Expecting Miracle Twins

by Barbara Hannay

  ‘You don’t want to end up a lonely old codger like me, Jake.’

  ‘But you chose to be a bachelor.’

  This was greeted by a groaning chuckle.

  ‘You never wanted to marry, did you?’

  ‘It wasn’t for lack of wanting.’

  ‘What stopped you, then?’

  ‘Couldn’t work up the courage.’

  ‘No.’ The word came on a whispered breath. Jake couldn’t believe his old hero had backed away from anything.

  ‘Bravery’s a funny thing,’ Roy said softly. ‘I could face a wild bull without a tremor, but I couldn’t give my heart into a woman’s keeping.’

  His pale blue eyes regarded Jake gently. ‘It’s a danger, Jake. If you keep your heart under lock and key for too long, you end up terrified to let it see the light of day.’

  Jake sat very still, his pulse slamming in his ears, his mind fixed on Mattie.

  ‘She’s such a good person.’ It was little more than a whisper.

  ‘And you’re not a good person?’ Roy croaked a disbelieving laugh. ‘Come on, mate. Look at how well you’ve cared for me.’

  ‘But that’s because…’ Jake stopped, unable to complete the sentence. He tried again. ‘You were always there for me.’

  ‘And Mattie will always be there for you too.’ Roy’s eyes gleamed softly. ‘Give that girl half a chance and she’ll let you keep her happy for the rest of her life.’

  CHAPTER TEN

  ‘BABY needs chocolate?’ Mattie’s eyes widened as she read the slogan stamped on the side of Jake’s latest gift.

  ‘These are special chocolate bars for pregnant mothers,’ Jake told her proudly. ‘The woman at Ready and Waiting assured me they’re stacked with nourishment.’

  Mattie laughed. ‘The woman at Ready and Waiting must be your new best friend.’

  ‘I’m certainly her new best customer.’

  ‘And I’m one lucky pregnant woman.’ Mattie lifted the lid. ‘Ooh, the chocolate smells divine, Jake, thank you.’

  She couldn’t believe how fabulous this week had been.

  Since their first in-house dinner together, Jake had visited her daily, sometimes twice daily, between his visits to Roy, and he’d brought all manner of lovely surprises from a special maternity store he’d unearthed in one of the bayside suburbs.

  Such lovely gifts—expensive buttery creams for her skin, a silk-covered journal for her to record her memories.

  ‘You’re a writer and I thought you’d like to put the surrogacy experience into words,’ he said.

  A beautiful idea, she agreed. She’d write a journal for the babies to read in the future.

  Jake had also brought all kinds of tempting, nourishing things to eat and sentimental movies Mattie could watch on her laptop.

  ‘I know you prefer thrillers,’ he said with a sweet, concerned expression that made her insides do cartwheels. ‘But, considering your delicate condition, I thought you might prefer something less bloodthirsty.’

  Of course, she hadn’t admitted that she actually adored these gorgeous, soppy movies, but she wondered if Jake had guessed.

  On several afternoons she’d completely lost herself in the lush romantic storylines of these films. Alone in this room, with the door closed, she’d wept and snuffled to her heart’s content.

  She’d never dreamed that Jake could be such an attentive and thoughtful hospital visitor. And she’d certainly never anticipated that such a gorgeous man could still make her feel attractive when her abdomen was the size of a harvest moon. Whenever Jake kissed her, he had to contend with a baby’s knee or an elbow digging into him, but he didn’t seem to mind.

  If he was still upset about the surrogacy, he didn’t show it.

  Today, he was completely at ease. He quickly made himself at home, slumping into the chair beside her bed with his shoes off and his feet in socks, propped on the edge of her mattress. Mattie peeled away the paper wrapping on a maternity chocolate bar and took her first bite.

  ‘Oh, yum.’ She offered it to Jake. ‘Try some.’

  He took a bite from the place where her mouth had been. After he’d swallowed, he laughed. ‘Thanks. I hope pregnancy isn’t catching.’

  They talked about Roy’s impending operation and his post-operative care. And Mattie told Jake that the latest scan showed that the babies had settled into an awkward position. The doctor was planning a Caesarean section for the week after next, or possibly sooner.

  Jake quickly lost his casual pose. His face paled visibly. ‘Do you mind having a Caesarean?’

  ‘I can’t wait.’

  ‘Really?’ His throat rippled as he swallowed and his face tightened into a worried smile. ‘I suppose the bonus is that you won’t have to go into labour.’

  He seemed so nervous about the birth. Mattie supposed it was a guy thing. He’d mentioned that his mother had had pregnancy complications, so perhaps he had lingering fears.

  To her surprise, she wasn’t afraid at all. From the moment she’d started this project, she’d had really strong vibes that all would be well. ‘I’ve been assured that Caesars leave very neat little scars,’ she said, hoping to distract him.

  He nodded, but he didn’t look happy.

  In the awkward silence she hunted for a safe subject, while Jake frowned and rolled a corner of her bed sheet between his fingers. She wondered if he was trying to find another topic too.

  Without looking at her, he said, ‘Have you given much thought to how you’ll feel when this is finished? When you hand the babies over?’

  Mattie swallowed a piece of chocolate too quickly. ‘I’ve thought about little else,’ she admitted. ‘At times, the only thing that’s kept me going is imagining the moment when Gina and Tom first hold their babies. I must have pictured their happy, goofy grins a thousand times.’

  ‘But what about you, Mattie? Have you thought about how you will feel?’

  ‘I’ll be happy for Gina and Tom.’

  With a heavy sigh, he let his head fall back and he stared at the ceiling. ‘But how will you feel when Gina and Tom walk away with their babies?’ He was still staring at the dull off-white paintwork. ‘When they’re off in a nursery somewhere, learning all about feeding regimes or whatever they have to learn, how will you feel when you’re back in this room, all alone?’

  With a flabby tummy and sore milky breasts?

  Mattie felt as if the entire chocolate bar had lodged in her throat. She swallowed uncomfortably, but the sharp, tight ache remained. ‘I haven’t let myself worry about that. I’ve been concentrating on growing the babies and getting them safely delivered.’

  His dark gaze skewered her. ‘With no thought at all for yourself?’

  ‘Not really.’

  But, now that Jake had raised this question, Mattie found that she already knew the answer. She would feel abandoned, unnecessary, like an empty chrysalis after the butterfly had flown.

  There was every chance she would need a shoulder to lean on, strong arms to hold her. But not just any shoulder, not just any arms.

  Could she tell Jake that?

  They’d made huge progress in a week. They’d talked about their families, their schooldays, their best friends, their pet hates, their favourite foods. They’d played Scrabble and backgammon and poker. They’d kissed and their kisses had been…unambiguous.

  But they hadn’t, until now, talked about the future, or where this newly hatched relationship was heading.

  Now Jake’s question had taken them into uncharted waters, but he’d relinquished the steering wheel. His eyes were shadowed and difficult to read as he waited for her answer.

  Oh, heavens, if only she was braver. If only she couldn’t remember so clearly how Pete had squirmed whenever she’d tried to talk about their future. In her most depressed moments, she’d wondered if Pete had only promised marriage to keep her quiet.

  If she was too forward now, if she sounded the slightest bit pushy, she might send Jake running and she could
n’t bear that.

  She massaged an uncomfortable spot just below her breastbone where a little foot protruded. ‘I guess I’ll pick myself up and start all over again.’ She forced brightness into her voice. ‘Like the old song.’

  ‘The way you did after your grandmother died?’

  ‘Yes,’ she said, pleased that he understood.

  Jake, however, was watching her with a disconcerting frown. ‘You’ve also had to get up again after being knocked down in a relationship, haven’t you?’

  Her jaw dropped in surprise. ‘Does it show?’

  He smiled sadly. ‘There has to be a reason why a lovely, generous girl like you doesn’t have half the men in Sydney knocking on her door.’

  At first she could only stare at Jake while she savoured his compliment, but eventually she gathered her wits. ‘Well, yes…I have wasted three years of my life over a boyfriend who said he wanted marriage and changed his mind at the last moment.’

  Jake’s frown deepened. ‘Was it bad?’

  ‘About as bad as it gets. It’s pretty awful calling off a wedding, selling a wedding gown you’ve never worn. Seeing all that pity in everyone’s eyes.’

  She held her breath as she waited for Jake’s response. In the movies she’d been watching, at a precarious moment like this the hero drew the heroine into his arms and told her that he’d fallen madly in love with her, that he would never let her down.

  At the very least, Jake could finally explain why he’d given up so much time and effort to entertain her.

  But Jake didn’t speak. He simply looked worried and strained, as if he was distinctly uncomfortable with such private revelations.

  Mattie was awash with disappointment. This was his chance to explain why an unquestionably hunky bachelor, with his choice of thousands of available women, chose to spend hours and hours in a maternity ward with a woman who was not carrying his child.

  But, although she waited, Jake didn’t continue. In fact he avoided making eye contact and she could feel her heart sinking through the mattress.

  ‘What about you, Jake?’ She had to try again. ‘How will you feel once the babies are handed over to Gina and Tom?’

  ‘Relieved.’

  Sadness lingered in his smile as he stood slowly and bent to kiss her cheek. His breath was warm against her ear.

  ‘I suppose you’ll be pleased when I’m no longer pregnant?’ she asked hopefully.

  With another sad smile, he tucked her hair behind her ear. ‘I’ll be very pleased and very relieved.’ He pressed a kiss onto her lips and then he left to visit Roy.

  He couldn’t wait to get away, Mattie thought as she watched him go, but then she remembered why romantic movies always made her feel miserable and inadequate. In her world, the real world, divinely gorgeous men didn’t sweep her into a powerful embrace and swear to love her till she drew her last breath.

  In her life, the men made every show of loving her and then they moved on. To other women.

  The hospital was dark when Mattie clambered out of bed, needing to go to the bathroom, as she did several times every night.

  Fuzzy with sleep, she glanced at the bedside clock and saw the glowing green digits announcing that it was four forty-five. She fumbled in the dark for the bathroom door and one of the babies kicked a mean jab, low into her bladder.

  Wincing, she pushed the door open, took a sleepy step forward onto the cool tiles.

  Without warning, warm water gushed between her legs, splashing her nightgown and soaking her bare feet.

  Her heart pounded as she stared at the puddle on the floor. She felt a leap of fear. Had she totally lost control of her bodily functions?

  Then she realised what must have happened and her fear was overtaken by a hot flurry of excitement.

  It was only just light. Jake was trying to stay in that happy limbo between sleeping and waking when his mobile phone let out a soft vibrating rumble.

  Without raising his head, he felt around in the untidy heap of things beside the bed. ‘Morning,’ he mumbled into the phone.

  ‘Jake?’

  He sat bolt upright. ‘Mattie, is that you?’

  ‘I hope I haven’t rung too early.’ Her voice sounded different, as if she was scared or excited or maybe both.

  ‘What is it? What’s happened?’

  ‘I’m going to have the babies this morning.’

  The words hit him like a grenade exploding at close range. In that instant, he was wide-awake, facing every nightmare fear, every dark memory.

  ‘Isn’t this too soon?’ he cried, fighting off waves of panic.

  ‘It’s a bit early, but my waters have broken so we don’t really have much choice. But it’s OK, Jake. Most twins come early.’

  He was amazed that she could sound so calm. There was even a smile in her voice, an edge of exhilaration, like a climber who’d almost reached Everest’s peak.

  Jake’s stomach twisted with fear.

  ‘So where are you now?’ he asked. Stick to practical details. Keep those other thoughts at bay.

  ‘I’m still in my room.’

  ‘I’ll come and see you.’ Already he was heading for the pile of clothes he’d dumped on a chair. ‘I’m on my way.’

  ‘But I’m not sure how much longer I’ll be here.’

  ‘Doesn’t matter. I’ll find you.’

  He had to be there, had to see her. Maybe if he was there, if he stayed with Mattie, everything would be all right.

  ‘Jake?’ Her voice was tiny suddenly, but it shot like a dart straight into his heart.

  ‘Yes?’

  ‘I…’ She hesitated and seemed to change her mind. ‘Thanks for coming.’

  ‘No worries, sweetheart. See you soon.’ He disconnected and his heart pounded as he hunted for clothes.

  The drive to the hospital was torture. The early morning traffic was slow and every junction threw up a red light. Pedestrians crossed roads at a snail’s pace. Throughout it all, Jake’s stomach churned and his skin was clammy with fear. How would he cope if something happened to Mattie?

  How could he help her if tragedy struck today? He owed her so much. She’d changed him. Until he’d met her, his life had been one-dimensional—focused on chasing money and good times. The main attraction of his work in Mongolia had been the automatic transfer of large chunks of money into his bank account.

  Hell, he hadn’t even been a proper environmentalist. He’d had a keen interest in the natural world, but he’d never become impassioned about any particular environmental issue. He’d been as shallow as a kids’ wading pool.

  No one was more surprised than he was by his behaviour in the past few weeks.

  That was Mattie’s doing. She brought out the best in him.

  But, even with Roy’s prompting, he’d still held back from telling her this. He still wasn’t sure he could offer any promises. Had he left it too late to tell her how he felt?

  Mattie heard the rumble of the trolley that would take her to Theatre and she took a deep breath. This was it.

  Very soon she would no longer be pregnant, and Gina and Tom would be parents.

  Her task was almost over.

  And, somewhere out there in the busy Sydney streets, Jake was on his way.

  She thought of the morning she’d driven him to the airport and the tearful farewell, when he’d told her he couldn’t promise her a future with him.

  How could she ever have guessed he’d be back in Sydney again, visiting her daily, trying to be with her now as she faced this delivery?

  Surely that meant he loved her?

  How silly she’d been to doubt him. She’d been waiting for him to say the words, but she, Mattie Carey, knew better than most that actions spoke louder than words. Always.

  Thank heavens she’d remembered this just in time.

  She was smiling as the two orderlies came through her doorway, pushing the trolley between them.

  At last Jake reached the hospital car park and, as he rushed along the w
alkway to the maternity ward, he tried to call Mattie again. His hands were shaking as he pressed her number. The phone rang and rang until her calm voice told him to leave a message after the beep.

  It took forever for the lift to climb to her floor. Jake charged up the hall to her room.

  It was empty.

  He sagged against the door, expelling his breath in a huff of despair.

  Where was she now?

  A split-second later, he was rushing to the nurses’ station.

  The nurses on the maternity ward knew him by now and this morning the friendliest one, Beth, beamed at him.

  ‘Where’s Mattie?’ he demanded.

  ‘They’ve already taken her to Theatre.’

  ‘Which way?’ he cried. ‘I’ve got to see her.’

  Beth shook her head. ‘I’m sorry, Jake. I don’t think—’

  ‘Don’t try to stop me. I’m going to her! Please, just tell me the quickest way to find her.’

  Beth’s blue eyes widened and for several seconds she stared at him, as if she was weighing his demands against hospital protocol.

  ‘I’ve got to be there,’ Jake urged through clenched teeth.

  Beth swallowed.

  ‘I love Mattie,’ he said in a lowered, desperate whisper. ‘But I haven’t told her. You’ve got to help me.’

  Her eyes were suddenly shiny. ‘Right!’ As if her doubts had vanished, she grabbed Jake roughly by the elbow. ‘We’ve got to hurry. Come on, it’s this way!’

  To Jake’s surprise, Beth ran with him all the way.

  ‘You’ll have to change into theatre clothes,’ she ordered, shoving him through a doorway.

  ‘I have to what?’

  Her eyes were huge, her expression significant as she rounded on him. ‘You want to be there with Mattie, don’t you?’

  ‘Inside? In the theatre?’ He flinched from the thought. He’d been hoping to find Mattie in some kind of waiting area. ‘I…I…’

  For one treacherous moment he almost caved in. If he went inside, he would see the whole procedure—knives cutting into Mattie. Newborn babies.

  Fear became a taste in the back of Jake’s throat. A picture of his baby brother flashed before him, forcing him to see again that cold, tiny, lifeless face.