Drawn In

by Sean Ashcroft

  Owen stood, pushing his chair under the table and then turning to follow Jude into the kitchen.

  Instead, he bumped into him, hard enough to upset Jude’s balance. He reached out to catch him so he wouldn’t fall, bracing him against his chest. Jude gasped, a tiny hitch of breath, surprise at what had just happened.

  He was suddenly so close. So close, and so warm, and so trusting that Owen wouldn’t let him fall.

  Something inside Owen changed. A barrier broke, or a rope snapped, or something, something that would normally have held him back, stopped him from even entertaining the thought…

  He wanted to kiss Jude.

  The thought hit him in the chest, knocking the breath out of him, making his head spin.

  Jude was his best friend, and he wanted him so desperately, so deeply that he couldn't hold back anymore. He needed closeness and contact and love and everything Jude was willing to give him, all of it.

  He didn’t have time to process that before he was leaning in, pressing his lips against Jude’s, eager for the warmth and comfort kissing him had brought before, eager for the tiny thrill in his gut that he’d brushed aside as nerves last time.

  For a brief, shining moment, it was exactly like before. Jude tasted of home and security and love—even if Owen thought maybe it was the wrong kind of love—and Owen felt at peace again, like he had on their wedding day, like this was exactly what he was supposed to be doing.

  To his horror, Jude shoved him away, hard. He looked up at Owen, mouth hanging open, lips just barely swollen, eyes wide and…

  Shocked. Not pleasantly surprised. His eyes were already shining with unshed tears.

  Before Owen could say anything, Jude bolted.

  Frozen in place, Owen listened to him climb the stairs, his footsteps echoing in the otherwise silent house, and then the sound of a door slamming. His bedroom door, based on the direction of the sound.

  Owen flinched at the noise. What had he done?

  He’d seen hurt in Jude’s eyes. No, not hurt. Fear. In the space of a half-second, he’d managed to make Jude afraid of him. Because instead of asking or even bothering to read his body language, he’d just jumped in and taken what he wanted.

  The thought made him feel sick. He couldn’t imagine anything worse than Jude being afraid of him.

  Maybe he was as awful as his manager said. Maybe he was useless.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Even as he closed his bedroom door behind him, Jude’s heart felt as though it was about to beat its way out of his chest. He was still processing what had happened, but his body had told him to get away, as fast as he could.

  Owen had kissed him. He hadn’t imagined that. He couldn’t have imagined that, not like this, not the way it had happened.

  Did he know? Was he trying to repay Jude for taking care of him in his usual, charmingly clumsy way?

  Jude sat down to catch his breath, his head spinning. He shouldn’t have run. No doubt Owen had no idea what had just happened.

  He couldn’t have stayed, though. Facing the thought that maybe Owen had realized how he felt was too much. There was no way Jude was ready for that conversation. He wasn’t sure he’d ever be ready. He couldn’t risk everything he had on some stupid feelings.

  A knock on the door startled him.

  Jude swallowed. He wasn’t ready to face Owen, but he also didn’t want to make the situation any worse than it already was. Whether he was ready or not, he was going to have to face him.

  “Come in,” Jude called out, the words catching in his throat. What if all this was about to be over?

  The door creaked open, but Owen hovered in the hallway outside, only poking his head in.

  “I need to apologize,” he said. “I shouldn’t have done that.”

  Jude swallowed. “It’s okay.”

  “No, it’s not.” Owen shifted his weight between his feet. “It wasn’t okay to kiss you without asking first, and it won’t ever happen again. And it is okay if you’re mad at me over it. I’d be mad at me, too.”

  “I’m not mad,” Jude said. He wasn’t, not really. Startled, yes. But not mad. And even if he had been, he couldn’t have sustained it for very long.

  “Well… good, I guess, but I’m still sorry. I shouldn’t have assumed that you’d be attracted to me just because you’re gay. I didn’t really assume that, I guess, but… it might have looked that way. Anyway, I get it, and I’m not gonna push the issue or anything.”

  Jude wet his lips. The way Owen’s shoulders were slumped, the defeat in his voice, all of it was tugging on his heart strings.

  He could have played along, told Owen that he wasn’t interested, but Owen was already having a bad day. Attraction wasn’t the same thing as feelings. If the comfort of being found attractive would help him, why should Jude lie about it?

  “I am attracted to you,” Jude said, before he could lose his nerve. “To be clear. I didn’t mind you kissing me. I was just startled.”

  “Oh.” Owen wet his lips. “I, uh. Oh.”

  “You don’t get to be weird about this. You kissed me first,” Jude said, unable to stop himself from getting just a little defensive. Owen had started it.

  “I’m not. Honestly.” Owen rubbed the back of his neck. “I just… never thought you would be. Thought you had better taste, I guess.”

  Jude raised an eyebrow. “You’re not allowed to talk about my best friend like that.”

  Owen looked up again, meeting Jude’s eyes. “No?”

  “No.” Jude stood, taking a step toward Owen. His stomach clenched with nerves, but he had to say this. “He’s kind to a fault, a great father, and a wonderful husband. On top of all that, he’s very handsome.”

  “Handsome?”

  “Very,” Jude repeated.

  It was terrifying to say all this, but Owen needed to hear it. He needed to know that he wasn’t an awful person for a moment of weakness, or whatever that had been.

  “Okay.” Owen wet his lips. “How is he as a kisser?”

  Jude cleared his throat. He wasn’t sure what to say to that, considering how quickly it had been over and how panicked he’d been that it was happening at all.

  “I didn’t have time to decide,” he said after a moment, figuring that honesty was the best policy.

  “Do you, uh… do you wanna try again?” Owen asked, blushing all the way down to the collar of his t-shirt.

  Jude could hardly believe what he was hearing. This was starting to sound as though it wasn’t just an impulse on Owen’s part—or at least, if it had been an impulse, it wasn’t anymore.

  “Do you wanna try again?”

  Maybe he was just offering for the sake of it, or because he felt like he had to. Jude couldn’t really imagine Owen wanting to kiss him.

  “I…” Owen licked his lips again. “I can be honest with you, right?”

  “Always,” Jude said. He wanted to hear the truth, whatever it was.

  “I don’t know what I want,” Owen said. “But I know that kissing you felt good. Until you freaked out, anyway. Which I’m not blaming you for, I’m just saying… when I thought you were into it, or I guess when I hadn’t thought about it, it was nice. And I’m thinking I’d like to explore that.”

  Jude blinked at Owen for a few seconds, taking the time to process what he’d just heard.

  He’d really never picked Owen as bi-curious.

  Thinking back, though… Charlie had. That was what he’d meant at the wedding. That Owen was maybe not as straight as everyone thought he was.

  So this wasn’t coming from absolutely nowhere, even if it kind of felt as though it was. Jude should have paid more attention to what Charlie was saying.

  “And I’m a safe option,” Jude said, once he’d recovered from the initial shock.

  “Well, we’re married,” Owen pointed out. “And obviously that doesn’t mean you’re obligated or anything, but I feel safe with you. So if it’s gonna be anyone…”

  “You want it
to be me.” Jude nodded, taking in everything Owen was saying. “I get that.”

  It suddenly felt like a lot of pressure, but it was also something Jude had always wanted. He obviously couldn’t tell Owen that right now, but that didn’t have to mean that he couldn’t go along with it.

  Besides, if Owen really was curious about exploring his sexuality, Jude wanted to be there for him.

  “So…?” Owen trailed off, clearly unsure.

  Jude took another step toward him, closing the gap between them. “I should warn you that I’m really good at this,” he said, grinning.

  Owen laughed, and most of the tension in the air between them cleared. This was okay.

  Figuring that Owen wouldn’t be brave enough to initiate again, Jude leaned in first, reaching out to tangle his fingers in Owen’s hair and hold him in place. If he wanted to see how he felt about kissing men, Jude intended to give him the full experience.

  Anticipation flared in Jude’s gut as he got close enough to smell the notes of clove and cedar in Owen’s aftershave, the feeling of missing a step on a flight of stairs hitting him in the back of the neck. He’d never expected to be doing this. Not now, not ever.

  Owen made a soft, surprised little sound as he realized what was happening. He met Jude halfway, their lips barely brushing against each other at first, both of them hesitating.

  Jude wasn’t satisfied with that. Why should he hesitate? This might have been his only chance to kiss Owen.

  He surged forward, parting his lips to soften them, deepening the kiss.

  Owen responded instantly, a needy sound escaping the back of his throat. His hand fell on Jude’s hip, his fingertips pressing deep into Jude’s skin. A pulse of arousal surged through Jude’s body, starting where Owen’s fingertips were touching him and resting deep in his belly, heavy and warm.

  Owen smelled of home, and Jude knew before they were finished that he’d never have enough of him. He could have done this forever, stood here with Owen, their lips moving against each other, need building steadily in Jude’s gut, making it feel tight. Owen was his dream man, and had been since they were teenagers.

  Jude brushed the tip of his nose against Owen’s lips as he pulled back, his breathing heavy and his heart pounding in his ears. He didn’t want to push Owen too hard this time.

  He wanted more.

  The best way to get that was to be patient and gentle. He could feel how tense Owen was, how nervous he’d been. The last thing Jude wanted now was for him to decide that this was all too frightening.

  “Well?” Jude asked after a moment, waiting for a verdict.

  “Weird,” Owen said. “But… nice weird? I don’t know.”

  For a heartbeat, Jude was crestfallen. He’d been anticipating a dramatic sexual awakening, and that wasn’t what was happening right now.

  Owen wasn’t walking away, though. He didn’t look disgusted.

  Jude had spent most of his life crushing any hope that Owen might look at him and see someone he could love in every possible way, but now a tiny spark of it was burning again. This wasn’t enough to make it catch fire, but it was enough to remind him that there was still hope.

  “It’s okay not to know,” Jude said. It’s what he would have said to anyone on the verge of coming out to him, and it was what Owen needed to hear. If this wasn’t going to scare Owen away, it had to be on his terms, at his pace.

  “Yeah?” Owen asked. He suddenly seemed ten years younger.

  Jude’s heart went out to him. Whatever his own feelings were, Owen was lost and confused right now. He needed support.

  “Yeah, of course. There’s a lot of beauty in discovery. I’m honored that you’re letting me in on the process.”

  Owen blushed again, scrubbing a hand down his face. “You’re my best friend. I would never have even asked the question without you.”

  The tiny spark of hope in Jude’s chest did a somersault.

  It took a little reading between the lines, but Owen was saying that he was questioning his sexuality because of Jude. That felt huge.

  “I guess I should start on dinner now, huh?” Jude said. There was no point in getting ahead of himself. He just needed to be normal around Owen now.

  “Only if I’m allowed to help.” Owen held the door open to let Jude go first.

  “Help means eat all the bacon as I cook it, doesn’t it?” Jude asked. Owen was a huge ‘help’ in the kitchen. He loved to pick at things as they were being cooked.

  “You know me so well,” Owen responded, grinning broadly. He seemed at peace for now, and if that was all Jude could give him, then he’d be content with it.

  If he could give Owen more, he’d be even happier.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Despite the fact that it had been hours ago, Owen couldn’t stop thinking about kissing Jude, the way his mouth had felt, the way it had warmed him from the inside out. Or about having Jude’s hands on him before that, calculated touches that sent sparks of pleasure coursing through him, left him squirming in the chair and desperately trying to pretend to himself that he wasn’t enjoying it as much as he was.

  He didn’t have to pretend to himself anymore that it wasn’t arousal. He knew what he’d felt.

  He remembered Jude curling up next to him on the couch, too. The wonder he’d felt, the wave of awe, like being approached by a deer in the forest.

  The idea was scary. Questioning everything he thought he knew about himself wasn’t exactly what he’d planned to do with his evening. And yet, here he was.

  Staring up at the ceiling, unable to sleep, thinking about kissing his best friend again.

  Thinking about the way he’d felt when Jude had been touching his neck, the warmth that had been spreading in his stomach, the tightness in his thighs.

  Without conscious thought, Owen slid his hand down his belly, hissing as he brushed over sensitive skin, and wrapped it around his cock. He was already half-hard at the thought of kissing Jude, of what might have come next if he’d been a little braver.

  At least this would solve the problem of not being able to sleep.

  His mind immediately tried to imagine Jude’s hand wrapped around him instead, his fingers nimble, calloused from the way he held his pencil. His grip sure and practiced, used to this, ready and eager to show Owen everything he’d been missing out on.

  Owen bit down on his lip, twisting his wrist as a bead of precome formed at the end of his cock, then swiping it down with his thumb to slick the way. His cock was hot and heavy in his hand, straining up toward his belly. Sensitive enough to make him gasp at the slightest friction.

  In his head, he could almost hear Jude’s laughter. Not cruel, but amused by how easy it was to turn Owen on. How tightly wound he was.

  It had been a long time since he’d even done this much. He hadn’t wanted to. Hadn’t been interested in being with anyone.

  Until now.

  He really wanted to be with Jude. At least, in theory.

  That was too much to think about right now. He could get to soul-searching later. Getting off seemed a lot more urgent.

  Would Jude be as careful and deliberate in bed as he was out of it? Owen could imagine him taking his time, kissing every inch of his skin, leaving him writhing and needy and begging for more.

  Or maybe all that went away the minute the bedroom door closed behind him and he’d be grabby and eager, or bossy, or any one of a hundred different ways Owen could imagine.

  He didn’t even know what he wanted yet. Gentleness sounded nice for a few minutes, but would he want more after a while?

  His mind handed him an image of Jude pushing him up against the wall, shoving his hand into Owen’s pants, pulling his cock out and gripping it tight. Jerking him off mercilessly, barely giving him time to breathe. The thought made his balls tighten, his thighs tense up, ready to rock into Jude’s hand, give as good as he got.

  Whether or not that was what he really wanted, the thought was definitely doing it for him now. Owe
n let his eyes fall closed so he could sink into the fantasy.

  Instead of stopping at a kiss, Jude would push him up against the wall, tug at his belt, growl lowly when he couldn’t get it open, the same way he did when he got mad at jar lids he couldn’t unscrew.

  He’d finally shove Owen’s jeans down and out of the way, reaching into his underwear, wrapping his hand around Owen’s cock without pause or hesitation.

  Owen pressed his thumb against the sensitive spot where the head met the shaft of his cock, biting his lip as he imagined Jude doing the same. His hips jerked up into his hand, seeking more friction. His whole body felt tight, coiled, ready to spring.

  “Jude,” he gasped, surprised at himself. He was really doing this. He was really imagining getting off with his best friend, and he was so impossibly turned on right now.

  He could practically feel Jude’s breath tickling his ear, hear him moaning softly as he rubbed up against Owen’s thigh, just as eager to get off. The idea of Jude wanting him, him, of all people, was one of the sexiest thoughts he’d ever had.

  Jude would kiss him again, eager and open-mouthed, his tongue swiping along the inside of Owen’s lips, his body pressed up against Owen’s chest, blocking the view of his hand. Warm and solid and just as desperate as Owen was for this.

  Owen moaned as he pictured the two of them, surprised by how easily it came. This was so new, so unexpected, but it came so naturally. It felt so good.

  He spread his legs wider, one hand wrapped firmly around his cock, stroking steadily. He skimmed the other hand down his stomach, pausing to press the sensitive spot just below his navel, resting it on his thigh once he got there. His chest was heaving, breaths coming in short, harsh pants, his lungs already burning.

  Owen knew where he wanted to touch, but the thought of it made his stomach clench. What if he didn’t like it? What if he did?

  There was really only one way to find out. Owen closed his eyes, mentally moving himself and Jude to the bed, stripping both of them off. He only had a hazy idea of what Jude would look like naked, especially now, but his mind was happy to fill in the blanks for him. Owen only had an inch in height on Jude, but he had a stockier frame. Jude would be light in comparison, thinner than Owen, though he was filling out again now that he was getting better.