality she had been loved a great deal. So much so that her mother had made the ultimate sacrifice for her. Her mother had withdrawn from her life when she had wanted nothing more than to remain in it.

  If she was so wrong about her mother, maybe she had been wrong about Dennis, too. Maybe she had been too quick to shut him out.

  Maybe, just maybe, she had thought as she had driven quickly from her sister’s house to her own, he could say something to redeem himself if she gave him the chance. Her mother, delighted to discover that she had grandchildren, was more than happy to become acquainted with Erika and Ethan while Nicole drove home to see Dennis.

  But now he might not be there at all.

  Her heart in her mouth, Nicole parked the car and hurried up to his apartment. She stopped dead before she reached it. His door was standing wide open. He’d never leave his door open like that.

  The dread was almost insurmountable as she drew closer.

  “Dennis?”

  There was no response to her call.

  Nicole crossed the threshold, looking around. There was an emptiness that went beyond the fact that the kitchen had been stripped of its furnishings. He wasn’t here, she thought. “Dennis?”

  The living room was empty. The simple sofa and coffee table were gone. The huge TV set that had brought him into her life was no longer there as well. Refusing to accept what her eyes already knew to be true, Nicole ran into the bedroom.