Owen snorted. “Thanks.”
“You know what I mean. Your pace, your rules,” Jude said. “I care too much about you to hurt you.”
He was at risk of spilling his real feelings right now, in the haze of post-orgasm closeness, so he closed his eyes instead and breathed in Owen’s familiar scent, letting it soothe his nerves about how things were going to be after they got up.
At least it was a start.
Chapter Nineteen
It took Owen a moment to realize why his arms were wrapped around something when he woke up, but once he remembered who it was and why they were there, he couldn’t stop himself from smiling.
Jude was so warm against him, their bodies fitted together perfectly under the blankets. The first chill of fall was already in the air outside, so it was extra nice to wake up next to someone.
It had been a long time since he had, and he hadn’t realized until now how much he missed it. Such a simple thing that made the whole world look a little brighter.
He kissed the back of Jude’s neck, nuzzling it gently, basking in his scent and the way he felt so solid, so real right now.
“You’re awake,” Jude murmured, shifting his weight.
“Looks like.” Owen smiled to himself, resting his chin on Jude’s shoulder. “You want me to go back to sleep? Because I can.”
“Not that I don’t appreciate it, but I’d like you to let go of your death grip on me,” Jude said. “So I can get up.”
“Oh.” Owen loosened his arms, letting go of Jude with a tiny pang of reluctance. He didn’t want him to go, but he accepted that eventually they’d both need to get up.
Before he moved anywhere else, Jude rolled over to face Owen and pecked him on the lips. “This isn’t a rejection or a statement that I don’t like cuddles. I just need to get up right now.”
“Okay,” Owen said, some of his unease lifting. Jude wasn’t running away. He probably just needed to pee but was too embarrassed to say so.
“I’ll put on a pot of coffee,” Jude promised. “For whenever you’re ready to get up.”
He rolled over and out of bed before Owen could say anything else. Owen watched him silently, another wave of affection rolling over him as Jude headed for the bedroom door, yawning and stretching, in just a t-shirt and a pair of boxer-briefs.
Once Jude was gone, Owen shifted so he was lying on his back, staring up at the ceiling. Without having to think about anything in particular, he found himself grinning.
This felt good. Waking up beside Jude was nice.
The sex—and it was sex, no matter what Jude said about counting it being optional—had been great and everything, but Owen liked the intimacy most. He liked feeling as though Jude really wanted to be there.
He hoped this wasn’t a one-time thing.
With Jude gone, the idea of staying in bed had lost most of its appeal. Owen threw off the blankets and got up, stretching his arms high above his head. He really must have been hugging Jude tightly, considering how tired they felt.
He didn’t want to lose Jude. Hopefully, Jude understood that and didn’t think Owen was just a nightmare to sleep beside all the time.
The smell of coffee beckoned him toward the kitchen. He didn’t want to seem too clingy, but he didn’t want to be away from Jude right now, either.
He walked around the corner just in time to see Jude injecting himself in the stomach.
After an instinctive flinch, Owen realized he’d never seen that before. Not once, not even when Jude had stayed the night when they were younger and brought his insulin with him.
Not even while they’d been living together all this time.
Jude looked up, and all the color drained from his face. He hissed as he hurried to finish up, leaving the syringe on the bench and shoving his t-shirt down, covering up a series of bruises across his stomach.
There were a few moments of silence between them, Jude looking away from Owen and Owen not entirely sure what to say.
“I’m sorry you had to see that,” Jude said after a moment.
“I’m not,” Owen responded without needing to think. “I was just thinking that I’m surprised I haven’t seen it before.”
“Would you have wanted to?” Jude asked, raising an eyebrow. “It’s not the most attractive thing about me.”
Owen’s heart sank. He didn’t want Jude to be embarrassed about his body.
“It’s… neutral,” Owen said, for lack of a better word. “I don’t wanna say I don’t care, because I do care, but I don’t want you to feel like you have to hide it. It’s part of your life. I’m your best friend. I’ve touched your dick. This isn’t disturbing to me.”
Jude shifted his weight between his feet. He picked up the syringe and put it in the sharps disposal container that lived on the kitchen counter.
“I hide it from everyone,” Jude said. “It’s just a habit, I guess. I assumed you’d rather not know.”
“If you want privacy… that’s okay, and I’m sorry I walked in. But if you’re hiding it for my benefit… don’t. You don’t have to. I’m a grownup. I can handle needles. And I can handle the fact that you need medication. That’s kinda why we’re here.”
Jude sighed deeply. “You may be the first person I’ve ever known who didn’t see it as a flaw. An unfortunate drawback to an otherwise perfectly good person.”
“You don’t have drawbacks,” Owen said. “I mean, you’re not perfect. No one is. I’m definitely not perfect. Can you imagine living with someone who was perfect? It’d be a nightmare.”
To Owen’s relief, Jude laughed.
“I guess that depends on how you define perfect. Kayla is perfect.”
“Wait until she lives here permanently,” Owen said. “Babies get away with a lot because they’re cute.”
“I’m actually looking forward to having her full-time.” Jude shrugged. “I like the idea of having a baby around. Especially your baby.”
Owen didn’t know how to respond to that. Jude did actually sound excited about Kayla coming to live with them. He’d expected practically the opposite.
Babies weren’t for everyone. He understood that. But hearing that it was what Jude wanted lifted a weight he hadn’t realized he was carrying off his shoulders.
“Do you want kids?” Owen asked. They’d never talked about it, since they’d really been too young to know when he’d left town.
“I didn’t know I did until I met Kayla. And then you said I was her step-dad, and now… I have a kid, and I love her. I don’t understand how it must be for you, but I think I’ve gotten a glimpse into it. I miss her.”
Owen smiled wryly. “I miss her, too.”
To Owen’s surprise, Jude closed the gap between them and wrapped his arms around him, hugging him tight. Owen let himself melt into it, grateful to have contact with Jude again.
It felt good to be understood. In the way that coming back to his hometown and family had made Owen feel better about his situation, had given him the tools and space to heal and move on, having Jude back did the same. More, even. They’d gotten back their old closeness so quickly it was as though they’d never been apart.
The idea of raising a kid with him was exciting. For the first time since Kayla had been born, Owen didn’t feel overwhelmed by everything.
He had people watching his back. Not just his mom, and Charlie, but Jude as well.
For the first time, he felt like everything was going to be okay.
“I need to make breakfast. I was planning sweet potato hash browns, bacon, and poached eggs, if you’re interested.”
Owen blinked, surprised at the amount of effort Jude was proposing to go to. Jude was always up earlier than him, and he’d normally finished breakfast and cleaned up before Owen stumbled into the kitchen, groping for the coffee pot.
“Is that… what you normally have, or is this a special morning-after breakfast?”
Jude shrugged. “A little of both? I am trying to impress you, here.”
“Consider me impressed,” Owen said. “You’d be doing me a favor, actually. I have to go out to the regional office for an in-person meeting today. I’m gonna be out until late.”
“Late as in nine o’clock, or late as in don’t wait up?” Jude asked, opening the fridge.
“I’m thinking more like eight. Maybe a little after.”
Owen hated that he was going to have to make a four-hour round trip for the sake of his manager not wanting to make a video conference call like a normal person, but he wasn’t in a position to refuse. He needed this job if he wanted Jude and Kayla in his life.
“Will you have eaten? Because I can make extra and reheat something for you.”
“You don’t have to cook for me,” Owen said. He’d had good intentions starting out, but they’d ended up mostly making their own meals on their own schedules. Jude had to eat at roughly the same time every day to maintain his blood sugar levels, and Owen… wasn’t good with schedules at the best of times.
“Will it make your life easier if I do?” Jude asked.
“Obviously.”
“Then I want to.” He shrugged, getting out eggs, cheese, and bacon from the fridge. “I’m your husband. It’s time I started acting like it.”
“Is this because we had sex?” Owen blurted out, wishing he could take the words back the moment they’d escaped him.
“Yes and no,” Jude said, not remotely flustered by the question. “It’s not just because of that, but… I want you to know that I’m here, and I’m not going anywhere. I don’t want you to worry that you’ve screwed things up, because I know I would.”
That made a lot of sense. Jude liked to pretend he lived with his head in the clouds, but he was actually a very thoughtful man.
“Thanks.” Owen went to sit on the other side of the counter, eager to watch Jude work.
“Any time. I’ll always be your friend, Owen. Anything else… we’ll figure out as we go. No pressure. No weirdness. Okay?”
“Okay,” Owen agreed. That was much better than anything else he’d imagined. The fact that Jude was open to more was enough for him right now.
Maybe today wouldn’t be so bad after all.
Chapter Twenty
It took Jude several moments to realize that the sound he was hearing downstairs was the doorbell ringing, since he’d never heard it here before. He was surprised it worked, honestly. This was a good house, but it was riddled with…
Well, the nice word for it would have been quirks.
Owen said he was going to fix them, and Jude had offered whatever help he could provide, but Owen was constantly exhausted by work.
Not that Jude blamed him. Owen’s manager was obviously an asshole, and if he’d been a client of Jude’s, Jude would have fired him long ago. He understood why Owen was putting up with it, but he wished he didn’t feel the need to.
“I’m coming,” Jude called out as he headed down the stairs, not wanting whoever it was to give up and leave.
He opened the door to find Lisa’s mother, holding a baby carrier with Kayla in it.
“Oh,” she said. “I was… expecting Owen.”
“He had to go to a work meeting today,” Jude said, looking between Brenda and the baby before stepping back from the door a little way. “Would you like to come in?”
Brenda hesitated, hovering at the threshold. Jude was inclined to be kind to her, regardless of the crap she was putting Owen through right now. Lisa had been his friend when they were in high school.
After a moment, she took a step forward, slipping past Jude and into the house.
“I hear you bought this place,” she said, looking around the front hall.
“Owen did,” Jude corrected. “I just live here.”
Brenda hummed, like she wasn’t entirely sure that Jude was telling the truth. Jude wasn’t sure what else to say to convince her.
“There’s a fresh pot of coffee in the kitchen and a few hash browns leftover from breakfast, if you’d like to try them,” Jude offered. “They’re homemade.”
Brenda narrowed her eyes. “By you, or Owen?”
“Me. They’re sweet potato and mozzarella,” Jude added, hoping to sweeten the deal.
If he was nice to Brenda, reminded him of the sweet boy she’d liked when he was Lisa’s friend in high school, maybe she’d be more inclined to go easier on Owen.
“I guess I can spare a few minutes. But I was hoping to speak to Owen,” she said.
Jude lead her into the kitchen anyway, waving hello to Kayla on the way. He didn’t want to seem too eager, in case Brenda took that badly.
“Do you want to leave a message with me?” Jude asked, heading to the fridge to retrieve the hash browns. “I can write it down if it’s complex.”
“No, it’s… Alan has a hospital appointment later today, and I didn’t want to have to bring Kayla with us.”
“You can leave her with me,” Jude said, trying not to sound too excited. “I hope it’s nothing serious?”
“Just old age,” Brenda said, sitting at the table and placing Kayla’s carrier on top of it. “One day, you’ll be taking Owen for checkups and things like that.”
Jude couldn’t help smiling at the idea of that. He hadn’t given a lot of thought to what growing old together was like, but that was it. Taking care of each other. Being there to make hospital trips with each other, as well as taking advantage of senior’s discounts to eat out more.
“Are you sure you can handle a baby by yourself?” Brenda asked.
“I’m sure,” Jude responded, putting a frying pan on the stovetop to warm the hash browns in. “Kayla and I get on great. I love her so much. We’re all lucky to have her in our lives.”
Brenda fell silent, looking down at the table.
Jude could see his opportunity to make a difference opening up in front of him. He poured two cups of coffee, and brought one over to her.
“I was sorry to hear about Lisa. I wish you’d contacted me. I could have helped.”
Brenda looked up. “How?” she asked.
Jude could hear the despair in her voice. Obviously, she hadn’t had a lot of support. She couldn’t have. If she had, Jude would have heard it had happened.
“Any way you needed me to. Meals. Arrangements. Even just company, if you wanted it. We’ve all lost people. We all know how hard it is.”
Brenda sipped her coffee. “I suppose you’re gonna lecture me about Kayla’s custody.”
“Not lecture,” Jude said. “Just ask if you think, knowing the pain of losing your own daughter, that it’s fair to keep Owen away from his?”
She went silent again.
Obviously, this was something that had crossed her mind before.
“Kayla is all we have left,” she said eventually. “Owen has his family, and his whole life ahead of him. What do we have?”
“Well, for a start, you have me.” Jude wet his lips. He didn’t want to make any enemies here. He wanted everyone to be able to heal from all of this. “And you’ll always have Kayla. She’ll never stop being your grandchild. No one can take that away from you.”
“The courts gave us custody,” Brenda responded. She sounded less confident than she had before.
Jude got up to check on the hash browns, poking them to see if the cheese had re-melted. He flipped them over, not wanting to burn one side.
“Do you really need a judge to tell you what the right thing is? You knew Owen couldn’t make it to the hearing. He’s been working his ass off to provide for Kayla.”
“And you,” Brenda said.
“And me,” Jude agreed. “Because he’s a good husband and a good father. I wouldn’t be here without him. He’s wonderful with Kayla, and it breaks my heart to see how happy she makes him, and then how devastated he is when he has to give her back. It’d break your heart, too
.”
“I thought you weren’t lecturing.”
“I’m not.” Jude wasn’t going to let this turn into an argument, but he also wasn’t going to back down from his stance. He wanted everyone to be happy, and he firmly believed that the best way for that to happen was for Owen to have custody of his child.
How would Kayla feel if she grew up with a part-time father? How would Owen cope with being so close to his baby, but not close enough to hold her, to tuck her in at night, to watch her grow day-by-day?
Jude could already see how much it wore on him. He wasn’t sure how much more of it Owen could take.
Owen and Kayla were his priorities in this. Everyone else came second.
Brenda shifted awkwardly on her chair. “Sure feels like it,” she said.
“Listen,” Jude began, plating up the warm hash browns. “I know I’m talking from Owen’s corner, and I know you know that, but I’m talking from yours, too. I want what’s best for everyone. I don’t want you having to explain this to Kayla. She’s only a baby now, but she’ll start asking for her daddy soon enough.”
“I didn’t come here for an argument,” Brenda said. “I came here for a favor.”
“Then consider the subject dropped,” Jude said, bringing the plate over to her. He’d done enough for one day. Planted the seeds of doing the right thing.
He didn’t want to scare or bully Lisa’s parents into giving up custody of Kayla. He wanted them to come to it on their own terms. They were unquestionably in the wrong, from his perspective, but he could see why they’d done what they’d done.
Based on Brenda’s responses, she was already starting to see why it hadn’t been the best plan. Taking on Kayla’s care for a while so Owen could take a few moments to breathe had been good. Taking away his right to his own child was where things had gone wrong.
Owen wasn’t an unfit father, not by any possible measure. He was a good, caring man who loved his daughter.
Jude just wanted him to be happy.
“These are good,” Brenda said after taking a bite. “I hope Owen knows how lucky he is to have you.”
“I think he does,” Jude said, unsure whether or not that was true. “He was lucky to have Lisa. We all were.”
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