Drawn In

by Sean Ashcroft

  He hadn’t known that Riley was anything other than completely straight, but that just highlighted how long he’d been away from his family. He’d missed out on so much, and he regretted it now. His life might have been very different if he’d stayed.

  It wasn’t as though his life was over, though. He had lots of time left, and he was putting things back together now.

  Jude was a piece of that puzzle, and he couldn’t afford to screw it up.

  “Seriously, if you need to talk, you know where to find me. I bet this is hard even when everyone you know is gay.”

  Owen hadn’t thought of it like that. He was the odd one out, here.

  “Thanks.” Owen shifted his weight. “Hey, uh. Don’t tell anyone about this, okay? I’ll tell them when I’m ready, if anything comes of it.”

  “I’d never out you without your permission,” Charlie said.

  Owen nodded. Of course Charlie wouldn’t tell. He understood what this was like. Even knowing that no one in his life would judge him for it, Owen didn’t want to tell anyone before he was ready.

  “But I do need something from you,” Charlie added as Owen stood, not wanting to take up any more of his time.

  “Anything. Name it,” Owen said. Some of Charlie’s advice had been confusing, but he’d been supportive, and that was the main thing Owen needed right now. He owed Charlie one.

  “I want to meet my niece.”

  Owen blinked. Of course. Charlie hadn’t met Kayla yet.

  His mom had dropped by while she’d been staying at his and Jude’s place, but the rest of the family still hadn’t had the chance to say hello.

  “Done,” Owen said. He wanted Charlie to meet her, anyway. He wanted the whole family to get to know her and love her. Family was probably the best, most important thing Owen had to give her, and he was done with pushing them away.

  Charlie grinned at him, handing over the stack of books. “Good. I’ll expect you to stick to that.”

  “Promise.” Owen said, taking the pile from him. “Thanks again.”

  “Anytime,” Charlie called after him.

  Owen wasn’t sure how much good the pile of books was going to do him, but he was willing to try anything once. This was too important to screw up.

  Chapter Eighteen

  Jude had reached the point in his life where he wasn’t surprised all that often, but finding a copy of The Joy of Gay Sex on the coffee table still managed to make him stare for a few moments.

  He knew it didn’t belong to him, and he sincerely doubted it belonged to Kayla.

  Which only left Owen.

  The library barcode on the spine confirmed that it almost certainly had to be Owen’s. He’d mentioned he was going to see Charlie.

  He hadn’t mentioned he was going to see Charlie for a gay instruction manual, but that made a certain amount of sense. Owen was obviously figuring some stuff out. Jude wanted to help him whatever way he could, but he wasn’t sure exactly what he should do.

  “This is not what it looks like,” Owen said from behind him. Jude had been so focused on the book that he hadn’t heard him coming.

  “I don’t think you can claim a reading it for the articles defense for this. It’s not porn.” Jude said. “But you also don’t have to explain yourself to me.”

  “Can I, though?” Owen asked, looking sheepish.

  Jude shrugged. “Sure, if you want to.”

  “I went to Charlie for, uh… gay spiritual guidance?” Owen said, obviously unsure of his phrasing.

  Jude snorted. “He would have loved that. What did Charlie tell you? If you’re in the mood to share.”

  “He talked a lot about something called the Kinsey scale, which is like a ruler for how gay you are…”

  “I know what the Kinsey scale is,” Jude said. He didn’t want to point out that Owen hadn’t quite understood it correctly, since Owen was clearly not having the easiest time when it came to sexuality things right now.

  Owen sighed. “Everyone knows all this stuff except me.”

  Jude shrugged. “You got married to the only girlfriend you’d ever had at eighteen.” He flopped down on the couch. “I’m not saying that was a bad choice, but it doesn’t exactly facilitate sexual discovery, y’know?”

  Owen sat down beside him. “I’m starting to get that,” he said. “Where are you on the, uh… scale?”

  “All the way over at the gay end. A girl kissed me once in preschool and I hated it. Never tried again.”

  Despite the tension in his shoulders, Owen chuckled. “Well, at least you’re where I expected you to be.”

  Jude wasn’t sure what that meant, but as long as Owen wasn’t upset or confused, he didn’t really care. Not enough to add another layer of questions to an already complex subject.

  “So did you learn anything?” Jude asked, nodding to the book.

  Owen blushed bright red. “Lot of new words. Lot of things I didn’t know were a thing.”

  “All important information, but what about yourself? Did you figure anything out?”

  “I figured out that you can’t read yourself into understand your feelings for your best friend,” Owen said.

  Jude’s heart fluttered in his chest. He’d waited so long to hear something like that. Now, he wasn’t sure what to do with it.

  “I can help,” he offered before he’d thought it through. Could he? Could he handle Owen pushing him away if he freaked out?

  He’d have to. For Owen’s sake, and for his own, this was an experiment that had to go forward.

  “How?” Owen asked.

  “Like this.”

  Jude leaned over, pushing against Owen’s shoulder to force him down onto the couch. He planted his knees on either side of Owen’s waist once he had him lying down. Nerves and anticipation made his stomach twist, but he knew that now wasn’t the time to back off. Not unless Owen asked him to.

  “Tell me if you need me to stop,” he said, wanting to make it clear that they didn’t have to do this. That this was for Owen’s benefit, to help him, and he could end it any time.

  “I don’t need to stop,” Owen responded, his warm eyes already dark, pupils blown. For the moment, at least, he wanted this.

  That was good.

  “Anytime you need to,” Jude said, leaning in, hesitating before he kissed Owen. He meant to savor this. He had to. It might be the only chance he got, so it needed to last him the rest of his life. “Just tell me.”

  “Okay,” Owen agreed, licking his lips.

  Jude lunged forward, taking over the task of tending to Owen’s lips instead. He was satisfied that Owen knew he could stop this. That he didn’t need to do anything he didn’t want to.

  He just really hoped that Owen would want all of it.

  Owen gasped into Jude’s mouth as he parted his lips, reaching out to grab handfuls of Jude’s t-shirt. The sound made Jude’s insides melt, hot arousal building in his gut. Owen was so warm and eager and solid under him, so real. He felt so good.

  This was going better than Jude had expected. He’d imagined Owen as shy and hesitant when it came to a new experience like this, but he was warming up quickly.

  Jude hummed, breaking away from Owen’s lips for a moment to kiss his way along Owen’s jaw instead, pausing to blow softly over his ear.

  Owen giggled, which Jude wasn’t sure he’d ever heard him do before.

  “You’re so cute,” he murmured.

  “Is cute good?” Owen asked.

  Jude chuckled. “Cute is very good.” He brushed his lips against Owen’s again, closing his eyes for a moment to breathe in the scent of him, warmly-spiced aftershave and clean skin and the faintest hint of old books, probably from the library.

  Jude rocked his hips forward, gasping at the friction of Owen’s hard cock against his own. Even through layers of clothes, this was hot. They could work their way up to getting naked together.

  “Is that… are you?” Owen gasped for breath, staring up at Jude.

  “Hard
for you? Yes.”

  Owen swallowed visibly, his throat bobbing. “Wow.”

  Jude chuckled, his heart soaring at Owen’s response. This was going well. It wasn’t weird or scary or nerve-wracking at all, like he’d been afraid it might be. It felt good to be with Owen.

  He’d always secretly thought it would, that sex with Owen would feel natural and easy. So far, he was completely right.

  “Does it feel good? Do you need something else?” Jude asked, wanting Owen to enjoy this. If he enjoyed it, he’d come back for more.

  “Feels good,” Owen said between breaths, each one harsher than the last.

  Jude wanted to tear his jeans open, take Owen’s cock in his hand, or his mouth, but he didn’t want to scare him. This was all new. He knew Owen well enough to know he’d appreciate going slow.

  He still drove his hips in a little harder, feeling out the shape of Owen’s cock with his own, swallowing back a moan that would have been embarrassingly loud.

  Feeling Owen hard against him was a thousand fantasies come true. Jude could imagine him spread out on a bed, waiting for him, eager to try everything at once. For now, though, this was enough. Owen was enough.

  Owen groaned, the sound ripping out of his throat, his fingers tightening where they were holding Jude’s hips, digging in deep. He rocked his hips up, arching his back, rubbing off against Jude’s thigh with a surge of desperation.

  “Shh,” Jude soothed, leaning close to whisper into Owen’s ear. “Just relax. You don’t need to prove anything to me.”

  Owen arched his back again in response, his hands coming up and gripping Jude’s waist this time, fingers tensing and then relaxing again. Jude rolled his hips, putting more pressure on Owen’s cock, getting desperate to reach down and jerk himself off, but resisting. This was about Owen first. He could get off later.

  Jude kissed his way along Owen’s jaw, feeling the tension in it, reading the signs that he was getting close. He wanted Owen to come, just like this, without pressuring him for more. What Owen needed right now was someone to understand him.

  “Jude,” Owen whined, the sound going straight to Jude’s cock, making him gasp. “I want… I need.”

  Jude stifled his own whimper against Owen’s neck, his hips speeding up of their own accord. He’d never believed this was really going to happen, and now it was, and the whole thing was overwhelming. The urge to come was building behind his balls, tight and hot and so close he could almost reach out and grab it. He spread his legs wider, giving Owen more space to rock between them.

  Owen was so close now, right on the edge of coming, and Jude could hardly wait for it to happen. He wanted to make Owen come. He wanted to feel it happen, listen to him pant and grunt his way through a good, satisfying orgasm that Jude had caused for him.

  “Come for me,” he whispered, hoping it would be enough to tip Owen over.

  Owen groaned, the low, dam-bursting sound Jude knew so well from other men, but had never heard from his best friend before.

  His hands moved back to Jude’s hips, fingers digging into the flesh of his ass, strong arms holding him still as Owen thrust up against him, riding out his orgasm, wringing every last drop of pleasure out of it.

  Jude bit down on his lip, holding off until Owen was done, until his fingers relaxed, falling away, one arm flopping down and off the couch.

  Instead of rubbing off against him to finish, Jude sat up, settling himself on top of Owen, sitting down on his hips. Owen stared at him, his eyes glassy and his mouth slack, licking his lips as he looked on.

  Jude opened his jeans one-handed, bracing himself against Owen’s chest with the other. He freed his cock, pushing his underwear out of the way so Owen could see it. So that he couldn’t escape the knowledge that he was doing this with another man, so he couldn’t pretend to himself later that it was just a momentary lapse.

  Jude needed him to want this, all of what it was, or it’d only hurt both of them in the long run.

  He hissed as he wrapped his fingers around his oversensitive cock, gathering precome from the head to slick the way. He rocked his hips into his hand as tiny sparks of pleasure coursed through him, settling behind his balls, urging his hips forward. Jude bit down hard on his lower lip as he watched Owen looking at him, still wide-eyed, not even trying to look away.

  That was the hottest part of all. Owen was into this. He wasn’t embarrassed. The look in his eyes was pure hunger, need, want.

  When Owen’s hand came up, Jude thought for a moment that his heart was going to beat right out of his chest.

  “Can I touch?” Owen asked, his voice low and rough.

  Not about to refuse him, Jude moved his fingers out of the way, staring as Owen’s hand moved closer. He gasped as Owen made contact with the soft skin of his cock, his eyes rolling back in his head at the intensity of it, at the way the slightest brush of Owen’s fingers sent a shower of sparks of pleasure up his spine, making the back of his neck tingle.

  “It won’t break,” Jude said as Owen stayed cautious, wanting more. He didn’t want to push Owen too hard, but if he didn’t tell him what he liked now, they might never have that conversation later.

  If he was going to have a sex life with Owen—and he really hoped he was—then he wanted it to be good.

  Owen huffed, wrapping his fingers tightly around the shaft with a burst of confidence, squeezing it tight enough to make Jude’s hips jerk involuntarily. Jude swallowed, not wanting to cry out and scare him off. He breathed in deeply and let it out slowly, torn between closing his eyes to enjoy the sensation and watching Owen’s fingers on him.

  He could hardly believe Owen was touching him, barely handle knowing that the pressure on his cock, the delicious tug of skin against skin was coming from his best friend.

  Jude could feel his orgasm building again, tension pooling in his thighs, in the spot behind his balls, making everything feel tight and urgent. Owen might not have been the most confident lover—not yet, anyway—but Jude’s feelings for him more than made up for it.

  “I know you’ve touched a lot of dicks, but this is new to me,” Owen said. The tip of his tongue poked out between his lips as he concentrated on what he was doing, and Jude couldn’t help staring at it. Everything about Owen was so hot, and his tongue was no exception.

  His head spun at the thought, blood rushing in his ears, making him dizzy. Jude gripped Owen’s t-shirt to steady himself, rolling his hips forward, panting harshly. This was too much.

  “It’s not as many as you think,” Jude gritted out eventually, proud of himself for managing a coherent sentence..

  The pressure just behind his balls was still building, the relief of every stroke so intense that Jude couldn’t stop himself moaning anymore, his stomach bottoming out as he braced himself against Owen’s chest, letting him take more of his weight.

  Jude screwed his eyes shut, grunting as he thrust harder into Owen’s hand, a stream of soft cries breaking free of his throat as he got closer, each one deeper and more heartfelt until finally, finally, the pressure of his orgasm spilled over, leaving him whimpering as a wave pleasure broke over him like a physical force, a line of lightning running down his spine and directly to his cock as he came all over himself and, almost certainly, Owen’s hand.

  He slowed his hips down as he rode out the aftershocks, jerking forward as each one hit him deep in his belly, making his breath catch and hiccup as he tried to fill his burning lungs.

  He hadn’t been this wrung-out by an orgasm in a while.

  Jude opened his eyes with some difficulty, like waking up five minutes too early and not quite being able to get them to cooperate. Owen was still staring up at him, blushing all over, his tongue darting out to wet his lips.

  He looked aroused all over again, eyes dark and mouth slack. The tiniest spark of joy did a somersault around Jude’s heart and settled in his chest.

  Throwing caution into the wind, Jude let his arms give out, lowering himself down to Owen’s chest. He co
uld rest here for a minute. Owen wouldn’t mind.

  Within seconds, Owen’s hand came up and landed on his back, splayed out over it. In another man, Jude might have thought of the gesture as possessive, but it didn’t feel that way right now. More like protective.

  In either case, he liked it.

  “How many?” Owen asked. “If you don’t mind the question.”

  “How many dicks have I touched? Three, including my own,” Jude said. There was no point in lying.

  “Wow,” Owen rumbled underneath him. Jude couldn’t see his face in this position, but he knew from the tone of his voice that he was genuinely surprised.

  “You’ve had sex with exactly one person,” Jude pointed out.

  “Two, now. Including you.”

  Jude’s heart skipped, and for a moment he felt as though he was falling. Maybe it was a silly thing, but it seemed huge right now to be one of Owen’s two sexual partners in his whole twenty-six years. Probably nine of being sexually active, but still. That was a long time, too.

  “That only counts if you want it to,” Jude said, not sure he was ready for that responsibility. It seemed much bigger now than it had a moment ago.

  Maybe that was just post-sex endorphins wearing off and making him realize what a big deal this could be for both of them. Sex solidified relationships, but it also ruined friendships. Jude wasn’t entirely sure they’d made it past friendship yet.

  “I think I want it to,” Owen said after a pause. “I don’t wanna pretend this didn’t happen.”

  Jude kept quiet while he processed that. At least Owen didn’t immediately regret it.

  “I’m not sure where all this is going, and I don’t wanna hurt you,” Owen murmured, rubbing Jude’s back through his t-shirt with a gentleness Jude had only ever known from Owen. “I’m not gonna pretend it’s not confusing, either. But I’m glad you’re here to help me with it. I think I’ll need both space and time.”

  “You have it. Whatever you need,” Jude promised. “You get to be in charge.”