Drawn In

by Sean Ashcroft

  He padded out into the hallway before Owen could object again, crossing into Kayla’s room and approaching her cot.

  She was sitting up in the middle of it, her face screwed up and tears welling up in her eyes. Even though Jude knew it was probably nothing serious, his heart broke a little for her. The brief flash of annoyance he’d felt when she’d interrupted faded completely from his mind.

  He wasn’t sure how he was going to handle it when she was old enough for scrapes and bruises. Seeing her upset just made him want to hold her forever and never let anything else hurt her again.

  She stopped screaming when she noticed Jude in the room, quieting down to a sniffle for just long enough for him to pick her up.

  Then the crying started again.

  Jude made a soft, sympathetic noise, and checked her diaper—which seemed dry, so probably wasn’t what she was crying about. He rocked her side-to-side, shushing and kissing her head.

  She kept crying in heartbreaking little sobs, hiccupping between breaths, her face red.

  “You want daddy, don’t you?” he asked, not expecting an answer other than more crying, which was exactly what he got.

  “It’s okay, sweetheart,” Jude said, shifting his grip and bouncing her as he walked back toward Owen’s room. “I’m gonna bring you to your dad, and he’s gonna tell you what a beautiful little girl you are and why you don’t need to cry, because he’ll never let anything bad happen to you.”

  Owen blinked at him as he entered the room. “Is she okay?”

  “She seems fine. Probably some combination of hunger and missing you,” Jude explained. He crawled onto the bed, handing Kayla over to Owen carefully.

  She stopped crying immediately, quieting down to a soft burble that ended in, “da!”

  Jude laughed to himself. She definitely knew who Owen was.

  The way Owen’s face lit up made the interruption totally worth it. “That’s me. I’m dad,” he said, tapping her nose.

  He turned to Jude. “Sorry about, uh…” he gestured between them.

  “No need to apologize. Baby comes first. She has to sleep eventually.”

  Owen swallowed. “I guess she’s going back to her grandparents today,” he said.

  “It won’t be forever.” Jude reached out to stroke Owen’s hair, curling up beside him on the bed to look down at Kayla.

  She seemed much happier now.

  “I know,” Owen said. “It’s just taking time. And I mean… she walked and I didn’t even see it. I feel like her whole life is just whooshing by and I’m missing all of it.”

  “It won’t be the last time she ever does it.” Jude shifted to rest his head against Owen’s shoulder. “Milestones aren’t the most important part of the journey. They’re just there to show you how far you’ve come.”

  Owen laughed softly. “Have you been hanging out with Riley?”

  “No.” Jude frowned, unsure what that meant. “Why?”

  “Just sounds like the kind of thing he’d say,” Owen explained.

  “Then he’s very wise,” Jude said. He hadn’t spoken to Riley in years, and he hadn’t really gotten to at the wedding, but he supposed he’d get another chance at the next big family event.

  It was strange to have the Jules family around him again. He’d missed them.

  “He likes to think so.” Owen smiled wryly. “But you’re right. Parenting isn’t about the big moments. I don’t remember my first steps, but I do remember dad patching me up when I scraped my knee.”

  “Exactly. She’ll remember you for the times you’re with her, not the times you’re not. Except for school recitals and stuff. You have to go to those.”

  Owen chuckled. “You have to come with me. I shoulda put that in our wedding vows. ‘I promise to go to all school events and pretend that I like listening to six-year-olds play the recorder.’”

  “I’ll like Kayla playing the recorder,” Jude said. “I make no promises about the rest of the six-year-olds.”

  Owen hummed softly, shifting to lie back down again and laying Kayla on the bed. Jude copied him, eventually settling so that he was facing Owen with Kayla lying between them, reaching out for Owen’s fingers as he tickled her tummy.

  “This is nice,” Owen said after a few moments. “Just you, me, and her.”

  “It is.” Jude stretched out and then curled up again, figuring he could afford to rest for another fifteen minutes or so. He watched Owen’s face while he was focused on Kayla, taking in the warmth of his smile, the way he glowed when he was around her.

  He couldn’t imagine anyone seeing Owen like this and not falling in love with him.

  He just wished he thought Owen was ever going to fall in love back.

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  When Owen walked into the library, the first thing he saw was Charlie surrounded by excited preschoolers, bouncing and giggling excitedly. The grin on his face as he handed them sheets of construction paper made Owen’s heart swell. He liked to see his little brother happy.

  “Share the crayons nicely,” he instructed. “Everything’s more fun when you share.”

  “Do they usually buy that?” Owen asked as he approached, shifting Kayla’s weight.

  Charlie held his arms out for her immediately. Owen laughed, but handed her over.

  “You need to support…”

  “I know,” Charlie said, holding her like an expert. “This job requires a surprising amount of baby-holding.”

  “Requires, or enables?”

  Charlie cleared his throat. “Enables. But this is the best baby, aren’t you sweetheart?” He grinned at Kayla, leaning close to rub his nose against hers. “She’s so perfect.”

  “Of course she is, she’s my daughter,” Owen said. “Perfection begets perfection.”

  Charlie raised an eyebrow. “I’m not even gonna stoop to arguing with that,” he said. “Did the book help?”

  The tips of Owen’s ears started burning straight away. “Kinda, I guess. I, uh. Managed to get some, uh, practical instruction.” He scratched the back of his neck, unable to meet Charlie’s eyes.

  A slow smile spread across Charlie’s face. Kayla grabbed his t-shirt, holding on tightly.

  “I don’t need details, but I’m glad,” he said. “You deserve to be happy.”

  “I am happy,” Owen said. He’d thought it a few times, He’d been surprised by the feeling, since there was still so much stuff he had to work out, but for the first time in a long time, he was happy more often than not.

  He was happy around Jude. He was even happier when he was around Jude and Kayla.

  That was a big change.

  “So how long do you have my little princess for?” Charlie asked, cuddling Kayla close. Prying her away from him was obviously going to be difficult.

  “I just had her overnight. I’m supposed to be bringing her back right now, and I don’t wanna piss her grandparents off. But I promised you, so…”

  “I appreciate it.” Charlie kissed the top of her head gently. “She really is wonderful. I can’t wait to spend more time with her.”

  Owen smiled at that. He was glad people loved his daughter. All he wanted was for her to have the same kind of support he had while he was growing up, to always feel as though she had someone to turn to.

  If she ever thought he was being unreasonable, he wanted her to be able to run to Uncle Charlie and cry to him and have everything put right. That was the point of family.

  “Jude tells me she’s starting to walk,” Owen said. He hadn’t seen it himself yet, but he was proud of that. It was beginning to become obvious to him that every tiny achievement Kayla made was going to be a source of wonder.

  Maybe he was headed straight into being an insufferable parent, but he didn’t care. Kayla was the best thing he’d ever done with his life, and he was going to tell anyone who’d listen how great she was.

  “Then soon she’ll be coming to toddler groups, and I’ll have her all to myself.” Charlie grinned. “I a
lso babysit. Even while I’m working, libraries are good places for babies.”

  Owen laughed. “You ever think of having a kid of your own?”

  Charlie shrugged. “Probably not. I love children, but I’m not sure I’d want to be responsible for the same one, every day, for a minimum of eighteen years, and realistically, for life. I have thought about foster kids, though. Maybe when I move out.”

  Based on what Owen had seen of Charlie with kids so far, that made sense. He was still young, anyway. He had plenty of time to decide on whether or not he wanted a kid of his own, permanent or otherwise.

  “Anyway,” he turned to Kayla. “Since you’re replacing me as the new youngest Jules, I have to pass on the torch. I’d tell you to be good, but I never was and that wouldn’t be fair. So I just want you to be careful, okay? Try to break less bones than your uncle Charlie.”

  “If you’ve proved anything, it’s that we’re hard to kill. She’ll be okay. Even if she does break a few bones.”

  “Well, at least try not to break both legs at once,” Charlie advised. “It’s a pain in the ass. And you don’t even have older brothers to sit with you.”

  “She’s got a lot of people,” Owen pointed out.

  “It’s not the same as having people her own age, though. I mean, I know she’ll make a million friends, but if you wanted to adopt six more children you absolutely have my blessing.”

  Owen chuckled. “So this foster children plan is just a way to funnel kids to me?”

  Charlie huffed. “As if I’d need to funnel them. People tell me kids are like tattoos. It’s hard to stop at one.”

  “You haven’t shown me your latest one, yet.” Owen remembered Charlie having a bandage on at the wedding, and he remembered him showing it to Jude, but he’d never gotten around to seeing it himself.

  “Hold on,” he said, taking a step toward Owen to hand Kayla back. Owen took her, resting her against his chest. She was starting to look sleepy, which was good. She wouldn’t mind being handed back to her grandparents, that way.

  Charlie pushed up the sleeve of his cardigan to reveal a series of dots on his wrist, each one a different color. It was pretty, and surprisingly restrained considering some of his other work.

  “It’s a subtle pride flag,” Charlie explained, and Owen suddenly understood the colors. “It’s for me, but it’s also as a signal to the kids here that I’m a safe adult to ask about queer stuff. I thought it was working really well when you asked me, but then I remembered you hadn’t seen it yet.”

  “That’s… that’s really cool, Charlie,” Owen said, amazed by how completely one tiny tattoo could sum up his brother’s whole personality so well. He was all about helping people, however he could.

  “Thanks.” Charlie blushed as he rolled his sleeve back down. “Uh, speaking of librarianship and asking about queer stuff, I have a book for Kayla. Gimme one second to grab it.”

  Owen watched Charlie go, taking the opportunity to put the bag full of books he was bringing back into the returns chute. He’d only flicked through them, but knowing he had support to fall back on had meant more, anyway.

  Maybe it was more important to know that a book about you existed than to actually read it. Just to know that someone else believed that how you felt was real.

  “This isn’t a library book,” Charlie explained as she came back. “This is for Kayla to keep. I think… I think it’s something she’ll need when she’s a little older.”

  Owen took the thin picture book from Charlie, the penguins on the cover catching his attention. “Is this the gay penguin book?” he asked.

  Charlie smiled wryly. “It’s the gay penguin book. And Tango Makes Three. I think it’ll resonate with her. I think it might even resonate with you,” he said. “We’re never too old for picture books.”

  Owen flicked through it briefly, but he wanted to save the first read-through for when he could sit down with Kayla. “Thanks, man. This means a lot.”

  “You’re welcome. Do you need help out to the car?” he asked, looking between the book in one of Owen’s hands, and Kayla being supported by the other arm.

  “Nah. I’m getting the hang of juggling a baby.” He grinned. He’d often thought he should get a stroller, but Kayla wasn’t really too heavy to carry, and he liked having as much contact with her as possible. He was still afraid that she wouldn’t bond with him, despite having been there constantly when she was a newborn.

  “Okay. Send my love to Jude and tell him I’m booking him for a lunch date sometime.”

  “Get him to cook for you, if you can,” Owen said. “His food is amazing.”

  Charlie chuckled. “I’m telling him you said that.”

  “Feel free to.” Owen took a step away, knowing he’d happily stand in the middle of the library and talk to his brother all day if he didn’t start moving. He’d missed having people to talk to. “I’m proud of him.”

  The look on Charlie’s face softened completely. “I don’t think you even realize how sweet that is,” he said. “I’ll see you later.”

  “Bye,” Owen called, waving with the hand he was holding Kayla’s new book in.

  Was it sweet? It just felt like the truth. Whatever else was going on, Owen was proud of his little family unit. He loved them and he wanted them all to be happy.

  Oh.

  He loved them.

  Both of them. He was in love with Jude.

  Not the love he’d remembered from their childhood, but something different. Something more urgent, something bigger.

  That was a surprise.

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  The usual cloud of misery that hung over Owen when he gave Kayla back seemed much smaller than usual to Jude this time. Practically invisible.

  He wasn’t doing cartwheels down the hallway or anything, but he also wasn’t moping the way he had last time. Jude wondered why that was, but he didn’t really care as long as Owen was happy. All he wanted out of life right now was for Owen and Kayla to be happy and safe.

  He’d never expected to become this domestic, this quickly, but he didn’t hate it. Having his own family was turning out to be awesome.

  “So, uh,” Owen sat down next to him on the couch. “We got interrupted this morning…”

  Jude closed his laptop and set it aside immediately. If Owen was approaching him for sex, he had Jude’s full attention.

  “And you wanna pick up where we left off?” Jude asked, his skin already tingling with anticipation.

  “Well… yeah, if you’re… y’know, interested.” Owen blushed, looking down at his lap.

  Jude reached out to take his hand. “I am.”

  Owen smiled a tiny, shy smile. “Okay. How do we, uh…?”

  Jude stood, reluctantly letting go of Owen’s hand. “You go up to your room, and I’ll meet you with supplies in a minute.”

  He’d picked up condoms and lube in a moment of optimism that this was how things were going to go tonight.

  Owen stood, following Jude’s lead, but hesitated. Jude opened his mouth to encourage him, tell him it would be okay, whatever he needed to hear, but Owen beat him to it, leaning in and pressing their lips together, his hand wrapping around Jude’s upper arm.

  Jude hummed into the kiss, letting Owen explore his mouth however he wanted, keeping his lips slightly parted and soft. Arousal curled in his gut, but he didn’t want to push Owen too hard. He wanted all of this to be perfect. A first time that Owen would never forget, that would make him feel loved, wanted, and confident about doing it again.

  And again.

  Owen nipped at his lips, laughing softly as he broke away, then diving in again. He made a soft, happy noise in the back of his throat as Jude ran a hand up his chest, flicking his thumb over Owen’s nipple through his shirt.

  “Room,” Jude said as Owen broke off. “I want you on a bed for the rest.”

  “Yes, sir.” Owen chuckled, slipping past Jude to head for the stairs. Jude heard him bounding up them, enthusiasm
in every step.

  That was good. Hopefully the enthusiasm would carry him through the nerves.

  Jude was nervous as well. It wasn’t as though this was the first time he’d had sex with a man, but it was his real first time with Owen. Owen, who he’d been in love with since forever.

  This was an important moment, as far as he was concerned, and he didn’t want to screw it up.

  After taking a moment to calm himself down and a few deep breaths, Jude headed up the stairs and ducked into his own room, grabbing the supplies he’d bought earlier. It had been a while since he’d needed either condoms or lube.

  Excitement flared in his belly, swirling together with the low heat of arousal that was building steadily, making his skin tingle.

  He might not have been ready for this, but it was happening anyway.

  Jude took a deep breath as he pushed open the door to Owen’s bedroom, unsure what he was going to find on the other side.

  All the tension and nervousness melted away the moment he saw Owen, sitting on the end of the bed, his feet bare but the rest of his clothes still firmly in place.

  “I feel weird having sex with socks on,” Owen explained as Jude looked down at his feet. “But you don’t have to take yours off if you don’t want to.”

  Jude laughed, closing the door behind him and crossing the room. He handed Owen the pack of condoms and the lube. “Open those for me.”

  Owen got to work on opening things as instructed, the tip of his tongue sticking out between his lips as he picked at the thin plastic film covering the condom box, looking for a way to tear it.

  If Jude hadn’t already been hopelessly in love with him, he would have been after watching that. It was so adorable that he couldn’t imagine now why he’d been worried in the first place.

  Jude kicked his shoes off and removed his socks, curling his bare toes into the bedroom carpet. He wasn’t a huge fan of wearing socks during sex, either.